24

It had not been Chris’s best Sunday since he came to Last Chance. First of all, Olivia had climbed out of bed on the wrong side and refused to get ready for Sunday school. She had begun to get along a little better with the other kids, but she’d never be Miss Congeniality, and today she was clearly not up to making the effort. Chris finally had told her that a week without Sunday school was a week without a riding lesson, and she had complied. But as she headed back to her room to get dressed, she gave him a look that said she thought he was playing dirty and she wouldn’t forget it.

Then the whole Cooley clan turned up for church. Sarah’s parents, Joe Jr., and Nancy Jo, didn’t make it to church on a real regular basis because they lived so far from town, but today they came. And with Elizabeth, Sarah, and Brandon, of course, they took up the whole pew. Brandon sat squarely in the middle of the group and held a hymnbook with Sarah. Chris sat on the other side of the aisle near the back.

After the service, while others moved forward to meet the young man sitting with Sarah, her parents, and her grandmother, Chris left the sanctuary by the side aisle and went to collect Olivia, who was in no better mood when he picked her up than when he’d left her.

She didn’t do more than roll her eyes when he tried to ask about Sunday school, and he gave up after a couple tries. Even after they got home, she still gave him the silent treatment.

“What’ll we have for lunch?”

Olivia shrugged and looked out the window.

“How about some macaroni and cheese?”

She looked at him then and answered in a voice dripping with scorn. “It’s not Thursday.”

“Sometimes life calls for a little mac and cheese even if it’s not Thursday, don’t you think?” Chris took a box from the cupboard.

“With hot dogs cut up in it?” She seemed almost ready to let him back in her life.

“Why not?”

“And with two, I mean, three cookies for dessert?”

He just looked at her. “You’re pushing it, you know that, don’t you?”

A real smile broke through, and she threw her arms around his waist. He placed his hand on her head and stroked her hair. Maybe there was a time in his life when problems could be remedied by mac and cheese with hot dogs and cookies, but for the life of him, no matter how far back he searched, he couldn’t remember that time.

Chris felt a little better later that afternoon, mainly because Olivia seemed to. He was lying on his sofa watching a football game when his phone rang.

“Kaitlyn. It’s been awhile.” He sat up and hit the Mute button on his remote.

There was a pause. Usually he let Olivia answer when her mom called.

“Olivia called. I’m just calling back.”

“You mean last Monday? You must have had a busy week.”

“Gosh, was it Monday? Are you sure? Wow. Well, better late than never, I guess. Can I talk to her?”

“I’ll get her in a minute. I want to talk to you first.”

“Oh no, what’d she do this time?”

“Actually, she’s doing pretty well. I think she’s starting to settle in. She loves horses and drawing. She’s even had a friend or two over to play.”

There was a long pause. “I miss her.”

“She misses you too. That’s why she called. Are you ready to come home?”

Another long pause. “Kaitlyn?”

“I’m here, just thinking.” He heard her sigh. “I don’t know, Chris. I do love Livvy so much, and I miss her. But when I remember how it was, how I could never go anywhere or do anything, I just don’t know if I’m ready to take that up again. Not yet.”

“I get that.” He chose his words carefully. “I know how much you love Livvy. And I’m just now learning how much work it takes to raise a little girl.”

“And you’ve just been doing it a couple months. Try seven years.”

Chris had only a second for prayer, but God, please help me here had seen him through a lot of tough times in the past. “You were so young seven years ago. I remember how scared you were. But you were determined to have Livvy and be the best mom you could be. I was proud of you.”

“And I’ve really messed up, haven’t I?” Kaitlyn’s voice was matter-of-fact and sad.

“You had Livvy, and what a gift she’s been to all of us. I know you didn’t get a lot of encouragement to choose that route. I remember Mom especially telling you what a foolish choice you were making. She was pretty adamant too, but you wouldn’t be persuaded.”

“You were with me. You were the only one.”

“Yes, and then I moved to New Mexico and left you to do it yourself, didn’t I? Great support.”

“Don’t say that. I’ve always been able to count on you. Even when I was little, I knew you were there.”

“Then let me be here for you now.” Chris repeated his prayer. God, please help me here. “I know you wanted to be a good mom, and we both know that hasn’t always happened. So let me take that load off your shoulders now. Let me be the one who sees to it that Livvy has everything she needs.”

“But you already . . .” Kaitlyn’s voice trailed off as the meaning of Chris’s words sunk in. “Wait. You mean for good?”

“I’m not talking about adopting her, if that’s what you’re worried about. You’re her mom and always will be. I’m talking about taking legal responsibility for Livvy. You’ve always said you never had the chance to be young, to really grow up. This will give you that chance. And Livvy will have the stability she needs too. Add that to the love she’ll have from both of us, and it sounds like a win-win to me. What do you think?”

In the silence that followed, Chris heard Kaitlyn sniff and knew she had started crying. He waited a moment. “Kaitlyn? Tell me what you’re thinking.”

“I do love Livvy. You know that, don’t you?”

“Of course I do.”

“Then why can’t I be a good mom?”

“Kaitlyn, listen to me. What good moms do is put their children first. You did that when you had Livvy after everyone told you how much easier it would be not to. Letting her stay here with me is putting her needs before your own feelings too. Both of those decisions show a different kind of good mom than we’re used to thinking about, but they’re good mom decisions nonetheless.”

“And I can see her whenever I want?”

“We’d both love to have you here as often and as long as possible.”

“I’d still be her mom?”

“And I’d still be her Uncle Chris.”

Chris had to listen carefully because Kaitlyn was crying in earnest, but he did hear her “okay.”

“Don’t cry. I think you’re going to see that all this is the best thing we can do for Livvy, and for you too. You two are still the most important people in my life, you know.”

“So what are you going to do next?” Kaitlyn sniffed and sucked in a long, shaky breath to steady her voice.

“I’ll become Livvy’s legal guardian, which means I’ll be responsible for her welfare until she’s eighteen or until we revisit this sometime down the road. I’ll start tomorrow by making some calls. And I’ll keep you posted every step of the way, okay?”

“Okay.” Her voice was stronger now.

“You’ve made a brave decision, Kaitlyn, and a good one for Livvy. I’m proud of you. Now, blow your nose and pull yourself together. Livvy has been waiting for this call, and I know she wants to talk to you.” He waited while she blew. “And Kaitlyn? Let me be the one to talk to Livvy about this, okay?”

“Okay.”

Chris walked back to Olivia’s room and tossed her the phone. “It’s your mom.”

As he went back to the living room, he heard Olivia’s voice chirping into the phone. As sure as he was that he had taken the right step, he was equally sure he was completely ill equipped for the task. As he settled back on the sofa, he sent up his prayer one more time. God, please help me here, because I sure can’t do this on my own.

Sarah had just slid her desk chair under her desk, slung her tote over her shoulder, and headed for the door after school the next afternoon when Chris stuck his head in.

“Are you busy?”

“I was just getting ready to head home. But come in. What’s going on?”

“I hoped I’d catch you before you left. Sorry to drop in like this, but coming by after dropping Livvy off at your grandmother’s is about the only time I can talk without Livvy around. Why don’t I just walk you to your car?” He reached for Sarah’s tote. “Let me carry that for you.”

Sarah surrendered her tote, as much surprised at herself for doing so as she was surprised by Chris’s gesture. She would have said she was perfectly able to carry her own belongings, and she was, but it seemed somehow natural for Chris to lift it off her shoulder and sling it over his own. He held her door open for her, and as she passed his shoulder, she looked up, still wondering why he’d come by.

He gestured with his chin toward the outside door down the hall to indicate he’d wait till they got outside before he’d talk, and she smiled to herself. Chris might have thought he was being discreet, but carrying her books silently down the hall like a shy middle schooler was anything but. There were still a few teachers in their classrooms who looked up as they trudged past.

“Okay, what’s up?” Sarah waited till they reached the parking lot before breaking the silence.

“Sorry for all the mystery.” Chris grinned down at her. “I haven’t talked to Olivia yet, so I didn’t want to be overheard. But since you’re her teacher I thought you should know that I’m filing for permanent guardianship of Olivia. I talked to her mom yesterday, and we both agreed it was the best thing we could do for her.”

“Really?” Sarah’s face split in a huge smile. “That’s tremendous news. Olivia is a different little girl from the one I met last summer, and I’ve got to believe that’s because she’s been with you. I only know a little about the life she was living before, but thinking she could go back to that at any time just tore me up. I know teachers aren’t supposed to have favorites, but that little girl has had my heart from the get-go.”

“It hasn’t just been me.” They had reached Sarah’s car, and Chris put her tote in the backseat. “You’ve played a huge part in her life, so has Elizabeth, and even Juanita and Carlos have been there for her. And to tell the truth, if I were alone in this, I’d still do it, but with a whole lot more trepidation. I’m going to need all the help I can get. You don’t need to tell Juanita I said that, though. She doesn’t need any more encouragement.”

Sarah gave him a quick hug. “Well, you’ve got it. We’re all here for you. And we’re praying for you too. So there’s no need for all that trepidation.”

“Thanks. I appreciate it.” Chris did not look at all eager to go, but glancing at his watch, he shrugged. “I guess I’d better get back to the Dip ’n’ Dine. They’ll wonder where I am.”

“Wait. I just wanted to say one thing.” Sarah put her hand on Chris’s arm as he started to leave. He stopped and raised a questioning eyebrow. “Remember last Saturday when Brandon and I were at the diner and he told you he didn’t need the map to Papa’s you drew after all because I didn’t want to go back?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, it wasn’t that I didn’t love Papa’s. I hope you know I did. I just didn’t want to go there with Brandon. I knew that it wasn’t his kind of place, and I just couldn’t bear to go there with him and listen to him get all snarky and critical. You knew that, didn’t you?”

“I guess I hoped it was something like that. I did think you had a good time when we went.” Chris leaned against her car. “So where did you end up going?”

As Sarah gave him a quick rundown of the day she and Brandon spent wandering aimlessly through the countryside and ending up at the restaurant outside Silver City, Chris smiled and nodded.

“I saw that day trip. It looked like fun. Livvy and I’ll have to do it one day too.”

“What?” Chris wasn’t making any sense.

“I wasn’t all that familiar with Western Home and Garden magazine, so I picked up a copy after the food editor came by the Dip ’n’ Dine, and it was the issue with the day trips in southern New Mexico. The one that you and Brandon took looked to me like the best one. I’m glad it measured up to the copy.” He looked at his watch again. “I really do have to go. Juanita and Carlos will be sending out a search party or, worse yet, figuring out they really don’t need me. Just wanted to tell you what’s going on with Livvy.”

“And I couldn’t be happier. Thanks so much for coming to tell me.” Sarah tried to smile as she watched him cross the parking lot. Her mom subscribed to Western Home and Garden. She’d have to get the copy Chris referred to. It wasn’t so much that Brandon had followed a day trip from a magazine. In fact, it might have been fun for the two of them to look at the article he found and decide together which trip they wanted to take. It was that he had led her to think that it was all spontaneous, had in fact lied to her about it, that made her feel so foolish. She had even congratulated him on his newfound ability to ease up on the reins, and he had accepted her praise as his due. How naïve he must think her—a real country bumpkin, incapable of picking up a magazine and realizing she’d been lied to.

A cold wind blew up when the sun went down, tugging at yellow leaves still clinging to the cottonwood branches and sending tumbleweeds chasing each other down the empty street in front of Sarah’s house. Occasionally an especially violent gust would shriek past her door or whine its way into her spare room through a tiny space left by a window that didn’t fit perfectly into its casing. Sarah knew that the sound of incessant wind put some people on edge, but she didn’t get it. The nights she spent as a child snuggled in bed listening to the wind’s unsuccessful assault on the walls of her life had left her with a sense of peace and well-being whenever she heard it howl.

A fire, the first of the season, crackled in her fireplace, and she curled up on the sofa under one of her grandmother’s crocheted afghans and sipped from a mug of tea. She was still furious and hurt that Brandon had tried to make her believe their drive Saturday had been a careless ramble when in fact he had not only read it somewhere but memorized it. She was also beyond embarrassed that she had fallen for it so completely. But as the evening wore on and she added another log or two to her little fire while the wind outside howled around the corners of her house, she found it harder and harder to stay as mad as she wanted to be when she confronted him. After all, she had known for years that Brandon was not a spontaneous person. Almost, in fact, from the time they met. And if he had gone to such lengths to present himself otherwise, it could only be because he thought that’s what she wanted. So who was trying to change whom? Of course, nothing altered the fact that he had concocted, and fed her, an elaborate lie, and she had no intention of letting that pass. Maybe she could learn to live with someone who loved a structured life, but no way could she live with someone she could not believe.

When her phone rang at 11:00, Sarah was still tucked under her afghan in a corner of her sofa, watching the last logs of her fire collapse into glowing embers.

She picked up her phone and settled herself a bit more comfortably. This could be a long and unpleasant conversation. “Hey, Brandon.”

“Hey, babe.” Brandon sounded like he was trying to be cheerful. “I’ve been thinking about you all day. I miss you already.”

“I’ve been thinking about you too.”

“That sounds promising.” His voice picked up a trace of enthusiasm, and Sarah could almost see him smile.

“Well, Brandon . . .”

“Wait.” He interrupted her. “Before you say anything, I’ve got to get something off my chest.”

“Okay, what?” Sarah didn’t think she could take many more surprises from Brandon today.

“That day trip we took on Saturday? It didn’t quite happen like I let you think it did.”

“Oh?”

“I wanted it to be the best day you’ve ever had, and since I don’t know the area that well, I did some research. I got the idea for the trip from a magazine.”

It took Sarah a second to regroup her thoughts. She certainly hadn’t expected to begin this way. “But why did you let me think you were making it up as we went along?”

“I didn’t mean to. I was just going to surprise you, but then you started telling me you didn’t even know who I was, and you seemed so happy. I just couldn’t give that up. I know I owe you a big apology. And I am sorry. I just couldn’t base what I know is going to become one of my all-time favorite memories on a lie.”

Sarah waited a moment. The day had been lining up to be one of her all-time favorite memories too, but that was gone, and nothing Brandon could say now was going to bring it back. She cleared her throat. “Thank you for telling me, Brandon. I know it was hard, and it means a lot that you did.”

“I have to be honest with you, babe. If we don’t have that, we don’t have anything.”

“No, no I guess we don’t.”

“So do you forgive me?”

“Of course.” She had been preparing what she would say all evening, but so, it appeared, had Brandon.

“Terrific.” She could hear the relief in his voice. “I can’t tell you how great that makes me feel. I can’t wait until Thanksgiving.”

“I feel better too.” Yes, Brandon had let her believe a lie, even if that hadn’t been his original intention, but he couldn’t let it stand. He had to tell her the truth. Didn’t that prove something?

Brandon rang off, claiming a 6:00 a.m. flight back to Chicago in the morning. She set the fireplace screen firmly in place, turned out the lights, and headed to bed.

Just as she was drifting off, an image from yesterday floated across her consciousness and jolted her to wakefulness. She and Brandon sat on the sofa at the ranch after lunch, and in front of them a fan of magazines was spread across the coffee table. She had paid no attention, but Western Home and Garden usually held pride of place. Had Brandon seen it there yesterday? Had he confessed to his deception because he thought he’d likely be found out anyway? She’d never know, of course, but doubt crept in again, and not even the lullaby of the wind could carry her off to an easy sleep.