My shoes are too tight. My mouth is dry. And I’m more than a little embarrassed after having pronounced a word wrong in Spanish class. I tried to ask Isobel how old she was, in that weird backward Spanish way. Turns out “How many years do you have?” is just a shade different than “How many anuses do you have?” I’m pretty sure Isobel isn’t going to talk to me for the rest of eighth grade. At least it made people laugh.
Now I just want to get home.
Angeline and Maryke pass me in the hallway. “Have a good weekend, Chick.” Maryke smiles at me.
I’m not sure if it’s a blessing or a curse that my younger brother couldn’t pronounce my full name when he was little. And how he got Chick from Tadeusz beats me. But it stuck.
And it’s a good thing. You should hear how people massacre Tadeusz. It’s supposed to sound like “today-ish.” But last year we had a substitute who couldn’t work it out. My friends called me Ta-douche for a month.
“Thanks, you too.” At least they’re not cracking butt jokes. That’ll come on Monday.
I want to get into my locker so I can grab my books, and then I’m splitting for home. As fast as I can get there. I’ve got a bit of pressure I need to release.
My fingers tingle as I spin the numbers on my lock. A list of the afternoon’s insane events begins to form in my mind.
1. Jazmin asking me if I’m going to the dance.
2. Audrey smiling at me, twice. Twice, people!
3. The big A inside a bright red circle on the front page of my math test.
4. The anus thing.
I wish I could write it out instead. That’s where I find my release. In the writing.
In my mind, I am sitting with a clean, white sheet of paper in front of me. There is a jar of pens. They’re all different colors. I look carefully at each one before choosing dark green. I hover there, my imaginary pen poised over the clean page. I savor the anticipation. It’s a pleasure-pain feeling, like clamping your teeth together after having your braces tightened.
Back in the real world, I swap a few books, grab my jacket and close my locker. I can’t wait to write down all the crazy things from today. And then I’ll write a list of all the things I have to do this weekend. All the things I’m not supposed to forget. I’ll explode everything out onto the page. Get it out of my head.
And get my anxiety back under control.
As I sling my bag onto my back, my fantasy is interrupted. “Yo, Chick, wassup?”
I don’t even have to look. I’d know Finnian’s cheesy hip-hop speak in a crowd of a hundred. My stomach dips and twirls when I see Audrey coming along behind him. She drifts to a stop near my locker, a sweet smile on her face.
My palms start to sweat, and I take a deep breath to steady myself. I am desperate to get home, but I don’t want to seem rude or abrupt. Especially to Audrey.
“You heading out?” Fin claps me on the shoulder, even though he has to practically bend down to do it.
I let my knees buckle and bang my head against the locker for effect. Audrey giggles.
“Heading out,” I nod, rubbing my forehead. We have a good comic chemistry, Fin and I. It’s a good thing we’re not debate partners. For the judges’ sakes.
I shoot Audrey a smile and follow Finnian through this weird-fist-bump-hand-slap-over-the-top-something-or-other that he’s been developing. It’s lame, but I do it anyway, because it’s Finnian. He’s my best friend. And everybody loves Finnian. He’s a rugby superstar, and girls think he’s cute. I mean, they think I’m cute too, but my cute is more of the Aww, look, he’s not even five feet tall variety.
“You want to go shoot some hoops?”
I look down at myself, then back at Finnian. “You want to go tie two butterflies’ tongues together?”
Audrey laughs. I like the way she looks up at me, even though I’m technically shorter than she is. She has this way of dipping her chin down and looking up through her eyelashes. I appreciate it. Maybe if I hung out with Audrey more I wouldn’t always be reminded of how short I am.
“Aw, come on, man,” Finnian says. “You know how to jump, don’t you?”
“I forget.”
“Actually…” Audrey interrupts. She pauses in this quiet way she has until we both turn to look at her. “I was going to ask Chick if he could walk me home.” She glances at me. I can see she’s a little nervous. “There are a couple of things I wanted to talk to you about, for the debate tournament.”
Holy schnitzel. Really? I’ve been struggling to think of a way to ask Audrey to hang out and work on our debate. And here she is, doing it for me.
Finnian rolls his eyes and throws his hands in the air. “Oh, what is that? Here I am, the number-one basketball god in the whole school offering you a chance to play. But then a girl shows up, and you’re all like ‘Yeah, baby, let’s debate!’ ”
It’s my turn to laugh. As if Finnian would ever truly be upset about this. He knows I’m into Audrey. And he knows I haven’t been able to get the ball rolling with her. Well, here it is, rolling. I think.
I look back at Audrey. I search for my tongue, but I must have swallowed it.
Finnian looks from me to Audrey. “Yeah, so um…” He looks from Audrey back to me. “How about I just…leave you kids to it?” He gives a twinkling wave, then spins on his heel and heads for the double doors at the end of the hall. Audrey watches him go.
“You and Finnian are always so funny,” she says.
“Thanks.” Ah. There’s my tongue. Except it feels like it’s full of concrete.
“So. Are you headed home now?”
I shrug, but I’m not sure what to say. The idea of walking all the way home with the girl of my dreams makes me feel light-headed. You’d think that’s a good thing, right? But it’s not. The way my heart is racing, I don’t think I can do it. I was already tense when class let out. I’m feeling super anxious, because Audrey is with me.
I don’t know if I can hold it together.