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He waited his whole damn life to take that flight / And as the plane crashed down, he thought / “Well, isn’t this nice!” / And isn’t it ironic—2
CLASSMATE #3 (CHARLIE): (interrupting) It’s not, though?
CLASSMATE #4 (LILY): It would be irony if the guy in the crash was, like, a airplane mechanic...
PHOENIX, a good-looking and yet offbeat/mysterious teenage boy, stands up.
PHOENIX: What is this, a literary inquisition?
CLASSMATE #5 (PHOEBE): Big word, new kid!
PHOENIX: How about you guys let her finish?
FRANKIE: (embarrassed) No. I’m done.
PHOENIX: (matter-of-fact) Look, they’re projecting their insecurity on you. You’re obviously a great writer and their only defense is to be hyperliteral.
FRANKIE: (stunned) Do I know you?
TEACHER: That’s enough, Frankie, Phoenix.
FRANKIE: Your name is Phoenix?
PHOENIX: Yep. Like the mythical bird of flame. Or the third-rate city. Your choice. Now are you going to shut these fuckers down or should I?
Frankie’s confidence is renewed.
FRANKIE: It’s like rain on your wedding day / It’s a free ride when you’ve already paid / It’s the
2 “For me to write a song that is, top to bottom, completely wrong just tells you how happy I was working with Glen on that album— because I couldn’t have given a shit.”
good advice that you just didn’t take / And who would have thought, it figures / Well, life has a funny way
PHOENIX: Of sneaking up on you / When you think everything’s okay and everything’s going right
FRANKIE: And life has a funny way
PHOENIX: Of helping you out when you think everything’s gone wrong and / Everything blows up in your face...
FRANKIE: A traffic jam when you’re already late
TEACHER: A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break...
PHOENIX: It’s like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
FRANKIE: It’s like meeting the boy of my dreams, and then meeting his...3
PHOENIX: ...I’m not seeing anyone.
FRANKIE: And isn’t it ironic, don’t you think
FRANKIE/PHOENIX: A little too ironic
PHOENIX: Yeah, I really do think
FRANKIE/PHOENIX: It’s like rain on your wedding day / It’s a free ride when you’ve already paid / It’s the good advice that you just didn’t take / And who would’ve thought it figures...
3 “For the last eight years or so, whenever I perform it in concert, I sing, ’Meeting the man of my dreams / And then meeting his beautiful husband.’ Which is true. I have fallen in love with a lot of gay men.”