October 19
Twenty-Four Years Ago
11:35 P.M.
Leo thought Mish would be mad for sure. For a while she just stood there, watching her boyfriend and her best friend disentangle themselves from each other. But instead of getting mad, she walked up to them and said, “No fair; I can do that too.” Then she turned to Leo and kissed her on the lips.
Leo was startled, but she opened her mouth, and they kissed, slowly and deeply.
A few of the boys in the room began to clap.
Brooks cleared his throat and put a hand on each of their shoulders. “All right, all right, you’ve made your point.”
Mish grinned as she stepped away, and winked at Leo.
Leo felt her knees wobble. It was surreal, to be kissing one and then the other. She couldn’t decide who was a better kisser. “Um, where’s another bathroom?” she asked Shona. She just needed to be alone right then.
But both bathrooms in the guesthouse were taken, so Leo asked if she could go to the main house. Shona didn’t seem to hear her and Leo suddenly didn’t care if there was a no-kids-in-the-main-house rule. She just needed to get away from that room, which was claustrophobic all of a sudden.
The game was effectively over, and now people were just making out in corners, not even caring who could see. Mish had pulled Brooks to one and was straddling his lap, grinding on him, while he had fisted his hands in her long hair. Leo wasn’t sure she wanted to be there to see what happened next.
Leo made her way out and opened the sliding door to the main house. There were a few kids hanging out in the kitchen, but no one even looked up when she entered or seemed to care that she was there. She debated asking them where the bathroom was, but decided that would bring too much attention to her presence, and it probably wasn’t too hard to find one anyway; this place probably had like eight or ten bathrooms.
She walked tentatively down the hallway, opening doors. She found the coat closet, a linen closet, a closet that seemed to hold only cleaning supplies, and a room where a lazy white cat hissed at her when she opened it.
“Oh god, is everyone still here? Why are there people in the main house?” asked Stacey, who walked out of one of the back bedrooms, yawning.
“Um, I think so,” said Leo. “Hi, Stacey.”
Stacey crinkled her eyes at Leo, trying to place her. “You’re . . . Brooks’s friend, right?”
“Yes.”
“Cool.”
“Thanks for having me,” said Leo, like her mom had taught her.
Stacey waved dismissively, as if she didn’t care either way. Stacey didn’t seem bothered that she was there, and Leo felt more confident as she continued to navigate the hallways, supposedly looking for a bathroom when in reality she was now giving herself a tour. It was a lot bigger than Brooks’s house. Bigger bedrooms with wall-to-wall carpeting in each bedroom. There were four or five bedrooms; she lost count. Stacey’s older sisters were already in college or graduated. Like Stacey, they had been the legendary queens of their grade; everyone was obsessed with the Anders girls. Their rooms were shrines to their childhood, pristine and untouched. Stacey’s room was plush, all white and gold with splashes of pink and green; she had a four-poster princess bed, with a built-in desk and neat shelves full of books and knickknacks. There was a poster board filled with pictures of Stacey with her friends, Stacey with her family, Stacey at camp, Stacey in Paris, Stacey at the winter formal, the junior prom, the senior fling, too many pictures to mention.
Nothing terrible happens in a room like this, thought Leo. No one yells at you, no one surprises you in the middle of the night. No one creeps into your bedroom without warning. No one forces you to give them a blow job in the bathroom. Did that even happen? It was like a bad dream.
She picked up one of the oversize teddy bears on Stacey’s bed, when the door opened. She jumped as if she’d been caught stealing. She placed the bear back on the cashmere throw.
“There you are. What a place, right?” said Mish. Her hair was messy and her clothes were askew, as if she’d gotten dressed in a hurry. Leo wondered if they’d made use of one of the two lockable bedrooms in the guesthouse.
“Yeah,” said Leo. She knew Mish was thinking the same thing she was, comparing their messy, squalid, sad little bedrooms to this serene abode.
They looked at Stacey’s pictures for a while.
Brooks found them a few minutes later. “Ready to go?” he asked, swinging his keys.
The ride back was silent, and not a good silent, not the friendly silence that Leo and Mish had shared on the bus. Leo and Mish. Mish and Leo. They were one and the same, they were sisters from another mother. That’s what they always said. More than blood, more than family, they had each other. Whatever was happening between them now was stupid. It was a cliché. It wasn’t even about Brooks.
Because as the minutes ticked by, it was clear that Mish was pissed. Leo knew she was mad because when Mish was mad, she got quiet.
“Is this the right street?” asked Brooks, peering at the metal wire fence at the entrance to the neighborhood.
“You can just let us off here,” said Mish, unfastening her seat belt.
“No, I said I’d drive you guys.” Brooks was abashed; it was apparent he felt guilty about what had happened earlier and wanted to make it up to Mish.
She sighed and gave him directions so that he drove up to the two little houses on the back lot, tiny little trailers on cinder blocks. Why did they call them trailers? They looked just like houses, like anyone’s house, with a door and windows. These were just smaller and dingier and crappier. None of the lights were on in either of their houses as none of their parents were ever home.
“Well, this is us,” said Mish, sounding defensive.
“Okay,” said Brooks. “It’s nice.”
Mish rolled her eyes. “Of course it isn’t.”
“Babe, you know I don’t care where you live.”
“I care,” said Mish, an edge to her voice. “Well, now you know.”
“It’s fine; I don’t know what you’re so worried about.”
“Let’s not talk about it right now,” said Mish, eyeing Leo in the back seat.
Leo tried to make herself smaller as she unlocked the car door. “Thanks for the ride,” she said. She didn’t wait to say any more goodbyes. She just wanted to be home, finally.