The next day was a church Sunday, and they were meeting at Bethany and Ada’s farm. Eunice was looking forward to the day. She liked when church service was at a family member’s place. It felt like being at home, only someone else was in charge of getting the benches set up, arranging the potluck table and all the other things that came with holding a church meeting for over a hundred people. They’d joked for years about one day needing to split into two church districts, but Eunice hoped that didn’t happen anytime soon. She liked things the way they were.
Plus the house on Huckleberry Lane had grown into a very special place for the Yoder family. Ada and Ethan and Peter were now living in a smaller home that had been constructed next to the main house. Bethany, Aaron, Lydia and Daniel lived in the original house which had gone through a much-needed renovation. There was a covered breezeway between the two which made it easy to carry things back and forth between the two families during rainy weather or snowstorms.
Sunday morning dawned rainy and a bit colder. Eunice lay in bed for a few extra minutes, listening to the rain drum against the roof. The weather didn’t dampen her mood at all. The temperatures were cold as they should be in mid-November, but it wasn’t freezing. She dressed quickly, made a light breakfast for her and her dat, and they were ready to head over to the church service as Gideon, Becca, Mary and Abram stepped out of their home. Eunice loved that they’d built on the family property. She liked all of her family being close enough to drop in on, or borrow sugar from, or cry on their shoulder.
Not that she felt like crying today.
Eunice’s mind was made up, and with that decision came courage.
She and her dat had talked about everyday things on the ride over—the weather, the recent circle letter from their family in Kentucky, the upcoming holidays. Time seemed to speed up and they were suddenly pulling into Huckleberry Lane. Eunice felt almost giddy as she hopped out of the buggy and hurried to help her schweschdern. They shooed her away, telling her it was all taken care of and that she should enjoy the day of worship.
The main room of the barn had been set up for services with the doors flung open to let in extra light. Even with the rain and the cool temperatures, the giant room warmed up quickly.
Eunice liked worshipping in a barn. She liked the smell of the hay, the occasional neighing of horses, the way they all sat a little closer to one another. It reminded her of being a child and playing in the barn. Those were happy memories from a time that existed after the grief of her mother’s passing and before the awkwardness of adolescence. It was possible that she’d stayed in the barn all of these years for that very reason.
It felt nice.
And safe.
But Eunice had woken that morning tired of nice and safe. She couldn’t explain what had changed. Was it the so-so date with Lester? The talk with Sarah? Her growing confidence due to the successful tours? Maybe her newfound confidence was a result of learning to knit. She’d actually done two rows of a hat the day before, without dropping a single stitch.
Whatever the reason, she could hardly wait for the service to begin. She was looking forward to worshipping. The hymns were some of her favorites. The preaching was on Isaiah chapter forty-one. Be of good courage. It was almost as if every aspect of the service was confirming that this day was the day she was meant to step out of her old life and into her new.
She managed to wait until Zeb and Josh had eaten and scraped their plates clean before excusing herself from the table where all her schweschdern and their families were sitting.
“Where are you off to?” Bethany asked.
“Tell you later.”
“Tell you later, alligator.” Ada echoed Eunice in a singsong voice, as she snuggled baby Peter. “See her smile, crocodile.”
Eunice heard Peter laughing as she walked away.
She caught up with Zeb and Josh at the horse stall located at the far end of the barn. Ethan had enlarged it and made it as comfortable as possible for Ada’s menagerie. Josh was already inside the stall. Zeb was standing at the half door which had been closed to keep any wayward pet from escaping. He nodded hello, then tilted his head toward Josh, who didn’t seem at all surprised to look up and see her.
“Do you know this one’s name, Eunice?”
“Sure. That’s Pongo. He’s a Boer goat.”
“And is the donkey really blind?”
“We think Matilda can see shadows.”
Josh had plopped onto the ground next to Matilda and was gingerly petting her between the ears. One of the beagles climbed into his lap, and he started laughing when it licked him in the face.
“And the dogs? What are their names?”
She hesitated, trying to remember which was which. The beagles looked like identical twins to her.
“Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten the names of the dogs.” Zeb’s voice was low, teasing, closer than she’d realized.
Eunice tossed her kapp strings behind her shoulders and tried to act as if Zeb’s standing so close to her didn’t bother her one bit. Why was it bothering her? He was simply one of her best friends. Except today he was cleaned up, smelling nice and wearing freshly laundered clothes. If she wasn’t mistaken, he’d also cut his hair.
“I know their names. That’s Ginger. Or maybe Snap.” She looked to the beagle curled up in the corner next to Pongo, then back at Josh. “Kinda hard to tell, actually.”
“This is not a normal horse stall.” Zeb crossed his arms over the half door, staring into the stall, probably trying to come up with an explanation for the strange assortment of animals. Surprisingly, he didn’t seem at all perturbed or overly protective that his son sat in the midst of them.
Eunice mimicked his posture at the half door. “Before Ada went to work with the SPCA, before she and Ethan fell in love, she became an animal rescuer. That’s how she accumulated all of these lost ones—her name for them, not mine.” She hesitated for the space of a heartbeat. “Say, do you mind if I talk to you about something?”
Zeb looked surprised, but shrugged and said, “I guess.”
“Okay. This is a little hard to say, so I’ll plunge right in.” Eunice noticed she now had his full attention, but she tried not to let that bother her. Why was she so aware of him all of a sudden? When had she felt awkward around Zeb Mast? Happy—sure. Irritated—more than once. Infuriated—yeah. But awkward? Crossing her arms felt defensive, but dropping them at her side felt odd too.
“You were going to say...”
“Right. As you predicted, my date with Lester didn’t go so well.”
Zeb’s shoulders stiffened. “Did he—”
“He was a perfect gentleman. He just—well, as you might have hinted, he just wasn’t my type.”
“Oh. Okay.”
“But, and this is the embarrassing part, I realized that maybe I am ready to date. Maybe it won’t be as awkward and demoralizing as when I was a youngie.”
Zeb glanced over the stall door, seemed satisfied that Josh was okay, and lightly tugged on Eunice’s arm to pull her away a few feet. “Little pitchers, big ears, and all that.”
“Huh?”
“Why was dating awkward for you? Why was it demoralizing?”
“Well, Zeb, because I’m sure at least a third of the time, the guy was simply following a dare to date me.”
“Nein. No one in our community is that cruel.”
“Maybe they didn’t mean to be cruel.”
“When did this happen?”
“We were kids—teens, I guess. And like any other teens we didn’t always do the commendable thing. I know at least one time...” She put her hands on her hips and stared at the ground, then looked up at him. “Nein. This doesn’t embarrass me anymore. I did nothing to be embarrassed about. But at least one time, I heard someone say something like I did it. I dated the greasy girl. Now you owe me five dollars.”
“You were never greasy.”
“I probably had oil or something under my nails. I do remember that I was already taking apart small engines. I had found something I was gut at, and I loved doing it. But that same hobby sort of made me a target. I guess.”
“That shouldn’t have happened.”
“We were kids. Kids can be thoughtless. But that’s not my point. My point is that we’re adults now, and maybe most of us are done with those kinds of foolish games.”
“Meaning what?”
“Meaning I’m ready to date again.”
Zeb stared at her, his mouth slightly open, his ears reddening.
Eunice realized her mistake and rushed to assure him she wasn’t trying to lay a trap for him. Gosh. He really did think women were just hanging out waiting for an instant family. “I’m not explaining this well. When I was telling Sarah about my date, she mentioned you.”
Now Zeb pulled in his bottom lip and refused to look directly at her, but still he didn’t speak.
“I told her, of course, that we were just friends.”
“Oh.” His eyes darted toward her and then away. “Right. Okay.”
“But it did start me thinking that no one knows me quite like you do.”
“We go back a ways.”
“Exactly. So maybe you’d have a suggestion about who I should date. I mean, my dat, he has the best of intentions. But he doesn’t really understand our age group. At least, I don’t think he does.”
“So you want me to set you up with someone?”
“That sounds more desperate than I’d intended. But kind of. Yes.” Eunice couldn’t believe she’d done it. She couldn’t believe she’d been so bracingly honest with Zeb. But then he was, for all practical purposes, her best friend. If she couldn’t be honest with him, then who could she be honest with?
And the fact that her heart did a little skip, like Sarah had described, well it didn’t mean that she necessarily cared for Zeb in that way. It could simply mean she was nervous. Or maybe catching a cold.
Finally, Zeb nodded. “Okay. Let me think on it, but I should be able to come up with a couple of names.”
“Whew.”
“Whew? What did you think I was going to say?”
“Something along the lines of, ‘Are you kidding? Are you sure? Have you lost your mind?’”
Now he smiled and shook his head. “You stumped me, for sure and certain, but I can tell you’re not kidding. And you seem to be sure this is what you want to do. You seem to have thought this out. Which means you haven’t lost your mind.”
She nodded, satisfied with his answer, and walked back to the stall door. Josh was now lying on his back, with a beagle pressed up against each side. “He’s a good kid,” she said.
“Yeah, he is.”
“How’s your counseling thing going?”
“Gut. I guess. I mean, I only go once a week, so I haven’t been back since you and I talked...but I think it’s helping.”
“That’s great, Zeb. I’m truly glad to hear it.”
“Want to hear something funny?”
“Ha-ha funny or sad funny?”
“Probably the second one.” He lowered his voice, even turned his back so that his words wouldn’t reach Josh. “I remember thinking, not so long ago, that you were the smart one because you hadn’t fallen in love. You hadn’t risked everything and then lost it.”
She watched him closely, trying to understand the meaning behind his words. Zeb was going through something. She was hoping it was a good thing, but was worried it might be bad.
“That sounds a little...bitter.”
“Yup.”
“And not at all like Do Not Fear.”
“I was listening to the sermon, and again—you’re probably right.”
“Which means we both are still learning, still growing. That’s a good thing.”
“It is.” He looked at her fully now, studied her, didn’t rush or speak or pretend he needed to do something else. And his full attention made her feel as if a dozen butterflies had been released in her stomach. It made her feel...seen.
Josh hopped up, claiming if he didn’t have a cookie soon he might actually die.
Zeb cleared his throat, stepped back and said, “I’ll get you some names.”
But there was something in the way he said it that made Eunice think he wasn’t entirely on board with her plan. And she had no idea why.
Zeb was continually surprised at how much Josh heard and understood. No matter what he was doing, or how distracted he appeared, the boy always seemed to pick up on what was being said around him. To Zeb, it often looked as if his son’s attention was a million miles away. Like today, when he’d been so excited about Ada’s animals. And yet, apparently he had still heard every word that passed between Zeb and Eunice.
How did Zeb know that? As Samuel drove home, with Zeb sitting beside him and Joshua in the back seat, Josh brought up his conversation with Eunice.
In fact, he leaned over the front seat and said, “You’re finding a date for Eunice?”
Samuel nearly drove the buggy off the road. Beauty tossed her head and maneuvered back into the middle of the lane.
“Sorry, girl,” Samuel said to the mare. Then he shot Zeb a look. “Is that true?”
“Pretty much.”
“Want to explain that to me?”
“Not much to explain really. Eunice said she’d been on a date with Lester...” Even he realized he’d said the name as if he were describing a snake in the grass. “He was apparently not her type.”
“That’s what she said?”
“Yup. I heard her.” Josh put his hands on the back of the seat and his chin on his hands. “I don’t understand why anyone would want to date. I mean, kissing and stuff? Gross.”
“Give it a few years, Josh. You’ll change your opinion on that.”
“Hopefully more than a few,” Zeb murmured.
“We both like Eunice. In fact, I think she’s swell. Why don’t you just ask her out, Dat? That would be way easier.”
“Ya, bruder. Why don’t you just ask her out?”
Zeb was surprised to find he wasn’t as irritated by this conversation as he might have been a week ago. “She didn’t ask to go out with me,” he explained. “She asked for the names of one or two guys who I thought would be a good match for her.”
Samuel’s mouth was now open wide enough to catch an autumn leaf. Josh had fallen back against his seat. “Eunice is cool and all. I like seeing how she takes stuff apart and puts it all back again. But if I ever like a girl in a smoochy way—”
“A smoochy way?”
Josh made a loud kissing sound. “Don’t look so worried. I don’t. I’m only five! But if I ever do, it’s going to be because she has a lot of animals, like Ada. Wouldn’t that be amazing? You could have a best girl and a blind goat. Just think of it.”
Zeb was happy when Samuel turned the conversation to other things, but as they were unharnessing Beauty, after Josh had gone inside to clean up before dinner, Samuel couldn’t help returning to the subject.
“She likes you. That’s why she asked you, Zeb. Josh wasn’t so far off. You should have asked her out.”
“I didn’t get that feeling at all.” Though now that he thought of it, she had blushed prettily. Still, that could have been from embarrassment due to the topic. It probably was from embarrassment. “It took a lot of courage for her to ask for help with dating.”
“Why now?”
“She said the date with Lester made her realize she’s ready, but that he’s not the guy.”
“Okay. And why did she ask you?”
“Because we’re good friends.”
Samuel led Beauty to her stall as Zeb made sure everything in the barn was put in its proper place. They walked out of the barn into a perfect November afternoon—rainy but perfect. What farmer didn’t like rain? And he still thought of himself as a farmer, even if the money from the tours was quickly outpacing what he made from crops.
As they were walking up the steps to the house, Samuel said, “Sometimes a girl doesn’t know how to say she likes you. Sometimes she asks a different question.”
“That doesn’t even make sense.”
“Sure it does. Remember that story Mamm told us? She’d asked Dat to come over and help her with a washing machine, when what she really wanted was an excuse to spend time with him.”
“Okay. I guess that’s true sometimes, but I’m not sure it’s true in this case.”
“So, you’re just going to set Eunice up with someone else?”
“I don’t know. I’m going to think on it. I told her I’d give her some names.”
“I’ll tell you what you should do. Get a piece of paper and write one name on it. Write your name on it, and then take the woman on a proper date.”
Samuel bumped his shoulder against Zeb’s, and for a moment it felt like they were youngies, talking about which girl at school they liked. Zeb was only twenty-five years old, but when he thought about his younger self... When he thought about how carefree he’d been, it seemed as if that was a different person.
Later that night, he sat in the living room writing in his journal. It still felt awkward, but the counselor had insisted that it would help him process his feelings. What he’d learned since starting that practice was that feelings were messy. Often his feelings one day contradicted his feelings the next day. Many times he didn’t understand what he felt at all, but he was learning to accept those things about himself.
He wrote about the day, then about the story his mamm had told him before moving. The story about her broken heart and how it had taken awhile before she was ready to love again.
What if she’d never done that?
What if she’d never stepped out in courage after being hurt?
She wouldn’t have married their dat.
He and Samuel wouldn’t exist. Josh wouldn’t exist.
His pen froze over the paper. What he’d said to Eunice had been true. He had thought that not falling in love might be preferable to the pain he’d endured the last two years. But if he hadn’t fallen in love, he wouldn’t have Josh.
And there was something else his mamm had said.
He doodled on the side of the page, trying to remember her exact words. And when he was sure he had it right, he wrote it in the journal.
Sometimes love looks different the second time around.