NELSON SNATCHED the phone up on the first ring. “Hello?”
“Nelson, it’s Chuck Goldberg. How’s your dad doing?”
Nelson swallowed down his disappointment at the caller being his boss instead of Luke. “He’s doing much better, sir. Thank you for asking. What can I do for you?”
“Jackson has had a family emergency, and I need you to take over a new installation for him.”
“Absolutely.” Nelson wasn’t a big fan of new installations—they were a major pain in the butt—but anything would be better than sitting at home, fretting over Luke’s silence.
“Glad to hear that. I’ll have my secretary call you with your itinerary.”
“My itinerary, sir?”
“You do know what that is, don’t you?” Chuck asked. He sounded annoyed, so Nelson snapped down the witty retort that wanted out.
“I apologize, I should have asked where I was going.”
“LA. Gotta run. Miss Elliot will be calling shortly.” The phone went dead.
Nelson set the receiver back on its cradle and frowned. “LA?” As in Los Angeles, California? His first reaction was excitement. It meant he would be closer to Luke and might have an opportunity to see him. Immediately after excitement came dread and panic. He’d have to fly. The thought made him nauseous.
He didn’t have time to dwell on it when the phone rang again. “Wow. That was quick.” He grabbed his planner and a pen so he’d be prepared for the information Miss Elliot would be giving him.
“Hi, this is Nelson.”
“Hi, this is Luke.”
“Oh… umm… hey,” Nelson stuttered. “I was expecting someone else.”
“I hope you’re not too disappointed.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. I’d much rather talk to you than my boss’s secretary. How have you been?”
“Okay.”
There was a long silence. Nelson expected the normally talkative Luke to say more, but he didn’t. “Is everything alright?”
“Yeah, it’s fine. I was calling to find out what your schedule is this week. I was hoping we could get a chance to see each other.”
“When you called, I was waiting to hear back from the office with my itinerary. Apparently I’m going to LA, but I have no idea when I leave or how long I will be gone. I’m going to assume it will be soon since my boss asked instead of his secretary.”
“Even better. I could meet you there.”
Nelson’s excitement was back in full force. Sure, he’d have to fly, which totally sucked, but instead of a job waiting for him at the end of his journey, Luke would be there. “That makes flying almost bearable.”
“Fantastic. Can you give me a call as soon as you have the details?”
“Sure.”
There was another long pause, and Nelson wanted to ask again if everything was alright. Before he got the chance, Luke said, “I have to go. Talk to you soon.”
“Okay,” Nelson responded, trying to keep the disappointment out of his voice.
“And Nelson?”
“Yeah?”
“Everything will be fine.”
Nelson stared at the phone long after Luke hung up, trying to figure out exactly what Luke meant. Did he mean the flight, or was there a deeper meaning? Whether everything would be fine or not, Luke’s statement did little to ease Nelson’s increasing panicked state or the dread that had settled in his belly.
NELSON HADN’T expected to have a car on its way to his apartment when Miss Elliot called. Then again, he supposed having mere minutes to pack was probably better than sitting around fretting about the trip. Plus, he’d have a couple of days to see Luke before he had to meet with the client on Monday. A mad dash to the airport, six hours of drinking, and three and a half hours of white knuckling through the skies, and he finally touched down in LA. His legs were wobbly as he made it down the tarmac. He had the strong urge to drop to his knees and kiss the ground. Then it was the urge to push those in front of him out of the way and run when he spotted Luke waiting for him.
Luke wore a pair of khaki shorts, a white short-sleeved button-up shirt opened at the neck to show off the deep-olive tone of his chest, and leather sandals. He looked good, damn good, and the sight of him kicked Nelson’s pulse up a notch. He wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around Luke, kiss that handsome face, but he restrained himself, settling on a small wave.
“Hi.”
“Hey, Nelson. How was your flight?”
“Sucked, but I didn’t puke or try skydiving, so I guess there is that,” he teased.
Luke shoved his hands into his pockets and looked around at everything but Nelson. “Glad to hear it. Do we need to stop by baggage claim?”
“No, I was able to pack everything I needed in my carry-on.” He patted his duffel bag.
“Cool, let’s go. Are you hungry? Or would you rather I take you straight to your hotel so you can shower or rest?”
Nelson frowned. Luke still wasn’t looking at him. He wanted to ask what was going on, but in the middle of a busy airport wasn’t the best place to talk. “I could eat, but if you have something you need to do, I can order room service.”
“I know of a great steak house that’s on the way to the hotel.”
Nelson had to quicken his steps to keep up with Luke’s longer strides. He didn’t say anything further, and Nelson had the strange feeling he wasn’t going to like what Luke would say if Nelson asked what was wrong. There was definitely a change in Luke’s demeanor since the last time they were together. Luke avoided eye contact, walked stiffly, and Nelson hadn’t seen the playful smile he was used to seeing.
LUKE THOUGHT he’d been dealing with some of the hardest shit of his life, that it couldn’t possibly get any harder. He was wrong. Seeing Nelson step off the plane, it hit Luke the hardest was yet to come. He’d thought he’d resolved himself, was confident in his decision, yet the urge to pull Nelson into a tight embrace and never let go made him realize he hadn’t resolved shit. Still, it didn’t change his plans, only made it more difficult to embrace those plans wholeheartedly. Hopefully in time it would get easier.
The ride to the restaurant was quiet and uncomfortable, Luke lost in his own thoughts, but not so much that he was unaware of the tension rolling off Nelson. Luke knew Nelson was aware of the change in Luke and was probably thinking worst-case scenarios. Luke could ease his curiosity, but to do so would be to cause him pain. Luke wasn’t quite ready to do that, even if on some level, he knew prolonging it was cruel.
“How is your dad doing?” Luke asked simply to end the painful silence.
“He’s doing great. I talked to Mom this morning, and he’s driving her nuts wanting to go back to work.”
“Already? Are the doctors going to allow that?”
“No, they won’t clear him for another couple weeks. I don’t know how poor Mom is going to deal with him that long.”
“Yeah, but it’s a good sign he’s a pain in the ass.”
“True,” Nelson chuckled.
The silence returned, Luke unsure of what else to say. Thankfully he was pulling into the parking lot of the restaurant. The silence between them continued to stretch out into the steak house, through ordering their meals, and by the time the waiter brought Luke a beer, he was sure it was going to choke them both. He planned on waiting until they were alone back at Nelson’s hotel room, but he could no longer stand the tension between them or the unsure look in Nelson’s eyes.
Luke took a long pull from his beer before saying, “I have a confession to make.”
Nelson visibly stiffened, his expression wary. “I have a feeling I’m going to need a drink for this.” He downed his bourbon, then waved to the waiter.
“I don’t know that it would help,” Luke replied. Nevertheless he took another big drink of his beer before continuing. “I lied. It wasn’t work that had me so distracted. It was Charlotte.”
“Your ex?”
“Yeah. She’s pregnant.”
How wide Nelson’s eye went would have been comical if the reason behind the reaction weren’t so upsetting. “Yours?”
Luke pursed his lips and nodded, his only response since the waiter arrived at their table.
“Can I help you, sir?”
Nelson held up his empty glass to the waiter. “Hit me again. In fact, bring me two.”
“Yes, sir.”
Nelson waited until the waiter moved away before he looked at Luke. “I’m trying to picture you as a dad.” He shook his head. “Wow.”
“Pretty much my reaction too. I guess I should have been less concerned about being a husband and more about being a father.” It was two weeks since Charlotte told him, and he was still having a hard time saying it, let alone believing it.
“Okay, this isn’t as bad as I thought it was. I knew there was something going on, and I kept thinking I had done something wrong, that you and I….” Nelson gestured back and forth between them with his hand. “You know, having second thoughts about us.”
“I questioned my feelings for you when we were younger because I didn’t understand them. But I can assure you, as an adult, I have never doubted them.” Unable to hold Nelson’s gaze, Luke looked down at the beer bottle in his hand. “It makes it all the harder.”
The waiter returned with Nelson’s drinks and set them on the table. “Would you care for another beer, sir?”
Luke shook his head without looking up.
Once again Nelson waited until the waiter moved away before speaking. “Makes what all the harder?”
“Breaking my promise to you,” Luke mumbled, barely able to say the words.
“Your promise? You never promised you wouldn’t be a father,” Nelson pointed out.
Luke took a deep breath and blew it out slowly, then took another as he tried to muster up the courage to meet Nelson’s gaze. It took several more seconds before he could do it. “I’m getting married.”
“Oh.”
The devastation on Nelson’s face was painfully evident. It didn’t matter there was no commitment, no spoken relationship beyond friendship between the two of them. They had been working on building something more, and just like that, Luke pulled the rug from beneath Nelson. It wasn’t only Nelson who was feeling its effects. Luke’s fucking chest hurt, and it felt wrong. Hell, it was wrong, but there was nothing he could do to change it.
“I….” Luke’s voice cracked. He swallowed down the lump of emotion that had welled up in his throat. “The last thing I want to do is hurt you.”
“Then why are you?” Nelson demanded. “I thought there was something growing between us. Something real, something….” He shook his head and looked away.
“There is something real between us. Something I wish we could explore and see where it would go.”
“Then why are you marrying her if you want a relationship with me?”
“I have to,” Luke said sadly.
“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. Do you love her?”
“She’s a good person.”
“That’s not what I asked,” Nelson snapped. “I asked if you loved her?”
“No,” Luke admitted. “But I care about her a lot.”
“Then why are you marrying her?”
“I know this is hard. I have barely slept or eaten in two weeks trying to figure out what to do. It only got worse once I made my decision because it made me sick to my stomach when I thought about telling you.”
“Is everything okay here?”
Luke looked away from Nelson toward the hostess, then around the room to see several people staring at them. Only then did he realize how loud they must have been. “Yes, we’re fine.”
“Speak for yourself,” Nelson grumbled. He pushed out of his chair and threw some money on the table. “Could you please cancel my order? I’m no longer hungry.”
Before Luke could stop him, Nelson was heading for the door. Luke pulled two one-hundred-dollar bills from his wallet and handed them to the hostess. “This should cover anything we ordered.” He hurried to catch up with Nelson.