Chapter 21

The Ten Best Ballet Terms for Cocktail Parties

If you were a strip of wallpaper in the gentlemen’s restroom during intermission at the ballet, you might overhear this typical (and extremely realistic) ballet conversation. How much can you understand?

Answer: None; you’re a strip of wallpaper.

Frank: Yo, Tony! What’s shakin’?

Tony: Not much, buddy boy. Repaired another 72-cubic-foot Freez-O-Matic today. Ain’t they the worst?

Frank: Fuggedaboudit. Faulty Freon tubes left and right. Gimme that side-by-side Kenmore any day, I always say.

Tony: Didja get a loada that prima ballerina tonight? Whoa, what a dancer.

Frank: You got that right. I’ve never seen such line. She musta practiced with a tape measure.

Tony: Yeah, how about that pas de deux — did you catch that amazing pointe work? Quick, but delicate, like a Rapid R-53 staple gun.

Frank: And those 32 fouettés in the coda — it was like she was drillin’ a hole in the floor at 900 rpm with an 18-volt Black & Decker cordless.

Tony: Yeah, but what’s with her partner? No turnout at all during his variation. Sheesh!

Frank: Yeah, what does he think he is, a Ramelson 1 1/64-inch Straight-Handle Skew Chisel? (Moves to the washbasin.)

Tony: And he totally messed up his manège. Turned it into a diagonal halfway through. He really coulda used a plumb bob level. Whadda louse.

Frank: Got something caught in his dance belt , I guess.

Tony: (laughs) Okay, Frank, you take care now. See you at Beethoven’s Ninth next week.

Frank: You can count on it.

This conversation uses all eleven of the Ten Best Ballet Terms for Cocktail Parties:

Coda: Literally, “tail” — the final part of a pas de deux, where both dancers do the most complicated steps.

Dance belt: The equivalent of a jockstrap for male dancers, providing support in all the right places.

Diagonal: One way to end a variation: The dancer goes to a back corner of the stage and comes forward in a diagonal line to the opposite front corner, while dancing a complicated step or series of steps over and over.

Fouetté: A turn on one leg, in which a ballerina “whips” the other foot outward on each revolution. This turn is sometimes done 32 times in a row.

Line: The overall imaginary line (or shape) created by all the parts of a ballet dancer’s body during a pose or a step.

Manège: Another way to end a variation: The dancer travels around the stage in a circle, while performing a set of steps again and again to wild applause.

Pas de deux: Literally, “step of two” — a dance for two dancers, usually male and female, and usually consisting of several contrasting sections: the adagio, or slow section, the male variation, the female variation, and the coda (or tail).

Pointe work: The steps that a ballerina does while balancing on the tips of her toes, while wearing toe shoes (also known as pointe shoes).

Prima ballerina: The “first dancer,” or most important female dancer in a ballet, or in a ballet company.

Turnout: The dancer’s ability to rotate the hip joints outward, ideally to 90 degrees — the foundation of classical ballet technique.

Variation: The portion of a pas de deux where one dancer gets to show his/her stuff.

Now that you understand these terms, see if you can understand the following conversation, overheard in whispered tones behind the curtain just before the performance:

Odette: Gosh, I hope my diagonal in the pas de deux goes well tonight. Last night it turned into a triangle.

Siegfried: But I thought it was lovely.

Odette: Lovely?! It was totally off. That reminds me — I need to use much more turnout tonight in my variation. Last night my knees were touching each other the whole time!

Siegfried: Really? I adored your variation.

Odette: You’re just being nice. Oh! I completely forgot to practice my fouettés from the coda. I was actually aiming for 64 last night, but I only managed to do three.

Siegfried: But they were three gorgeous ones. And I especially loved your pointe work in the manège.

Odette: Loved it? I fell at least four times.

Siegfried: That wasn’t your fault. You were distracted by my dance belt. It really distorted my line .

(At this point the Artistic Director walks across the stage.)

Artistic Director: And how’s my prima ballerina tonight? Ready?

Odette: Ready!