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STEVE: Your grandparents had 12 kids, MJ. They were sex fiends.
DR. GARDNER: (interrupting) Okay, so we’ll start here. Mary Jane, it looks like Steve is looking to re-establish a connection through physical touch. And Mary Jane, you require more of an emotional connection. And this is where we actually set each other up to win by knowing what touches your partner’s heart the most.
MARY JANE: Apparently it’s not Steve’s heart that needs touching.3
DR. GARDNER: (interrupting) I see. So, Steve, you would describe yourself as the more high-libido partner? The initiator?
STEVE: ...And getting kicked in the head with a loafer.
MARY JANE: These are not loafers, they’re drivers. Loafers have a sole.
DR. GARDNER: Mary Jane, you’re reluctant to have sex. Has it always been this way?
STEVE: (emphatic) Noooo. Not at all! (to Mary Jane, who looks offended) It hasn’t!
MARY JANE: Well, I got in a car accident. It would be nice if people were sensitive about that.
DR. GARDNER: (to Mary Jane) Sometimes physical injury can trigger past trauma, even sexual trauma—
STEVE: I would describe myself as a beagle under a table, begging for scraps...
MARY JANE: Oh, come on...
3 “When I wrote the original lyrics for the song behind this scene, I was basically saying, ’Get your shit together and call me; you’re getting on my nerves.’ Which is kind of an immature way of looking at long-term commitment. It was perfect for when I was nineteen because I wasn’t ready for that yet. Now that I’ve been married ten years, I’m very clear on the fact that the epicenter of our relationship is my wanting to participate in the healing of his wounds and vice versa. So we’re really actively participating. Sometimes I may feel like saying, ’You just deal with this with your fricking individual therapist; I don’t have time.’ But for the most part, with anything that comes up in my marriage, I feel inspired to be an active participant around the healing process, and Souleye is with me on that too.
One thing I was thinking about when I wrote this song was how, during the Second World War, all the men went to war and the women took over back at home. That spurred this movement towards autonomy, this realization: We can do anything a man can do, only better (and hey, look at my big bicep muscle!). We can do everything that we’ve been relying on our men for. It afforded empowerment, but it didn’t afford love. That didn’t help the romantic cause. So basically, ’Not the Doctor’ is my talking from a very autonomous place, saying, ’Hey, you’re over there, you have your wounds, you be responsible for those; I’ll be over here, I’ll take care of mine, we’ll talk later.’”
MARY JANE: I don’t have any sexual trauma. (interrupting) Look. I don’t think having a lower sex drive is as bad as the alternative. There are people who are addicted and obsessed. For instance, Steve here looks at porn every single day.
STEVE: MJ!
DR. GARDNER: Why don’t we go back to where we started.
MARY JANE: (continuing) You should see some of his search terms. They’re very creative. Things I wouldn’t even think of putting together! Redhead and MILF and outdoors. Nurse and shower and three-way...
STEVE: (ashamed) Mary Jane. Don’t do this...
MARY JANE: Oh, you shouldn’t be embarrassed. I should be embarrassed. Why would you even want to sleep with me when you already have such a vibrant sex life with Steve Healy?
DR. GARDNER: Whoa. Hold up. Let’s talk this through...
STEVE: Maybe this was a mistake. Apparently I’m the only one with a problem.
DR. GARDNER: Your wounds are her wounds. And hers are yours. You need to learn to actively participate in each other’s healing.