Like Lana

October 8

The Photo That Killed Me

My senior year in high school. I had only one plan: have a killer year. I had every reason to believe it would happen:

Hot boyfriend

Super popular

My own car

Awesome BFFs

Parties every weekend

Sounds perfect, don’t you think? No Plan B in place. Why bother? I was on top of the world. Hell, I felt like I owned the world. I mean, I kinda did. But that was then and this is now. And now... I’m the most hated person at school.

Let me introduce myself. I’m Girl Unformulated. Call me GU, for short. Like Goo, which is kind of fitting since that’s what you step on and later find stuck on the bottom of your shoe. Pretty much sums up my life. But how did it get this way? I’m about to tell you... or at least try. Welcome to my blog. It’s the true story of my senior year, starting with how I went from popular to pariah in twenty-four hours.

Twitter version:

Boyfriend takes photo of girlfriend while fooling around. Shares photo with entire school. Girl loses all friends. Senior year hell.

Longer version:

He swore over his mother’s grave that they were just for him. I really didn’t see the harm in that. He was, after all, my boyfriend. I trusted him. And, anyways... It was just a photo and I wasn’t the first girl to show her boobs to a camera. But mostly, I trusted him.

Word of caution: Don’t ever trust ABF. This is worth repeating.

Don’t ever trust ABF (Asshole Boyfriend.)

Fast forward to the next day. By lunchtime, I’m feeling a little paranoid. It seems like everybody is staring at me and whispering as I walk by. When I see my BFF, she’s kind enough to show me the photo (it was on her phone!) I’ll spare you the details of what it looked like, but ugh! Who else had seen it? Apparently everyone.

I thought, at least, my BFFs would stand by my side. Surely, they wouldn’t turn on me. How many of them had photos taken of them? Well, I was wrong. They turned their backs on me, except to call me a whore or slut. Suddenly everyone was in on the action. Slut, whore, skank, bitch... I heard it all. Every time I walked down the hallway, into a class, or across the school yard. My friends led the charge.

I figured this would all be forgotten in a few days and we’d be laughing about it in a week. But here I am, three weeks later, and still the most hated girl in school. No friends. No fun. No life. All because of one stupid photo? Seems crazy to me. There’s got to be something more to this. But I can’t figure out what it is.

At least one good thing has come of this. I finally broke up with my boyfriend. In other words: I am officially ON MY OWN. Translation: Total Loner. Mercy.

October 10

You Can’t Get Past Spit

I know I promised to write the true story of my senior year from hell, but here’s a little honesty for you. Some things I’m just not ready to share. I could go back to the very beginning and tell every awful incident that I’ve experienced but (a) that would probably get boring real fast, and (b) some stuff is just too humiliating for me to remember, much less write about.

So let’s just start with the here and now. Because the way my life is going I still have plenty to tell you about! Like today, for instance, in English class. I am just so lucky to have two BFF’s in that class. Even more awesome? They sit behind me. Oops, did I say BFF’s, I mean BFH’s. That’s short for bitches from hell. Today one of them spat on my desk. WTF? Until today, I’d held out hope that we could eventually all be friends again. It was faint, but it was there. But there’s something about spit. You can’t get past saliva.

It all started with Abby (not her real name) creeping up behind me as I’m about to enter class and hissing in my ear. Made my stomach turn. At least she got one thing right. She is a snake. The stupid hiss got a good laugh from Sissy (the other BFH.) Sissy has no original thoughts in her head. She never has, which is why Abby loves her so much. Very monkey see, monkey do kind of friendship. Abby likes to control everyone and everything, so we’ve always had a patchy friendship. I never liked being on her leash. I imagine Abby dared Sissy to spit on my desk. And, voila. This made them both laugh hysterically. Sad, really. (Is this how I used to act?)

Halfway through class, they started up again. Balls of crumpled paper landing on my desk every few minutes. It took all my self-control to not turn around and slap them both. Instead, I tossed each ball into my desk. But the BFHs would not give up (they’re good that way.) In a desperate act to stop them, I flattened one of the balls and read it.

WHY DON’T YOU DIE? BICH

Couldn’t they at least have the intelligence to spell correctly? I raised my hand and asked the teacher if I could go to the office. Said I wasn’t feeling well. When the teacher said okay, I left the paper lying on my desk for anyone to see (like, the teacher.) I heard Abby hiss (like the snake she is), “Grab it!” It almost made me smile.

English is last period, so I went to the office, faked a stomach ache and went home early. Just another day in the life of Goo. FML.

October 15

Top Ten Perks of Being a Loner

1.No need to freak out when a pimple shows up on your face. Nobody is looking at you anyway.

2.Pig out on chocolate guilt-free because you always “deserve it” after your day.

3.Spend hours of entertainment concocting methods of revenge.

4.Never pretend to say “that’s sooo funny!” when a guy tells a lame joke. Nobody is talking to you.

5.Appreciate that one good friend is a thousand times more valuable than a thousand fake friends.

6.Never worry about being late. Nobody is waiting for you.

7.Discover you’re pretty good company now that you spend more time with you than anyone else on the planet.

8.Finally memorize the lyrics to every song on your playlist.

9.Always get your way.

10.Never have to post “Gorgeous!” every time one of your GFs posts a new selfie

October 17

All you need is ONE

I have one friend left in my life. One. Friend. He is away today. Translation: not a single person talked to me all day.

If I’d never shown up, nobody would have noticed, hence I did not exist today. Do you know the saying, if a tree falls in the forest, but nobody hears it fall, does a tree really fall in the forest?

If a girl goes to school but nobody notices her there, does a girl really go to school? Does the girl really exist? I kinda wish I didn’t exist. I’m not having any fun in this body. How about a restart button? Can I get one of those? There are a few things I would do differently if given the chance to start over:

1.Never pretend to like something that I don’t

2.Ditch every friend that gossiped about me

3.Be nice to everyone, not just the ones who I think matter

4.Not care what others think of me

5.Stay away from boyfriends

6.Be unafraid to say how I really feel

7.Not obsess over my body and being skinny

8.Stay friends with most of the girls I ditched after grade 8. They were actually the nice ones.

9.Say how I really feel (yeah, this gets on the list twice.)

10.Not stay friends with Abby.

Maybe it’s not too late to start over. Maybe today is the day I can flip the switch. But if I’m still treated like the old me, what’s the difference? Is there any point? So many questions…

Life is hard.