When I returned to the grove at sunset, I found her sprawled out beneath one of the trees. I thought she was unconscious until I entered the circle and she lifted her head up to glance at me. Tears were streaming down her face.
I did what I had longed to do all day. I gathered her in my arms and picked her up. She continued to weep as I entered the nothingness and took her home.
When we returned to the mansion, I lay her on the sofa and held out my wrist to her.
“You are incredibly weak, Luna. And you will be for some time. Drink my blood.”
Lina and I had already decided that until Luna could be trusted not to kill another, she would have to drink small amounts of my blood.
At first I thought she was going to just lie there, but she eventually took my wrist and bit into it. That first mouthful, after having had so much of her blood drained, made her swoon and tighten her grip on my arm. She didn’t protest when I pulled my wrist away after only a few mouthful’s, but merely sat back on the sofa and watched me, her thoughts shielded.
Noticing she was shivering slightly, even though it was warm in the mansion, I got up to get her a blanket.
She spoke when I got to the door, causing me to come to a halt.
“You know, I never thought you’d do that to me again.”
“Do what?” I said as I faced her.
“Leave me.”
She looked extremely pitiful sitting there, her clothing stiff with blood, her hair dishevelled, her eyes filling with fresh tears.
“I did not leave you, Luna,” I said, trying to suppress my own anger. “I did what I—what we—had to do to save you from yourself. And save the lives of others.”
She rose to her feet.
“Every white person I’ve ever known has done me wrong. God knows why I thought you’d be any different.”
“How dare you bring this down to race?”
“You...you attacked me, the same way Massa Henry attacked me. At least he had the courage to take the whip to me himself. You used my baby, the baby I lost because of him!”
“You didn’t lose Lina. You threw her away!”
She stared at me stunned, tears rolling down her cheeks. I regretted those words instantly but could not take them back.
“Do not compare me to your old master ever again, Luna. I love you and I’ve put you first—always—from the moment I saw you at that chapel. I’ve sacrificed and sacrificed and indulged you, and your irrational anger, over something I did for you! I gave you up and suffered so you could live, and you hate me for it? Sometimes I wonder if Lina was right and the woman I fell in love with died a long time ago.”
She stared at me, aghast. I walked out of the room only to hear her footsteps following. She was behind me a few moments later as I mounted the stairs.
“You have no right to judge me. And neither does Lina! She didn’t grow up a slave. She wasn’t treated like cattle that was only good for breeding. In all the time I was at that plantation I never saw Massa John whip his horse the way he used to whip us slaves. Lina never experienced a life like that and neither did you! You tell Lina...” An anguished sob escaped her. “You tell Lina she is no daughter of mine. I curse the day she was born. I curse the day she walked back into my life. But she doesn’t have to worry about me killing her. She’s old, she’ll soon be dead and I’ll stand over her grave and laugh!”
I spun to face her then, horrified at what she had said. Perhaps something in my expression, or whatever she could see of my thoughts in her weakened state, told her of the deep anger and disgust I felt at hearing those words. She remained silent, especially since she knew how much Onyx’s words, and what she had possibly stolen from me when she killed Julia, had haunted me for decades.
I stepped past her and back down the stairs.
“Where are you going?” she cried, an edge of panic in her voice.
I didn’t answer. I moved to the door and materialised outside the mansion. She pulled the front door open moments later and ran outside.
“I said where are you going? Answer me!”
“I need to get as far away from you as I can before I say something—before I say anything else—we will both regret. I will be back in the morning when I have calmed down. But first I need you to give your word you will not kill anyone, this night, or any other. It is the only reason Lina let you live. So promise me.”
“She knows I won’t kill! You didn’t need to do that to me because I would have stopped. I would have stopped for you, Avery. But if you think you can just walk out of here after what you did—Avery? Avery!”
I dipped into the ether, knowing she couldn’t follow, but the sound of her screaming my name whirled around me for a few seconds before it disappeared.
I walked aimlessly through the woods, deep in thought. I was no calmer when dawn came into view, but I returned to the mansion.
Luna was not there.
Unease gripped me, but Luna had given her word she would not kill again. Despite her faults, she had never broken a promise in all the time I had known her. Instead of going to the bedroom, I went down to the cellar, where I fell asleep.
When I awoke that evening, Luna had still not returned. I ventured upstairs to our bedroom and a startling scene met my horrified gaze. The wardrobes and chest of drawers hung open and were emptied of all clothing. My clothes were strewn across the bed and floor. I believe every single one had been cut or torn, most beyond recognition. Anger swiftly bubbled to the surface at such a juvenile display.
But then I noticed that not a single item of clothing belonging to her remained in the room.
I was still for a very long moment. Then I entered the room fully and searched it. Perhaps she had simply moved her clothes to another room. I exited the room, trying not to let panic overtake me. I searched the entire house. Nothing of hers remained.
I went into town and searched the minds of everyone I came across to find out if they had seen her.
No one had seen her.
I returned to the mansion and waited downstairs.
I was angry at her childish behaviour and determined I would not spend the entire night chasing after her, begging her to return home, which was what she obviously expected. When she came to her senses, she would return. So I stayed alone in the dark drawing room waiting for her. But it was hard to ignore the apprehension crawling around my stomach.
At dawn she had still not returned. I went to bed alone for the second time in decades, already aching for Luna.
***
Two months later, Luna had still not returned. I found myself at Lina’s home. She was sitting in a rocking chair on the porch waiting for me.
Her children and grandchildren were in the living room and the sound of laughter reached me, pulling me deeper into the grip of anxiety. I was reminded of decades alone in the wilderness, a ghoul on the outside of life, and the living, forever looking in at what I would never have.
“I know,” Lina said when I approached.
“But where is she? She has been gone for two months now.”
“If I knew I wouldn’t tell you. She’s angry but she ain’t killing no more. It’s best you stay away from her for however many years it takes for her to quit being angry at you.”
“Years?”
She opened her mouth and closed it again. Then she sighed heavily and looked guiltily away.
“You think she will be gone for years?” I continued. “But...but...I do not understand why she would just leave. She knows how much I love her. She knows I would die for her a thousand times over. How could she just leave?”
Lina’s face had become sadder the more I spoke.
“She’s angry,” was all she said.
I closed the space between us and knelt before her chair. If she looked unhappy before, she looked positively miserable now.
“Lina,” I said struggling to maintain my composure. “You must find out where she is so I can go to her.”
She sighed again. “She might still be in Louisiana, but you have to leave her be. When I said she could hurt you, I wasn’t lying. I’ve seen it.”
“If Luna wishes me dead, then so be it, because I cannot live without her. Please, tell me where she is.”
“She might be in New Orleans. I can’t be sure.”
Hope sprung into my heart again. It was a start.
“Thank you,” I said and rose.
Lina seemed incredibly troubled when I left her, but I had hope again. Luna was in New Orleans. I packed a bag and left that night.