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And do you think that Steve’s fear of saying “I need help” leads to his distancing from the family?

I think the real issue with Steve is workaholism. It is a very modern condition, and certainly not just for men. I mean, it’s just for anyone who has to go to earn the money to maintain the life that they have created. And then you wake up twenty years later, and you realize, I don’t know my family as well as I’d like to. But Steve can’t not go to work. So it’s a real struggle for so many people. And also then you throw in, as I mentioned before, those resentments that are living in those wedges in the relationship. And you kind of look at it and you go, OK, well when was the time where you started choosing to go to work because it was too awkward at home, because it’s easier to focus on the work than to focus on this sort of systemic problem in a relationship?

How did the “So Unsexy” scene evolve over time?

So in the beginning, in the Boston run, the “So Unsexy” scene took place in our closet, with Steve getting ready to

“I think ultimately everyone,
including Steve, is dealing with
a lack of communication.”

go to work. And he attempted to touch MJ, and she withdrew a little bit. It was really kind of about Steve putting on his armor and leaving. But it became clear after that it was more important to show in Act One, especially, Steve’s absent quality in the family. So that was why we chose here to have it be a split screen—where she’s at home and he is at work and can’t come home. I do think that that’s very important, just because certainly what I’ve learned is that it forces MJ to deal with everything on her own. Steve is not there to deal with all of the things that are going on with Frankie and Nick. It’s a large contributing factor to MJ’s real downfall, or her spiral, that she does not have her partner with her to help her deal with all of these things.

Yes, and it’s not just about their sex life. It’s about what they cannot say.

We were all very interested in “So Unsexy” being about so much more than just, “I feel like you don’t want to have sex with me.” It’s a metaphor for their relationship in the larger sense of, what has happened to us? Why don’t you crave me anymore as a human being?

Have you had a big reaction to that song from men who see the show?

I’ve had dads with tears in their eyes come up to me and say, “I lived that life for twenty years, and you nailed it. That show nailed it.” It is a struggle that so many people, so many parents, face.