98

ACT 1 • SCENE 6

THE HEALY HOUSE

We hear the instrumental opening to “SO UNSEXY” as Mary Jane’s phone buzzes on the arm of the couch. She picks up.

We illuminate Steve at his desk, still at work.

MARY JANE: Hey.

STEVE: (on phone) Hey...I’m underwater on the Kleinfeld case. I’m going to be...

MARY JANE: (on phone) ...Really late. Fine. I mean, I figured. It’s fine, I’m just decorating the tree.

STEVE: Right, the tree. There’s nothing I can do about it, the deal is closing tomorrow. I’m just checking in, like you asked.

MARY JANE: There’s no need to get defensive. I said it’s fine. I like decorating by myself. You know I’m a total “control freak”—your words! I’m fine.

STEVE: You know what; I’m gonna go.

MARY JANE: If you’re going to be that late, you might as well spend the night in the city.

STEVE: (loaded) I guess it doesn’t matter where I sleep. I’ll just be sleeping anyway, right?

MARY JANE: Right.

Mary Jane hangs up. Steve looks at his phone handset like what the hell just happened?

Steve sings “SO UNSEXY.”

STEVE: All these little rejections / How they add up quickly / One offhanded word and I feel so ungood¹ / And somewhere along the way / I think I gave you the power to make / Me feel the way I thought only my mother could

1 “The lyrics are based on my dating experiences. I basically interpreted men who were not interested in me to mean that I wasn’t interesting. It was a whole downward shame spiral.”