if dogs’ prayers were accepted it would rain bones from the sky
When it comes to eating there is, of course, no such thing as a typical meal:
munkavacsora (Hungarian) a working dinner
kamatuao (Gilbertese, Oceania) a meal for one who wakes during the night
bulunenekinoo (Mandinka, West Africa) the first meal cooked by a bride
ottobrata (Italian) a country outing or picnic in October
hwyaden (Welsh) the small amount of breakfast a newly married man has time to eat when leaving home for work after intimacy with his new wife (literally, a duck)
And there are still many parts of the world where you can’t take any kind of refreshment for granted:
kemarok (Malay) ravenously hungry after an illness
hiukaista (Finnish) to feel hungry for something salty
paragadupu (Telugu, India) the state of the stomach before a person has broken his fast
fulumizya (Mambwe, Zambia) to cook quickly for somebody who is very hungry
étaomêhótsenôhtóvenestse napâhpóneehéhame (Cheyenne, USA) being very hungry (literally, my tapeworm can almost talk by itself)
Particular skills are often required to make sure you’ve got the very best of the ingredients available:
kupit’ arbuz navyrez (Russian) to buy a watermelon with the right to sample a section
pale (Scots) to test a cheese by an incision
athukkugirathu (Tamil) to press a fruit softly with the fingers
And then time must be taken to get things correctly and thoroughly prepared:
jiigi (Buli, Ghana) to stir with much energy, to prepare a hard food that cannot be stirred with one hand
ri-noo-ko che-he-kuo (Car, Nicobar Islands) chopping up with spoons and forks
tikudeni (Maguindanaon, Philippines) to put the correct amount of rice into a pot to be cooked
loyly (Finnish) the wave of heat that engulfs you when you throw water on the hot stove
Now is the moment when a cook’s individual skills can make all the difference to the end result. As the Chinese wisely say, ‘Never eat in a restaurant where the chef is thin’:
tliwat (Tagalog, Philippines) to pour a liquid several times between containers to mix or cool it well
bikkuri mizu (Japanese) a small amount of cold water added to a boiling pot of spaghetti or other noodles just before they are cooked (literally, surprise water: i.e. the cold water surprises the noodles)
ilas-ana (Yamana, Chile) to cut and spread meat open so that it cooks quicker
tuyong (Tagalog, Philippines) water added to make up for water lost (in cooking)
‘Hunger is the best cook,’ say the Germans, and it’s true that when you’re starving even the lightest snack will taste as good as anything you’ve ever eaten:
smörgås (Swedish) a sandwich (literally, butter goose)
ekiben (Japanese) a packed lunch dispensed from station kiosks
dokhlaya sobaka (Russian) a low-quality frankfurter (literally, a dead dog)
For the fuller meal, what fine and varied ingredients the world offers:
jordgubbe (Swedish) a strawberry (literally, earth man)
ah (Arabic) egg white
xoox (Eastern Arabic) plums
sneisar-hald (Old Icelandic) the part of a sausage in which the pin is stuck
tsé-péene éškôseeséhotamého’évohkôtse (Cheyenne, USA) a pork sausage
Some ingredients might not be to everyone’s taste:
lelita’ (Iban, Sarawak and Brunei) an edible slug of the swampland
nido (Tagalog, Philippines) an edible bird’s nest
brarah (Hebrew) second-rate fruits (specifically oranges)
kavavangaheti (Tsonga, South Africa) a dead animal so large that people cannot finish its meat (for example, hippo, whale or elephant)
cilh-vāns (Hindi) the flesh of a kite (the eating of which is said to produce madness)
mmbwe (Venda, South Africa) a round pebble taken from a crocodile’s stomach and swallowed by a chief
The Italians even approve or disapprove in terms of food:
come i cavoli a merenda totally out of place, inappropriate (literally, like cabbage for a snack)
come il cacio sui maccheroni perfect (literally, like cheese on pasta)
The actual nosh itself is only part of it. Company is equally important, and in many parts of the world you simply have no idea who’s going to show up:
pakirokl (Rapanui, Easter Island) a pauper who comes to someone else’s house hoping to be invited to eat
jiao chang (Chinese) your legs are long (said of someone who arrives just as something delicious is being served)
a la suerte de la olla (Chilean Spanish) to arrive at someone’s house not knowing what food they will be offering (literally, to the luck of the pot)
bufeták (Czech) a guy who hangs around cafeterias and eats leftovers
xenodaites (Ancient Greek) a devourer of guests or strangers
When trying to catch a person’s attention and have him/her look into the lens, the old Czech photographers’ phrase was pozor, vyleti ptacek, which literally means ‘watch out, a bird will be released/fly out’ (from the camera). In Serbia, people are asked to say ptica, ‘bird’. Danish photographers have a variety of phrases they can use, but their favourite is sig appelsin, ‘say orange’.
The English word cheese is often used because pronouncing it shapes the mouth into a smile. Other languages have adopted this method, with different words that have a similar sound or effect:
kimchi (Korean) a traditional fermented dish made of seasoned vegetables
qiezi (Mandarin) aubergine
cerise (French) cherry
whisky (Argentinian Spanish)
In Malta, people sometimes jokingly say ġobon, their word for cheese, which will obviously result in the exact opposite facial expression.
Sometimes your guests are so busy filling their faces that they forget about the politer aspects of sharing a meal:
fresser (Yiddish) someone who eats quickly and noisily
physiggoomai (Ancient Greek) to be excited by eating garlic
qarun (Persian) someone who eats two dates or two mouthfuls at once
bwakia (Swahili) to throw into the mouth (for example, pieces of food, nuts, tobacco)
komba (Chewa, South East Africa) to scrape a pot or dish with the forefinger, as children do
pelinti (Buli, Ghana) to move very hot food around inside one’s mouth to avoid too close a contact
ikok (Ik, Nilo-Saharan) to knock bones together in order to take out and eat the marrow from inside
waphaka (South African Township) to eat faster than the rest
Scoffing too fast can be just the start of the problem:
buttare giu tutto come un lavandino (Italian) to eat like a pig (literally, to throw down everything as if one were a sink)
muwel (Manobo, Philippines) to fill the mouth so that one cannot talk
hdaśna (Dakota, USA) to miss when putting food into one’s mouth
xom-xoàm (Vietnamese) to speak while one’s mouth is full
roic (Gaelic) the sumptuous feasting by boorish people without any of the refined manners of genteel society
sky (Swedish) gravy
tuna (Tuvaluan, Polynesia) prawn or eel
binlíd (Tagalog, Philippines) small broken particles of milled rice
dark (Albanian) evening meal
fig (Caribbean Creole) banana
So, instead, take your time and fully savour the experience:
fyompola (Mambwe, Zambia) to lick honey off the fingers
pisan zapra (Malay) the time needed to eat a banana
For some, the salad next door is always greener:
Futtemeid (German) the desire to eat what is on another person’s plate (literally, feeding envy)
lyu mupusulo (Mambwe, Zambia) to eat so as to cheat another out of his share of food
selongkar (Malay) to steal food off a plate
gagula (Tsonga, South Africa) to take food without permission, showing a lack of good manners
Others could do with feeling a bit hungry once in a while:
kieskauw (Dutch) a person who trifles with his food
malastigà (Tagalog, Philippines) being bored of eating the same food all the time
Krüsch (northern German) somebody who dislikes a lot of foods (and is therefore difficult to cook for)
And some greedy pigs just don’t know when to stop:
amuti (Rapanui, Easter Island) a glutton; someone who will eat anything, such as unripe or out-of-season fruit
akaska (Dakota, USA) to eat after one is full
ngang da (Vietnamese) to lose one’s appetite because one has eaten between meals
kuchi ga samishii (Japanese) eating when you don’t need to, for the sake of it or out of boredom (literally, my mouth is lonely)
knedlikový (Czech) rather partial to dumplings
hostigar (Chilean Spanish) to gorge on sweets to the point of nausea
In the end, though, it’s all in the eye – or rather mouth – of the beholder. For better…
alsof er een engeltje op je tong piest (Dutch) utterly delicious, heavenly tasting (literally, as if an angel is urinating on your tongue)
kou fu (Chinese) the good luck prerequisite for having opportunities to eat delicious food (literally, mouth fortune)
… or worse:
panshey (Bengali) food that tastes rather flat
ichootakbachi (Alabama, USA) to leave a bad taste in the mouth
tomatoma (Mailu, Papua New Guinea) tasteless food
pikikiwepogosi (Ojibway, North America) having the taste of an animal that was tired out before it was killed
tsitlama (Setswana, Botswana) to make a wry face after eating or drinking something nasty
Tired of cooking at home, not to mention doing the washing-up and putting-away, we may tell ourselves how nice it is to eat out. But though the fantasy is great, the reality is often less so:
Schlürfbude (German) a fast-food restaurant (literally, slurp dump)
dolorosa (Spanish) a restaurant bill (literally, painful)
Abendteuer (German) an expensive evening (literally, an adventure)
Possibly the strangest takeaway of all is described by the Russian word korova: this is the unfortunate person that prison camp escapees take with them to eat over their period of flight and in their hideout (it literally means ‘a cow’).
sendou ooku shite fiine yama ni noboru (Japanese) too many captains and the boat will go up a mountain
qi shou, ba jiao (Chinese) seven hands, eight feet
idha kathira ar-rababina gharigat as-safina (Arabic) too many captains sink the ship
zo mangna go lhong mi tshu (Dzongkha, Bhutan) when there are too many carpenters the door cannot be erected
seul mui à vugulion a vez, e vez falloc’h gouarnet ar saout (Breton, France) the more cowherds there are, the worse the cows are looked after
puno baba, kilavo dijete (Croatian) with many midwives, the child will be lazy
veel varkens maken de spoeling dun (Dutch) many pigs make the slops sparse
zyada jogi math ujaad (Hindi) too many saints can ruin the monastery
troppi galli a cantar non fa mai giorno (Italian) with too many cocks singing it is never going to dawn
zuun yamaand jaran uhana (Mongolian) one hundred goats for sixty billy goats
u pyati nyanek dyetya byez glaza, u cemyorykh – byez golovy (Russian) when there are five nurses the child loses an eye – with seven nurses the child is finally found to lack a head
haber más capeadores que toros (Costa Rican Spanish) there are more bullfighters than bulls