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Randy was standing by Carrie’s bed the next morning when she woke up. He’d rushed her to the closest hospital as soon as he picked her up. She had vetoed all of his suggestions to call an ambulance the day before, stating that if she could’ve walked the miles she walked in the condition she was in, then she could withstand waiting on him to drive her to the hospital.
The findings were: three broken ribs, a broken bone in her hand, a cut in her hand from the glass, a broken collarbone, a sprained ankle from the walk down the gravel road, and countless contusions and abrasions.
Multiple tests were done to check for internal bleeding and brain injuries. There had been initial concern that the broken ribs make have caused some internal damage, but that was not the case.
Relief flooded her when she was told that there appeared to be no lasting damage to her eyes or her brain from the beating she had taken. Her field of vision continued to grow as the swelling decreased.
That was the easy part, thought Carrie. The hard part was still ahead of her.
“Now we have to get down to the details.” Randy had out his notepad. The one from Sandy with his initials on it. He was in full work mode. He was now ready to hear the full story, with Carrie leaving nothing out.
She didn’t care if the guy was found. The car, well that was a blow. She had bought it with her inheritance, but her last few days had shifted her priorities. If the car was never found, then that was fine, too. Honestly, she wanted to maintain some shred of dignity with her partner.
When she hesitated, Randy reached out and laid his hand on hers. “It’s all right. I know I’ve been hard on you lately. My life has been a pile of crap. But, Carrie, aside from Sandy, you’re my best friend. In many ways you’re a closer friend than Sandy. Nothing you say will shock me. Trust me, I’ve imagined that you were doing the worst things possible on your nights out. The truth can’t be any worse than what I’ve already imagined, can it?”
Tears flowed down Carrie’s abraded cheeks. Then sobs followed. Randy stood, laid down the pad, and reached to hold his friend.
Randy tried to hold her as long as she needed, but this type of raw emotion really made him uncomfortable. After what he hoped was an acceptable period, he let her go and pulled his chair closer.
Carrie reached for the tissues and looked down at her hands. She wasn’t sure where to start, so she started with the most recent evening which had led her to this.
It took her approximately an hour to tell her story. As Randy took notes she paused for him to catch up. To her surprise, he never said one condemning word, one snide remark, or one ‘I told you so’.
As he wrote, Randy’s heart was breaking. Once she had finished with the events leading up to her hospitalization, she took him back to other times. When she had finally wound down, Randy chided himself that he had been so wrapped up in his own life that he hadn’t seen any of what his partner had been going through. But then she’d hidden it well.
“I don’t know what to do,” It came out of Carrie’s mouth with a sob. “Things in my life have to change, but I have no idea how to make that happen.”
Randy didn’t either. His life was only going slightly better than Carrie’s. His wife couldn’t stand the sight of him, he felt like a stranger to his kids, and he had no idea what to do about it.
“I don’t know either Carrie, but we’ll get through this together,” he tried to reassure her the best that he could. Maybe they could help each other. He knew he would be kinder to her from now on. She had never deserved what he had dished out. And neither had Sandy nor his kids. He had to find a way to do better, be better, too.
“Does Bracket know?” asked Carrie. That would be another painful conversation.
“He does. He’s a kind man, Carrie. We are fortunate to have him,” Randy knew he was sincere. Bracket had been the one person Randy had confided in lately. He himself was not a perfect man, and he was compassionate when others failed.
“I have to go for now,” Randy said as he stood to go. He reached out one last time and patted Carrie’s good hand. It will be okay. I promise.
“How can you promise?” asked Carrie.
Randy looked at her, then away, and left the room. She was right. How could he make such a promise?
~~~
Blake was at the hospital early Monday morning. He had not slept well at all. His heart and his mind was on Senna.
So by 6:00 a.m. he was on his way. His mind was retracing events from Sunday in an attempt to find a clue, any clue of what could have caused Senna’s collapse.
Why had she not told him she’d been able to get in to see the psychiatrist on Friday afternoon? And moreover, why had she not told him it was a psychiatrist rather than a licensed counselor?
Blake was sure it was too personal for Senna. She may have been embarrassed by the whole situation and was just too uncomfortable to talk about it, even to him.
He tried to not worry. He was not a worrier by nature, but with Senna, how could he not worry about her?
Blake remembered her lying in the bed so still, with her hands to her sides. She had looked so peaceful. Her skin had been pink and he could see no outward sign that would keep her asleep.
The drive to the hospital seemed to take forever even though it had only been about twenty minutes. He quickly found a parking place and soon was entering Senna’s room.
Turning the corner to her room, his hopes were crushed when he could see no noticeable change. He went straight to her bed and picked up her hand. It was so soft, but limp. He bent down to kiss it.
The chair scraped loudly as he pulled it up to Senna’s bed, but she didn’t stir or flinch. Could she hear anything at all, he wondered? His mind searched for suggestions of what he could do to help her.
“Senna, I’m here,” Blake began. ”It’s Blake. Baby, I want you to wake up for me now.” Panic tried to set in and he choked up from her lack of response.
The morning continued to come alive inside the hospital. Soon the noises increased in the hallway. He knew he needed to go to work, but he couldn’t make himself move.
Blake had called his partner Charles yesterday and explained to him what had happened. Charles was adamant that he take as much time as he needed. Things were covered at the office.
But Blake had a sense of duty to his clients and was torn. He felt completely helpless here watching Senna sleep, but how could he leave her?
The nurses were coming and going, checking her vital signs. They were patient and kind. Two hours after he had arrived, Dr. Specter knocked quietly on the door frame as she entered the room.
Blake rose to greet her with a handshake. Pulling up another chair on the other side of Senna’s bed she asked, “Any change?”
All Blake could do was shake his head. He took a deep breath and let it out. “I don’t know what to do.” His voice sounded hopeless. He had waited for so long to find the right woman, the right woman for him, that is. He was thirty-three and just when he was not sure if he would find someone he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, suddenly there was Senna.
“Blake, could I have some time alone with Senna?” Dr. Specter asked.
Surprised, Blake agreed. What could she possibly do?
He decided to go get some coffee. He knew the walk would do him good.
As soon as Blake left the room, Dr. Specter closed the door and stood close to the head of Senna’s bed.
“Senna, I know you can hear me. This is Dr. Specter.” She picked up Senna’s hand and sat on the edge of her bed. Leaning in she said, “I know you are there. You need to come back to us now.”
Senna’s countenance showed no response; however, the monitor showed an elevation in her heart rate. Dr. Specter continued. “Senna! Come out and talk to me.” She said with slightly more force.
As Blake pushed the door to enter Senna’s room, Dr. Specter was rushing out, and they nearly collided.
“Sorry!” she exclaimed. “I-I didn’t realize how late it was. I really have to run.”
Blake nodded and watched her hurry away. How odd, he thought. She’d appeared calm and cool to Blake, but she was definitely flustered for some reason. Maybe it was just what she’d said, late for an appointment.
~~~
Carrie was restless. She’d tried hard to rest in the hard hospital bed. Moving still hurt even though the morphine drip helped greatly. The doctor had told her that, due to the severity of her injuries, they wanted her to stay in the hospital at least three days, maybe four. They also wanted to continue to monitor brain activity to make sure they had not missed something there.
She wanted to go home and sleep in her own bed. But she couldn’t do anything for herself, even get up and go to the bathroom, so she knew she was better off where she was. Had she been at home there would be no one there to help her.
Sometime after lunch, the nurse agreed that it would be good for her to take a walk down the hall and back. Carrie was stiff, and the pain was still so intense that she almost begged to crawl back into bed, but she knew movement would help her recover.
Her nurse walked with her for several feet down the hall. When she saw that Carrie was doing well, she left her to walk by herself assuring her that she was close by. The going was slow. She clung to her IV pole and took short slow steps.
Carrie thought the hallway was long, but she was determined to make it to the end and back. Once at the end, she stopped to gaze out of the large window. It was another beautiful spring day.
She leaned her head on the window watching the traffic on the highway below. The glass was cool on her skin and felt good. Still feeling broken emotionally, she thought how she had failed herself, and those around her.
Finally she was in dire need of lying back down, but still had that long hallway to traverse, so she started back. As she walked back, she glanced into the rooms she passed. Most had their doors open and were filled with patients.
It was quiet, however, in the hallway. The nurses had done their medication rounds and were now busy behind the desk completing paperwork and charting.
Two rooms down from her room a figure of a young lady laying on her back deathly still caught her attention. She stood in the hallway looking into the room for a moment. Something about her seemed familiar but Carrie could not associate her with a place or time in her memory.
The nurse came to check on her and asked if she was okay. “I am. I think I know this patient but can’t remember where from. What’s wrong with her?” asked Carrie.
“I’m not supposed to discuss other patients with you, but honestly no one knows what’s wrong with her.” The nurse was subtly routing Carrie back to her room.
Getting back into bed after a bathroom break caused the bed to feel good rather than hard. It’s all relative, she thought. The bed is certainly better than the hard cold floor of the cabin.
That property had been in her family for years. Her grandparents had willed it to her, and she remembered playing there as a child. It had been a fun spot for them to get away from the busy city.
There was a small lake in the woods behind the cabin, beyond the shed. She and her dad had fished there for hours growing up. Her mom would fry the fish once dad had cleaned them and they would enjoy a good meal.
She had once heard someone say you can’t spoil a child by loving them too much, but she thought she’d had some of both. Her parents had doted on her. They loved her and they showed her that they did. They had also not denied her whatever she had wanted. Then...
Then she got that call. She had just been selected to join the OSBI and was to start the following week. Her life was perfect. She had a great guy, the job she was starting was her dream job, and a family who loved her dearly.
When the phone rang, it was like any other day. She was riding high on the joy of all things going well. “Is this Carrie Border?” Why should those words feel so ominous?
Four simple words. If you’re getting a telemarketing call, that is what they say, and you chalk it up and hang up. For almost any occasion, those four words would not stop your world from spinning. But that day it did. It was his tone. It stopped her cold, and she knew, just knew those words would proceed something horrible.
“Yes, this is Carrie,” her breath caught. She waited for the blow to hit.
“Can you come to Hope Memorial Hospital? Your parents have been in a car accident.”
There it was. The worst possible news. But hope still lived. If they were at the hospital, then they were only injured and they would recover. But somewhere deep inside she knew better.
She simply hung up the phone without responding. She’d jumped in her car and fought the icy roads to get to the hospital. Her grandparents had both passed years ago. It had been very traumatic, but they’d had long-term illnesses and, when they had each individually passed, it had been no surprise. If her parents died she would be alone, completely alone. Well, except for Billy that was.
When she arrived at the hospital, Carrie rushed into the emergency room. Before long, she was met by the doctor whose face told her what she didn’t want to hear. Before a single word was said, she knew and collapsed on the floor.
They had to find her a bed and sedate her. The funeral was a vague memory as was the first few weeks at her new job. She was never the same after that phone call. She’d hardened herself to ward off hurt. She threw herself into her job and told herself she needed no one.
Billy had become a casualty of that change. He had tried to be there for her and to comfort her, but nothing he did helped. She made it clear, repeatedly, that she was shutting everyone out, including Billy, so finally he was forced to leave her, too.
For years, she had told everyone and especially herself, that she loved her job so much that she didn’t need another relationship. But the truth was, she did.
As she lay on the hard hospital bed, she was forced to answer the question, is it more painful to shut everyone out or to experience the pain of loss? She had experienced both, but now she knew she was ready to risk the pain of loss over the pain of isolation.
Carrie fell asleep as tears slid down her cheek, and her sleep was fitful. Dreams of the fight at the cabin kept terrorizing her. She knew she’d brought it on. It had all been her fault.
She was aggressive, but would not let the tables turn. There was no way she would tolerate him being the aggressor. So they had both gotten violently angry. It was as if years of pent up rage was spewing forth from both of them.
There was no way to tell what had led him to that moment. He’d been brooding at the bar when she sat down. In hindsight, he’d been a powder keg ready to blow, and he had.
Carrie didn’t remember the end of the fight or him leaving. By that time she was out cold on the bedroom floor. When she woke that morning in the cabin, she had felt more alone than that day at the hospital when she received the news of her parents’ deaths.
~~~
Andrea made arrangements to leave the library at three that day when the part-time students came in to work. She was out the door the instant they walked in.
All Andrea had thought about during the day was Senna. She was so confused about what had happened and what was wrong.
Finally, Andrea was at the hospital. The anxiety she was feeling made the ride up the elevator seem to take forever. She hoped to walk into Senna’s room and see her sitting up awake, alive, and happy.
But that was not the case. Senna was still asleep. Blake was asleep as well on the foldout chair. She quietly sat down in the chair next to Senna’s bed. Looking her over from one end to the other, she could see she was just the same. Her cheeks were pink and there was no sign she was in pain.
Blake stirred and rubbed his face and hair. He blinked hard at Andrea. “Hey there,” his voice gruff from sleep. I guess I really passed out.
“Did you leave at all last night?” asked Andrea.
“Yeah, about midnight,” he said. “Then I came back about six this morning.”
“Blake, I’m here to stay for the evening. Go home and get a shower and eat a bite. I’ll be here with her.” Andrea knew he needed a break and was more than willing to sit with Senna.
Blake sat with his elbows on his knees for a while trying to get fully awake. “Okay. I think I will since you’re here. I hate to leave her, but I know if you are here, she’s not alone.” He stood and stretched, then yawned.
He walked over, kissed Senna’s forehead, then walked out the door.
Andrea had brought a few magazines and a book with her. She thought if she read to Senna it might help her. She read the first magazine, a popular one about celebrities and other people of notoriety. When she’d finished that last article she shut the magazine and looked at Senna.
“Senna, I’m here. Please wake up and talk to me.” The change in the monitor caught Andrea’s eye. She looked over to see what appeared to her an elevation in Senna’s heart rate. She jumped up and ran to get a nurse.
By the time they had gotten back to the room, the heart rate had gone back down to where it was originally. Andrea tried to convince the nurse what she had seen. The nurse agreed that might be the case and encouraged Andrea to just keep reading to her.
Andrea sat down, excited that there had been at least a slight change and began to read the second magazine with fervor. After every two or three paragraphs she would look up over the top of the magazine to see if Senna was awake.
When there had been no change after the two magazines, Andrea got up and walked around the room stretching. She walked over to the window and looked out at the sun dropping lower on the horizon. Deep in thought, she almost didn’t hear the slight movement coming from the bed.
Andrea whirled around where Senna still lay, but her hand was not in the same position. She was ecstatic and once again ran to get a nurse. The monitor showed a consistent, slightly higher heart rate, and the nurse noted the new placement of Senna’s hand.
Leaning in closer to Senna, the nurse lifted an eyelid and shined her penlight into it and then quickly flicking it away. Senna’s head jerked to the side to avoid the light, and she squinted her eyes. She was awake!
The nurse talked to Senna to wake her fully. She raised her bed and fluffed her pillows to help her sit straighter.
The entire time, Andrea was pacing at the other end of the room. She was so happy that Senna was awake and couldn’t wait to talk to her friend. Finally, she thought to call Blake.
When she pulled out her cell phone, the nurse motioned for her to take the phone outside. Begrudgingly, she did.
Blake’s phone was ringing and ringing. He wasn’t picking up. He must be in the shower, Andrea thought. She wouldn’t leave a message. Hopefully, he would see she’d called and would call her back.
Finally, after about ten minutes he did. “Blake, Senna is awake. The nurse is in with her and when I started to call you she motioned for me to leave the room. I haven’t gotten to talk to her yet.”
“I’ll be right there,” Blake said. He was so excited and hated that he had left.
“Drive safe. We don’t need you in the hospital too,” cautioned Andrea.
She hurried back up to Senna’s room. The doctor was in there with her so Andrea waited in the hall. She was trying to listen in but could barely hear anything. Finally, they all left and shut the door behind them.
As soon as they were a few feet down the hall, Andrea slipped in. It appeared to her that Senna was back asleep as she had been before, but when the chair slid as she sat down, Senna opened her eyes.
Andrea jumped up and grabbed her friend. “Senna, I’m so glad you are awake. How are you? What happened? Why did you collapse? Are you okay?” She couldn’t help asking every question that had run a track through her mind the entire previous day and evening.
Senna looked at Andrea. Her brow was creased in concern for her friend. “I’m okay. I honestly don’t know what happened. The last thing I remember, I was listening to the pastor preaching. Then waking up just now.”
Andrea sat next to her friend and picked up her hand. This time Senna squeezed back. For a few minutes they just sat there smiling at each other.
Blake came rushing through the door, breaking the heartfelt gaze between the two friends. Relief poured from Blake. Andrea stood to give Blake her space. He scooped Senna up in his arms and just held her for the longest time.
Then when he thought he might be holding her too tight, he released her enough to look her over. “How are you?”
Senna laughed. “Ask Andrea. She just asked me ninety-nine questions, none of which I could answer.”
The rest of the evening was spent with the three of them sharing about the events of the previous day. Nurses came and went and then just before visiting hours were ending, the doctor came in.
He strongly suggested—insisted really—that both Blake and Andrea go home for the night and allow Senna some time alone. They reluctantly agreed.
Once they had said their goodbyes, the doctor sat on the edge of Senna’s bed to have a long talk with her. He sincerely hoped that she could remember enough of what had happened to shed some light on her condition because as of that moment he had no clue.