Edinburgh and London, 1916
The carnage of war was at its peak, and Laura could no longer bear to read the newspapers. Every hour of every day, hundreds of young men were being killed. Those who were brought back to England were so terribly injured or shell-shocked that they would never recover, their memories of watching their fellow soldiers being slain as they charged forwards from the meagre protection of the trenches haunting them for ever.
‘How can this be happening in a civilized world?’ Laura asked herself in despair.
As Robert had predicted, Canadian and Australian soldiers would come to help the mother country, and they had by the thousand. What made matters worse was that there was no end to the sacrifice they had made.
Beattie’s husband Andrew had joined the cavalry and Georgie’s husband, Shane had volunteered and become a gunner, although he was Irish and would never have been conscripted. Due to his poor eyesight, Robert was exempt from service, and so he and Diana had turned Cranley Court into a convalescent home for the most seriously wounded in the hope that they would benefit from the peace and beauty of Scotland.
Meanwhile, Laura was struggling to make money. None of her customers, even the wealthiest ones, were entertaining, and therefore there was no demand for beautiful clothes. Mostly they came to ask Laura for black clothes of mourning.
Sometimes Laura had to fight back her own tears when a heartbroken young woman came to ask her for black clothes. It reminded her of Queen Victoria’s death, when she had rushed to buy all the black fabric she could before the suppliers had run out. That had been different, though. The Queen had been an old lady, but now the dead were as young as eighteen; killed before they were grown men.
When a letter arrived from Lizzie, Laura immediately knew what had happened. The sisters were so close that she didn’t have to open the envelope. Her first feeling was acute sadness, and then she hoped that Humphrey was showing compassion and forgiveness. ‘Oh, God. Poor Lizzie,’ she murmured aloud as she tore open the letter.
‘I can’t believe it, my darling, but Justin is no more …’ There was no doubt that Lizzie had got herself into an impossible situation but this was the cruellest blow. This could break her spirit. Laura immediately went to her desk to write a letter of condolence. But as she agonized over what to write, she suddenly decided that it wasn’t enough.
Late that afternoon when Caroline came home from school Laura told her, ‘I’ve got a surprise for you.’
Caroline’s face lit up. ‘What is it?’
‘I’ve arranged for you to stay for a few days with your dada. Aunt Rowena has to come up to Edinburgh tomorrow to see the dentist and she’s promised to take you home with her and then bring you back here next Tuesday. Isn’t that lovely?’
‘What are you doing then? Why aren’t you going to stay with Dada too?’
‘I’m going to London for a few days.’
Caroline’s face fell. ‘But I want to go London too. I’ve never been to London. Why can’t I go with you?’ she demanded angrily.
‘It’s because Aunt Lizzie isn’t well, and—’
‘What’s the matter with her? Why do you want to go if she’s ill? You know I’ve always wanted to go to London.’ Caroline stuck out her bottom lip like a petulant baby.
‘Stop this nonsense at once, Caroline.’ Laura spoke firmly. ‘I’m not going for the fun of it. Aunt Lizzie needs me and that’s that. You always go on about not seeing enough of Dada, and you’ll have him all to yourself, which – God knows – you never stop badgering me about.’
‘No, I won’t. Aunt Rowena will be there,’ Caroline said sulkily.
Laura turned away. ‘I’ve told your headmistress you’ll be returning to school on Wednesday. Let’s go and do your packing. Aunt Rowena is picking you up tomorrow at eleven o’clock.’
Caroline shrugged but there was a glimmer of a smile on her face at the thought of seeing her father.
Laura travelled to London by train. There was no way she could afford to go first class so she sat throughout the night in a second-class carriage, unable to sleep because a baby belonging to a young woman cried on and off the whole way. At one point Laura walked along the corridor looking for a spare seat but the train was packed. By the time they steamed into King’s Cross Station Laura felt cold and stiff as she carefully stepped on to the platform. Carrying her suitcase, which suddenly felt very heavy, she was startled to hear her name being called.
‘Laura? Laura!’
She looked around and was shocked to see a familiar face struggling to get to her through the crowds heading for the exit.
‘Humphrey!’
‘Hello, my dear.’ He kissed her on the cheek and grabbed her suitcase. ‘I’ve got a car to drop you off at Cornwall Gardens but then I’ve got to get to work at the War Office. Sadly I’m too old for active service so I’m stuck behind a bloody desk all day.’
Laura smiled warmly. ‘It’s so kind of you to meet me.’
‘Nonsense, my dear. It’s good of you to come to see Lizzie. The poor old girl needs cheering up.’
‘It’s the least I could do,’ she replied quietly. It was obvious he knew about Justin but it would be unseemly to mention it now or in the future.
‘How is Caroline?’ he asked when they were seated in the Rolls-Royce.
‘Very well, thank you. She’s spending a few days with her father, which she’ll enjoy.’
Humphrey nodded. ‘How is Walter these days?’
‘He seems to have stopped drinking but his health is frail. He nearly died when he was declared bankrupt and his liver has never worked the same again.’
‘I know. That was all ghastly,’ Humphrey said sympathetically. ‘You Fairbairn girls are remarkable, though. You picked yourself up and look how well you’ve done! Given time, Lizzie will pick herself up too,’ he added robustly.
‘Of course she will. Time is a great healer,’ Laura replied, although she privately wondered if it would be true in the case of Lizzie.
Laura felt a momentary pang of envy for the luxury of Lizzie’s life, with servants to do her bidding and Humphrey’s wealth and devotion that enabled her to have whatever she wanted. For Laura things had been different. Broken-hearted at seventeen when her fiancé was killed in an accident had been hard enough to bear, but realizing ten years later that her husband was an alcoholic who had spent all their money as a result of his drinking was another matter. Bankruptcy had stripped her of everything. The loss of their lovely house and every single thing in it, even her gold wedding ring, had been enough to break anyone’s spirit. For a time she’d been successful with her dressmaking business but the war had reduced her work by more than half. There were moments when she still had to scrape together a few shillings to get something for Caroline’s supper.
They’d arrived at the stately house in Cornwall Gardens, and as if by magic the door was opened by the butler as soon as their car drew up outside.
‘You go right in, my dear,’ Humphrey told Laura, ‘and I look forward to seeing you this evening.’
‘Thank you for meeting me,’ she replied gratefully, thinking him to be one of the nicest men she’d ever met. The trouble was that Lizzie didn’t appreciate him.
At that moment the housekeeper, Mrs Hughes, came forward to show Laura to her room. ‘Her Ladyship told me to ask if you could see her as soon as you arrived.’ She smiled blandly.
Laura was longing for a hot bath and a rest after sitting up all night on a rattling train with a baby crying at intervals, but instead she nodded and said, ‘I’ll go and see her right away.’
‘Would you like me to send up a breakfast tray for you? A cup of tea and some toast perhaps?’
‘That would be very nice.’
As soon as Laura saw Lizzie she realized the depths of her grief. Not only were her eyes puffy and red but her whole face was swollen.
‘Oh, Laura!’ Her voice was husky. ‘Thank God you’re here.’
Laura hurried over to the bed and kissed her sister on both cheeks.
‘My darling, darling sister,’ she said sympathetically. She cupped Lizzie’s face in her hands. ‘Are you eating properly, my love? You look thinner. You mustn’t let yourself get sick. I remember I stopped eating after Rory died. It doesn’t change anything, my darling. It doesn’t do any good.’
Lizzie nodded. ‘At least you had the rest of your life before you. I know now my chances of having someone like Justin in my life again are nil. We were so happy together. Our love for each other was divine. That’s never going to happen again now that I’m forty.’ Tears were streaming down her cheeks and her voice was husky.
Laura spoke with care. ‘I know exactly what you mean, darling, but you will get over it. One can get over anything with time. You have a wealth of happy memories and that’s something a lot of people will never experience. Do the girls know what’s happened?’
Lizzie shook her head as she wiped her eyes. ‘Humphrey has told them I’ve got very bad flu and that they mustn’t come near me in case they catch it. The doctor has given me some pills but they’re not working.’ A sob caught in her throat.
‘I don’t think pills are the answer,’ Laura said firmly. ‘When I go back to Scotland why don’t you come with me and you could stay with Mama? I know she’d love to have you and what you need is walks in the fresh air and to be with family. What do you think?’
‘I don’t know what to do.’
‘Let’s talk it over with Humphrey this evening. You need to get away from London and have a real break, away from places that remind you of Justin.’
At that moment there was a knock on the bedroom door.
‘Who is it?’ Lizzie asked anxiously.
‘I have a breakfast tray for Lady Laura, milady,’ the maid replied.
‘Oh that’s all right. Come in.’ Lizzie pulled herself together. ‘Haven’t you had breakfast, Laura?’ ‘No.’
‘Didn’t you come on first class? They usually do a wonderful breakfast.’
Laura waited until the maid had left the room before answering. ‘We can’t all afford to travel first class, Lizzie. And we certainly can’t all afford to wallow in sorrow with our armies of servants to do everything for us, you know.’
Lizzie looked sheepish. ‘You think I’m spoilt?’
Laura sipped her tea. ‘You are married to a rare gem of a man, who adores you unconditionally, with four beautiful daughters who do you credit, and a beautiful house full of servants to do your bidding – and you wonder if you’re spoilt? I don’t have to think too long about that one, Lizzie.’
There was a long pause. ‘I’ve hurt Humphrey, haven’t I?’
‘Massively. But he still loves you and would do anything to make you happy.’
‘I’m glad the girls don’t know about the affair,’ Lizzie said in a small voice. ‘They’d think less of me, wouldn’t they?’
‘It would be very destabilizing, I’m sure. They think of you as such a saint.’
The flickers of a smile hovered around Lizzie’s mouth. ‘Perhaps I’ll have a bath and get dressed.’
‘Good idea,’ Laura replied. And, although she was suffering from lack of sleep, she added, ‘Why don’t we go for a brisk walk in Kensington Gardens? It’s a lovely day and we could take some bread to feed the birds in the Round Pond.’
An hour later they set off with a paper bag full of crusts, and to Laura’s delight, Lizzie was much calmer and stopped crying. She’d never get over Justin’s death, but in time she would become resigned to it, along with thousands of other women who had lost their husbands and sons, their fiancés, boyfriends and cousins. This was the bloodiest war the world had ever known and when it finally ended there would be a generation of widows and spinsters.