List No. 069

CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS’ COMMANDMENTS

Christopher Hitchens

2010

Christopher Hitchens was a divisive journalist, author and critic who was never anything but outspoken when discussing religion, a subject that was particularly close to his heart and which he debated regularly and with passion. In 2010, in a piece written for Vanity Fair on the subject of the Ten Commandments, titled “The New Commandments”, he argued, with some tongue-in-cheek, that they should be revised, updated for our times. His piece ended with these suggested replacements.

Do not condemn people on the basis of their ethnicity or color.

Do not ever use people as private property.

Despise those who use violence or the threat of it in sexual relations.

Hide your face and weep if you dare to harm a child.

Do not condemn people for their inborn nature—why would God create so many homosexuals only in order to torture and destroy them?

Be aware that you too are an animal and dependent on the web of nature, and think and act accordingly.

Do not imagine that you can escape judgment if you rob people with a false prospectus rather than with a knife.

Turn off that fucking cell phone—you can have no idea how unimportant your call is to us.

Denounce all jihadists and crusaders for what they are: psychopathic criminals with ugly delusions.

Be willing to renounce any god or any religion if any holy commandments should contradict any of the above.