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WE DON'T SPEAK MUCH the whole way home. I don't want him to change his mind like he obviously had when we left the dressing room earlier today. But I also don't understand what happened to get him to come find me tonight.
He wants to teach me to break him. I'm not even sure I know what that means.
But I really, really want to find out.
When we pull into the driveway, he tells me to wait and he runs around to my side to open the door. Of course, he always tells me to wait so he can open my door, but I'm still touched every time.
We get into the house and are beset with uncomfortable silence. The kind that makes the ticking of the clock on the mantel sound like it's super loud. Before yesterday, we didn’t ever have uncomfortable or awkward silences. It's sad. But if I went back in time, if I never told him I was a virgin or asked him for advice, then I never would have seen that hungry look in his eyes when he saw me in lingerie. I never would have watched him prowl through a crowded bar looking for me so he could bring me home.
Does he even know how that affected me? If he'd have said, "Come with me," it wouldn't have been such a big deal. But no..."We're going home," means more. At least it does to me. Home means something, doesn't it?
But I can see he's rethinking this already.
If he thinks he can just keep yanking me around, he's got another thing coming.
"What was it that made you come find me tonight?" I ask. "Was it that you wanted me, or you just don't want anyone else to have me?"
His jaw squares, and he presses his lips into a firm line. "I'm supposed to be teaching you how to seduce a man, aren't I? I can't do that if you're not here."
A red haze clouds my vision. "Oh, right. I see. So, are you going to teach me how to fuck and then send me back to The Dive? Is that how this works?" He winces. "You could have just left me there tonight. I'd have figured it out on my own. I'm a smart girl. College educated and all."
"I knew you were planning something rash. So I went there to stop you."
"Something rash?"
Whose voice was that? It couldn't have been mine. It sounded like it could have broken glass.
"Something rash," he repeats dully. But his body language is clear that he already regrets what might happen next. He doesn't want me—he wants to take care of me, maybe. He doesn't want me to sleep with someone else, certainly. But that's not the same. And it's not enough for me.
"I don't believe this." I toss my purse on the table by the door. "Fine. You did it. You stopped me. Thank you for saving me from myself. You've done your good deed. It's too bad you have to keep acting like you want to have sex with me to get me to do what you want—but you're a real trooper for sticking it out. Don't forget to take your pill. I'm going to bed."
Tomorrow, I will look for an apartment. This isn't going to work for me anymore. I can't keep letting my desire for Graden stop me from living my life, and I know I'll never give any other guy a real chance if I think there's even the smallest chance with Graden.
And there isn't. He won't let there be. I don't know why he's so conflicted. I'm sure he'd never tell me. I try hard to tell myself it's his problem and not an extension of my normal man issues. But it's hard. It's so damn hard not to take it personally that something about me seems to repel men even if they seem all in for a few minutes.
I swallow the ball of tears forming in my throat.
I make it halfway across the room when the steely band of Graden's arm reaches around me and pulls me into his chest. "I'm sorry, Becks. I'm sorry I keep screwing this up."
God. He is so big and strong behind my back. I melt into him even though I don't want to. I can't stop craving his touch. "I don't understand what you want, Graden. I don't think even you know."
"I know exactly what I want. I just don't feel like I should have it."
"Why?" I reach for his other hand, the one that isn't gripping me so hard into him, and bring it to my cheek. I press my face into it like a cat. "Why shouldn't you have what you want?"
I kiss his palm, and he gasps. The world spins as he turns me in his arms and walks me backward to the wall so quickly I don’t think my feet touch the ground. I'm trapped between him and the wall. I feel helpless and I like it.
The expression on his face is one of near agony, though. "I don't deserve you, sweetheart. You're so good and sweet. I'm not the guy for you. The things I want to do to you..." He slams his eyes closed as a shiver wracks his body. "I want to defile you. Do you understand? Rough and raw and filthy, baby. That's how I want to take you."
His eyes open again, and the way he is looking at me is positively barbaric. All that masculine power directed at me is overwhelming. My pulse kicks up as a new need claws at me from the inside. I want him to take me. Possess me. I want all that potent male energy covering my body, filling me up.
He groans, and I blink out of my little trance just as his mouth kicks into a feral grin and he says, "You like that, don't you, baby?" He pushes me against the wall harder so I can feel his solid erection. It's really hard and really big. Really, really big. "Fuck. I bet you are wet right now." My face heats because he's right. I'm soaked. "I'm going to take that cherry tonight. I'm going to feel your hot, wet pussy clenching around my cock. I'm going to make you lose your fucking mind. Make you crave my dick like a drug. Maybe then you'll understand how much I fucking want you."
I whimper, the sound so full of longing I should be embarrassed, but I'm not. "Yes. Yes, please, Graden. I need you so much."
He buries his face in my hair and groans again. "You smell so good. I can't get enough of you. I bet you taste good, too. I bet I'm going to get addicted to the taste of your pussy."
I arch into him then, angling the best I can so his cock will rub against where I need him most. There are too many clothes between us, though, and I exhale a frustrated sound when the friction isn't enough.
"You getting greedy, sweetheart? You want my cock in you already?"
"Yes. Please."
He pulls back and looks into my eyes. "I haven't even kissed you yet." Despite the primal fire burning in his eyes, he seems to bank it when he runs his finger from my temple down my jaw so gently I am surprised I can feel it. "You're so soft and sweet."
He presses his lips to my temple, then follows the path his finger made with soft kisses. If he didn't have me pinned to the wall, I don't think my legs would hold me. The sweet kisses undo me in a way even his dirty talk didn't. They are reverent, adoring. That this is the same man who wants to defile me makes me the luckiest girl in the world right now. Because I want it all. I want his sweetness and I want his filthy, filthy passion. I want him to tear me apart and kiss me back together.
When he gets to my lips, he cups my jaw in those big, rough hands and takes small sips of my mouth like I'm a fine wine to be savored. I'm trying to be patient because these kisses are wonderful, but he's the spark to my tinder, and I know I'm about to burst into flames. I dart my tongue out for a taste of my own, and we combust around his untamed growl. He grinds his stiff cock into my belly and plunges his tongue into my mouth. And I take it. Oh God, do I take it. My fingernails are clawing at him, unable to get him close enough while his mouth is basically fucking mine.
Thinking I'm smart, I lower my hands to his hip, pulling him harder into me so I can grind on that hard erection that has my name on it. On a guttural groan that sounds like it was pulled out of him, he stops kissing me long enough to grab my hands, pinning them to the wall on either side of my head. "You are going to make me come in my jeans if you keep doing that."
"So take them off."
"I have plans for you, sweetheart. So you're just going to have to wait."
I struggle briefly to get control of my hands back but realize that just isn't going to happen. He's too strong. And he wants control right now. Which is delicious, if you ask me, so I stop struggling and cede to him. That fire flares in his eyes again when he feels me submit.
"Do whatever you want to me, Graden. I'm yours."
There's a moment of complete stillness between us—like the one before a jaguar leaps on its prey. Calmly, almost too carefully, he brings my wrists higher above my head and transfers them both to one hand. He cups the back of my neck in the other and brings himself to eye level with me. It's intense, unlike anything I've ever felt, when he looks so deeply into my eyes I feel like he's seeing straight into my soul.
My pulse is racing, and something wild inside me is unfurling, beating at my bones and skin to be let out. I've never felt this way before. I don't even know how to express it.
Graden swallows hard. "You're mine. You've been mine for a long time. I'm not going to fight it anymore, if this is what you want."
"Yes, yes, I want this."
"You need to be sure. Once I take you, sweetheart, I'm never giving you up. You'll belong to me completely. Forever."
"And you'll belong to me, Graden."
"Fuck, yeah, I will. God, that sounds so amazing." He leans his forehead on mine. "I feel like I've been fighting this so long, and I don't even remember why half the time."
If this is a dream, I don't want to wake up.
He's about to kiss me again, but I panic and whisper. "Wait...I need to tell you something."
He opens his eyes as he's still pressed against my forehead. He banks that fire...just barely. "What is it, sweetheart?"
The intimacy of our closeness and the way we are both whispering makes it easier. Not a lot easier, but some. "Today, in the dressing room, I set you up. Please don't be mad. Leslie already knew you were just pretending to be my boyfriend. It was her idea to send you back there to see how you reacted. And I shouldn't have gone along with it. It was dishonest."
Graden smiles.
"You're not mad?"
He kisses the bridge of my nose. "I love how honest you are. You never had to tell me, but you did."
"I don't want anything between us. I don't like to play games."
He thinks about that for a minute. "Why'd you go along with her idea?"
Because I'm so lame. "I wanted to see if she was right. If you would like seeing me in the lingerie. If you were attracted to me."
"I did. I am."
I feel so much better now with the air cleared between us. "Okay, then kiss me again."
And he does. He brings me back to boiling so fast with his kisses.
He's moved those lips to my neck. I had no idea it was such an erogenous zone on me, but I can't stop rocking my hips. He's breathing hard, like he's fighting to contain himself. But I want him wild. "Graden—I know why I waited." I clutch his hair, bringing his gaze back to my face. "I'm still a virgin because I was waiting for you. All this time, it was you."
I see the change. If he were some kind of supernatural creature, his fur would have come out or his fangs would have popped. Instead, he growls and yanks the front of my shirt down hard, tearing fabric and sending buttons skittering across the carpet. He sucks one of my nipples through the bra, and my body arches, my back bowing as I hear a high keening noise and realize it's me.
He grunts again and pulls my bra down, releasing my breasts to spill out of the cups. "You're mine," he tells me as he starts suckling, sending sparks shooting through my whole body. "Tell me. Say it."
I can hardly catch my breath, but I say, "I'm yours. Yes. All yours."
I've had guys touch my boobs before. But it was nothing like this. I know they are big—after all, they go with the rest of me and nothing about me is petite. But they usually make me self-conscious. But with Graden being in total awe and in worship-mode, I'm finally happy to say they are not too big. He can't get enough, and suddenly I feel at home and happy with my body. It was made for him. For me. For us. I've seen the way women look at him and know he could have any of them he wants. But he is making it clear to me that he wants me.
And he's wanted me for a while. Whatever rejection I was feeling wasn't about him not desiring me. Knowing Graden, he probably thinks he's not good enough for me. Or he's got some sense of honor that says he can't mess with his friend's little sister. But knowing that he's this hot for me, for my body, frees me in a way I've never felt.
I finally understand the power I have. He told me I could break a man like him. He probably didn't know I could put him back together, too.
I try to move my hands so I can touch him, but he's still got a pretty strong hold on me. "Do you like this, sweetheart? Do you like it when I suck on your big tits? Is it making you wet?"
"Everything about you makes me wet, Graden. Go ahead and check."
He gives me that feral grin again and bites my nipple. The shock of pain followed by the soothing lick of his tongue makes me cry out.
"Yes, oh God, yes!"
"You're my dirty little teacher, aren't you? All sweet words and cookies by day, and fucking hot pussy by night. I'm going to learn all your secrets, baby. I'm going to master everything that makes you writhe and cry out in pleasure. I don't think you're ever going to get a full night's sleep again."
My legs are weakening with every syllable he utters. He undoes my jeans and snakes his hand down my pants.
"Fuck, you're soaked. Such a good girl, getting ready for me." When he pulls his hand out and licks me off his fingers, I almost pass out I'm so turned on. "Jesus, you taste good. So good. I'll never get enough of you."
"Take me to bed, Graden," I plead while I try to kick off my boots.
"We haven't been on three dates yet, Becks. Don't you want to wait?" he teases even as we both groan at the contact and friction between our jeans while I try to maneuver the boots off.
"I don't want to wait." I reach up and suck on the skin under his jaw. "I want you to make me a woman. I want to give you everything. Nobody's ever touched my pussy before, Graden." The guttural sound he emits gives me confidence that I've got him where I want him now. "You'll be the first."
"I'll be your fucking last." He yanks my pants down, taking the pretty new underwear I'd bought today with them. As I step out of the legs, he drops to his knees and plants his face between my legs, inhaling deeply. I'm not used to this kind of raw intimacy, and I freeze up a little. He presses his cheek to the spot just above my pussy and looks up at me. "It's all right, baby girl. Just relax. I'm going to eat your sweet pussy, baby, until my tongue is your whole world and you forget your own name. And then I'm going to eat it some more. Give me five minutes, and you'll never be shy with me again."
Well, I don't know about that, but I'm certainly willing to give him a shot. I stroke his hair while he's looking up at me. It's soft like silk, so strange on a man who's hard all over. He grabs my hand and kisses it.
He's like a god on his knees in front of me. Me! A pudgy, slightly frigid schoolteacher. And he's smelling my pussy like we're animals and kissing my fingers like I'm a queen. I don't know how to deal with all these different sides of him, but when he rises up and sweeps me into his arms, it doesn't matter.
And holy shit. He's carrying me like I weigh nothing.
And then I'm in the middle of my bed, and he's taking my blouse and bra all the way off. And then comes his shirt.
I was laying back on the pillows, but I rise up to get me some of that. I want to touch all of him. He's so gorgeously made. Part giant maybe. Muscles honed by honest, hard work. Powerful, strong. I can't wait to feel the weight of him on top of me. I want to be surrounded by all that strength.
"Pants, Graden. Take off your pants."
He stands up, his hand on the top button near the bulge straining the zipper. And then he shakes his head. "No."