Alexa Wú: September 21
Today is Friday. Alexa arrived very confused. She believed she’d done something “wrong,” which I suspect is her trauma history rearing its ugly head. When I informed her that we don’t meet on Fridays, she appeared ashamed and self-conscious. She was clearly disoriented and I was aware of a shift, a distinct switch, in her body language—becoming childlike. Once I’d explained that we only meet on Tuesdays and Thursdays, she became compliant, nodding and pretending to understand.
I suspect Alexa was in a dissociative fugue, and that one of her personalities, “Dolly,” somehow made her way to Glendown. Need to address the question of safety . . . ?
When I asked that she take a moment and have a seat, she insisted on standing. My countertransference indicated she was feeling immense shame, and that “getting something wrong” made her undeserving of a seat, or kindness even. I sensed she felt incredibly exposed at this point.
When I told her I had no time to see her today, she then became incredibly hostile. She tried to intimidate me by pointing in my face and accusing me of being a “useless piece of shit.” I suspect this was her “Runner” personality.
We should discuss this incident at our next session. But will bringing up her bizarre and aggressive behavior cause her further shame? Further anxiety? It is important to attempt integration by voicing what rogue personalities do whilst the host is in fugue, yet it can be beneficial if the personalities are left to discuss, raise, or reflect on their actions for themselves. Note: consider best course of action before next meeting.
Have I been neglectful? Unseeing and unalarmed? A bystander to her disorganized world? Should I have encouraged, or rather, insisted, that she stay . . . ? Demanded that her personalities explain the goings-on in her disordered mind?
Her condition is getting dangerous. Increasingly out of control.