Like I said before, my dad is always trying to show me technology tricks and, usually, I only half listen to him. Okay, let’s be real, I never listen to any of that stuff. I just nod and smile, but it turns out some of those tidbits have found their way into my brain anyway.
“I remember my dad explaining how you could find hidden web pages on the internet,” I said. “Like things someone would put on their site that weren’t for just anyone. The trick was figuring out how to make that stuff visible.”
“I almost got eaten by a Snerb,” Fen said.
“Earth to Fen!” I said. “This is important.”
“Right,” Fen said. “Hidden pages?”
“When a search engine goes out looking for pages, it doesn’t find everything.”
“It’s unnerving when it stares at me,” Fen said.
I glanced at the Snerb and sure enough, its one giant eyeball was watching us.
“Anyway, when someone doesn’t want a search engine to find a page, they hide it with a tag called robot.txt.”
“That’s actually kind of interesting,” Fen said. “I think I’m starting to see where you’re going.”
“I bet if we go to the Colossal Chemistry website, but add atchtung.robot.txt, we’ll find something.”
I found the old Colossal Chemistry website, which was ColossalChem.com, and added the extra line: ColossalChem.com/achtung.robot.txt
“Is that what I think it is?” Fen asked, leaning in so close his face practically glowed off the tablet screen.
“You’re fogging up the glass,” I said.
“Sorry, backing up,” Fen said.
“It’s a chat feature,” I said.
The chat feature was staring back at us right there in the middle of the screen. A hidden chat feature, left there by Vexler herself.
I read the headline on the chat box: “For emergency use only.”
“I’d say we’re having a serious emergency, wouldn’t you?” Fen asked.
I nodded and put my fingers over the keys on the tablet.
“What should I say?” I asked.
“Here, I’ll do it,” Fen said. “I got a B- on my last paper. I can write.”
Fen started typing into the chat box:
“I’m not sure we need to tell her about my armpit,” I said. “I mean—”
Fen hit send.
“Hey!” I said.
“That was definitely a B+ message,” Fen said. “Maybe even an A-.”
“I did like the best friend part,” I admitted. “You really think so?”
It did sort of seem like the day we were having was forging a special bond between us. I liked Fen. He was fun even when something that grew out of my armpit was trying to eat his scooter.
“I’m the new kid in town,” Fen mumbled, shrugging his shoulders. “And you’ve been nice to me since day one. And I know your name is Jenny, I just like Jen-Jen better. Or Jenster.”
“I’ve never had a nickname before,” I said, and it was true, I hadn’t. “It’s cool.”
We both heard a soft ding sound coming from the tablet.
“She responded!” We both yelled at the same time. The Snerb made some wheezing sounds, coughed up about a hundred pillow feathers, and stared at us.
“Shhhhh,” I whispered.
And then we started to type, back and forth, for the next few minutes.
The following is the full list of chat messages between yours truly and a scientist called Vexler:
Vexler:
Me and Fen:
Vexler:
Me and Fen:
Vexler:
Me and Fen:
Vexler:
Me and Fen:
Vexler:
Me and Fen:
Vexler:
Me and Fen:
Vexler:
Me and Fen:
Vexler:
“Did she just put us on hold?” I asked.
“It would appear so,” Fen said.
About a minute later, Vexler was back.
Vexler:
Me and Fen:
Vexler:
Me and Fen:
Me and Fen:
Me and Fen:
Vexler never answered our last three messages, so we figured she was on her way to wherever we were going.
“Any idea how to find an address with those numbers?” I asked Fen.
“None whatsoever,” Fen said. “But we have a mutual friend who’s also a survivalist in training. I bet this would be a cakewalk for him.”
“Barker Mifflin,” I said.
I wasn’t sure about calling Barker. Not only was he a survivalist in training, but he was also sort of intense. Plus, I still felt like maybe I didn’t need any more help, since I had rarely asked for help in the past. Was I really going to ask another person for help?
“I know what you’re thinking,” Fen said.
“I’ll bet you five thousand feathers you don’t,” I replied.
“You don’t like asking for help,” Fen said as he reached over and picked a feather off my forehead. “But Jenny, sometimes we all need help. Next time it’ll be me. It’s nothing to feel bad about.”
I thought about what Fen said and I agreed, but that didn’t make it any easier to admit I needed friends to help me.
“Fine,” I said. “I owe you five thousand feathers.”
I dialed up Barker, put the phone on speaker mode so Fen and I could both talk, and Barker answered on the first ring.
“I didn’t see you after school,” Barker said. “How’s the situation with the armpit?”
So embarrassing.
“It’s complicated,” I said.
“Complicated how?” Barker asked.
“Um . . . how can I say this so you won’t freak out,” I replied.
“Something is growing out of Jen-Jen’s armpit,” Fen said.
“Thanks a lot, Fen!”
Total silence on the other end of the line.
“Barker?” I said. “Anyone there?”
“Are we talking about a potential zombie-land event or what?”
“No, not that, it’s not a zombie. It’s a Snerb.”
“Listen, Barker, we’re in a little bit of a rush on this,” Fen said. “Could we text you some GPS coordinates and have you send us an actual address? We don’t know how to read the numbers.”
“Kid’s stuff,” Barker said. “Send them over. Are you meeting someone there?”
I whispered to Fen. “I’m not sure we should tell him we’re meeting Vexler there.”
“I agree,” Fen whispered back. “Or maybe he could be good to have around?”
“You do realize I can hear everything you’re saying?” Barker said. “You two would make lousy international spies. Why does this sort of thing always happen to unprepared doorknobs?”
“Did he just call us doorknobs?” Fen asked.
“He might be right,” I said.
“Point taken,” Fen agreed.
“Okay we’ll meet you there,” I said. “And bring all that survivalist stuff you carry around. We might need it.”
“Holding for coordinates,” Barker said, and then he hung up.
“That kid was made for the moment,” Fen said.
“I know, right?”
I texted the GPS coordinates to Barker’s phone and then we sat there for a second staring at the Snerb. My room was basically destroyed, and we needed to get a very large Snerb down the stairs—and who knew how far after that! This was going to be a challenge.
“I’m going to need you to go to the garage,” I said.
“What for?” Fen asked.
I took a deep breath and stood up slowly so I wouldn’t spook the thing stuck to my armpit.
“We’re gonna need a wheelbarrow, a tarp, and some bungee cords.”