I PULLED THE TOP LAYERS of my dress a little tighter over my shoulders. Carter was quiet now, and his silence sent deeper chills through my body than the lack of heat in the palace cells did. It had been horrific to hear his grunts of pain as the guards beat the hope out of him, but at least then I knew he was breathing.
I shivered as I drew my knees closer to my chest. Another tear slid down my cheek, and I was grateful for it if only because it was warm on my skin. We knew. We knew it could end this way. And still we met. How could we have stopped?
I wondered how we would die. A noose? A bullet? Something much more elaborate and painful?
I couldn’t help wishing that Carter’s silence meant he was already gone. Or if not, that he would go first. I’d rather have my last memory be of his death than suffer knowing that his last memory was of mine. Even now, alone in this cell, all I wanted was for his pain to stop.
Something stirred in the hallway, and my heart started racing. Was this it? Was this the end? I shut my eyes quickly, trying to hold back my tears. How had this happened? How had I gone from being one of the beloved members of the Selection to being labeled a traitor, awaiting my punishment? Oh, Carter . . . Carter, what have we done?
I didn’t think I was a vain person. Still, nearly every day after breakfast, I felt like I had to go back to my room and touch up my makeup before heading to the Women’s Room. I knew it was silly—Maxon wouldn’t even see me again until the evening. And at that point, of course, I’d reapply all my makeup and change my outfit anyway.
Not that anything I was doing seemed to be having much of an effect. Maxon was polite and friendly, but I didn’t think I had a connection with him the way some of the other girls did. Was there something wrong with me?
While I was certainly having a wonderful time in the palace, I kept feeling like there was something the other girls—well, some of them at least—understood that I didn’t. Before being Selected, I had thought that I was funny and pretty and smart. But now that I was in the middle of a bunch of other girls whose daily mission was to impress one particular boy, I felt dim and dull and less. I realized I should have paid much more attention to my friends back home who had always seemed to be in a rush when it came to finding a husband and settling down. They had spent their time talking about clothes, and makeup, and boys—while I had paid more mind to my tutors’ lectures. I felt like I had missed some important lesson, and now I was woefully behind.
No. I merely needed to keep trying, that was all. I’d memorized everything from Silvia’s history lesson earlier this week. I’d even written some of it down to keep handy if I forgot something. I wanted Maxon to think that I was smart and well-rounded. I also wanted him to think I was beautiful, so it felt like these trips to my room were necessary.
Did Queen Amberly do this? She seemed effortlessly stunning all the time.
I paused on the stairs to look at my shoe. One of the heels seemed to be snagging on the carpet. I didn’t see anything, so I moved on, eager to get to the Women’s Room.
I flicked my hair over my shoulder as I approached the first floor and went back to focusing on whether there was more that I was supposed to be doing. I really wanted to win. I hadn’t spent much time with Maxon, but he seemed kind and funny and—
“Ahh!” My heel snagged on the edge of the stair, and I fell with a smack onto the marble floor. “Ow,” I muttered.
“Miss!” I looked up to see a guard running toward me. “Are you all right?”
“I’m fine. Nothing injured but my pride,” I said, blushing.
“I don’t know how ladies walk in those shoes. It’s a miracle the whole lot of you don’t have broken ankles all the time.”
I giggled as he offered me his hand.
“Thank you.” I started brushing my hair back and smoothing out my dress.
“Any time. You’re sure you aren’t hurt?” He looked me over anxiously, searching for scrapes or cuts.
“My hip hurts a little where I fell, but otherwise I feel perfect.” Which was true.
“Maybe we should take you to the hospital wing, just to be safe.”
“No, really,” I insisted. “I’m fine.”
He sighed. “Would you do me a favor and go anyway? If you were hurt and I didn’t do something to help, I’d feel awful about it.” His blue eyes were terribly convincing. “And I’d be willing to bet the prince would want you to go.”
He made a fair point. “All right,” I ceded. “I’ll go.”
He grinned, his smile ever so slightly crooked. “Okay then.” He scooped me up, and I gasped in shock.
“I don’t think I need this,” I protested.
“All the same.” He started walking, so I couldn’t get down. “Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but you’re Miss Marlee, right?”
“Yes, I am.”
He kept grinning, and I couldn’t help but smile back at him. “I’ve been working hard to keep all of you straight. Honestly, I don’t think I was the best in training, and I have no idea how I ended up in the palace. But I want to make sure they don’t regret their decision, so I’m trying to at least learn names. That way if someone needs something, I’ll know who they’re talking about.”
I liked the way he spoke. It was as if he was telling a story, even though he was simply stating a fact about himself. His face was animated and his voice alight.
“Well, you’re already going above and beyond,” I encouraged. “And don’t be so down on yourself. I’m sure you were an excellent trainee if you were placed here. Your commanders must have seen great potential in you.”
“You’re too kind. Will you remind me where you’re from?”
“Kent.”
“Oh, I’m from Allens.”
“Really?” Allens was just east of Kent, above Carolina. We were neighbors in a way.
He nodded as he walked. “Yes, ma’am. This is the first time I’ve ever been out of my province. Well, second if you count training.”
“Same here. It’s kind of hard getting used to the weather.”
“It is! I’m waiting for fall to kick in, but I’m not sure they even have fall here.”
“I know what you mean. Summer’s nice, but not every day.”
“Exactly,” he said firmly. “Can you imagine how silly Christmas must look?”
I sighed. “It can’t possibly be as good without snow.” I meant that. I dreamed about winter all year. It was my favorite season.
“Nowhere close,” he agreed.
I didn’t know why I was smiling so much. Maybe it was because this conversation felt so easy. I’d never had an easy time speaking to a boy. Admittedly, I hadn’t had a lot of practice, but it was nice to think that maybe I didn’t need as much work as I had thought.
As we approached the entrance of the hospital wing he slowed.
“Would you mind putting me down?” I asked. “I don’t want them thinking I’ve broken a leg or something.”
He chuckled. “Not at all.”
He set me down and opened the door for me. Inside, a nurse was sitting at a desk.
The officer spoke for me. “Lady Marlee took a little tumble in the hall. Probably nothing, but we just wanted to be safe.”
The nurse stood right up, looking happy to have something to do. “Oh, Lady Marlee, I hope you’re not too hurt.”
“No, just a little sore here,” I said, touching my hip.
“I’ll check you out right away. Thank you so much, officer. You can go back to your post.”
The guard tipped his head to her and started to leave. Just before the doors closed, he gave me a wink and a crooked smile, and I was left there, grinning like an idiot.
I was pulled back to the present as the voices in the hallway grew louder. I heard the guards’ greetings overlapping one another as they all said one word: Highness.
Maxon was here.
I rushed to the small gated window of my cell. I watched as the door to the cell across the hallway—Carter’s cell—was opened, and Maxon was escorted in. I strained to hear what was said, but though I could make out Maxon’s voice, I couldn’t decipher any words. I also heard weak mutters in reply and knew they were from Carter. He was awake. And alive.
I simultaneously sighed and shivered, then lifted the tulle back over my shoulders.
After a few minutes Carter’s cell door opened again, and I watched as Maxon approached my cell. The guards let him in and shut the door behind him. He took one look at me and gasped.
“Good Lord, what have they done to you?” Maxon walked over, unbuttoning his suit coat as he did.
“Maxon, I’m so sorry,” I cried.
He slid off his coat and wrapped it around me. “Did the guards tear your costume? Did they harm you?”
“I never meant to be unfaithful to you. I never wanted to hurt you.”
He lifted his hands to my cheeks. “Marlee, listen to me. Did the guards hit you?”
I shook my head. “One ripped my wings off when he was pushing me in the door, but they haven’t done anything else.”
He sighed, clearly relieved. What a good man he was, still caring about my well-being even after he’d found out about me and Carter.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered again.
Maxon’s hands dropped to my shoulders. “I’m only just starting to understand how pointless it is to fight being in love. I certainly don’t blame you for it.”
I stared into his kind eyes. “We tried to stop ourselves. I promise we did. But I love him. I’d marry him tomorrow . . . if we wouldn’t be dead by then.” I dropped my head, sobbing uncontrollably. I wanted to be more of a lady about this, to accept my punishment with grace. But it felt so unfair, like everything was being taken away from me before it had even truly been mine in the first place.
Maxon began rubbing my back gently. “You’re not going to die.”
I stared at him in disbelief. “What?”
“You haven’t been sentenced to death.”
I let out a rush of air and embraced him. “Thank you! Thank you so much! It’s more than we deserve!”
“Stop! Stop!” he insisted, tugging at my arms.
I stepped back, embarrassed for breaking protocol after everything else I’d done.
“You haven’t been sentenced to death,” he repeated, “but you still have to be punished.” He looked at the ground and shook his head. “I’m sorry, Marlee, but you’re both going to be publicly caned in the morning.”
He seemed to be having trouble maintaining eye contact with me; if I hadn’t known better, I would have thought he understood the pain we were in for. “I’m sorry,” he repeated. “I tried to prevent this, but my father is insistent that the palace needs to save face; and since the footage of you two together has already been circulated, there’s nothing I can do to change his mind.”
I cleared my throat. “How many times?”
“Fifteen. I think the plan is to make it much worse for Carter than you, but either way, it’s going to be incredibly painful. I know it sometimes causes people to black out. I’m so, so sorry, Marlee.” He looked disappointed in himself. And all I could think of was how good he was.
I stood up straighter, trying to show him that I could handle this. “You come here offering me my life and the life of the man I love, and you apologize? Maxon, I’ve never been so grateful.”
“They’re going to make you Eights,” he said. “Everyone is going to watch it.”
“But Carter and I will be together, right?”
He nodded.
“Then what else can I ask for? I’ll take a caning for that. I’d take his as well if that was possible.”
Maxon smiled sadly. “Carter literally just pleaded to take yours for you.”
I smiled, too, as more tears—happier tears—filled my eyes. “I’m not surprised.”
Maxon shook his head again. “I keep thinking that I have a grasp on what it means to be in love, and then I see you two, each asking to spare the other, and I wonder if I understand anything at all.”
I gripped his coat tighter around me. “You do. I know you do.” I stared at him. “Her, on the other hand . . . she might need time.”
He chuckled quietly. “She’s going to miss you. She used to encourage me to pursue you.”
“Only a true friend would try to get someone she cared about to become princess over herself. But I was never meant for you, or for the crown. I found my person.”
“She said something to me once,” he said slowly, “that I’ll never forget. She said, ‘True love is usually the most inconvenient kind.’”
I looked around my cell. “She was right.”
We were silent for a few moments before I spoke again. “I’m scared.”
He embraced me. “It will be over rather quickly. The buildup to the caning will be the worst part, but take your mind somewhere else while they’re talking. And I will try to get you the best medicines, the ones they save for me, so that you heal faster.” I started crying, frightened and thankful and a thousand other things. “For now, you need to get what sleep you can. I told Carter to rest as well. It will help.” I nodded into his shoulder, and he pulled me tight.
“What did he say? Is he all right?”
“He’s been beaten, but he’s doing okay for now. He told me to tell you he loved you and to do whatever I asked.”
I sighed, comforted by the words. “I’m in your debt forever.”
Maxon didn’t reply. He simply held me until I relaxed. Finally, he kissed my forehead and turned to leave.
“Good-bye,” I whispered.
He smiled at me and knocked twice on the door, and a guard escorted him away.
I went back to my place by the wall and curled my legs up under my dress while I turned Maxon’s coat into a makeshift blanket. I let myself drift back into my memories. . . .
Jada rubbed lotion into my skin, a ritual that I’d grown to love. Even though it was only just after dinner and I was nowhere close to being sleepy, her skilled hands running down my arms meant the workday was over and I could relax.
Today had been especially taxing. Besides having a bruise on my hip that I was supposed to be icing, the Report had been stressful. Tonight had been our true introduction to the public, and Gavril asked us all questions about what we thought of the prince and what we missed about home and how we were getting along with one another. I sounded like a bird. Even though I tried to calm myself down, every answer made me notch my voice up another octave, I was so excited. I was sure Silvia would have something to say about that.
Of course, I couldn’t help comparing myself to everyone else. Tiny didn’t do very well, so at least I wasn’t at the absolute bottom. But it was hard to say who had done the best. Bariel was so comfortable in front of the camera, and so was Kriss. I wouldn’t be surprised if they made it to the Elite.
America was wonderful, too. I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I realized now that I had never had friends below my caste. I felt like such a snob because of it. Ever since coming to the palace, America had been my closest confidante—and if I couldn’t rank among the top contenders, I was thrilled that she was up there.
Of course, I knew anyone would be better for Maxon than Celeste. I still couldn’t believe she ripped America’s dress. And to know that she had gotten away with it, too, was so disheartening. I couldn’t picture anyone telling Maxon what Celeste had done, which left Celeste free to go on torturing the rest of us. I understood she wanted to win—for goodness’ sake, we all did—but she took things way too far. I couldn’t stand her.
Thankfully, Jada’s nimble fingers were working all the tension out of my neck, and Celeste began to fade away, along with my piercing voice and the aching posture and the list of worries that accompanied trying to become a princess.
When there was a knock on the door, I hoped it would be Maxon, though I knew that was a pointless hope. Maybe it would be America, and we could drink some tea on my balcony or take a walk in the gardens.
But when Nina answered the door, the officer from earlier was standing in the hallway. He peeked over Nina, not bothering with protocol.
“Miss Marlee! I came to check on you!” He seemed so excited to stop by, I had to laugh.
“Please come in.” I stood from my vanity and walked over to the door. “Take a seat. I can have my maids bring us up some tea.”
He shook his head. “I don’t want to keep you too long. Just wanted to make sure you weren’t crippled from that fall.”
I thought he was keeping his hands behind his back to maintain a small level of formality, but it turned out he was simply hiding a bouquet of flowers, which he presented to me with a flourish.
“Aww!” I pulled the bouquet to my face. “Thank you!”
“It was nothing. I’m friendly with one of the gardeners, and he got these for me.”
Nina came over quietly. “Shall I get a vase, miss?”
“Please,” I replied, handing her the flowers. “So you know,” I said, turning back to the officer, “I’m very well. A small bruise, but nothing serious. And I’ve learned a valuable lesson about high heels.”
“That boots are far superior?”
I laughed again. “Of course. I’m planning on incorporating them into my wardrobe much more.”
“You will be solely responsible for the new direction of palace fashion! And I can say I knew you when.” He chuckled at his own joke, and we stood there smiling at each other. I got the feeling he didn’t want to leave . . . and I realized I didn’t want him to either. His smile was so warm, and I felt more at ease with him than I had with anyone in a long time.
Unfortunately, he realized it would be odd for him to stay in my room, and he gave me a quick bow. “I guess I should go. I’ve got a long shift tomorrow.”
I sighed. “In a sense, so do I.”
He smiled. “Hope you get to feeling better, and I’m sure I’ll see you around.”
“I’m sure. And thanks for being so helpful today, Officer . . .” I looked to his badge. “Woodwork.”
“Any time, Miss Marlee.” He bowed again, then retreated into the hallway.
Shea closed the door gently behind him. “What a gentleman, to come and check on you,” she commented.
“I know,” Jada seconded. “Sometimes it’s hit or miss with those guards, but this batch seems nice.”
“He’s certainly a good one,” I said. “I should tell Prince Maxon about him. Maybe Officer Woodwork could be rewarded for his kindness.”
Though I wasn’t tired, I crawled into my bed. Turning in for the night meant the maid count went from three to one, and it was as alone as I could get. Nina walked over with a blue vase that looked beautiful with the yellow flowers.
“Set them here, please,” I asked, and she put them right next to my bed.
I stared at the flowers as a smile played on my lips. Even though I had just suggested it, I knew I’d never tell the prince about Officer Woodwork. I wasn’t sure why, but I knew I’d keep him to myself.
The creak of the door opening jerked me awake, and I stood up instantly, pulling Maxon’s coat over my shoulders.
A guard walked in and didn’t bother looking me in the eye. “Hands out.”
I’d gotten so used to everyone adding “miss” to their sentences when they spoke to me that it took me a second to respond. Luckily, this guard didn’t seem to be in the mood to punish me for my slowness. I placed my arms in front of me, and he shackled them in heavy chains. When he let the chains fall, my body lurched down a bit with them.
“Walk,” he ordered, and I followed him into the hallway.
Carter was already out there, and he looked awful. His clothes were even dirtier than mine, and he seemed to be having a hard time standing upright. But the instant he saw me, his face lit up with a smile like fireworks, causing a gash on his lip to reopen and bleed. I gave him a tiny smile before the guards started leading us toward the stairs at the end of the hall.
Based on our trips to the safe rooms, I knew there were more passages in the palace than anyone might suspect. Last night we were taken to our cells via a door I’d always assumed was a linen closet, and we took that same path now to the first floor.
When we reached the landing, the guard leading us turned around and barked a single word. “Stay.”
Carter and I stood behind the half-opened door, waiting to be escorted to our humiliating and painful punishment.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. I looked up at him, and even with his bleeding lip and messy hair, all I saw was the boy who insisted on taking me to the hospital wing, the boy who brought me flowers.
“I’m not,” I replied as forcefully as I could.
In an instant, every stolen moment we’d shared flashed through my mind. I saw all the times our eyes had met and quickly turned away; all the times I’d made a point to stand or sit somewhere in a room if I knew he was nearby; every wink he’d given me when I’d walked in for dinner; every quiet giggle I’d let out as I passed him in a hall.
We’d pieced together a relationship around all our obligations to the palace, and if I had been walking to my death today, I’d have done my best to take the past month for what it was and be satisfied. I had found my soul mate. I knew it. And there was too much love in my heart to leave room for regret.
“We’ll be okay, Marlee,” Carter promised. “Whatever happens after today, I’ll take care of you.”
“And I’ll take care of you.”
Carter leaned down to kiss me, but the guards stopped him. “Enough!” one snapped at us.
Finally the door was opened all the way, and Carter was pulled forward ahead of me. Morning sun flooded in through the palace doors, and I had to turn my eyes to the ground to bear it. But as disorienting as the brightness was, the deafening shouts from the throngs of people waiting to see the spectacle were worse. As we emerged outside, I squinted up and noticed an area of special seating set aside. I was heartbroken to spot America and May in the very front row. After a pull from the guard nearly made me fall, I looked up again, searching for my parents, praying they were already gone.
My prayers went unanswered.
I knew Maxon was too kind to do this. If he had tried to get me out of this punishment altogether, then it couldn’t have been his idea to make my mom and dad watch it firsthand. I didn’t want anger to take up any room in my heart, but I knew who was responsible for this, and an ember of hatred burned inside me for the king.
Suddenly Maxon’s coat was ripped from my shoulders, and I was pushed to my knees in front of a wooden block. The metal shackles were removed, and my wrists were bound with leather straps.
“This is a crime punishable by death!” someone called. “But in his mercy, Prince Maxon is going to spare these two traitors their lives. Long live Prince Maxon!”
The straps on my wrists made everything very real. Fear surged through me, and I started crying. I looked at my smooth hands, wanting to remember them as they were now, wishing I could use them to wipe away my tears. Then I turned to Carter.
Even though the thing he was strapped to was in the way, he craned his neck so he could see me. I focused on him. I wasn’t alone. We had each other. The pain would last temporarily, but on the other side of it I had Carter forever. My love, forever.
Even though I could feel myself shaking with fear, I was also strangely proud. It wasn’t as if I would ever brag about being caned for falling in love, but I realized there were some people who would never know how special it was to have someone. I did. I had a soul mate. And I would do anything for him.
“I love you, Marlee. We’re going to be okay,” Carter vowed over the din of the crowd. “It’ll be okay, I promise.”
My throat was dry. I couldn’t answer him. I nodded, so he would know I had heard, but I was disappointed in myself for not being able to tell him that I loved him, too.
“Marlee Tames and Carter Woodwork!” I turned at the sound of our names. “You are both hereby stripped of your castes. You are the lowest of the low. You are Eights!”
The people cheered, enjoying our humiliation.
“And to inflict upon you the shame and pain you have brought upon His Majesty, you will be publicly caned fifteen strikes. May your scars remind you of your many sins!”
He stepped aside, raising his arms to the audience for one last cheer. I watched as the masked men who had bound Carter and me reached into a tall bucket and pulled out long, soaking rods. The time for speeches had ended, and the show was about to start.
Of all the things I could have thought of, at that very moment I remembered an English lesson on idioms from years ago. We had discussed the phrase “rule of thumb,” and I remembered our tutor mentioning that the term might have originated with a husband being allowed to beat his wife, but only with a stick no bigger around than his thumb.
The rod we were faced with wouldn’t pass that test.
As they whipped the canes around, warming up, I averted my eyes. Carter took a few deep breaths, then swallowed once and brought his focus back to me. Again my heart swelled with love. The caning would be much worse for him—he might not even be able to walk after it was over—but he was worried about me.
“One!”
I wasn’t at all braced for the hit, and I cried out from the sting. It actually ebbed for a moment, and I thought this might not be so awful. Then, without warning, my skin began burning. The burning grew and grew until—
“Two!”
They timed the strikes perfectly. Just as the pain hit its peak, a new wave added to it. I called out pathetically, watching my hands shake from the agony.
“We’ll be okay!” Carter insisted, bearing his own torture while trying to ease mine.
“Three!”
After that hit I made the mistake of balling up my hands, thinking it would somehow ease the pain. Instead, the pressure made it a dozen times worse, and I let out some strange, guttural sound.
“Four!”
Was that blood?
“Five!”
It was definitely blood.
“It’ll be over soon,” Carter promised. He sounded so weak. I wished he’d save his strength.
“Six!”
I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t make it anymore. There was no way to tolerate more pain than this. Any more pain would certainly mean death.
“Love . . . you.”
I waited for the next strike to come, but there seemed to be a hiccup in the proceedings.
I heard someone screaming my name—it almost sounded as if they were coming to my rescue. I tried to look around, and that was a mistake.
“Seven!”
I outright screamed. While waiting for the strikes was nearly unbearable, being completely blindsided by them was much worse. My hands were torn into pulpy, swollen messes; and as the cane came down again, my body gave up, and thankfully the world turned black and I could return to my dreams of the past. . . .
The halls felt so empty. With only six of us left, the palace was starting to feel too big. But small at the same time. How did Queen Amberly live like this? This life must get so isolating. Sometimes I had the urge to scream just to hear something.
A light trill of laughter caught me, and I turned to see America and Maxon in the garden. He had his arms tucked behind him, and she was walking backward, hands moving in the air as if she was telling him a story. She made a point, exaggerating it with her gestures, and Maxon bent forward, laughing and squinting his eyes. It seemed as if he was holding his hands behind him because, if he didn’t hold himself back, he’d scoop her up right then and there. He seemed to know a move like that would be too much too fast, and she might panic. I admired his patience and was happy to see he was on the path to making the best possible choice for himself.
Maybe it shouldn’t have made me so happy to lose, but I couldn’t help it. They were too good together. He was control to her chaos; she was levity to his seriousness.
I kept watching, thinking that it wasn’t so long ago that she and I were in that same spot, and I had nearly made a confession of my own. But I had held my tongue. Confused as I was, I knew I shouldn’t say anything.
“Lovely day.”
I jumped a little at the words, but as my brain registered his voice, a dozen other reactions followed. I blushed, my heart started racing, and I felt absolutely foolish at how pleased I was to see him.
One side of his lips quirked up in a half smile, and I melted.
“It is,” I said. “How are you?”
“All right,” he answered. But his smile fell a little and his eyebrows furrowed.
“What’s wrong?” I asked quietly.
He swallowed as he thought. Then, checking behind us to make sure we were alone, he leaned in close. “Is there a time today when your maids will all be gone?” he whispered. “When I could maybe come talk to you?”
It was embarrassingly loud, the rhythm my heart was making as I thought of being alone with him.
“Yes. They leave for lunch together around one.”
“I’ll see you a little after one then.” His smile still seemed sad as he walked away. Perhaps I should have been more concerned, more worried about whatever he was going through. But all I could think of was how happy I was that I would see him again so soon.
I gazed out the window, watching America with Maxon. They were walking side by side now, and she held a flower loosely in her hand, swinging it back and forth. Maxon tentatively released one of his arms and went to put it around her, then, pausing, brought it back.
I sighed. Sooner or later they’d figure it out. And I didn’t know whether to wish for it or not. I wasn’t ready to leave the palace. Not just yet.
I barely touched my lunch. I was too nervous. And while I didn’t go to the same extremes as I had for Maxon a few weeks ago, I caught myself glancing in every reflective surface I passed, checking to make sure I still looked put together.
I didn’t. This Marlee’s eyes were wider, and her skin glowed brighter. She even stood differently. She was different. I was different.
I thought my maids leaving would help me relax, but it only made me more aware of the time. What did he need to say? Why did he need to say it to me? Was it about me?
I left my door open as I waited, which was silly, because I was sure he had watched me pace for a bit before clearing his throat.
“Officer Woodwork,” I said, a little too brightly, turning into a bird again.
“Hello, Miss Marlee. Is now an okay time?” He walked in, his steps unsure.
“Yes. My maids just left and will be gone for about an hour. Please sit,” I offered, gesturing to my table.
“I don’t think so, miss. I feel like I need to say this quickly and go.”
“Oh.” I’d built up a fragile kind of hope around this meeting, as stupid as it was, and now . . . Well, now I didn’t know what to expect.
I saw how uneasy he was, and I hated it. I couldn’t stand the feeling that I somehow contributed to it.
“Officer Woodwork,” I started quietly. “You can tell me anything you want to. You don’t need to be so anxious.”
He let out a breath. “See, it’s things like that.”
“I’m sorry?”
Shaking his head, he began again. “That’s not fair. I’m not blaming you for anything. In fact, I wanted to come here to take some ownership of it, and to ask your forgiveness.”
I frowned. “I still don’t understand.”
He bit his lip, watching me. “I think I owe you an apology. Ever since I met you, I’ve been going out of my way, hoping to catch you in a hall or get to say hello to you.”
I tried to hide my smile. I’d been doing the same thing.
“The times we get to speak are some of the best times I’ve had in the palace. Listening to you laugh or hearing about your day or going over a subject with you that I’m not sure either of us understands, well, I’ve loved it all.”
His lip hitched up into that sideways smile, and I chuckled, thinking of those conversations. They were always too short or too quiet. I didn’t enjoy talking to anyone as much as to him.
“I love them, too,” I admitted.
His smile faltered. “I think that’s why they need to stop.”
Did someone actually punch me in the stomach, or was that just my imagination?
“I think I’m crossing a line. I only ever meant to be friendly with you, but the more I see you, the more I feel like I have to hide it. And if I’m hiding it, then I must be too close to you.”
I blinked back tears. From the very first day, I’d done the same thing, telling myself it was nothing while knowing it wasn’t.
“You’re his,” he said, talking to the floor. “I know that you’re the people’s favorite. Of course you are. The royal family will take that into account for sure before the prince makes his final choice. If I keep whispering things to you in hallways, am I committing treason? I must be.”
He shook his head again, trying to figure out his feelings.
“You’re right,” I whispered. “I came here for him, and I promised to be faithful; and if anything between you and me could be considered more than platonic, then it should stop.”
We stood there, staring at the floor. I was having a hard time catching my breath. Clearly, I’d been hoping this conversation would take the opposite direction—but I hadn’t even been aware of that until it didn’t.
“This shouldn’t hurt this much,” I mumbled.
“No, it shouldn’t,” he agreed.
I ducked my head, rubbing the heel of my hand into an aching spot on my chest. My eyes flitted up, and I saw that Carter was doing the exact same thing.
I knew at that moment. I knew he felt whatever I felt. It may not have been what was supposed to happen, but how could we deny it now? What if Maxon did choose me? Did I have to say yes? What if I was stuck here married to one man while watching the person I truly wanted walking around my home every day?
No.
I would not do this to myself.
Abandoning every ladylike notion in my head, I darted to the door, shutting it. I ran back to Carter, placed my hand behind his neck, and kissed him.
There was a split second of hesitation before his arms went around me, then he held me to him as if I was something he needed to live.
When we pulled apart, he shook his head, scolding himself. “Lost that war. No hope for retreat now.” But while his words were filled with remorse, the little smirk on his face gave away that he was as happy as I was.
“I can’t be without you, Carter,” I said, using the name he’d only recently shared with me for the first time.
“This is dangerous. You understand that, right? This could kill us both.”
I closed my eyes and nodded, the tears falling on my cheeks. With his love or without it, either way I was inviting death.
I woke up to the sound of moans. For a second I couldn’t think of where I was. Then it came rushing back to me. The Halloween party. The caning. Carter . . .
The room was poorly lit, and, looking around, I saw it was only big enough for the cots that he and I were sprawled out on. I tried to push myself up and immediately shrieked. I wondered how long my hands would be useless.
“Marlee?”
I turned to Carter, propping myself on my elbows. “I’m here. I’m okay. I tried to use my hands.”
“Oh, sweetheart, I’m sorry.” He sounded like he had rocks in his throat.
“How are you?”
“Alive,” he joked. He was lying on his stomach, but I could see the smile on his face. “It hurts to move at all.”
“Can I help you?” I slowly got to my feet and peered over at him. The bottom half of his body was covered in a sheet, and I had no idea what if anything I could do to ease his pain. I saw a table in the corner with jars and bandages on it, as well as a piece of paper, and hobbled over to it.
He hadn’t signed it, but I knew Maxon’s handwriting.
When you wake up, change your bandages. Use the salve in the jar. Apply it with the cotton swabs to avoid infection and try not to wrap the gauze too tight. The pills will help as well. Then rest. Do not attempt to leave this room.
“Carter, I have some medicine for us.” I gingerly unscrewed the cap using only the tips of my fingers. The smell of the slightly thick substance was reminiscent of aloe.
“What?” He turned his face toward me.
“There are bandages and instructions.”
I looked at my wrapped hands and tried to think of how I was going to manage this.
“I’ll help you,” Carter offered, reading my mind.
I smiled. “This is going to be hard.”
“Absolutely,” he murmured. “This isn’t exactly how I imagined you would be seeing me naked for the first time.”
I couldn’t fight the laugh that came out. And I fell in love all over again. In less than a day I’d been beaten and made an Eight, and was waiting to be exiled to who knew where. Still, I was laughing.
What princess could have more?
It was impossible to judge how much time had passed, but we didn’t try to call out or knock on the door.
“Have you thought about where they’ll send us?” Carter asked. I was on the floor beside him, running the tips of my fingers across his short hair.
“If I got a choice, I’d pick someplace hot over someplace cold.”
“I have a feeling it will be one of the extremes, too.”
I sighed. “I’m scared not to have a home.”
“Don’t be. I might be a little worthless at the moment, but I can take care of us. I even know how to build an igloo if we end up somewhere cold.”
I smiled. “Do you really?”
He nodded. “I’ll build you the prettiest igloo, Marlee. Everyone will be so jealous.”
I kissed his head over and over. “You’re not worthless, by the way. It’s not like—”
The door made a ratcheting sound, then opened. Three people walked in wearing brown hooded cloaks, and I felt a wave of fear.
Then the first person pulled off his hood, revealing himself. I gasped and leaped to my feet to embrace Maxon, forgetting again about my hands and gasping at the pain.
“It will be all right,” Maxon promised as I drew back my hands. “The salve takes a few days to get everything back to normal, but, Carter, even you should be walking on your own soon. You’ll heal much faster than most.”
Maxon turned to the two other hooded figures. “This is Juan Diego and Abril. Until today they have worked in the palace. Now you will be trading places with them. Marlee, if you and Abril will go into the corner, the gentlemen and I will avert our eyes while you trade clothes. Here,” he said, handing me a cloak similar to hers. “This will help with some privacy.”
I looked at Abril’s timid face. “Of course.”
We moved to one corner, and she pulled off her skirt, then helped me put it on. I slipped off my dress and handed it to her.
“Carter, we’re going to have to put pants back on you. We’ll help you stand.”
I kept my face turned, trying not to get anxious over the sounds Carter made.
“Thank you,” I whispered to Abril.
“It was the prince’s idea,” she replied quietly. “He must have spent the entire day going through records and searching for anyone who came from Panama when he found out where you were going. We sold ourselves into service at the palace to provide for our family. Today we’re going home to them.”
“Panama. We were curious where we’d end up.”
“It was cruel of the king to send you there on top of everything else,” she murmured.
“What do you mean?”
Abril looked over her shoulder at the prince, making sure he wasn’t listening. “I grew up as a Six there, and it wasn’t pretty. Eights? They end up being killed for sport sometimes.”
I gaped at her in disbelief. “What?”
“Every few months we’d find someone who’d been begging on a corner for ages dead in the middle of the road. No one knows who does it. Other Eights maybe? The rich Twos and Threes? Rebels? But it happens. There’s a very good chance you would have died.”
“Now just hold on to my arm,” Maxon coaxed, and I turned to see Carter hunched into the prince, a hood already covering his head.
“All right. Abril, Juan Diego, the guards should be coming to this room. Use the bandages and walk like you’re hurt. I think they plan to put you on a bus and ship you off. Just keep your heads down. No one’s going to look at you too closely. You’re supposed to be Eights. No one will care.”
“Thank you, Your Highness,” Juan Diego said. “I never thought we’d see our mother again.”
“Thank you,” Maxon replied. “Your willingness to leave the palace is saving their lives. I won’t forget what you’ve done for them.”
I looked at Abril one last time.
“Okay.” Maxon pulled on his hood. “Let’s go.”
With Carter limping and leaning into him, Maxon led us into the hall.
“Won’t people be suspicious?” I whispered.
“No,” Maxon answered, checking around each corner all the same. “Lower-level staff, like kitchen workers or general cleaners, aren’t supposed to show their faces upstairs. If they absolutely must come up, they’re covered like this. Anyone who sees us will think we’re done with a task and heading back to our rooms.”
Maxon took us down a long stairwell that opened to a narrow hallway lined with doors. “In here.”
We followed him into a small room. There was a bed shoved into one corner and a tiny stand next to it. It looked like a carafe of milk and some bread was waiting, and my stomach roared just from seeing food. A thin rug had been placed neatly in the middle of the floor, and a few shelves lined the door-side wall.
“I know it’s not much, but you’ll be safe here. I’m sorry I can’t do better.”
Carter shook his head. “How can you be apologizing to us? Our lives were supposed to end hours ago; but we’re alive, together, and we have a home.” He and Maxon shared a look. “I know that what I did was technically treason, but it had nothing to do with a lack of respect for you.”
“I know.”
“Good. So when I say that no one in this kingdom will ever be as loyal to you as me, I hope you believe it.” Carter winced as he finished speaking and fell into the prince.
“Let’s get you to the bed.” I moved under his other shoulder, and Maxon and I laid him on his stomach. He took up most of the bed, and I knew I’d need to sleep on the rug tonight.
“A nurse will come check on you in the morning,” Maxon explained. “You can have a few days of rest, and you should stay in here as much as you can during that time. In three or four days, I’ll have you put on the official work orders, and someone from the kitchen will give you something to do. I don’t know what your exact jobs will be, but just do your best at whatever you’re asked.
“I’ll check on you as often as I can. For now, no one will know you’re here. Not the guards, not the Elite, not even your families. You will interact with a small group of people on the palace staff, and the chances of them recognizing you are slim. Still, from now on your names are Mallory and Carson. This is the only way I can protect you.”
I looked up at him, thinking that if I could hand choose a husband for my best friend, it’d be him.
“You’ve done so much for us. Thank you.”
“I wish it was more. I am going to try to get some of your personal items if I can. Beyond that, is there anything I can give you? If it’s within reason, I promise I’ll try.”
“One thing,” Carter said tiredly. “When you get a chance, can you find us a preacher?”
It took a second for me to understand the intention behind that request, and the moment I did, my eyes filled with happy tears.
“Sorry,” he added. “I know that’s not the most romantic proposal.”
“Yes, all the same,” I murmured.
I watched his eyes get wet, and I temporarily forgot Maxon was even in the room until he spoke up.
“It’d be my pleasure. I’m not sure how long that will take, but I’ll make it happen.” He pulled the medicines from upstairs out of his pocket, setting them beside the food. “Use the salve again tonight, and rest as much as you can. The nurse will see to anything else tomorrow.”
I nodded. “I’ll take care of us.”
Maxon backed out of the room, smiling as he went.
“Do you want some food, fiancé?” I asked.
Carter grinned. “Oh, thank you, fiancée, but I’m actually kind of tired.”
“All right, fiancé. Why don’t you sleep for a bit?”
“I’d sleep better if my fiancée was with me.”
And then, forgetting I’d been hungry at all, I wiggled my way onto the tiny bed, half hanging off the edge and half squashed beneath Carter. It was shocking how easily I found sleep.