Friday afternoon, after another Theatre IV spent hiding in the corner while the class works—they’ve moved on from Tennessee Williams to Neil LaBute, from dialogues to small scenes—Dr. L flags me down before I can leave.
Is she finally going to kick me out of the class? It’s not like I’m contributing anything. I’m just making it awkward for everyone.
“You have a moment, Jackson?”
She’s the one with places to be. Today’s the last run-through before techs this weekend.
“Okay.”
“Let’s talk in my office.”
I grab my things and march after her. The last time I was in her office is when she fired me. I never noticed before how it always smells faintly of tater tots.
She goes to sit behind her desk, but shakes her head and heads to the couch. She scoops off a pile of script books, takes a seat, and pats the other cushion for me.
I shrug off my backpack and sit.
“So . . .” I say.
“I’d like to apologize to you, Jackson.”
“I . . . huh?”
She unwinds her scarf and rolls her neck. “I like to think I’m a big enough person to admit when I’ve made a mistake. Though sometimes I do need Denise to give me a kick in the pants.”
She chuckles to herself.
“Anyway. I’m sorry I made you feel like I didn’t care about you. Or that I prioritized everyone ahead of you.”
My cheeks heat up.
“It’s fine,” I say, but she holds up her hand.
“I’m saying this not as an excuse, but as an explanation: There are fifty-odd students in this department, and twice as many I see in class every day. And if I don’t listen as well as I should, or appreciate how much you do, or check in when you’re not okay, it’s not because I don’t care. It’s because I’m constantly in triage mode, and out of all my students, you’re the one that always seems like you’re going to be fine. But that’s not fair to you. I’m sorry.”
I don’t know what to say. Except “Thanks.”
“And one more thing.”
“Huh?”
“I’ve spoken to Cameron. Let him know his behavior wasn’t acceptable.”
“Which behavior?” I mutter, but she hears me and laughs.
“Some things are beyond my power to change,” she says. “But I made it clear if he said anything else unkind to you, or made fun of you, there would be consequences.”
I don’t know what that means.
“I understand if you’re still mad at me, but I hope you haven’t given up on Theatre. You’re talented and hardworking and an asset to the department.”
“Thanks.” I manage a little smile. “And you can’t get rid of me that easily.”
Dr. L laughs. “I didn’t think so. Now, I’ve got to get to rehearsal. I hope you’ll still come see the show.”
“I might.”
“Good.” She stands, gestures for me to leave first. Right as I round the corner, I bump into Paige.
“Oh,” I say. “Hey.”
“Hey.”
I swallow. If Dr. L is big enough to do this, so am I. “You have a second?”
Paige crosses her arms. “I guess.”
We used to be friendly. Maybe bordering on friends. Now there’s a wall between us.
I put it there. But maybe I can make a crack in it, at least.
“I’m really sorry. About that list I made. I was being petty and you didn’t deserve that. I think you’re pretty awesome.”
She nods. “Thanks.”
“Seriously. I’m glad you’re in the show. You’re amazing. I was just . . .”
Jealous. Angry. Hurt.
Lots of things.
“Anyway. You didn’t deserve that. So, sorry. And I hope, maybe, we can figure out how to be friends again. If you want.”
“Apology accepted.”
“Really?” I blink. “Just like that?”
“Just like that.” She relaxes her arms. “I’m still a techie. Techies have to stick together. And so do friends.”
My face is on fire, and my cheeks might cramp from smiling. “Yeah. We do. I’m sorry I forgot that.”
She looks past me. “Well. You had a lot on your mind.”
I glance over my shoulder, where Liam’s disappearing into the Little Theatre.
God, was it that obvious? My smile melts away again.
Paige gives me a sympathetic shrug. “I better go. See you?”
She joins the crowd headed into the theatre. I tighten the straps on my backpack.
Paige and I are going to be okay.
Dr. Lochley and I are too.
Even Jasmine says we’ll be okay eventually.
But Liam still won’t talk to me. Won’t even look at me.
That’s his choice, though. I have to honor it.
Even so, I feel a little lighter as I head down the stairs to find Bowie.
Everything isn’t fixed. But a few things are on the mend. Maybe that’s enough for now.