GOODBYE: A LADY WOULD NEVER

It’s probably pretty clear to you by now that we are questionable women and that we gave you some pretty questionable advice. It’s not easy being a lady, especially when society’s expectations can be so unattainable and ass-backward. We started the LadyGang to empower ourselves, to be our own bosses, and to make women everywhere feel less alone. We never really imagined that anyone would actually listen to our constant ramblings, but our gang of ladies is now a worldwide tour de force, with millions of connected women giving us the confidence and courage to fearlessly and unapologetically be ourselves.

We aren’t afraid to pluck a nipple hair at the beach, eat a rotisserie chicken with our bare hands in the car, or bawl our eyes out to a Rascal Flatts song in the middle of a bar…again. We’ve been pathetic and desperate in love, and we’ve puked from a hangover at our desk at work. We’ve bought designer purses we absolutely couldn’t afford, we’ve dyed our hair every color of the rainbow, and we don’t wash our legs in the shower. We will continue to fuck up, make bad decisions, and have a cheat day that turns into a cheat month. We don’t have all the answers, and we usually just drink a bottle of wine when all else fails. Lady life is messy, after all.

As you close this book, take a deep breath and try to remember that everything is temporary. Bad weeks will turn into good weeks, eventually. Timing is everything. Don’t let people be reckless with your heart. Be gentle with yourself and with others. Don’t be a dick. Try to act confident, even when you don’t feel it. You are better, smarter, and prettier than you think. Stand up for yourself, because you deserve it. Wear sunscreen every day. Do no harm, but take no shit. There’s room for everyone at the table. Whatever is breaking your heart right now won’t break your heart for much longer…because something else will! And that’s okay, because life’s a bitch, and then you die. But in between those two things happening, remember that you’re not alone.

So if you are already a LadyGang member, it’s good to see you again, friends. Thank you for making the LadyGang so incredible. We couldn’t do this without you. And if you are new to us, welcome to the gang! You now have thousands of new best friends.

In the immortal words of Kris Jenner, “You’re doing amazing, sweetie!”