A woman went wild when she went to college she
Challenged every patriarchal policy
Achieved a degree in knowledgeology
Before the days of sexual equality
A-carrying a flag that was never gonna fly
For the neighbourhood know-it-all
The go-to guy
A chip-pan fire in a two-room flat
You find him wearing the fire chief’s hat
A social panic, a topical disease
He’s there already with his expertise
Tell him what happened – he’ll tell you why
Neighbourhood know-it-all
The go-to guy
People claim to be smarter than he
He, however, can’t agree
Every query begets a theory
The big idea we fear is nigh
From the neighbourhood know-it-all
The go-to guy
Physics, history, science and sport
The news behind any news report
Compelled to wear a skid lid
His brain’s insured for a billion quid
Better informed than you or I
Neighbourhood know-it-all
The go-to guy
Pain, grief, poverty, crime
Been around for a long time
There there fair’s fair
Everybody gets their share
Something’s gonna kill us unless we die
Quoth the neighbourhood know-it-all
The go-to guy