Time goes on and the life trudges along. And to the tune of the dance of time, set in motion at the beginning of creation, the River of Life flows on from the valley of today through the meadows of tomorrow on its endless journey to Eternity. Time is of essence in everything that happens in the River of Life. Because God mandates that every object in His creation performs to the time line prescribed for each. For those are the time spans reserved for God’s eternal audition with them. The earth revolves round the sun in a specific number of days. Man has a span of life, so does every creature on earth. Days break in with the birds chirping and capering by the woods in frolic. Days depart with birds flying in artful formations to return to their nests for another night of deserving rest. Months keep following the symphony of succession to keep track of the months yet remaining to round off the year. Seasons, which are but months clustered together, are heralded in an orderly fashion with their baskets of offerings of seasonal fruits and flowers. These are the planned time frames set at the beginning of creation. But then, there are plans within the plans, there are lifetimes within the lifetimes. These finer plans are not in the knowledge of men. Only God is privy to His finer plans. For there are months and seasons that do not strictly follow the characteristics associated with them. The seasonal fruits may be soured due to the vagaries of nature. Flowers may drop off their stalks even before blooming. There are men who do not return to their nightly rest for they have special auditions set with the Creator.
Keka and Rana just observed their third wedding anniversary. With age the perspective of life changes. With maturity hopes and dreams seek and find a different meaning to life. Keka became anxious to be a mother. However, one does not always get what one wants immediately. She could not conceive. Treatment began forthwith. In about three month’s time with a small surgical procedure on her she finally conceived. Keka and Rana became jubilant, so did all the friends and family. They celebrated the announcement. Slowly but surely, the scheduled date crept in. However, there was hiccup again. It seemed the date of conception was not monitored correctly. After waiting for ten days, her gynecologist decided to perform Caesarian Section. The decision appeared to be correct. Without much difficulty a baby boy was born. Both the mother and the son were declared to be in good health. The doctor, however, cautioned Keka against further pregnancy in the near future.
The baby was named Saurav, meaning, gentle breeze laden with fragrance. In deeper sense, however, Saurav is he who brings fresh breath of air or a refreshing change. The mother and the son returned home from the nursing home. A nanny was appointed to help Keka take care of Saurav. Nevertheless, in a week’s time it was apparent that managing both the baby and the household was beyond Keka, even with the help of the nanny. Willy-nilly Rana decided to send Keka and Saurav to Calcutta to the care of her mother Mita. It was not an easy decision. But their well-being and comfort was paramount to him.
Thus on a bright and cool Sunday morning, Rana drove Keka and Saurav to the airport. From the night before his heart was heavy with the thought that he would be missing his beloved Keka and fondest little Saurav for an indefinite period. In any case, everything seemed to be alright at the airport. The flight was on time. Keka was introduced by the ground staff of the airlines to the Flight Attendants in case she needed help on board to take care of Saurav. Unfortunately, however, Rana forgot to arrange for the airport ground transportation for Keka and Saurav from the terminal building to the aircraft. In the early seventies of the twentieth century, there were no ramps from the gate to the aircraft. The passengers had to walk a short distance on the tarmac to board the planes. When he realized his omission and was bent upon talking to the airlines’ staff to arrange for a vehicle for them, Keka dissuaded him to do so, assuring him that she would have no problem carrying Saurav that short a distance. Rana relented reluctantly, but remained uneasy inside. When flight departure was announced, he kissed a fond good-bye to Keka and Saurav and went up to the public gallery to observe the safe take-off of the flight. Watching from the gallery above it seemed to him that Keka was struggling to carry Saurav. He thought her shoulder was drooping a little to the right. He felt excruciating guilt for not arranging the transportation previously to drive them to the aircraft. Tears welled up his eyes for being irresponsible, causing pain to Keka. The plane took off safely. Rana rushed back home and cried like a child behind the closed doors for hurting Keka through his own negligence. Allowing the flight time to Calcutta and the driving time home on arrival there, he called her at her parents’ house to confirm their safe arrival. Keka said she did not really have any problem carrying Saurav to the plane or on board. She added that the Flight Attendants were very helpful.
The nature of love is this. It burns itself in endless anguish and self-deprecation without any rhyme or reason, but merely on the abject apprehension of having inflicted avoidable pain on the object of love.
Plenty of good news was awaiting Rana. Couple of weeks after Keka’s departure from Bombay the company announced his promotion as the Operations Manager of their Calcutta branches. The current Operations Manager who was instrumental in appointing Rana to the bank would move out of India on promotion. The transfer would be effective in two week’s time. He called Keka. She was hardly expecting any news of that significance to the family. She did not believe it first. Only when Rana convinced her that he was not joking with her, she became ecstatic. Keka’s mother Mita was simply thrilled.
Rana called his grandma Rajani to give her the news. She could not be happier. However, she was little apprehensive of their moving into the family home, because the cat and mouse relationship between his parents Amit and Monika was still continuing and Rajani felt that it would not augur well for Keka. She heaved a sigh of relief when she was told that he would be provided with a fully furnished company house. When Rana invited her to stay with him and Keka as long as he would remain posted in Calcutta, she responded with unabashed joy.
The transfer took place as scheduled. They moved into the company house. The most important thing for Rana was that Keka liked the house with a big lawn and garden very much. There was a beautiful children’s park in the lawn with a swing and a slide. It was ideal for Saurav because even in those early days of his life he was playful. He showed an instant liking for the swing in the park. The nanny who was appointed by them to take care of Saurav had, in fact, been the nanny for Keka in her infancy and childhood. She was experienced, trustworthy and caring with a great sense of responsibility. Her presence was comforting to Keka and her mother.
Usually, the winter months in Calcutta were rain-free and sundrenched. Saurav had plenty of time from the morning till evening to be in the sun, playing with the nanny and his mother. So with love and care, sun and swing, Saurav was growing up rapidly. In six months he started crawling; at eight attempted to stand up and at ten began walking with some support. Keka was overwhelmed when for the first time he uttered the word, “Ma.” She called everyone known to her in the town and even her friend Iris and aunt Dipa in Bombay to keep them apprised of her son’s latest exploits. Soon they celebrated Saurav’s first birthday. He enjoyed being the center of attention. The playfulness which appeared to be an important trait of his character became even more striking in the eyes of the kith and kin. He appeared not to be tiring at all while in his playing state of mind and not distinguishing between a family member and a stranger as a playmate. For Keka, life became full to its brim.
In the River of Life man is not often in charge of his own destiny. Life does not always follow the course man envisions for himself. When Rajani was returning to Calcutta from her sojourn in Bombay, Rana thought that she would never again embellish their home. Nevertheless, things changed dramatically with his transfer back to Calcutta. Now Rajani found a second home in their house. She would often come and stay with them one week at a time. Now her great-grandson Saurav became her special attraction. She would play with him untiringly. At Saurav’s plea she would sing the same song a thousand times with visible pleasure. Rana told her to live with them as long as he would remain in Calcutta. She was undoubtedly happy for the invitation. But even at that age she had other obligations to fulfill. To her, duty was paramount and work was God.
Keka’s mother Mita also found some diversions amidst her daily drudgery at home. Their house was not very far from Rana’s. So she would find some time to come and see her grandson everyday and play with him for hours together. Ramanath and Sudhir would visit with them on the weekends. Occasionally, Keka and Rana also would take Saurav to see his parents so that they could shower their affection on their grandson and he could also know them. Given all that was happening around them, Keka and Rana considered themselves blessed.
Yet the River of Life is often replete with seemingly incomprehensible contradictions. While the world is in bliss, the specter of turmoil often shows its head in the distant horizon. Calm often pervades the landscape preceding the storm. Moths turn delirious in flying inexorably toward the flame of fire, knowing the inevitable consequences. In a contented state of mind Keka expressed her desire to have another baby. Rana shuddered in consternation. He reminded Keka of her doctor’s counsel in Bombay to avoid further pregnancy soon. He quietly sought the help of her mother to prevail upon her to refrain from seeking another pregnancy on the heels of the recent one against her doctor’s advice. Mita tried to dissuade her daughter from that path for a few more years. However, all words of caution against further pregnancy paled into insignificance against her unswerving appeal for motherhood one more time. Keka’s wish prevailed. She conceived again and became exceedingly happy. Rana kept encouraging her on the surface, but in the core of his heart he was fearful and prayerful. One saving grace was that she was under medical care of her family gynecologist who had attended her mother Mita when Keka was born. So her doctor in Calcutta knew her health and wellness from her infancy.
The news of Keka’s second pregnancy was announced when the spring was in full flight. The country just celebrated the spring festival, the Festival of Colors. The trees in the parks and boulevards were aflame with the burst of Gulmohur or the Flame of the Forest, the flame colored flowers that traditionally heralded the spring. Bougainvilleas sprayed a riot of colors in their garden with the blossoming of red, indigo, pink, lilac and yellow varieties. The rose garden, next to the children’s park, was not to be outdone with fifty-four varieties of Basrai roses lending beauty, color and fragrance to the lawn. The air was filled with joy and merriment. Keka’s friend Iris came from Bombay to visit with her. The two friends remained in touch with each other since Keka left Bombay. But it was their first reunion.
Nothing comes to the River of Life without a span of existence. Nor do time and tide stand prisoner to man. Spring gave way to stifling summer. Camelia came dancing to the floor to bid adieu to Gulmohur. Summer brought in its wake the steamy monsoon. The Night Queen entered the scene as prima donna to breathe its enchanting fragrance to the sky. Monsoon squeezed the rain out of the friendly clouds to clear the sky for the arrival of autumn. Lotus once again became the pleasure of the ponds full to their brims. Saurav brought extra-special delight to everyone with his baby talks and giggles. Joy and euphoria filled the air.
Keka was doing well. Her gynecologist was satisfied with her progress. Mita kept a vigil on the well-being of her daughter, her only child. Keka passed the festive days in high spirits and in a mood of expectancy for the birth of the baby in her womb. The second birthday of Saurav came on the heels of the Autumn Festivals. It was hard to believe he was already two. This year he understood that the celebrations were meant for him and him only. The most poignant moment of the occasion occurred when Saurav held the hands of his great-grandma Rajani and led her to his playroom to show her all the gifts he received. The unbounded joy of the four generations of Roy family blended together in a profound bliss that in fact is the guiding spirit of the River of Life. The joyous occasion found rightful expression through the proud laughter of Sauarav’s mother Keka.
The date of Keka’s labor was approaching fast. Her doctor increased the frequency of check up on her. Then check up became a daily routine in the old fashioned way. Notwithstanding all the care and precaution, the expected date of labor came and went. Then it was past due seven days. The anxiety was mounting on everyone on both sides of the family. On the tenth day after the past due date, her doctor became really worried about the baby in the womb and decided to perform surgery.
It was a Friday, about the noon time. The surgery was scheduled at three in the afternoon. Keka and Rana prepared to go to the nursing home. Rana held Saurav on his arms and the family prayed to the Creator of the River of Life for His Divine Grace for the safe delivery and the sound health of the mother and the baby. They kissed Saurav affectionately and then leaving him with the nanny, left for the nursing home. They were scheduled to pick up Mita on the way. Keka’s father Sudhir would join them at the nursing home straight from his law practice at the High Court.
At about two in the afternoon, the nurse took Keka inside to complete the procedures preparatory to surgery. Mita, Sudhir and Rana kept waiting. Every minute seemed like a year. After a tormenting two and a half hour waiting, the doctor came out to say, “It was a girl.” He added, however, that they were still attending to Keka. Her bleeding could not be stopped and she was in pain. He went back to the surgery room rather in a hurry.
While the family was happy for the girl, their joy remained subdued because of their concern for Keka. Rana kept praying from the core of his heart. Little later Mita went toward the hall where the new born babies were given care. She came back in about ten minutes and said the baby girl looked gorgeous. At about six in the evening they brought Keka to her designated room. The doctor said that her bleeding was stabilized, but she was still in pain and was under heavy sedative. He told them not to disturb her right away. They decided to go home, eat their dinner and come back later in the evening.
Returning home, Rana played with Saurav a little and at the dinner table told him the story of his beautiful little sister. He became excited on hearing about his sister and began asking a flurry of questions about her. While eating dinner Rana kept responding to him to his satisfaction. After dinner he called Rajani to keep her apprised of the situation. Then bidding good night to Saurav, he left for the nursing home again. On the way he picked up Mita also.
Coming back to the nursing home, they found the doctor leaving instructions for the night with the resident doctor and the nurse on duty. Mita asked the doctor’s permission to go into Keka’s room. Doctor also went in with them. Keka was very drowsy, but could not really sleep because of the pain and discomfort. On seeing them she smiled a half smile. Doctor asked her how she was feeling. She said her pain was about the same and dozed off again. Doctor then requested them to go home for the night and come back in the morning when Keka would feel refreshed after a comfortable rest through the night. He added that if there was any emergency the nurse on duty would call them.
Mita requested the nurse if they could see the baby. She guided them to a glass window. Rana saw his baby daughter through the glass pane, sleeping comfortably in her crib. It occurred to him that she looked exactly like her mother. While watching the baby, the few names that Keka and he discussed but not decided upon, went through his mind. Suddenly, the baby smiled in her sleep. The nurse said she saw her smile a number of times and added that she would be a smiling baby. Rana pondered that the most appropriate name for their daughter in the list was “Smita,” meaning, “She, who wears a perpetual smile.” Nevertheless, he wanted to wait till he could discuss the matter with Keka next morning.
On his way home, Rana dropped Mita at her residence. He could not sleep all night. Keka’s suffering made his heart heavy. Many thoughts clouded his mind. Just when he dozed a little in the wee hours of the morning, the telephone that he prayed never to come did come. It was Mita. She sounded frantic. They needed to leave for the nursing home immediately. The nurse called her. Keka’s condition deteriorated. The doctor was on his way to the nursing home along with the most venerable gynecologist in the town, who happened to be his classmate in the Medical College. Rana picked up Mita in a hurry and proceeded to the nursing home.
On arrival at the nursing home in a nervous haste, they saw the two doctors already attending to Keka. The specialist went through all the procedures that had been followed and said he would not do anything differently. They administered her with a new medicine, hoping it would work. In a few minutes, they came out of the room and told Mita and Rana to go in. Keka was panting and puffing. She recognized them and made an effort to say something, but failed to communicate. Mita and Rana stood at each side of the bed. Tears were trickling down Keka’s eyes. Rana tried to wipe them. Keka grabbed him with her right hand and Mita with her left, perhaps in an intense effort to be relieved of her unbearable pain. Nurse quietly called the two doctors in. Rana looked at their eyes for assurance and comfort. They tried to avoid his eyes. A few minutes more and Keka suddenly stopped panting; her grips loosened. Rana looked at her eyes. The specialist quickly stepped in and softly shut her eyes.
As the glow of the morning sun was about to pierce through the eastern horizon, another exquisite bud with the promise to be a fully blown flower dropped on the dewy grass of the cool winter morning, offering herself to the Creator of the River of Life. The audition allotted to her in this season of life was over. She was on her way to that bridge connecting this life and the next, where the Creator’s judgment would be delivered to her on the subsequent destination of her soul.
The sky fell abruptly on Rana. All his hopes and dreams lay buried under the rubble of indescribable grief. Mita became hysterical losing her only child through whom she was relishing her dream. One tried to give solace to the other, but solace was conspicuous by its absence in the first shock of the tragedy. Nurse called Sudhir to come down to the nursing home with the hope that he would be able to console Mita. Sudhir came only to be overwhelmed by grief himself, for he too lost his only child.
About an hour into the mourning, the nurse requested the family to come out of the room because by law the nursing home had to complete all the prescribed procedures concerning the last remains of Keka. Before coming out of the nursing home, they all went to the glass window to catch a glimpse of Keka’s hapless but smiling infant daughter, who would never know what she lost in the early hours of her arrival at this beautiful earth. Rana saw his little daughter being fed by the feeding bottle. The nurses were milling around her. It was apparent that knowing what happened to her mother, all their sympathy, love and care were focused on her. Swayed by the bereavement and love concomitantly they left the nursing home.
The first thing that Rana did on reaching home was to pick up Saurav on his arms and kiss him, for he also lost his loving mother forever. He could not talk or stop tears falling from his eyes. Little Saurav never saw that scene before. Naturally, he was perplexed. He began kissing his dad the way everyone kissed him when he cried. Looking at Rana’s tears and swollen eyes the nanny instantly realized what transpired. The chauffeur of his bank came to take him to work as usual. The nanny pulled him aside and told him what happened. Rana picked up the telephone to inform Rajani, but could not gather himself to convey the tragic news. Nanny took the receiver from his hand and communicated the message discreetly to her.
Within a couple of hours Rana’s house became crowded. Friends and family rallied behind Rana and Saurav. Everyone who touched their lives was present in stunned silence. At the age of eighty-one Rajani became totally dazed. Only a week earlier she came and stayed with Keka for a few days. While giving solace to Rana and Saurav, she cried and said, “It is difficult to fathom God’s judgment. He did not take me, a decrepit woman of eighty-one, but He snatched away a twenty-six year old fresh flower.” Saurav remained clung together with his dad. At that hour of grief he would not go to anyone else, he would not leave his dad alone.
Devika and Mita met on that fateful morning after a long hiatus. But unlike before, their reunion occasioned through the stream of tears. They were the only ones in that gathering of mourners who were also present at the chance encounter of Rana with Keka at Darjeeling on the Himalayas. They were the only ones who witnessed their bubbling romance growing step by step toward culmination of their marriage. Monika, Sheila and Kamala stood there in stupefied silence. Amit, Ramnath and Sudhir were shell-shocked.
Shortly, the pall bearers brought the last remains of Keka from the morgue amidst the chanting of God’s glory. After the initial grieving, the women in the gathering got down to make up Keka’s last remains to a gorgeous bride in an outfit that she would have been proud to see herself. When the adorning was complete, Rana was called to formally bid goodbye to his wife. Rana took Saurav also with him for a last glimpse of his Mama.
As he was walking toward Keka’s last remains, he saw in kaleidoscopic succession in his mind’s eye many happy moments together, beginning with that chance encounter in Darjeeling. Coming near the body, he observed the immaculate face of his wife as he had seen her on their wedding night. He stood quietly next to his departed wife still looking fresh, tears streaming down his face like the cascading rain on the Malabar Mountains.
Saurav did not see his mother for over twenty-four hours. Seeing her suddenly from the distance while climbing down the stairs on his father’s arms, he had a glimmer of hope that his Mama came back. He thought his Mama was sleeping. Rana knelt down to kiss his wife and made it easier for Saurav to kiss his mother. He kissed both the cheeks of his mother as he was accustomed to and kept looking at her for a loving response as usual. When he did not receive that familiar response, he quietly placed his head on his father’s right shoulder, tears overflowing his eyes also. Probably, he felt a sense of rejection by his own Mama or perhaps he realized that something terrible happened to her. Whatever might have occurred to his tender mind no one would ever know.
There was nothing else to delay the last journey of Keka. The pall bearers were ready to lead the cortege to the crematorium. Rana did not want Saurav to see his Mama taken away forever. He slowly walked up the stairs to his playroom. Those who could not stand that tormenting scene either, the likes of Rajani, Kamala, Devika, Mita and Ramnath also followed him to the second floor. Rana then kissed Saurav and passed him on to the comforting lap of Mita and walked down the steps in deafening silence.
As the fully adorned last remains of Keka was placed carefully on the pyre, a song that Keka used to sing often to tease Rana began ringing in his ears, “At the end of the night of celebration say goodbye to me, for I am a discarded garland, abandoned and forlorn.” The meaning of that song pierced through his heart. However, he was not sure to whom the song would apply appropriately now; to her, who was departing in the regal grandeur of a queen or to him, who was now destined to carry the solitary baggage through the rest of his life?
The priest guided Keka’s father Sudhir to the funeral pyre. At the instructions of the priest and amidst his chanting of verses, Sudhir went round the pyre three times and then touched Keka’s lips with the torch of fire. At the instant of the contact, the purified butter that had been sprinkled over the pyre became fuel to the fire. With the help of the strong and dry north wind of the winter, the fire spread over the entire pyre in seconds. In a few minutes, the blaze leapt over fifteen feet. In about forty minutes, the logs of the burning pyre began falling on Keka’s face and all over her body one by one. In about an hour, Keka disappeared completely under the heaps of the burning logs.
Precisely at that moment, Rana thought he clearly saw high above the flame and plume of smoke, Keka riding a Pegasus toward the heavens. A student of the Bible class in the missionary school, the verses of the scripture began reverberating in Rana’s desolate mind, “All men are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field. The grass withers and the flowers fall, because the breath of the Lord blows on them. Surely the people are grass. The grass withers and the flowers fall but the word of our God stands forever.” (Isaiah 40: 6–8).
And sure enough, as much as those withered grass and fallen flowers are replaced by the new grass and new flowers, new men are also born as offspring of the departed ones in different garb, different texture, different mind, different memory and different role play. Keka’s death is a myth; she is survived by her two beautiful offspring to carry her torch in the River of Life to maintain its mandate to keep flowing relentlessly forever. Thus the River of Life continues with its timeless and ageless journey through the hills and mountains, dales and valleys, prairies and pampas, woods and lakes, seas and oceans to its distant destiny, the ever elusive Eternity.
In less than two hours all that remained of Keka were the ashes. The part of the ashes that were directly attributed to her navel were put into an urn and immersed in the holy River Ganges next to the crematorium. The significance of that ritual was based on the belief that the remains of the cremated body would be consecrated with the touch of the holy water and in course of time would mingle with the soil of the river bed, enabling the departed soul to rest in peace. To begin with, the whole existence of mankind is rooted to the earth. They emerge from the dust of the earth and to the dust of the earth are they destined to merge.