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I didn’t want to talk about this. I didn’t want feelings and emotions to ruin a perfectly good night. That was the reason I had stayed out so late, and yet here we were. I knew that if I started talking it would all come flying out of me.
I looked down to the hand on my wrist, “Can we just let this go, Holt?”
Holt looked up at me, his bulging muscles on display. Man, he looked amazing, the boy could be an underwear model. I didn’t want to ruin what we had. Why did we have to talk?
“I can’t let it go, Hunt,” his voice was calm and determined.
I sighed, because I knew that this just might be the beginning of the end.
“Okay,” I said, “But put a damn shirt on. I can’t look at you like that without wanting to jump your bones.”
His smile was pure sin, “I like it when you jump my bones.”
“I do too, that’s part of the problem,” I grumbled.
He frowned while pulling on a JMU football team t-shirt, “So, we do have a problem?”
I shook my head, “No, we don’t have a problem. I have numerous problems.”
Holt seemed to think it over, “Then let me help you.”
You have to hand it to the boy, he is endearing.
“Holt, you are perfect, and I wish that you could solve everything with peanut M&M’s.”
He smiled at me, “Tell me.”
I took a deep breath, “I know about what happened at Christmastide.”
I watched the smile slide from his face. And then the color seemed to fade away like a watercolor left to fade in the sun.
“How is that possible? My father spoke with the principal, there was a donation, you should never have been involved.”
I smiled sadly, “Principal Morris wanted to teach me a lesson.”
Holt looked at me in horror, “No!”
“I had heard that you and the dick-wads were selling pills. I didn’t believe it at first. But I knew that you were having a hard time with your parent’s divorce. And I could see that you were lost, Holt.”
Holt’s eyes were stricken, “I never meant for you to be hurt.”
I shook my head, “It wasn’t until I saw you at Christmastide, you were high, and not acting like yourself. The real you, would never have made fun of me, that’s when I put it all together.”
Holt’s eyes filled with tears, “I feel horrible for hurting you. You can’t know how much it destroyed me.”
My heart was breaking for him, “I’m not mad, Holt, not anymore. It was shortly after that Principal Morris pulled me in and told me that you had named me as the one that had given you the pills. And that your father had offered to pay for therapy for me because of my home life.
After all, I couldn’t help what I was – he said. Trash always produces more trash – he said. But he wanted to be sure that this was on my permanent record. He asked that I be tried in the juvenile courts as an adult.”
Holt was horrified, “I had no idea.”
I smiled ruefully, “It was actually the dick-wads that got me off, they both came in and confessed. Then your dad’s lawyers got involved and Principal Morris backed down.”
Holt’s hands were shaking, “You must hate me.”
I let out a loud sigh, “I don’t hate you. I have never hated you. I’m not sure that I know how to trust you. But I don’t hate you.”
And then because I couldn’t stand it any longer I went over to him and gathered my childhood best friend into my arms. The big football player that could kick anyone’s ass, with wicked muscles and an amazing six pack, sat on his bed and cried.
“I’m so sorry, Hunter. How can you ever forgive me?” he whispered.
I held him tighter, “It’s not about forgiving Holt. I did that a long time ago. It’s about finding another way.”
We didn’t sleep for a long time that night.