Chapter Fifteen

Carter almost told Katie he was in love with her while they were lying there in that soft bed together, their legs tangled, their breaths mingling. But if she panicked when he mentioned the two of them continuing to make love, how would she react if she knew he was in love? If she knew he was beginning to think about having a family. He’d have to wait for a better time.

Which wouldn’t be now, as the three of them walked into Bud’s.

Sean had been quiet since he got home. He didn’t want to talk about what was bothering him, but Katie reminded Carter in private that Sean had been the same way since kindergarten. She could never force him to tell her anything. In fact, it was always better not to ask any questions. Act like there was nothing wrong and, when he was ready, he’d spill it all.

They ordered a pizza and a pitcher of soda, and then the table was awkwardly silent. All around them, the Saturday night crowd was filling up the place. Sean waved at a couple of his friends sitting at a table across the room. One of the things he had mentioned to Katie earlier was that he missed all his friends in Lakeside.

“Mom, I’m going to go talk to Brian and Jacob, okay?”

Katie and Carter shared a glance. “Sure,” she said, “but come back over here when the pizza comes.”

Sean gave her a small smile. “I’d never miss out on pizza.”

She sent Carter a worried glance as soon as Sean was out of hearing range. “I wish he’d tell us what’s wrong.”

“He’s probably homesick.”

“Or maybe he’s heard about us dating.”

Herb, the retired postman, strode over to their table. He frowned at Katie. “I heard you were picking up strange men at the Bullfrog.”

She rolled her eyes. “Goes to show you shouldn’t believe everything you hear.”

Herb turned and shouted to the group he was sitting with. “Katie’s not cheating on Carter!” He looked at Carter. “I told them Danny didn’t know what he was talking about.”

“Thanks for straightening that out, Herb.”

As soon as Herb returned to his friends, Katie murmured, “Bet Sean heard that.”

Carter followed her gaze to where Sean was huddled with his friends across the room, deep in conversation. He placed his hand over hers. “Maybe not.”

“We have to tell him as soon as he gets back to the table.”

“We will.” Then he changed the topic of conversation to get her mind off Sean. “I stopped to see Mom and Pop on the way back from Albany.” Carter had talked mostly with his mom, who of course was worried about Pop. He had sat in his wheelchair in the living room, stared out the window, and refused to talk about it.

“He wouldn’t go to the showroom today,” Katie said.

Carter nodded. “He mentioned something to Mom that he didn’t want to be put out on display in the showroom like some old piece of salvage.”

“Oh no, I never thought of it that way.”

“I know he doesn’t like sitting home, but he doesn’t want to come in and hang out in the back with the guys, either. I don’t know what’s up with that.”

“Maybe he doesn’t want to be there if he can’t be useful.” Katie glanced over to Sean. “I hate trying to figure out what other people are thinking. Especially people we love.”

Carter agreed. “We can’t force either one of them to talk. Guess we’ll have to wait and see.”

“We should send Sean over to see Pop. Maybe they’d confide in each other.”

“More likely, they’d pop a huge bowl of popcorn and watch old westerns all night like they used to.”

Katie laughed. “Right now, I think I’d like to see that.”

“Me, too.”

The pizza arrived, and Sean headed back over to the table. Tall and lanky, he was the spitting image of his father. Sean downed his first piece so quickly, Carter doubted he even tasted it. He grabbed another piece and set it down on his plate.

Sean cleared his throat and picked at the pepperoni. “So when were you guys going to tell me you’re dating?”

“Now,” Katie told him with her don’t-mess-with-Mom tone of voice. “We were planning to tell you over pizza.”

“Seriously, guys. Dating?”

Keep it simple. “We’re just trying it on for size,” Carter told him.

Sean snorted. “Like a new pair of shoes?”

“Like a new relationship,” Katie said. “It hasn’t been long. That’s why we didn’t say anything before now.”

“I think it’s bullshit.”

“Sean!” Katie looked shocked out of her mind.

He crumpled his napkin in his hand. “I don’t believe it. Not now. You two had years where you could have been together. Why now?”

Katie’s hands clenched around her glass. “It just happened.”

“Why not now?” Carter asked at the same time.

“You guys didn’t know you loved each other before now?” His glare bounced between them. “Or are you saying I could have had you as a dad back when I was a kid, but you didn’t think it was important enough?” Sean shoved his chair back. “Well, I’m grown up now, and I don’t need you.”

“Sean…” Katie reached for him.

Carter hated the despair on Katie’s face. “Sit down,” he said, keeping his voice low. “If you’re an adult now, sit down and act like one.”

Sean had rarely been a sullen teen, but he acted like one now, dropping into his chair and picking at the pizza crust.

“Do you want to tell us what’s really bothering you?” Carter asked, because he couldn’t help but think there had to be another reason for Sean to leave college and come home.

“I really don’t like you guys dating. It’s weird.”

“So noted. But we are adults, too, and if your mother and I decide to continue dating, I guess you’re going to have to get used to it.”

He grimaced, still playing with his crust.

Katie cleared her throat.

He looked up, and his face turned red. “Sorry, Mom.”

“For?”

The kid almost rolled his eyes, but Carter gave him props for catching it in time. “For swearing and yelling at you.”

“You know if you want to be treated like an adult, you have to act like one.”

He nodded. They shared the pizza for a few minutes of companionable silence, and then Sean said, “It’s not like I thought it was going to be.”

“What? College?” Katie asked.

“Yeah.”

“Like what? What didn’t you expect?” Carter asked.

“It was dumb, but I thought once I got there, I’d automatically have this whole new group of friends, and we’d study and hang out together. Everyone said my roommate would be my new best friend, but he has a local girlfriend, and he’s always over to her place, and we don’t get along all that well when he is there.”

Carter nodded. “You miss your old friends.”

“Yeah.”

“A little homesick?” Katie asked.

“A lot.”

“You said you were out with friends when I called last night?”

“Yeah. A couple of the guys down the hall invited me to go out with them for pizza. They were kind of weird, but the pizza was good.” He picked up his slice, then set it back down. “It’s hard, you know, to step out of your comfort zone.”

Katie nodded. “It can be scary.” Carter thought of all the new things she’d been doing lately as she went through her Katie list. He’d never considered how brave she was.

“What about your classes?” Katie went on. “How are they going?”

“They’re okay. Mostly boring prerequisites. I’d rather be learning something practical.” Sean rolled his eyes this time. “I’m not going to quit school, Mom.”

Carter saw her lip quiver. “Okay. Good. I just want you to be happy.”

“I have been rethinking my career goals, though.” He glanced at Carter. “I don’t think I want to be a lawyer after all. Sorry.”

“Hey, it’s your life. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

Sean sighed in obvious relief. “Good. Glad to get that out of the way.” He inhaled his piece of pizza and reached for another slice.

…

Carter hadn’t had much of a chance to see Katie and Sean after that pizza at Bud’s. It had taken all week to catch up with the appointments he’d had to reschedule after he went out of town. And he wanted to give them some space after that dinner at Bud’s. Or maybe he’d needed to give himself some space. God, when Sean accused him of not wanting to be his dad, it about crushed him.

But what could he say? He wasn’t Sean’s dad. Maybe the words would have come easier if he was a father. Or, at least, maybe his time with Sean would help him be a better dad to his own kid if that day ever came along. And how could he ever bring up that idea to Katie?

All the space in the world wouldn’t help him find the answer to that one.

He reached for his coffee cup and found it empty. One more appointment and he could get over to Katie’s. He could finally admit to himself that it wasn’t the coffee he was looking forward to.

He still had a few more minutes before his appointment with Worthington. Since his was the last appointment of the day, Carter had sent Lucy home early. When he heard the front door open fifteen minutes before the scheduled time, he cursed under his breath and slid the paperwork he’d been studying into the center drawer of his desk. Worthington was of the clean-desk, clean-mind philosophy.

And he was often early.

Carter shrugged on his suit jacket and stepped out of his office and into the reception area. He was surprised to see Jasmine Martin standing in the center of the room, glancing around uncertainly. He hadn’t seen her since her divorce from Brock had been finalized a couple of weeks ago. Her bright-pink dress clung to her slim body, the neckline plunging low and the hemline rising high. Her thick brown hair fell in waves around her shoulders. Her makeup had been done to perfection, no tears melting her mascara today and her bright lipstick matching the dress.

He knew a woman on the make when he saw one. “Jasmine? How can I help you?” He could play dumb. “We didn’t have an appointment today, did we?”

“No. I’ve been walking around town, trying to clear my head after everything that’s happened. It’s hard for me to believe I’m officially single.”

Carter glanced down at her shoes. He doubted she walked more than the distance from her car to the office in those heels.

“I don’t think I ever thanked you for handling all that unfortunate business between Brock and me.”

One minute she couldn’t believe she was single, the next she thanked him for making it happen?

“That’s my job. What can I do for you today?” The question was a force of habit, but it probably wasn’t the best thing to ask, because her face brightened.

Jasmine sauntered up to him. She wore a sharp scent that prickled his nostrils and almost made him sneeze. “I’m so lonely, Carter. I didn’t realize how empty a house could be when I’m the only one there.”

Shit. “I can understand that. It’ll take you a while to get used to being single again, but you’ll bounce right back. I have confidence in you.”

“You do?” She was close enough to slide her hand up his lapel, to rest it warm on his chest. “I hope you’re right. I feel so lost right now.”

He recognized the come-on. He’d heard different versions of it over the years. He used to be able to handle a gorgeous, newly single woman with no problem at all, and the last time it had happened, he’d been happy to help her get over her breakup. Now he just felt awkward. “You’ll be fine.”

Her dark eyes were soft and pleading. “I need your help, Carter. Please. I know you have the kind of distraction a woman needs when she’s getting over a cheating bastard who never appreciated her. You appreciate me. Don’t you?”

Carter could feel her hands through the fabric, stroking his arms. Jasmine was more straightforward than most of the women who’d approached him in the past. Before he’d fallen in love with Katie, he would have enjoyed a one-night stand or two with someone like Jasmine without giving it a second thought.

Now he took a couple of steps away from her, and she dropped her hands. “I appreciate that you’re going through a rough patch right now, but I can’t help you. Call some of your girlfriends and go out with them. Badmouth your ex and get it out of your system.”

“I don’t want to call my girlfriends. I want you, Carter. You’re so handsome. And nice. And hot.” She lunged and threw her arms around his neck. “Come over tonight, Carter. I’ll cook you dinner, and you can spend the night.”

“Jasmine…” Carter reached up to pull her arms away. He caught a movement out of the corner of his eye. Malcolm Worthington stood in the center of the room, scowling. Carter never even heard the door. He knew what the older man saw—Carter and a woman who was not Katie standing there with their arms around each other. He wondered how much Worthington heard.

Worthington’s eyes widened, and he scowled. Without a word, he spun on his heel and stomped out of the office.

“Malcolm, wait!” The door slammed behind Worthington on his way out.

Shit.

“There went my biggest client.” What the hell was he going to do now? He’d worked so hard to get the man to trust him, lied to his family and dragged Katie into the mess, and now he wasn’t even going to let him explain? He needed Worthington’s business, and he hadn’t done anything to warrant the man’s anger. Carter turned to go after him, but Jasmine held on tight. He glared at her. This was all her fault.

But if he thought deeply enough, it could probably be argued that he’d brought this all on himself by playing fast and loose with the women he’d dated, letting them think he was up for grabs. Not someone they could trust with their emotions. Or their future. Not even Katie.

He had to fix things right now.

He grabbed Jasmine’s wrists and pulled her hands away. “I’m not going home with you. You know I’m dating Katie Dixon. In fact, I’m in love with her.”

…

Friday afternoon, Katie had lunch with Ginny after a photo session with Noah for the new village website. Sean was still at home, and regardless of what he’d said earlier, she had a feeling he wouldn’t be going back to college. At least not in Ohio. At least not now. He’d been over at Colburn and Sons every day, helping out wherever he was needed, like he’d done over school breaks for years.

She didn’t have any appointments that afternoon, so she wasn’t in any rush to get back to the studio. It was a dreary day, with dark clouds hanging low. But the temperature was still mild, and she knew it wouldn’t be long before the autumn chill would be in the air, so she decided to stroll around the village for a while. Somehow she found herself passing by Carter’s office three or four times like a mooning teenager.

Should she stop in? Just to say hi? He was probably busy. She didn’t know what she’d say to him anyway. I miss you. I can’t stay away. I’ve fallen in love with you.

God, she was a mooning teenager. Katie turned the corner toward her studio. Enough wasting time.

No, she wasn’t wasting time. She was getting her steps in. Ha. Like she’d ever counted her steps.

As Katie had been walking, she’d noticed a woman from time to time strolling around, too, window shopping and probably getting her steps in. She wore a long raincoat with the hood up. She must have been more worried about an imminent downpour than Katie was. But as she neared Dixon Photography, she saw the woman walk past her building, hesitate, then turn around. With the woman facing her, Katie was shocked to see it was her mother.

She’d never known her mother to count her steps, either.

“Mom? What are you doing here?” When she looked up, Katie could see she’d been crying.

“I…I don’t know. I left the house to do some thinking. I don’t know how I ended up here.”

She’d never remembered her mother being this distraught. She usually knew her own mind and thought everyone else should think the same way.

“Come on.” Katie led her up to the porch where two white rockers sat. It was a favorite place for clients to sit and wait or to relax for a while. “Do you want something to drink? I have water inside, or I can run across the street for some coffee.”

“No.”

“Okay. What’s wrong?”

She shoved back the hood impatiently. “I’m leaving Lawrence.”

“What?” Katie wouldn’t have been surprised except that her mother had remained married to Lawrence twice as long as the other two men she’d married after Katie’s dad died. They’d seemed to be getting along well, but then Katie didn’t see them all that often. “What happened?”

“Nothing. Or everything.” She threw her hands up in the air. “Nothing is right. I thought I found it with Lawrence, but it’s not there.”

“It? What are you talking about?”

“That feeling. That wonderful feeling I had when I was with your father. Oh, this is awkward to talk about with you.”

“Mom, I’m an adult now. Talk to me.” She was reminded of her and Carter having pizza with Sean and could appreciate the awkwardness of talking about a parent’s love life.

“Barry was the love of my life, and in the nearly twenty years we were married, that breathtaking, cherished feeling I had with him never went away. When he died, I didn’t want to live without him, but since I had to…” She cleared her throat. “Since I had to live without him, I tried to find someone else who could give me that feeling again. And those other men did, for a while.”

“That’s why you got married so often, because you were trying to feel the same way you did with Dad?” Katie had thought going from man to man had been part of her mother’s selfishness.

“Pathetic, isn’t it?”

Katie had never seen her mother like this before. At least not since her father died, but Katie had been a teenager then and wrapped up in her own grief. “What happened with Lawrence?”

“We ate breakfast together this morning and never said a word to each other.” Her voice was raw. “Not one word. I realized I was just going through the motions. We both are. What kind of life is that?”

“You don’t love him anymore? Did you ever love him?”

“Of course I did,” her mom said without hesitation. She opened her mouth and then closed it, hopped from the chair and then sat back down. “I still do love him. Not like I loved your father. Different. But love.”

Her mother rarely talked about emotions and definitely not when she’d been breaking up with husbands two and three. “So Lawrence gives you feelings, just different kinds?”

“Different, yes.” She was quiet, thinking, looking out over the street. Then turned to Katie with a slow smile. “Not bad feelings. Really wonderful feelings, actually. Just different.” She grasped Katie’s hand. “I’m glad I didn’t tell Lawrence yet that I was leaving him. I do love him.”

“You probably should tell him that.”

“Maybe if we both said it more often, put a little more effort into our marriage instead of going through the motions…” Her mom cleared her throat and pulled her hand away. “I’m sorry I’ve not been a very good mother to you. I should put more effort with you and Sean, too.”

“I’d like that. I know Sean would, too.” Katie wouldn’t expect anything from her mother. People didn’t change that much. But she appreciated her trying.

Her mother stood then, stiff and proper as she usually was. “I have to get home.” A small smile slipped through her veneer. “I have to tell my husband that I love him.”

Katie watched her stroll away. Who was she to be giving her mother advice? She’d never told Carter she loved him. She’d gone out looking for other men who’d make her feel good when she had the man she loved right in front of her all along. She had to tell him that.

The clouds were closing in, darkening the sky even further, but Katie wasn’t going to let that dampen her spirits. She left the Closed sign on the door and marched over to Carter’s law office. She was on a mission, but what was the best way to make her announcement? Did she burst into his office and shout “I love you” at the top of her lungs? Should she invite him for dinner or a walk or give him a big fat kiss first? Her heart raced, but she recognized the feelings her mother described. Breathtaking and wonderful.

She turned the corner, and as she started up the walk, Malcolm Worthington stormed out the door. His face was red and angry. He paused in front of her. “Malcolm?”

“I would tell you not to go in there right now, but I’m afraid it’s best that you do. I’m sorry, my dear.” He turned smoothly from her and strode away.

Forewarned was…something. She couldn’t remember the damn quote at that moment. Katie climbed the stairs and carefully turned the doorknob. She eased the door open and scanned the foyer. At the other end, she saw Carter with his hands on the upper arms of a beautiful woman Katie didn’t recognize. The woman gazed at Carter as if he were an ice cream cone and she was dying for a lick. Carter appeared slightly embarrassed.

Katie couldn’t hear what Carter was saying, so she stepped quietly through the doorway. The woman yanked herself out of his grasp.

“You don’t want me? Not even for one night?” The woman’s pathetic expression almost made Katie feel sorry for her. Mr. Worthington must have seen the two of them together and thought he was cheating on Katie. They’d have to set Malcolm straight before Carter lost his business.

“I’m ready to settle down, Jasmine.” Carter’s voice was smooth and calm as he let the young woman down.

To hear Carter say it out loud, that he wanted to settle down, that he wanted to have a serious long-term relationship, gave Katie that amazing feeling she didn’t feel with anyone else. What a relief. She could declare her love for him now without reservations.

“Seriously? Now?” Jasmine put her hands on her hips, hiking her skirt higher up her slender legs.

“Yes. Now. I’m not a rebound guy anymore.” He crossed his arms. “I’m not interested in a one-night stand. Or a fling. Not anymore.”

Joy spread through Katie’s chest.

Then Carter went on. “I want to get married. I want to have a family.”

Katie’s knees nearly gave out on her. Family. He wanted to have a family. That meant children, didn’t it?

A chill ran through her as she remember him telling her that once before. They’d been in his bed. They’d just had sex for the first time. She’d pushed it out of her mind, hadn’t believed he really meant it. Didn’t want to believe it. She could almost go along with marriage, but kids? He’d expect her to start over. To get back on that treadmill for the next eighteen years or more.

She couldn’t do it. Didn’t he know she couldn’t do that?

“We could give things a try.” Jasmine wrung her hands. “Brock didn’t want any kids. That was one of the things we fought about.”

Katie’s eyes prickled as she watched the young woman begging Carter for attention, offering him everything Katie couldn’t give him.

“This is ridiculous.” Carter paced the floor in front of him. He always did need to pace when he was upset. “We barely know each other. I’m not going to marry you, Jasmine. I told you I’m in love with Katie.”

He was in love with her.

Katie loved Carter so much. Her heart ached with the realization that she wasn’t the right woman for him after all.

She had to let him go. Give him the freedom to find a woman who would give him everything he wanted. A younger woman. Someone who hadn’t already exhausted herself on the single-mother treadmill. Someone who hadn’t put her own life on hold.

Whether that woman would be this Jasmine or someone else didn’t matter. It wasn’t going to be Katie.

She slammed the door behind her and strode through the foyer. Carter’s eyes lit up when he saw her, and it made her heart break into even more jagged pieces. Jasmine’s eyes grew wide, and she stepped away from Carter.

“I…I have to go.” Jasmine took one more look at Katie and fled the building. She must have looked fierce.

Thunder growled in the distance. Katie’s heart pounded as she crossed the floor. They had to have this out right now. Maybe he lied to Jasmine, thinking the talk of marriage and children would push her away.

Children. Katie’s knees could barely hold her.

“Hey.” Carter opened his arms to her, but she stopped before she was within his reach. He frowned. “That wasn’t what it looked like. I told her I’m not that rebound guy anymore.”

“Lucky for you, you had our fake relationship as a reason to turn her away.” Damn, her voice was shaking. Her heart was crumbling.

He dropped his arms. “No, that’s not what this is.”

She lifted her chin. “I said we could stop pretending to date anytime you wanted to. We can break up for real if you want to take her up on her proposition. Don’t use me as an excuse.”

His frown deepened. “I’m not interested in her. It’s not an excuse. It’s the truth.” He took a breath, and his expression smoothed out, his eyes shone with the truth. “Katie Kat, I’m in love with you.”

“I heard what you said.” Her throat clogged with emotion. She couldn’t respond, couldn’t say the words he wanted to hear. The words she’d rushed over here to say. She cleared her throat so the words could come out loud and clear. “You want to have a family? You…you want children?”

“Is that surprising?” He took a hesitant step closer. “I love you. I want to be with you. When someone realizes they’re ready for a family, having children is the next logical step.”

She would not cry. “Logical? I’m forty years old. I’ve already raised a child.”

“And Sean’s a great kid. You’re a wonderful mother. One of my clients just had her first child at forty-three.” His earnest expression made her body shake. He should know her better than that.

“I don’t want any more children. I don’t feel the need for any more children.” But apparently Carter did, and she couldn’t deny him the chance. She crossed her arms over the pain piercing her stomach. “I want to break up.”

His jaw dropped. “What?”

How could he be so clueless?

“We agreed. Either one of us can request a breakup at any time.”

“Because I said I’d like children? We don’t have to worry about that right now. In fact, forget it. I don’t need children. I don’t want them.”

“That makes it even worse. You’ll only end up resenting me.” He’d end up hating her.

Carter was silent for a moment, his bleak gaze searching her face as if he could find the answers there. “You don’t know that.”

He was deluding himself if he thought it wouldn’t happen. She swallowed back her tears. “Worthington will be at Gloria’s party tomorrow, so we’ll have to pretend for one more day. I’ll help you explain to him that the thing with Jasmine was a misunderstanding. We can break up publicly on Sunday. Go out to Bud’s and have a big blowout.”

“Katie…”

She had to get out of there before she did something stupid. Like cry in front of him. “I hope we can still be friends after all of this blows over, but for now…please don’t come by for coffee anymore.”

She made it three steps down the sidewalk before the sky opened up and the rain mixed with the tears falling down her cheeks.