Once before Lisbeth had sat in this parlor, waiting. She’d been with her mother that time, who had sat just there, on the maroon settee. There’d been papers to sign after her father’s death. So many papers, having to do with settlements, jointures and trusts. They’d come to London to sign them, just for a day or so, because her mother had needed a change after the first, dark weeks of her bereavement. And she’d thought it proper to pay a call on her cousin, the man in charge of their financial futures.
Mr. Thorpe had been less enthusiastic. He’d stood just inside the parlor door and rubbed a hand across his bald head. “Your visit is unnecessary. Did you not understand the nature of the arrangement I made with your husband? You are to do the nurturing, the guiding. I am to handle the money. I am good at handling money. I made your husband a fortune, which is why he asked me to act as trustee for your children. But that is the extent of my interest and involvement.” He’d made a curt bow. “Good day.”
Now Lisbeth wondered if the man would even consent to see her. But she wouldn’t be dismissed without a fight. She fought back a sob. She was tired of being shunted aside, overlooked. Her choices for her future were rapidly dwindling. She was going to seize upon Mrs. Hollendale’s position as her best option.
For nearly two years she’d run Aster Park. Thorpe knew her work. She’d kept strict accounts and sent him quarterly reports. Once he’d responded, questioning the high price of seed. It meant he’d read them, at least. And now he could exert himself long enough to write her a recommendation.
“I’m sorry, Miss, but it appears that Mr. Thorpe is from home.”
Rising, she answered with sarcasm. “Oh, what unfortunate timing.”
The man’s servant did not meet her eyes. “If I might suggest, he’s certain to be home on Friday at two o’clock.” He bowed and waited for her to follow him to the door.
Calmly, she turned right instead and started toward the back of the house.
“Now, wait,” he called.
She paid him no heed and began opening doors. Why was the house so musty? It felt dank and unused. Not until she reached a double door and swung it open did she understand.
Here was where all the living in the house was done. If it could be so called. It was a cavernous room, perhaps once a library. Now the bank of windows were covered with heavy draperies and the walls were covered with endless bits of paper. Maps, charts, shipping schedules, clippings and lists. Several points of heavily concentrated lamps created bright spots in the shadows. In one of them, at a paper-strewn desk, sat her trustee.
He spoke without looking up. “Now, draft a letter to the chit’s mother. Tell her the girl’s in Town after all and due back here on Friday at two o’clock. If she wants her, she can come and get her.”
Lisbeth closed the door behind her. “I’d prefer to avoid all that, actually.”
Thorpe raised his head. “Abandoned manners as well as propriety, have you?” He reached for a file. “What do you want?”
“Only what you’ve just ordered. A letter. It won’t take much time.”
“I’m not a secretary.” He ran an eye over her. “Why did you run off? What have you been doing with yourself?”
She chose to answer only the one question. “I’ve gone into service.”
His eyebrows rose. “Better than prostitution, I suppose.” He looked away. “But you would have done better to trade yourself for the cow.”
“Yes, well, it felt a mite too close to prostitution.”
He shrugged. “You would have had a house of your own, at least.”
“I might still, with your help. Or as close as may be.” She explained Mrs. Hollendale’s proposed position and her need for a recommendation.
“No.” He bent over his desk again. “Good day.”
Stunned, she asked, “That’s all?”
“Yes.”
“A letter is all I’ve asked for. You know I did well, running Aster.”
He shrugged.
“My father trusted you to see to my welfare!”
He set down his pen. “No, he trusted me to see to your fortune. A different thing entirely, and if you object, you may take it over yourself once you are one and twenty.” He frowned. “And I don’t believe your father would wish me to write that letter.”
“What?” She gasped. “Why not?”
Leaning back in his chair, he fixed her with a stern glare. “Investing is an art, young lady, and I’m good at it because I understand imports and exports, economies and expectations. At the heart, though, business is driven by human nature. People go into business, they buy, sell, succeed and fail for very human reasons. I am great at investing because I am a student of human nature. It is the key to my success.” He raised a brow. “And you stink of desperation.”
She blinked.
“You’ve got the bit in your teeth and you are running from something. You are reacting, not thinking. Good decisions are not made when you allow yourself to be spurred by emotion.” He shook his head. “Far better to dig out the root of the problem.”
She almost hated him in that moment. Not because he wouldn’t cooperate, but because he was right. She sank into a chair, stared into the closest grouping of lights.
She’d left herself at the mercy of a whole parade of emotions. Grief and embarrassment had been prodding her today, since the moment Lord Cotwell expressed the exact opposite of her own wishes. But she’d been reacting to hurt, betrayal and fear for far longer than that—since she’d heard her mother fall in with her stepfather’s heinous plans.
The flames danced before her and she felt a little sick. Hope and passion…and even love. She’d careened about, bouncing off them all in the last weeks. Perhaps she should just stop a moment and think. Decide exactly what she wanted, realize what she could have, and devise a plan to make the most of her circumstances.
Thirty minutes later she jumped when Thorpe barked at her. “What? Still here? What are you doing?”
She shook her head. “I think I’m planning a letter of my own.”
He rolled his eyes. “I said I understood people, not that I enjoyed their company.” He waved a hand. “Take yourself off and do your thinking and writing elsewhere.”
She rose, feeling the need to yield to just one more emotional impulse. On quiet feet she approached him, but he’d already begun scribbling furiously on a chart in front of him. Before he could object, she moved in and kissed him smack on his bald pate.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“Get out,” he replied. But closing the door behind her, she saw him grin and rub his head.
* * *
The closed pocket door mocked him. Edmund sat in the gathering dark in the study, and for the first time in . . . oh, since he could remember, his lab did not call to him.
He was waiting for Lisbeth to finish with Aurelia. He’d spooked her earlier, with his clumsy words. She’d gone from warm and lively to cold and stiff. Damn him for an ass, he worried that he’d given her the impression that she wasn’t wanted, when what he wanted to say was that she deserved so much more. But he damned her too, as he waited, for being vague about her ‘business.’ He’d brought Aurelia home, showed her the miniature giraffe and enjoyed her excitement, but the whole time he’d also driven himself mad with speculation, wondering if Lisbeth’s wounded feelings had driven her back to Vickers.
The thought seized his brain, shredded his gut and set him off on a brooding prowl about the lower rooms. Finally he stood at the bottom of the staircase, staring up into darkness, wondering if the nightly routine was finished, if he would prolong it with an interruption.
Surprising, then, to hear quiet footsteps come up behind him. He knew before he turned that they belonged to her.
So easily she reduced him to heat and ache. It appeared that she’d been prowling the house already dressed for bed, bundled tight in a long nightrail and wrapper, her hair loosely braided and pulled forward over her shoulder.
“Good evening, my lord.”
“I was waiting for Aurelia to go to bed before I came to find you.” It sounded inane. He felt incredibly, quite strongly, the opposite.
“It was a tiring day. She fell asleep early.” She ducked her head and fingered her robe. “Excuse my disarray, I finished up a letter and wanted to be sure it could be posted without delay.”
“Would you step into the study? There are some things I’d like to say.”
She hesitated, then lifted her chin. “Yes. I think perhaps it is a good idea.”
Edmund took the time to light a lamp at his desk, but he didn’t take the seat behind it. Instead he settled into the one in front of the desk, where she’d sat not so long ago, and motioned for her to take its mate.
She sat—and he leapt up again. So many things writhed inside him, looking for a way out. He had to keep in motion to contain them.
“I trust your business concluded satisfactorily?”
Her spine did not touch the back of the chair. “It concluded . . . unexpectedly.” A hollow laugh escaped her. “Although after the last weeks I’m sure I should just expect the unexpected.”
Staring into her mobile face he asked the question he’d precisely meant not to ask. “Was your business with Vickers?”
Shock loosened her starch and she slumped, just smallest bit. “What?”
Her indignation gave him hope. “It’s just that I was unaware you had any other acquaintance in Town.”
She drew herself straight. Her generous lips went tight. “There’s much you don’t know of me. More than I had thought if you believe I would run to James at the first bump—after the things he said? After finding what he did to Aurelia?”
He should be ashamed, he supposed. Instead he just felt relief. Because she hadn’t gone to Vickers—and also, strangely, because he’d been so enervated, felt so strongly again—even if it was jealousy.
She’d given that to him.
She breathed deep and he wondered at the price he’d have to pay, but suddenly she exhaled and all of her ire melted away. “Although that would have been an emotional knee jerk of a response, would it not?” She sighed. “I suppose I cannot blame you for expecting me to react in such a way. I’ve done little else since we met.”
“No, I apologize. I do not mean to criticize and I’ve no right to expect anything from you.” He softened. “It’s just that I do believe that you deserve so much. A Season, a husband, home and children of your own. Vickers won’t give you those things.” He failed to keep old bitterness from his tone. “He lies easily and makes promises lightly, and it is easy to make the mistake of believing in him. I’ve seen women do it.” He clenched his jaw. “I’ve done it myself.”
“Have you?”
He nodded. Crossed his arms and perched on the edge of the desk.
Unblinking, she waited. After a moment she relaxed back into the chair. “I think that what I deserve is to hear the full story. And I think you need to tell it.”
Alarm spiked. “I assure you, I do not.”
She studied him.
He could feel the stubborn set of his jaw, knew he must look mulish. He didn’t care. “It’s too racy for a lady’s ears.” And one of his most humiliating moments.
“I can handle it.”
He shook his head.
“Then I think perhaps we are finished.” She stood. “And that is perhaps the most unexpected development of all.” She gave him a small curtsy.
He let her go. All the way through the door before desire and need won out over pride. “Fine, then.”
She stopped, turned slowly and came back.
He walked over and shut the door, wondering what the hell he was doing. But she should know the facts that colored the past as she faced the future. Even if it painted him a fool.
She resumed her seat. “It was a woman, I suppose?”
He nodded.
“Was it serious?”
“God, no.” He laughed. “Nothing was serious back then. Freddy, Vickers and I were young bucks on the Town for the first time, sharing bachelor’s rooms as we’d shared apartments at school. We got up to all the usual stupid tricks and I enjoyed myself, although I already told you, I did not enjoy the same success with Society ladies as the others did.”
He cocked a smile at her. “Being young, male and of very little brain, I decided that if I was not going to get the polish I needed in the ton, then I would look for it in the demi-mondaine.”
“Not very laudable, but still, you were hardly the first to embark in that direction.”
“No. However, I felt the need to prove myself, so instead of just finding myself a kind, pretty girl from the ranks of the ladybirds, I decided I must have the prettiest, most sought-after of them.” He sighed. “Her name was Marquerite.”
He should be ashamed for speaking of such things. She should be appalled to hear them, but she only grinned. “Made a spectacle of yourself, did you?”
“A blazing spectacle,” he said grimly. “I pursued her with fervent passion, with flowers and champagne, with wine and song, with theater tickets and gifts. She led me on a merry chase and I enjoyed the hell out of it. Mostly because she was a brilliant strategist and let me a little closer every day.”
“I’d wager the respect of your peers grew apace with her affection.”
He brushed the hair from his brow. “There was a bit of back-clapping and hand-shaking when the rumor spread the fair Marquerite had at last decided to have me. Only Vickers wasn’t impressed. He did not enjoy my new notoriety. I thought he was merely waiting for the deed to be done before giving me credit.” He fell silent, lost to old memories.
“Was he?”
“We’ll never know. I was thrilled the day she was to consent to be mine, at least as long as I could afford her. I had the papers drawn up, prepared the love nest, and had only to wait for her consent. I proposed dinner to Freddy while we waited, to celebrate. I knocked on Vickers’ door, popped my head in to invite him—and found him lying underneath the lady in question.”
“Oh, dear.”
“Those were my sentiments, if not the words I used.” He’d let his fists express most of his disapproval and feelings of betrayal. “I’ve never understood it. We’d been the closest of friends for years, the three of us. Yet Vickers wasn’t sorry. He wasn’t even quiet about it.”
“Oh, goodness . . . the gossip . . .”
“The uproar,” he corrected. “I left town in disgust.” Only to meet with similar disappointments at home.
She sat quietly, her lips compressed.
And he sucked in a breath, exhaled deeply. Watching her, he made the decision to let it go. All the anger and the loss. He filled the empty places left with images of this tall, practical girl who had also known this sort of hardship. With visions of this odd beauty who still managed to live generously, kiss passionately, but didn’t yet believe in her own worth.
“I cannot be sorry I kissed you.” Rasping, he boiled the story down to its real point. “But I will be sorry to see you go. You were born to be a wife, Lisbeth, to make a home and keep a family happy. I can face giving you up so that you can meet your destiny, but I cannot abide the idea of losing you to someone like Vickers.”
Still, she regarded him steadily.
“Will you not say something?”
“I’m listening.” She paused. “And thinking.” She rose to her feet suddenly. “I think that you should go to the Ashburn’s party tomorrow.”
He was laying bare his soul and she was going to return to that old argument?
“It’s important for Aurelia to go. I shall take her if necessary, but I think that it’s also important for you to go.”
“I’m trying to explain how I feel,” he said stiffly.
“I know. I hear you. I do. But you must begin to have faith in someone sometime, and if is not to be here—” She faltered, visibly worked to gather herself. “You must begin somewhere.”
“It’s not about faith. My objection is about not wishing to put myself on display for society’s entertainment any more.” About not wanting to act the fool again. “I can’t think that would be good for Aurelia.”
“I have been listening, you see. And I also hear all of the things you haven’t said.” She stepped closer. “I understand that you don’t trust me.”
He wanted to argue—but the words didn’t come. “I . . . I don’t know what to say to that.”
“Don’t say anything. We’ve had an eventful few weeks. The best of my life.” Another step and she was almost upon him. “I’m so proud of what you’ve done for Aurelia. I know it was difficult to let her burrow in as close as she needed to come.”
“Without you I wouldn’t—”
She took the last step and stopped him with the soft press of her fingers against his lips. “You’ve helped me, too. You’ve made me see myself in a better light. I’m so grateful to you. And proud of myself, too. I’m stronger now. Strong enough to face my difficulties instead of running from them.”
She inhaled and he felt it all along the front of him. “I’m going home. Heaven knows I don’t want to, but I’m going back and I’m going to have my say, stand my ground. Thanks to you, I know I can take care of myself as well as others.”
His heart twisted. “Good.” Her hand still covered his mouth. The word emerged hot against her fingers.
She was leaving. It wasn’t good. But it was likely right.
She took her hand away. “I’m starting now,” she whispered, leaning full up against him, firing his blood with the press of her long torso to his. “I know you can’t give me everything I want, but this may be it, the last chance I have to feel this way.”
Plain words, but they seared his soul, ignited a hot pool of desire—and chilled him to the bone.
“I’m asking,” she said. “Whatever you can give—I want to take it with me.”
God, what she did to him. He’d been dead and dry inside for so long—now he felt bursting with life and need. Not new—but reborn. She’d reintroduced him to the entire gamut of emotion; interest, building desire, flaring passion, want. Fear, too, because he was alive again—with all of his experience and wisdom intact.
Gratitude flared too, because without her generous spirit and shining example he might never have found his way back.
She asked for reassurance and validation. He was going to give it to her—no matter how it hurt to let her go afterward.
They were mere inches apart now. Impossible for her to jump into his arms, but she managed something close, pressing tight and raising her hands to lock behind his head. She kissed him, demanding, nipping, and then melting, softening into the sweetest of supplications.
Impossible to resist. He was the dragon tamed by the sweet maiden’s touch. Except suddenly her innocent kisses were too sweet to fulfill the hunger roaring inside of him. He stood, pulling her with him and the kiss turned rough again. Their tongues clashed, danced while he wrapped his arms around her and hitched her hard against him. His cock surged against her, rock hard and insistent. He fought for control, bent and tucked a hand under her and lifted her into his arms.
Lisbeth broke the kiss, laughing a little, but her trembling betrayed her nerves. He carried her to the corner, to the chaise his mother had placed here, where she’d busied herself while his father lost himself in his studies.
Edmund stopped beside it. He let Lisbeth slide the long, slow way down the front of him. When her feet hit the floor he buried his face in the curve of her nape and drank in her hiss of pleasure.
With his big hands he covered her breasts. She gasped again and arched into him. Such a struggle to go slow, to be gentle. But he managed. He pushed her wrapper off her shoulders instead of tearing it away, tugged her night rail until one lovely breast sprung free. Her nipple hardened instantly. He raked it with his thumb, knelt to take it with his mouth. He set to teasing it with the graze of his teeth and the flick of his tongue. He palmed her other breast and she groaned long and low, then pinched her lips together and buried her hands in his hair.
Long moments later, he slowed. Lifting her as easily as he would a babe, he laid her down, settling her back into the corner of the chaise. Caught, he stood, just drinking her in.
Long and elegant. Creamy skin flushed with pink. Disheveled braid snaking around to rest against her luscious bare breast. He looked up, past kiss-plumped lips to midnight eyes.
He was hard and full, almost painfully aroused. He wanted nothing more than to claim her, mark her as his, once and forever. Instead, he sank down onto a knee and stretched out beside her.
Lisbeth reveled in his heat, lifted for his kiss, arched her breast into his caress. More. She wanted more. She’d gone wild with desire, reckless with need. In this moment he was hers and she wanted to drown in it.
So large, his hands. They made her feel delicate as they moved over her, fanning across her ribs and sliding down her hip. All the muscles in his chest rippled against her as he reached for the hem of her night rail, tugged it high. She let him, losing herself in the delight of his touch against her bare leg.
Her heart skipped when his touch skimmed inward, teased the delicate skin inside her thighs, urged them apart. Feeling wicked and wonderfully wanton she allowed it—and reeled when he touched her between her legs, right where she’d gone wet, slick and aching.
Bliss.
Her toes curled. She groaned deep and he put his mouth to hers and swallowed it.
He knew better than her what her body wanted. Where to circle slow, when to stroke gently, when to rub harder, faster until she nearly burst with pleasure.
“I feel like one of your gadgets,” she gasped.
“So much better than a gadget,” he growled. “But I am building you higher.” His finger entered her, just a bit, and her pelvis rocked involuntarily. “Higher still,” he whispered and flicked her with a steady rhythm that had her reaching, spiraling, leaving her body entirely behind while she condensed around one straining pulse of erotic pleasure.
She moaned, she thrashed—and she went over a precipice that she never knew existed. Falling, falling, she shook and tumbled and gloried in the tumult.
Minutes passed before she came back to herself. A new self, sated and feeling thoroughly feminine with the press of his hard body against her and the sound of his harsh breathing in her ear.
“Oh,” she said. A most selfish moment, but strangely she didn’t feel guilty. Feeling confident and strong, she reached down and cupped the enormous swell of his manhood, where it pressed against her hip.
He moaned and thrust hard into her. Then reached down and gently disengaged her hand.
“No.”
“No? But—”
“You’re going home,” he whispered. “It would be wrong to hold you here, to clip your wings.”
Everything inside of her stilled.
“I send you with every wish for your happiness—and I want you to remember this moment, remember that you deserve to be worshipped, my dear.”
A tear got away, slid down her cheek. He wiped it away.
“Whenever you are alone, facing your mother or stepfather, some moldy squire or any other obstacle, remember that you can fly, that you are a lovely, giving woman and that you possess power of your own. Enough to change your fate. Enough to save a little girl. Enough to conquer a lonely, prickly recluse and pull him back into the world again.
Almost, she asked. Couldn’t he come just a bit farther? Far enough to make room for someone beside him?
But she’d already asked, hadn’t she? And this had been her answer. A lovely, shattering interlude. But not enough.
She was done with not enough.
So she kissed his temple, laid a hand on his craggy, strong jaw. “Thank you,” she whispered.
She rose, scooped up her wrapper, pulling it on as she crossed the room. At the door she stopped and smiled back at him through a sheen of tears.
“Goodbye,” she said. “And welcome back.”
Turning, she went to her room. And on with her life.