I never felt more like slinging my shoes
At the screws with that headline news
Listen while I’m telling yous
It’s rotten here in jail
You will find us in attendance
A rude gang of bad defendants
Drugged up TV dependants
No rehab no repentance
Heaven and hell in the same sentence
Rotten here in jail
Wide awake at the daylight hour
With a cloud o’powder and a perishing shower
Soap with the scent of a septic flower
Rotten here in jail
Barely lawful fucking awful
Awful bad in jail
Banged up in a stinking cage
With five guys all twice my age
Whose list of misdemeanours range
From road rape to date rage
It long ago went past the stage of
Rotten here in jail
Rotten here in jail
The communal telly’s gone
Everybody knows one of us has got it but
Won’t say which one
And he’s too scared to turn it on
I’m getting grief from this terrorist
He says I’m a moral derelict
He’s an armchair psychotherapist
Nobody likes a clever dick
It’s rotten here in jail
It helps to pass the bird lime
Sitting around to write this rhyme
I’m-I’m-I’m-I’m
Glad I done that fucking crime
It’s rotten here in jail
We got a shop I bought a bong
Since then I’ve been on the mong
The customer who’s always wrong
Rotten here in jail
With a bottle of binge and a bag of weed
I feel I’m part of a pampered breed
PAROLE that’s all I need
Rotten here in jail
Choice Iranian on my foil
It runs like virgin olive oil
It makes your fucking blood recoil
I’m living the life of a decadent royal
It could spoil – It could spoil you
It could spoil you rotten here
Rotten here in jail
Bad news in the mail
I sleep like a log I’m a pure dog
Rotten here in jail
Alone at last – Nirvana
Oh yeah king banana
Just me and Mrs Palmer
At it like a melon farmer
Rotten here in jail
They got me shifting shale
Bent double with a short shovel
Rotten here in jail
Run you ragged and rob you blind
Do the time and I won’t mind
Take it easy – unwind
In a win-win situation kinda
Rotten here in jail
If it comes on top well I can’t fuck off
Rotten here in jail
Shuffling around in shite shoes
Supplied with drugs and booze
Every substance a guy could abuse
You must have seen it on the Ten O’Clock News
Rotten here in jail
Rotten here in jail
It’s an open prison since the roof went missing
Rotten here in jail
Me I’ve never been so free
Trouble is neither has he
And him and him
And that he or she
Rotten here in jail
Keep your head down till you bed down
Rotten here in jail
He was clean but now dag nab it
He got himself a brand new habit
He sucks your dick he’s the faggot
Rotten here in jail
The library’s bound to fail
Since the sudden departure of Jeffrey Archer
It’s Rotten here in jail
Is the food awful – is it F
Is the awful are you deaf
Is the food awful – is it F
It’s cooked from fresh till there’s nothing left
By a tax-dodging celebrity chef
Rotten here in jail
You’d have to forage to find any porridge
Rotten here in jail
A nice bit of steak and the odd potato
Clean socks on the radiator
Can’t complain but check me later
Rotten here in jail
When somebody dies it’s a nice surprise
Rotten here in jail
Parf parf toot toot
One day when I ain’t so cute
I’ll be kicking your arse with a solid gold boot
Rotten here in jail
Election night – get my coat
Vote vote vote for Raoul Moat
A punch up the throat that’s all she wrote
ROTTEN – HERE – JAIL