The LadyGang friendship code is simple: You’re significant, but you’re not my significant other.
Friendship should be relatively easy. Of course, you should be there for each other when you need support, but there shouldn’t be this constant guilt if you don’t get together enough or text each other enough. Is there anything worse than that self-righteous friend who sends the text message “Are you alive?” when they know you’re just overwhelmed and swamped with a million things?! The older we get, the more life happens to all of us. The time that used to be filled with girly sleepovers, drunken nights, and chasing boys becomes filled with crying babies, failing marriages, and aging loved ones.
The sad reality is that the older you get, the less you see your friends, so don’t feel bad if you can’t go out drinking because you’re taking care of your toddler. You have 10 percent of the free time you used to have in your youth, so spend it wisely. Do you want to devote that precious energy to a few golden friends, or spread yourself thin to placate a dozen acquaintances? Take a good, honest look at who adds real value to your world. Life can get hard, and the last thing you want to deal with on top of all the real shit is a needy, petty friend making everything even harder.
SPOTTING A TOXIC FRIEND
We’ve all been friends with that person before. The friend who always makes everything about them. The friend who only reaches out when they need something. The friend who only asks how your day is so they can tell you about theirs. The friend who expects you to drop everything for them, but who wouldn’t lift a finger in return for you. You can call them a narcissist. Self-absorbed. Jealous. Insecure. And it doesn’t really make a difference how you classify them, because at the end of the day they’re just…kind of a shitty friend.
There are obvious signs when a friend is having a negative impact on your life: They don’t celebrate your victories, they’re jealous when anything goes well in your life, and maybe they even try to hook up with your crush.
SIDE NOTE: We’ve all been young and dumb and smooched (or slept with) a friend’s crush before. You are allowed to make this mistake once in your life. Don’t beat yourself up about it forever, but let that mild guilt eat away at you so you never do it again.
Aside from these obvious behaviors, a toxic friend can sneak into your life so subtly that you might not even realize the impact of it until you’re completely sucked dry. We cannot stress this enough: Surround yourself with people who have morals and values similar to yours. It may seem like a no-brainer, but we’ve all had to learn this lesson the hard way in our lives. If your friend’s actions or words ever make your heart feel icky, even if it doesn’t affect you directly, don’t just let it slide. If you ever feel any ounce of pressure to compromise your character, chances are you’re dealing with a sneaky toxic friend, and it’s time to put them on the back burner.
SPOTTING A (SNEAKY) TOXIC FRIEND
Maybe you have a friend who talks a lot of shit about your other friends when they aren’t around. We all vent to our friends during bad times, but if someone constantly offers you their unsolicited opinions about the people you care about, it’s a major red flag. And we’ll double down on that statement if they bring your family into it. You are the only person who is allowed to talk shit about your family, your significant other, and your kids. Sometimes we just need to get something off our chest, and a good friend knows the boundaries between harmless banter and trying to plant ideas in your head.
Maybe you have a friend who casually cheats on her husband. This is tricky, because we live in a progressive society with progressive relationships, and there can be a lot going on behind the scenes, so this really only applies if she is blatantly disrespecting a good, unsuspecting man. Sure, she might not be hurting you directly, but the respect she has for her significant other probably signals the respect she has for the other people in her life as well.
Maybe you have a friend who parties way too hard whenever you get together. If you’re into that, party on, Garth and Wayne. But if every happy hour turns into a 3:00 a.m. coke bender and you find yourself puking at your desk the next morning, it might be smart to reevaluate your partying choices. It’s easy to get swept up in a good time every now and then, but just make sure your fun nights out aren’t negatively affecting your real life.
Maybe you have a friend who can’t keep their mouth shut. You want to be able to trust your friends with precious information, right? We bet a million bucks that you’ve disclosed super important gossip to a seemingly trustworthy friend before saying “Don’t tell anyone, okay?” And then they might go and tell ten people immediately, and you’re totally screwed. Blabbermouths can still be good people, so you might choose to keep them in your life, but understand that you cannot disclose highly sensitive material ever again.
TO FIGHT OR NOT TO FIGHT? THAT IS THE QUESTION
Every once in a while, a friend will hurt you. Maybe it will be a small jab, or maybe it will be a deep cut. Maybe it will be an accident, or maybe it will be intentional. You have to decide how you will respond to their actions, and you have to decide what constitutes forgiveness, confrontation, or cutting them out of your life altogether. Listen, we don’t expect everyone in life to behave perfectly, because we certainly don’t, but we know that when we screw up, the best thing to do is to (in the words of Lisa Rinna) OWN IT! A sincere “I’m so sorry I did this to you” goes a long way. Someone who is incapable of admitting fault and apologizing is someone you can’t have in your life. There will always be an excuse, or someone else to blame, with no lessons learned.
Friendship breakups can sometimes be harder, messier, and more painful than romantic breakups. If your friendship is on the chopping block, there are a few different ways to part ways without starting World War III.
THE MUTUAL GHOSTING. First, there is the slow, mutual ghosting. This is where neither party is really at fault for anything massive, but there’s a breakup where you just…slowly drift apart. There’s no major blowout, and there might not even be anything to pin it on, exactly. This kind of breakup is usually based on habits and values realigning as you get older and go through life changes. Your friendship might start to feel unbalanced, and this is most likely because one of you is maturing faster than the other. The mutual ghosting doesn’t require a full-on confrontation, because there shouldn’t be too many hurt feelings or too much resentment or pain.
Even though it sucks to lose a friend, you should both have some kind of understanding of the fact that you just aren’t as close as you used to be. And you know what? That’s okay. There is nothing wrong with being nonconfrontational sometimes. As you get older, your friend circle gets smaller and smaller, and you have less time to give.
THE ONE-SIDER. We hate those breakups where you’re the only one who gets the memo that you’re splitting up. You’ve tried to make your exit a dozen times, but your friend keeps obliviously texting and asking to hang out over and over again. If the ex-friend just doesn’t seem to understand that they’re getting dumped, we give you permission to tell a little white lie. Try one of these: “I’m taking care of me right now,” “I’m drowning in work,” or “I’m soooooo busy, maybe we can get together when everything calms down.” Spoiler alert: Nothing ever calms down. Is this approach a little savage? Probably, but it works.
THE EXPLOSION. We’ve all had that friend breakup. There’s screaming, crying, lying, blaming, and low blows. This is the friend breakup where both sides know exactly what happened, even though the story might be entirely different depending on who you ask. Chances are, you were both pretty awful toward each other at some point. There’s no coming back from the explosion breakup. Words get said that you can’t take back. The most important rule of this type of breakup is: DON’T MAKE YOUR FRIENDS TAKE SIDES. This is not everyone else’s fault, so don’t pull innocent bystanders into your drama.
This kind of friend breakup is very similar to a romantic breakup. Unfollow the other person on social media, and don’t lurk. Don’t talk about your ex-friend to other people. Ask your mutual friends to refrain from sharing information about your ex-friend with you. If you run into your ex-friend at a party, be civil or just pretend that your ex-friend doesn’t exist. Don’t make a huge scene (unless you’re drunk, and then you know you will no matter what we say).
THE HEART WRENCH. This is the kind of breakup where someone really fucks you over. Maybe your friend slept with your husband, or stole money from you, or conspired to get your kid kicked out of their school. This is a one-strike-and-you’re-out kind of situation. If you want to confront them and explain yourself, you can sit across from them at a table and air your grievances, Festivus style (for the Seinfeld fans). But, honestly, don’t expect the reaction you’re looking for. This ex-friend is most likely a narcissist and probably doesn’t really care that they flipped your entire world upside down. You deal with the heart wrench the same way you deal with the explosion: They’re dead to you now.
THE OMNIPOTENT EX. It’s scary to break up with a friend who knows all of your deep, dark secrets. When you break up with a lover, it’s different, because you’ve both seen each other naked and in really intimate moments, so there’s a ton of ammunition on both sides. But a friendship breakup is different. This ex-friend could blackmail you. That’s why we recommend saving every text, email, telegram, whatever. If you’ve recently cut someone out of your life who has a tendency to lie or twist the truth, don’t delete your text chains! SAVE THOSE RECEIPTS. But at the end of the day, this strategy isn’t foolproof. You can’t make them delete all their secrets about you, and that’s just part of life. Use this as a lesson, and be careful who you trust.
Finally, remember that nothing is forever. You can always forgive a toxic friend. We’ve all been toxic at certain times. If you catch somebody at the wrong time in their life, they can be a terrible person to be around. Keep your guard up, and be more aware of their behavior. You don’t have to immediately fall back into being best friends again, but holding on to that resentment and negative energy, and being so mad at somebody for something that happened way back in the day, does you no good. Forgive, but never forget.
My Friend Adam
For the privacy of my good friend, I have changed his name for this story.
There have been two people I’ve met in my life who I have felt connected to in an all-encompassing, soul-mate type of way. One was Jared, and the other one was my friend Adam. I actually met them both in very similar circumstances during the same time in my life. But they each filled a part of my heart in very different ways.
Adam was the brightest light in any room he walked into, and the kindest soul I’ve ever known. He was unbelievably magnetic, his happiness was contagious, and he radiated this lightness onto anyone he met. He was hilarious, selfless, and infectiously friendly. He made anyone he talked to feel like the only person in the universe. He cared about people—and I mean actually cared. He treated everyone he met as an equal, with respect and compassion for their well-being, regardless of who they were or where they were on their life’s journey. He was soft and gentle. And not only was he the most wonderful human to walk the planet, he lived a life of service and devoted himself to helping refugees in the Congo. COULD HE GET ANY MORE PERFECT? Ugh. What can I say? Everyone fucking loved Adam.
Why didn’t I try to date Adam, you ask? Well, to be honest, at that time in my young life, he was too normal and stable for me. I wanted to chase after emotionally unavailable assholes who treated me like shit. And, truthfully, he was too good for me. While he was rebuilding houses in war-torn countries, I was stalking the singer of My Chemical Romance on Myspace. But goddamn, he was a great friend. When I was around Adam, I felt like the best version of myself. I felt like I could be unapologetically me, with all my quirks and flaws. He made me want to be a better person and a better friend to those around me. And because of that, I always wanted to be around him.
But I knew Adam. He would never admit it, but I knew that sometimes there was a small dark cloud behind his big smile and sparkly eyes. I knew there were cracks in his heart. He was empathetic to a fault, and he cared way more about his friends and family than about himself. His number-one priority was making everyone else happy. And his biggest fear was letting anyone down.
Throughout the years, Adam and I moved in and out of each other’s lives, but our friendship had an unbreakable foundation. I could always call him up in the middle of the night for anything at all, even if we hadn’t talked for months. He was always there for me. And a conversation that started in tears of heartache would end in tears of laughter. Every damn time.
One summer, I lent him my copy of Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close. This specific copy of the novel was one of my most prized possessions. Not only was it one of my favorite books of all time, I had marked the fuck out of those 368 pages. Highlighting, underlining, and annotating every idea that popped into my head. There was a lot of me in that book. He returned the copy to me two months later. Not only had he added his own thoughts and ramblings throughout the pages, he wrote me a beautiful letter hidden in the last chapter. He knew how much his notes meant, and he made that book so much more special to me.
Fast-forward a few years, and I had been dating a boy for a year and a half when I ran into Adam one day. Adam and I talked and laughed and drank and reminisced. Nothing exceptional or memorable happened that day, but when I left, I felt like I had been hit by a bus. Seeing Adam that day turned everything upside down. My whole body was tingling. It finally hit me: I loved him. I had always loved him, but I was too busy chasing garbage band dudes to realize that this perfect man was right in front of me the whole time. In that moment, it finally became clear that the feelings I had for Adam were hundreds of times stronger than I had felt for anyone in my entire life, including my current boyfriend.
Because I had a semi-decent conscience, I broke up with my boyfriend the next day. Oh God, it was fucking embarrassing. I picked him up from the airport and immediately dumped him in the car. He cried, blew a snot rocket into his sleeve, and threw a stuffed animal at my steering wheel. We almost rear-ended a semitrailer on the freeway because the stuffed animal got stuck underneath my brake pedal. I dropped him off at his house, and he showed up at my doorstep at 6:00 a.m. crying and sweating. I had to physically remove his sweaty body from my apartment so that I could leave for work.
It was now crystal clear to me that Adam was my person. I was 110 percent sure, and now that I was single, I was finally free to express my true feelings! Because I’m a hopeless romantic, I gathered all of my thoughts and put together a handwritten letter on beautiful tea-stained paper. I sprayed the paper with my perfume and sent it via snail mail. To this day, it’s the most honest collection of words my little hands have ever created.
Writing that letter and confessing my love to someone who may not have felt the same way wasn’t the easiest thing in the world to do, but for me, it was necessary. I didn’t want to look back on my life and regret something I was too afraid to do or say. I didn’t want to think what if when I thought of him. I didn’t want him to be the one that got away, or the one that could have been if I just had gathered up a little bit more courage.
When he texted me that he had received my letter, my stomach dropped. IT’S REALLY HAPPENING. It’s finally our time, I thought to myself. He told me he was going to take his time reading and processing it so that he could give me the response I deserved. So I waited. Hours turned into days turned into months. And I was ultimately just left with…nothing. He never responded. I spilled my guts on the floor, and I got nothing in return. I felt worthless. And I’m not going to lie: I was furious. I was so fucking mad that he didn’t love me back. I was so mad that I just cut him out of my life altogether. Cold turkey. That letter totally ruined our friendship. And I never talked to him again.
He tried to reach out to me a dozen times over the next few years, and I ignored all of his texts and calls. I never really forgave him for leaving me high and dry. And the part of my heart that Adam filled was empty from that point on, but I was too proud to let him back into my life.
A few more years went by. Every couple of months, I would look at his Facebook page to see what he was up to. He moved to Austin, got an awesome job, and married a beautiful girl. Both of our lives had changed so much since I sent that letter, and it looked like Adam had found everything he was looking for. He looked so happy. Because of that, I was happy for him from afar. And then, one day, I woke up to one of the worst texts I’ve ever received: Adam took his own life.
It felt like hours to process the text. I read it over and over and over again, not comprehending the words I was staring at. It read like gibberish. There must be a mistake. My Adam loved life harder than anyone I’d ever known. My Adam radiated joy. My Adam was happy. It must be…someone else. Then I looked at my bookshelf, and my eyes locked on to my copy of Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close. And then I just cried.
I woke up with a stomach flu on the day of his memorial. If that wasn’t my body trying to tell me I can’t handle heavy shit, I don’t know what is. Because of that, I’ve never been able to fully process or properly grieve losing my friend Adam. Maybe writing this will bring me some clarity.
Adam’s death rocked me to my core. It still doesn’t make sense, and I don’t know if it ever will. I feel devastated that such a bright light was put out. I feel honored that I was able to experience his warmth. I feel fucking horrible that our last texts were him reaching out over and over and over again. I feel helpless for not knowing he was hurting so deeply. I feel guilty that I wasn’t there for him when he obviously needed it. And I feel massive regret that I walked away from one of the most important friendships of my life over a stupid letter.
Adam now lives within the pages of my copy of Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. One day I’ll have enough courage to open it up again. There’s a lot of him in that book. If I’ve learned anything from this experience it’s this: please, don’t write people out of your life over stupid shit. Check in on your “strong” and “happy” friends from time to time. Sometimes, they are the ones who need it most.
FIGHT LIKE A LADY
Women are emotional beings. We are psychological destroyers, we act out of impulse, and we fight with our words. That’s why men are terrified of us. Because of this, you need to be extra careful when you find yourself in an argument with a girlfriend. Pause and get your emotions straight instead of just blurting out the first thing you feel. You should write your feelings down, or even sleep on it. Get an outsider’s perspective. Don’t let a stupid moment destroy a meaningful friendship because you didn’t take a deep breath before speaking.
We all learn how to be a good friend as time goes on: How to be supportive. How to forgive. How to not be a judgmental asshole. How to refrain from talking shit even if you’re pissed. How to actually keep a secret. We have a tendency to judge other women for not acting or reacting to a situation the way we would. But over time, we realize that we’re all just doing the best we can with what we have. It’s okay if your friend doesn’t handle every situation the way you would. You don’t have to judge them too harshly for it. Honestly, it probably doesn’t even affect your life. Having some empathy and understanding makes friendships a hell of a lot easier to maintain.
LEARN HOW TO APOLOGIZE. Stop beating around the bush. Stop placing blame on other people. Stop finding excuses. If you fucked up, be straight up and honest, and own your mistake. Honesty is going to resonate the fastest, easiest, and deepest with the person you wronged. Acknowledge the hurt you caused. There is nothing worse than an empty apology, so when you say “I’m sorry,” you’d better mean it. Never, and we mean never, end your apology with a “but,” because that “but” is just displacing your own responsibility. If you would like to explain yourself, you can add “My intentions were never to hurt you,” or explain “Here’s what I meant.” But the truth is, if you hurt someone, that’s the most important thing to accept, and it doesn’t really matter what your intention was.
It’s hard to not take things to heart, but it’s important to learn how to separate what feels like a personal attack from honest, constructive criticism. Be mindful of the company that you keep. If you have a sensitive, nonconfrontational heart and you can’t handle criticism well, your feelings will probably get unintentionally hurt by no-nonsense straight shooters with super thick skin.
Here’s a good rule of thumb for the next time you want to vent about a friend: If they were to read your texts or overhear your conversations about them, would you care? Would you stand by your words and say it to their face, or would you be mortified if they found out what you were saying? If you can say what you’re thinking about somebody to their face, it’s probably justified and really bothering you. But if you feel like you got caught, you are probably just talking shit. Listen, we love a good gossip session. Give us all the scoop on Jessica’s divorce and Megan’s hot new boy toy, and OMG, did Tanya really say that?! Inject that drama into our veins! But there’s a huge difference between fun innocent gossip and detrimental shit-talking.
We know, sometimes it stinks to hear the truth about yourself from your friends. When someone calls you out for bad behavior, it’s embarrassing. But you have to realize that your friends care about you. It’s awkward to be confrontational with people you love, so if someone brings some uncomfortable stuff up to you, chances are that it’s pretty valid. Plus, if your friends don’t call you out for being an asshole, how will you ever grow and become a better, less-of-an-asshole person?
On Wednesdays, We Wear Pink
I know it’s hard to believe, but there are people out there in the world who do not like me. Sure, it’s offensive, because I am such a lovely, caring, and perfect human being, but some people have bad taste and do not want to be my friend. This is especially shocking because I am a pretty good friend. What I lack in the way of actual human contact, I replace with remembering birthdays, giving gifts, throwing parties, knowing the Enneagram number of everyone in my life, and connecting my friends with the person who will change their house, career, hair, and life.
During this incident I’m about to recount, I was in the middle of a rough year. I was in my mid-twenties and I had just had my heart really epically broken after a long-term relationship exploded. I was homeless and sleeping in a friend’s guest room, working full-time at a high-pressure, physically demanding job, and not treating myself very nicely. I wasn’t sleeping or eating much. One day, during rehearsals, I took a bathroom break and felt so light-headed and sick that the only thing I wanted to do was lie down on the cold concrete floor and close my eyes. I woke up in the emergency room after having passed out.
I am a highly functioning, ambitious woman, so the fact that I had let down my cast and myself in this way over a stupid boy rocked me. I was beyond embarrassed. Adding to the stress was the fact that between the fainting episode and generally not being my best self, I became a target for the gossip and cruel intentions of my castmates. Being in show biz, we love drama. Theater casts become families in a way that anyone who hasn’t existed in a showmance could never understand. More than friends.
Some of my cast members were supportive, tried to give me tough love, and helped me put my heart back together. Others were horrible to me. They talked about me behind my back, and whenever I walked by, they would mock me by falling to the ground and “fainting” like I had done in rehearsals. One girl in particular—let’s call her “Regina George”—was the ringleader. Regina George took pleasure in making life even harder for me. I would show up to work with my eyes down, avoiding contact even though we were sharing the same dressing room. It felt like I was in junior high school again. She was the beautiful popular girl, our director’s favorite, and I was the little heartbroken shadow girl with a bit part and a mullet getting tripped by her every day.
Over time (the only thing that really helps heartbreak), my heart began to heal, I started eating again, and I finally started to feel like myself. I moved out of my friend’s spare room and into my own apartment. I went to therapy and did a serious amount of personal work. But the one thing I could never live down during that contract was the fainting incident. When I finally quit the show to go back to New York, I didn’t say goodbye to Regina George or any of the other horrible humans who had made my time extra difficult. I’m sure they cackled and clapped when I left the building. Good riddance! I was ready for the next chapter of my life.
For the next decade, I didn’t really think about it. I never had to see those people again. I learned that even though my people-pleasing heart really wanted to be well liked and be friends with everyone, you don’t actually have to do that. You can choose who you want to be friends with, and you can just be “meh” about everyone else. I learned that friendship was not something I had to give away to anyone who was breathing, but a special and sacred bond that I would commit to and work at and put my time and energy into for worthwhile people. Being the most popular person or the one invited to all the parties and all the events stopped mattering to me. My heart got stronger. I met my husband, and I found real love and happiness. I changed careers to hosting, and I got dream jobs. I bought a dream house. My circle of friends got smaller and smaller but stronger than ever.
I’d hear gossip about Regina George here and there. She’s been married and divorced. She’d been in this show and that one. Over time, I forgot altogether that the fainting had happened. When I saw people from that time in my life, I was able to roll my eyes at myself and make jokes about how pathetic I was back then.
Then, one day, my husband went to see an off-Broadway show with a friend, and they hung out with the cast afterward. Regina George happened to be in the cast, they had been introduced, and a mutual acquaintance had explained to Regina that Chris was my husband. He came home from that work trip and casually mentioned that he had met someone I knew, but I didn’t give it a second thought.
Until a message popped up in my DMs.
“I’m sorry if I was ever unkind in the past. When I met Chris, he said, ‘Oh, Keltie will be so happy to hear that I met you!’ And it made me think, ‘Hmmmmm, I don’t know,’ and that made me sad. Just wanted to clear the air and any old lingering bad vibes. I look back at my old behavior, and I’m like, ‘Ewwwwwww.’”
Regina George had come to me for redemption. I wrote something back like “Don’t worry about it,” and I deleted the message. It did feel nice to hear the apology, even though it didn’t change anything about that hard time or any of my life moving forward. But it was a great lesson that even though people can be cruel, the people who hate you will one day hate you less. The person you couldn’t stand at twenty-four might be someone you follow on Instagram at thirty-four and kind of enjoy. A friend or an acquaintance who you think is a jerk might not actually be a jerk at their core but just going through a jerk stage in their life. Hold tight to the actual good friendships in your life, and stay loyal to the people who are good to you even when you are not at your best. Finally, realize that having two good friends is better than having an entire table full of Regina Georges.
LADYFIGHTS
We are constantly getting asked how the three of us manage to work so well together. You probably won’t believe us, but in the years we’ve been business partners, we’ve never fought once. Sure, there have been times where we’ve disagreed, or when two of us want to do something and the third one doesn’t. There have been times when Hurricane Keltie spiraled so hard that Jac and Becca secretly plotted her murder. We have each individually felt raw, unhinged, or overwhelmed, and we’ve broken down in tears over something along the way. But we’ve never fought, and this is why: We are extremely straightforward with one another. To be honest, we never really discussed how we would handle conflict, but somehow we got lucky and ended up on the same page about how we operate. If we don’t like something or we feel uncomfortable about something, we’ll say something. This kind of honesty is an impossibly easy rule to preach, but it can sometimes be a difficult one to practice.
We have unintentionally set healthy boundaries with one another from the very inception of the LadyGang. We always have girls tell us, “OMG, you’re so lucky you get to work with your best friends!” But the thing is, we’ve never been best friends. Sure, we were friendly acquaintances, but none of us were besties when we started this thing. The LadyGang started as a professional relationship, and it has stayed a professional relationship over the years. Our literal job is to gab about our lives to each other, so we probably know more about one another’s menstrual cycles and ex-boyfriends than our actual besties do. We’ve obviously grown close over the years, but there is still a distance among us. And that distance has been one of the most beneficial things to keep a fresh, healthy synergy flowing between us.
A huge reason why we work so well together is that we are all so different. We have different personalities, different viewpoints, and different strengths and weaknesses. We are all determined to get to the finish line, but we each have our own individual way of getting there. The way Keltie makes a list isn’t the way Jac makes a list. The way Becca talks in a meeting isn’t the way Keltie talks in a meeting. But we have learned to trust in one another and embrace our differences, because our magic comes from just being ourselves. As far as LadyFights go, if you make a mistake or hurt someone’s feelings, the easiest way to deal with it is just to get on the phone and talk it out. The distance that a text chain or communicating via hearsay puts in the middle of a fight can be devastating to the outcome. Talk it out, offer a sincere apology, understand that no one is perfect, and move on. At work, realizing you can be friendly with everyone without needing to be best friends with everyone is a powerful lesson. Finally, be careful who you complain and gossip to. Even when we are pissed about something, we try our best not to complain about each other to each other. We take it to our partners, moms, or friends who don’t run in the same circles. We all love to vent and spill the tea, but remember that tea stains, so be careful where you pour it!
