CHAPTER 9
Accentuate the Positive
A frustrated mother was once asked whether or not she’d have children if she had it to do over again. “Yes,” she replied. “But not the same ones.”
I think there are moments when almost any mom would be tempted to give that answer. There are times when our children—as wonderful as they are—can test our patience. They do it in any number of ways, of course, but I’d have to say that when my kids were younger, it wasn’t their natural weaknesses I found most trying, it was negative attitudes.
There are few things more aggravating to us as parents than complaining, ungrateful kids. After all, we pour our lives into them. We love them, pray for them, feed them, clothe them, school them, and do everything else we possibly can to bless them. All we really want in return is for them to be happy and grateful. So when they grumble about everything that’s wrong with their lives and everything they don’t have, it grieves our heart. As parents, we want to be appreciated!!!! We don’t like it when our children have negative attitudes, but is it possible that they inherited them from us? Is it possible that we are seeing a mirror image of our own behavior? As parents we should strive to be good examples to our children in all things, and that certainly includes having a good, positive and grateful attitude. We cannot expect our children not to complain if they hear us complaining.
It saddens God when we, as His children, ignore all the blessings He has given us and focus instead on the things we’re unhappy about. It grieves His heart when we complain about the battles we’re facing in life instead of celebrating all the victories that, by God’s grace and goodness, we’ve already won! That’s why in the Bible He said this:
Be happy [in your faith] and rejoice and be glad-hearted continually (always); be unceasing in prayer [praying perseveringly]; thank [God] in everything [no matter what the circumstances may be, be thankful and give thanks], for this is the will of God for you [who are] in Christ Jesus… Do not quench (suppress or subdue) the Holy Spirit.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-19
Those are very clear and simple instructions. But you know as well as I do, we’re often inclined to argue about them. “Well, I know I shouldn’t be so irritable but I just have a lot to deal with,” we say. “My bank balance is low and my car needs new tires. My kids have allergies and need braces. My boss is a jerk, my husband spends every weekend watching football on TV, and my neighbor has a barking dog that won’t shut up. Surely God doesn’t expect me to be glad-hearted and thankful in the middle of all that!”
Yes, actually He does. Because while all those things may be true, so is this: By His grace we’ve been saved from our sins, we have hope in all things, and we’re headed for an eternity in Heaven. We have a Bible full of promises that can help us conquer every challenge we’re facing. We have a heavenly Father who loves us without limits and whose mercy has no end.
Because of His goodness, we have air to breathe, a heart that beats, and a family to love. And without Him, we wouldn’t have anything: not a bank account of any size, a car (with or without tires), a child or children, a job, a husband, or modern appliances. We wouldn’t even have ears to hear a barking dog.
I take care of my mom and aunt who are both now in a nursing home. Their health has diminished and their mobility is quite limited. They either sit in a chair or lie in bed most of the time. A short while ago I was visiting my aunt and she said, “Honey, I would love to have a few peaches from the store.” Her simple request reminded me of how we often take little things in life for granted. I gladly went to the store and got her three big peaches and was thankful that I could get peaches, or anything else I wanted to eat, anytime I wanted to. That incident reminded me of how I enjoy getting a coffee from Starbucks or a homegrown tomato from the farmers’ market, and I was extra thankful that day.
I would like to say that is my attitude every day, but there are many days when it is just easier to drift toward the negative. If I don’t spend time with the Lord every day and purposely set myself to obey Him and yield to the fruit of the Spirit, I can start seeing what is wrong with life instead of what is right. So does everybody else. Simply because of the nature of the flesh, it takes effort for human beings to be positive and thankful.
Being grouchy, however, comes very easily.
The “ites” Are Not the Problem
The Israelites that God delivered out of Egypt demonstrated this in a major way. They were famous for being world-champion gripers. Yet they had more reasons to rejoice than any other group of people in the entire Old Testament. God did absolutely amazing things for them! He brought the greatest nation in the world to its knees in order to set them free from a grueling life of slavery. He healed them all. He prospered them with silver and gold. He saved them from Pharaoh’s army, split the Red Sea, and led them through on dry ground.
As if that wasn’t enough, He led them through the wilderness with the cloud and fire of His presence by day and by night. He fed them from Heaven when they were hungry. And when they got thirsty, He poured water out of a rock.
He also promised to bring them into a land of milk and honey where they’d prosper and be blessed. But most of them never got to live there because they did the same thing we often do today. They… grumbled and deplored their hardships, which was evil in the ears of the Lord, and when the Lord heard it, His anger was kindled; and the fire of the Lord burned among them and devoured those in the outlying parts of the camp (Numbers 11:1).
Thank God we live under the New Covenant and not under the Old! We don’t have to worry about God burning down our house because we grumble. But that doesn’t mean we can do it without any consequences. Ingratitude and complaining is a sin today just like it was back then. When we engage in it, we open the door to the devil and, before we know it, he has our home in a mess. He’s got our husband irritated and snappy. He’s got the kids fighting and complaining. All because we acted like Mrs. Grouch and invited him in. Always remember that gratitude keeps the devil away, but when we complain, he is here to stay!
You’d think after doing that once or twice, we’d learn our lesson. But we usually don’t. Neither did the Israelites.
Just a couple of chapters after they got scorched by the fire of the Lord, they were back at it again. This time they were upset because they’d heard there were enemies living in their Promised Land. I don’t know why that news caught them so off guard. The Lord had told them they’d have to drive out the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Amorites, and a lot of other “ites.” He also assured them time and again that He’d empower them to win every battle. But somehow they forgot. So…
All the congregation cried out with a loud voice, and [they] wept that night. All the Israelites grumbled and deplored their situation, accusing Moses and Aaron, to whom the whole congregation said, Would that we had died… in this wilderness! Why does the Lord bring us to this land to fall by the sword? Our wives and little ones will be a prey. Is it not better for us to return to Egypt?
Numbers 14:1-3
As a result of their complaining, that generation of Israelites never entered the Promised Land; instead, their grumbling and complaining about the “ites” they would face kept them short of God’s best for their lives.
It is easy to see how important a thankful attitude is when we consider how many thousands of times the Bible instructs us to be thankful, to give praise and to worship God. It is not just a nice thing to do, but that kind of positive, grateful attitude is very powerful.
Many Christians today wind up doing much the same thing the Israelites did. They receive Jesus as Savior, but they stop short of their Promised Land. Instead of enjoying all the blessings God has provided for them, they spend years wandering around in the wilderness complaining about their “ites.”
You know what I’m talking about. We all have our “ites.” We have the insensitive-husband-ites, the oh-my-aching-back-ites, the bad-economy-ites, the child-that’s-driving-me-crazy-ites. But for us, and just like the people of Israel, the “ites” aren’t really the problem. They aren’t keeping us out of our Promised Land.
What keeps us out sometimes could simply be a bad attitude! I can confirm this from personal experience because I used to be the queen of bad attitudes. I was raised in such a negative environment that I could find something wrong with everything. I saw “ites” everywhere I looked. When I married Dave, I decided he was the biggest one of all. So I spent years grumbling, complaining, and telling God that Dave was making me miserable.
Eventually, God got through to me. “Joyce, Dave is not the problem,” He said. “The problem is you.” I seriously needed an attitude change, and thankfully God helped me before all my children were grown and I still had time to influence them in a positive way.
The Day the Pie Fell
The revelation that I had a bad attitude came as a shock, and initially, I wasn’t thrilled about it. So I can sympathize if you’re feeling less than thrilled right now yourself. This kind of information is hard on our flesh. It’s tough to give up the blame game and face the fact that we’re responsible for our own attitudes. But if we do it, it will open the door to wonderful changes in our lives—especially for those of us who are moms.
You see, as mothers, our negative attitudes not only grieve the Spirit of God, they grieve our family too. As somebody once said, “The mother is like the thermostat of the home. She determines the climate.” When we’re negative and ungrateful, our children tend to be that way too. When we’re positive and thankful, they reflect those attitudes. Over time, the attitudes our children consistently see in us are likely to take root in them and become their own.
That’s what happened to Debbie Morris. A minister’s wife, she is well known among friends and congregation members for her cheerful, gracious temperament. Like all of us, she’s had to work at it by studying the Bible and growing in the Lord, but she also gives her mom some of the credit.
She tells about one particular incident in her childhood when her mother’s positive attitude made a permanent impression. It was the day the pie fell. “I’ll never forget it,” Debbie says.
[Mom had] spent the whole day cleaning house from top to bottom because guests were coming. Everything was ready except for the pie. One of those cream cheese affairs in a graham cracker crust with cherry topping, it was assembled but still needed to chill for a while. As my sister and I watched, mouths watering, my mom lifted the pie from the counter to put it in the refrigerator when tragedy struck. The pie took a tumble and went splat on her sparkling clean kitchen floor.
For one awful moment, all three of us stared at it in shock. Then, with great grace, my mom reached into the silverware drawer and took out three spoons. “Let’s eat!” she said with a grin. So we all sat down and had a pie party on the floor… It’s a memory I’ll always cherish. And it happened because my mother chose to be gracious, not grouchy.1
A good attitude doesn’t come from having the best of everything in life; it comes from making the best of everything in life!
A good attitude doesn’t come from having the best of everything in life; it comes from making the best of everything in life! Debbie’s mom proved it that day. She recognized that her attitude belonged to her and she alone got to choose what she was going to do with it. So she chose wisely—not just for her own sake, but for her children’s. In doing so, she set a good example for us all to follow.
Please hear my heart on this; I don’t mean to minimize the problems you might be facing right now. I realize they may be much bigger and more serious than an overturned pie. But the principle still remains the same. In any situation, you can choose to be positive. You can decide to count your blessings and remember all the things God has done for you.
I’ve read about Jewish people in German concentration camps during World War II who did this! They decided that the one thing their enemy couldn’t steal from them was their good attitude. So, no matter what happened, they refused to let go of it. Even in the midst of the most unthinkable tragedy, they found something to be grateful for.
Oh, how wonderful it is that God gave us the ability to look at negative things from a positive perspective! It enables us to turn the trials of life into opportunities to build our character and experience God’s power in the most profound way. It takes what we thought was our worst enemy and makes it our best friend. It allows us to see for ourselves why the Bible says:
All things work together and are [fitting into a plan] for good to and for those who love God and are called according to [His] design and purpose.
Romans 8:28
When troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For… when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.
James 1:2-4 NLT
A few years ago, I was preparing to preach a message in which I was going to share my full testimony. As I sat down to make some notes about the details of the abuse I suffered in my past, I was awed all over again by what God has done for me. He’s taken what the devil meant for my destruction, delivered me from it, and used it to spur me on in ministry. Today, the pain I experienced in my past has become one of the major reasons I preach with such passion.
Truly, God can bring good out of anything! That’s the reason we can be glad-hearted continually and thank Him in everything no matter what the circumstances may be.
Truly, God can bring good out of anything!
I realize, it’s not easy to do sometimes. When things happen that seem unfair, or difficult times last longer than you expected, you’ll always be tempted to complain. But when you face that temptation, remember this: Complaining never helps; it just makes bad situations worse and hinders the work of God in your life. Being glad-hearted and thankful, on the other hand, does just the opposite. It keeps your focus on the Lord, and it opens the door for your victory. It not only makes your family happier, it keeps you happy too.
So why not do yourself a favor? When the pies of life hit the floor, accentuate the positive. Instead of having a pity party, grab some spoons and start celebrating God’s goodness. Have a praise party your children will never forget.