It’s not like we go all the way. I don’t even know what all the way means with two guys. In fact, we don’t really go any of the way below the belt. But he pulls my shirt off, and I pull off his, and I let him give me more than one hickey that will be hidden beneath my collar.
And the whole time we kiss, I can feel him against me, and he can no doubt feel me, but neither of us says anything about that. We just kiss, and touch, and kiss.
Still, Liam’s really too tall for the back seat of the car. And once we’ve kissed so much my lips have gone numb, I wrap my arms around him and he holds me and we just cuddle.
My whole body goes quiet as Liam plays with my hair, and I trace the contours of his spine with my fingers, and occasionally one of us pulls the other in for another kiss, but soft this time, generous and tender.
And I wonder what it would be like to get all the way naked with Liam. Not in a locker room but in my bedroom, or his, in warm lamplight instead of grayish fluorescents.
But my whole face burns as I imagine that, and I have to tuck the idea away for later. Much later. Because this is still so new, because Jasmine doesn’t know, because there are secrets I still haven’t told him, because I’ve never had sex and what if I’m not good at it? What if he doesn’t like it with me?
I don’t even know what kinds of things he likes. I don’t know how much experience he’s had.
The rain slows, but we don’t move. I could stay in here forever. I’ve never felt like this before. Like for the first time in my life, I’m right where I’m supposed to be. It’s scary. Terrifying. Because this has gone way beyond crushing. Way beyond liking. Or even like-liking.
I’m in love with Liam Coquyt.
The thrill of it runs through me, so strong I wonder if Liam can feel the electricity humming in my skin.
I love him.
I hold him tighter, and I feel his smile against my cheek. Everything is perfect.
At least, until the foggy windows light up with the glare of headlights.
Liam snaps up. There’s no way we can get out without his dad knowing we were in the back seat together. I start to pull on a shirt but I realize it’s Liam’s, and Liam has the same realization, because my own shirt looks like a crop top on him.
So we switch as fast as we can, and try to pull on our jackets. Then Liam takes a deep breath, opens the door, and steps out into the cold.
I hang back as Liam stands, stiff-armed, while his dad hugs him and holds his shoulders. He’s got Liam’s height, and black hair, but his face is softer, cheeks less angular. He’s got the same piercing eyes, though. And to my surprise, his smile is kind and open, just like his son’s.
“You must be Jackson.”
“Yes, sir.” I don’t know why I call him sir. I don’t call anyone sir. This isn’t the Navy. But I hold out my hand.
“Oof, Matt is just fine.” He shakes my hand, then turns back to Liam. “Pop the hood?”
If he wonders what we were doing in the back seat, he doesn’t mention it. Instead, he bends over the hood while Liam pops it. Matt shines his phone’s flashlight inside, looks around before shaking his head. “It won’t somethingsomething?”
“No.”
“Let’s try jumping it.”
So they do, and despite having a lot of experience with running power for lights, I stand back and let Matt deal with the jumper cables, because car batteries don’t have breakers and everything is still wet. Definitely not fire marshal approved.
Liam tries to start the car, but still nothing.
Matt sighs, scratches the back of his head the same way Liam does. I can’t follow any of what he’s saying to his son, but apparently part of it involved me, because he looks like I’m supposed to answer.
“Uh. Did you say something?”
He blinks, and I see the moment when he remembers I’m deaf. It never gets any less awkward.
“Sorry, Jackson. I can give you a ride home, if you’d like.”
“Oh. Thanks.”
My lips still feel a little numb from all the kissing, and my chest is tight from the awkwardness of the ride with Liam’s dad, but still, I’m smiling when I put in the code to the garage, kick off my shoes, and step into the kitchen.
“Who was that?” Jasmine asks without preamble.
“Huh?”
“Who dropped you off?”
“Oh. Uh.” I wasn’t expecting a confrontation about this. “Liam’s dad. His car broke down.”
“So you were just going to get a ride with him?”
“Yeah? He’s in the cast? He’s my friend?”
I don’t know why she’s being weird about this. She knows we’re friends.
Does she know we’re something more now? Is it written across my face? Did someone say something?
Can she see one of my hickies? I thought we were being careful.
“How can you still be friends with him?” she asks. “After what he did to me?”
“He didn’t do anything to you. People break up all the time.” She should know.
How many boyfriends has she had?
“You knew he was my friend before you started dating him,” I say. “Why are you being so weird about this?”
“I don’t know!” Jasmine throws her hands up. “This is all somethingsomething.”
“What?”
She takes a breath and seems to deflate a bit. “This was way easier when you hated all my boyfriends.”
“I didn’t hate them all.”
“Yeah you did.”
Well, they were all empirically terrible.
“It just feels like we’re not on the same side anymore,” she says.
“I’m on your side,” I promise her. “Always.”
Always, except when it comes to Liam.
When did I get to be such a good liar?