GETTING TIME off work wasn’t an issue. Nelson would only be gone a couple of days, and since his folks had a phone line and a computer, he could deal with most problems that might arise from home. The flight was the issue. It’s only an hour-and-a-half flight, Mom said. It’s safer than driving, she said. Not once did she mention the storm or the turbulence. Nelson clutched the armrest in a white-knuckle grip as the plane dipped and shook. The kid who’d been kicking the back of his seat for the past hour was now screaming bloody murder at an ear-piercing tone. It was probably a good thing Nelson couldn’t breathe or pry his fingers from the armrest, or he might just scar the kid for life.
Heart hammering, sweat pouring down his temples, Nelson closed his eyes, praying the flight would end soon and preferably not with him ending up in a pine box. He’d been hoping for a distraction to keep his mind off Luke, but this damn sure wasn’t what he had in mind. It didn’t help. It only added to the stress and uncertainty.
Luke had called the day after he returned to California, sounding happy and excited about planning their next visit. Nelson had left several messages on Luke’s answering machine, but over the last week, he’d only spoken with Luke twice. Once a brief call from Luke to tell Nelson he was busy with work, a second time, Nelson did all the talking, and Luke barely said a word. Luke assured him he was just busy at work, but Nelson couldn’t help but think there was more to it than that. Luke had been distracted, and if Nelson wasn’t mistaken, there was a hint of sadness or maybe fear in Luke’s tone. Whatever it was, Luke would surely tell Nelson when he was ready. For the moment Nelson had his own concerns to deal with, namely getting through his dad’s heart cath with a favorable outcome.
Hair sticking up, hands aching and legs shaking, Nelson stepped off the plane. At the end of the jetway, Mom stood waving with a broad smile on her face.
“You look like hell,” she said by way of greeting.
Nelson gave her a hug, just as much for the affection as the support. “That was the worst flight ever.”
Mom patted his back. “Still a big ol’ baby, I see.”
“Seriously, Mom, that was horrible.”
“Mmhmm.” She rolled her eyes. “C’mon, let’s get your luggage, and we’ll go home and make dinner for your dad.”
“I don’t have any luggage, only my carry-on. And honestly, Mom. You’re going to make me cook dinner after what I just went through? What I need is a drink and to be pampered.”
“Not going to happen,” Mom said confidently. “Besides, this is about your dad, not you.”
“Wow. Way to make me feel loved.”
“Oh, hush, Nelson. You know baking helps you relax. Now let’s go.”
There was always something about coming home that transported Nelson back to being a child. Perhaps it was sleeping in the same room that hadn’t changed since he left for college. Or it could have been the way his mom constantly reminded him to pick up his shoes, wash his hands, or swatted him for putting his feet on the coffee table. Walking into the living room and seeing his dad sitting in his recliner looking pale and fragile reminded him how far removed he was from his youth.
“Hi, Dad, how are you?” Nelson asked, sitting in the other recliner.
“I’ve been better. Good to see you, son. How’s Minneapolis?”
Nelson silently cringed at how weak his dad’s voice was. “It’s fine, which I wish I could say for you. What’s going on?”
“Ah, my ticker’s acting up. It’s no big deal.”
Nelson heard the lie in the statement and saw the worry etched in the lines around his dad’s eyes. Being a police officer, his dad had always been a tough, strapping man. He was still in damn good shape for fifty-six. He had a head full of hair. Surprisingly, considering the stress of his profession, he had very little gray. There was always an air of authority that swirled around his dad. His posture and demeanor were always confident. To see him now looking so pale and weak hurt Nelson’s heart.
“It looks like a big deal,” Nelson insisted. “Why did they make you wait a week for this procedure? Why aren’t you in the hospital?”
“You sound like your mother,” Dad huffed.
“Good, at least there is one person in this house that has some sense.”
“Simmer down, son. I’m sure the doctor knows what he’s doing. You two always have been worrywarts. Tomorrow I’ll have the cath, be good as gold.”
Worrywart or not, Nelson wanted to scream and demand someone do something now. He hated seeing his dad like this. He also knew it would do no damn good. He felt helpless. He could only imagine what his mom was going through. Still, his dad might sound confident, but Nelson knew he was scared. There was no point in stressing him out any further arguing and complaining about things that wouldn’t change. Best thing Nelson could do was try to keep his dad’s mind off tomorrow.
“Mom asked me to help her cook dinner. Anything in particular you want?”
“Anything that isn’t on the heart-smart diet,” Dad replied. “I don’t know how people survive without cream sauces and bacon,” Dad grumbled. “And don’t even get me started on an existence without doughnuts.”
“Whatever. You’re the only cop I know who eats granola rather than doughnuts, but I’ll see what I can do about the bacon.” Nelson pushed to his feet. “You need anything before I go?”
“Nope, got all I need right here,” he exclaimed, holding up the remote.
Nelson walked into the kitchen to find his mom standing at the sink washing her hands, staring out the window.
“He looks worse than I expected,” he said, coming to stand next to her. “You could have warned me. Or, Christ, Mom, I should have been here sooner.”
“I didn’t want to alarm you.”
“Dammit!” he blurted. She gave him that look that could strike fear into him, and he lowered his voice. “Sorry, but I’m a bit frazzled and a whole lot worried. And from the expression on Dad’s face, he’s worried too.”
Mom nodded. “He is, but he’s also stubborn. The doctor wanted him in the hospital last week, but your dad refused. He claimed he had some loose ends to tie up at work.”
“And you didn’t hog-tie his butt and deliver him to the ER?” Mom was the only person on the planet his dad would back down from. It made no sense, and the anger quickly trumped the worry.
Mom’s eyes flashed a fiery green. “You don’t think I didn’t try? Your father wouldn’t be swayed. The best thing I can do for him right now is keep him calm and not add to his stress.” She pointed a finger at him. “And that’s exactly what you’re going to do as well. Now wash your hands, and let’s get dinner started.”
Properly chastised and now with a heavy dose of guilt for upsetting his mom, Nelson did as he was told. He stared out into the backyard, taking slow, deep breaths to get the raging emotions under control. He’d spent his entire life looking up to his dad, always saw him as larger-than-life. He knew he’d disappointed his dad when he decided not to follow in his footsteps, choosing to study business instead of joining the force. It was another reason he never told his dad that he was gay. He couldn’t stand to see that look of disappointment in his eyes again. The thought of no longer having Dad in his life—it was too horrible to think about. A lump formed in his throat. Tears formed at the back of his eyes, but he blinked them away.
This wasn’t about him right now. He needed to keep calm and his emotions in check. The last thing he wanted to do was make this any more difficult for Mom or Dad. He took a few more moments to get himself together, then turned off the taps, grabbed the dish towel, and turned to face his mom while drying his hands.
“Dad wants bacon for dinner.” He was pleased his voice was even considering the turmoil waging war inside.
“That’s not going to happen. I was thinking about roasted chicken and a nice salad.”
Nelson turned and leaned against the sink while he dried his hands. “How about we compromise? We’ll make him happy, and only you and I will know he’s eating healthy.”
“I’m listening.”
“We make him a BLT and chips.”
Mom gawked at him. “Have you lost your ever-lovin’ mind? He can’t eat that.”
“Sure he can. We’ll use lean turkey bacon. I know a brand that you’d swear was regular smoked pig fat. Whole-wheat bread. Lettuce and tomato are both good for him, and instead of potato chips, we do a side of kale chips or veggie chips.” Mom stared at him for a long moment. Nelson could tell by the expression on her face she was skeptical. “Trust me, it will be healthy. You just come up with an equally healthy dessert.”
“Okay, I have some fresh fruit. I’m sure I can whip up something.”
“Great. I’ll run to the store. Do you need anything?”
“No, I’m good. The keys are hanging by the door.”
Nelson pecked her on the cheek. “Be back soon.”
RESTING HIS back against the headboard in his childhood room, Nelson rubbed his overly full stomach. Dinner was a hit, Dad winking at him and grinning as he polished off the second half of his BLT. Mom’s fresh-fruit salad with Cool Whip and drizzled with dark chocolate had everyone smiling. Now if Nelson could only feel as good about his dad’s health. He was crazy with worry, and if he could just talk to Luke, maybe he could take his mind off the heart cath.
Nelson glanced at the phone again, but it mocked him with its silence. It wasn’t only his dad Nelson was worried about, but Luke too. He’d been so distant the last time they spoke. Nelson had no idea what was going on, but he had a really bad feeling about it. Only he couldn’t put his finger on why.
He checked the phone to make sure the ringer was on, then grabbed a magazine and scootched down in the bed. Maybe reading about duck calls and big bucks in Outdoor Life would take his mind off everything. But after reading the first paragraph on an article about wildlife preservation three times, he knew it was useless. He slung the magazine to the floor and stared at the ceiling. It was going to be a long night and even longer day tomorrow.
Nelson was just about to doze off when his new cell chimed. He checked the display, smiled, and answered the phone. “Hi, Luke.”
“Hey, how’s your dad?”
“He doesn’t look real good. I’m worried,” Nelson admitted.
“I’m sorry to hear that. Is he in the hospital?”
“No, that’s why I’m so worried. He should be, but he’s so damn stubborn.”
“Well, now we know who you get it from,” Luke said.
“Whatever. He’s lucky his heart cath is scheduled for tomorrow, or I’d personally escort him to the ER tonight.”
“That bad, huh?” Luke asked with true concern in his tone.
“I’ve never seen him so weak.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
Nelson had hoped Luke would be able to take his mind off his dad’s health, but as the silence stretched out between them, he had another problem to worry about. “Is everything okay, Luke?”
“Yeah, why do you ask?”
“I don’t know. You’ve just seemed… distant the last couple of times we talked.”
“I’ve had a lot on my mind.”
“Anything you want to share? I’m a really good listener,” Nelson told him.
“Thanks, but you have enough to worry about right now. I have to run. I just wanted to make sure you made it safely and see how your dad was doing. Call me after the cath, okay?”
“Okay, but—”
“Sorry, have to go.”
The line went dead.
Nelson stared at his cell phone for a long moment. What in the world was going on with Luke? They’d gone from long conversations with lots of laughter to short no-nonsense talks. Was Luke purposely trying to pull away from him? And if so, why? If Luke were really worried about the shit Nelson was dealing with, he wouldn’t be adding to his stress. There was certainly something going on. There was a sadness in Luke’s tone as of late, which of course sent Nelson scrambling to find an answer. Was it Nelson he wasn’t happy with? Had Luke decided he’d made a mistake and didn’t want to rekindle their relationship? Was it yet another sexual experiment, and now that he’d gotten what he wanted, he was trying to cool things down between them? Scenarios ran through Nelson’s mind in rapid succession, each one getting worse until Nelson was convinced Luke was ending their relationship.
“Goddamn it, I don’t need this stress!”
His dad’s health needed to be his main concern right now, and he wasn’t going to be any good to him or his mom tomorrow if he was up all night worrying about things he couldn’t change. Nelson slid from bed and headed to the kitchen. A stiff drink and a warm bath should help. Hell, even if it didn’t, it would still be better than lying in bed, staring at the ceiling.