9

 

Her suitcase lay open on the lavender comforter, the lid propped against the white headboard. Everything about this room screamed teenage girl except Sadie’s grungy sweatshirts.

Most of Sadie’s clothes lay in a heap on the floor where she’d dumped them after taking advantage of Marjorie’s laundry room. She hoped her old washer and dryer would work once she got the power back on, but she wasn’t counting on it.

She grabbed a T-shirt off the top of the pile, folded it, and set it in the suitcase. Then she grabbed the next item and stuffed it in.

What would Max decide? Sadie glanced at her watch. Too many hours lay between now and dinner.

She stuck in pairs of underwear, picked up a sweatshirt.

The interview the night before had gone well enough, but the restaurant’s manager had wanted someone with more experience, not someone who hadn’t waited tables since college.

She had to find something. Without a job, she wouldn’t be able to fix her house, and without the house, she wouldn’t be able to find her father.

Mostly, Max had to come through. If he really cared about her, he’d loan her the money. Relationships were about caring support, right? Without his support, how could she even consider having a relationship with him? He had to know that. So she fully expected him to say yes. He had to. Otherwise, her plan would fall apart.

Max would call that Sadie-logic.

Her cell phone trilled, and she grabbed it, hoping it was him. But the number wasn’t Max’s. “Hi, Mom.”

“Hi, honey. How are you?” Her mother’s voice was softer than her usual crisp, businesslike manner.

“I’m all right. How are you?”

“You know me. How was your dinner with Max the other night?”

“How did you...? You talked to him?”

“I wanted to make sure he’d found you before I called. I didn’t want to spoil the surprise. Did you have fun?”

“Oh, yeah. He looks so different.”

“Sexy, I’d say.”

“Mom!” Sadie giggled. “Seriously.”

“I might be old, but I’m not dead.”

Old? Her mother was barely fifty. Sometimes people mistook them for sisters.

“So, how was it? Did he take you someplace nice?”

Sadie described her meal with Max, leaving out the part where Max had told her he had feelings for her.

“Are you going to see him again?”

“Dinner tonight. He’s picking me up at six.”

“Oh, you should take him to Benny and Sal’s. I miss their pizza.”

“It’s closed, Mom. Flooded in the storm.”

“Oh. I didn’t think about that.”

Silence settled between them. Her mom cleared her throat. “And how’s the house?”

“Not...great. It’s not in a flood zone. I don’t have flood insurance.”

Her mother’s business-voice surfaced. “What about FEMA?”

“I filed a claim, but from what I hear, it will be a long time before I get any relief from them, and it won’t be much.”

Sadie heard a muted voice through the phone.

“Hold on a sec, hon.” Sadie could still make out the words that sounded like, “Tell him I’ll call him later.” The muted voice, again. Then, “This is important, too. It’s Sadie.” Another pause. Then, “Sorry about that.” Her mother must’ve lifted her hand from the phone’s speaker, because her voice was back to normal.

“No problem. How’s work?”

“The same. You know.” Mom had worked her way up from being a secretary to being the vice president of HR for a health insurance company.

Sadie must be such a disappointment.

“Anyway,” her mom continued, “tell me about the house.”

Sadie continued folding clothes while she talked. She hadn’t planned to tell her mother everything, but it felt good to have a listener. When she’d finished, her mother didn’t speak right away. Sadie chewed her lip while she waited.

“Do you think Max will say yes?” her mom finally asked.

“I don’t know. If he doesn’t, would you consider loaning me the money?”

Another few heartbeats of silence were followed by a sigh. “No, honey. You know, I’d do anything for you. But I just can’t support this thing you’re doing. I loved your father very much. I still do. But he’s never coming home.”

“You don’t know that. You can’t.”

“Sadie, if Dad could’ve come home, he would have, a long time ago. You have no idea how much he loved you. How much he loved me. He would never have stayed away this long if he could’ve helped it.”

Sadie’s fists balled around a sweater. “Believing that made it a lot easier for you to give up on him, huh?”

“I didn’t give up on him, honey. I went on with my life. I had to. I had to take care of you.”

“Don’t blame me. You moved away, pursued your career, left Grandma here to worry about him.”

“And he never came home. If he had, I’d have been there for him. Grandma understood—”

“Grandma never understood how you abandoned him the way you did.” Sadie’s voice rose.

“That’s not true. Grandma supported my decision to leave. She knew I had to make a living. And I didn’t abandon him, Sadie.” Her mother’s voice calmed as her words slowed. “He abandoned me.”

“You drove him away.”

Her mother sighed again.

The seconds ticked by while Sadie stared at the far wall through a haze of angry tears.

“Why do you think I drove him away?”

Sadie grabbed another item from the floor and folded it, making a mess of it and not caring. “I remember what happened that night. Dad and I were looking at the stars, and he was telling me a story. He got spooked, like he did sometimes. And then you two got into a big fight, and he left. If you hadn’t fought with him, he would have stayed.” As soon as the words were out, Sadie regretted them. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying...I shouldn’t have said that.”

“If it’s what you believe, then you should’ve said it a long time ago.” Her mother’s voice came through, quieter, more controlled. “Do you remember where you were when you and Dad were looking at the stars?”

Sadie thought back. She’d only been eight, and the details were fuzzy. “We had to have been in my bedroom, because we had a good view of the street. What difference does it make?”

“Think back, Sadie. Were you looking out your window?”

She squeezed her eyes closed, tried to remember. She and her father had been sitting side-by-side. She’d always had a nightstand in front of that window, so how could they have been looking out the window together?

“I don’t know. It’s the only thing that makes sense.”

“Your father talked you into climbing onto the roof. You two were sitting on the roof, looking at stars.”

Sadie sat on the floor beside the pile of clothes, remembering. The roof tiles had been wet from rain. The water had soaked through her pajamas and onto her skin. Her father had been talking about...flying. A sick feeling filled her stomach, and she wrapped her free arm across it.

“I left him alone with you for ten minutes, Sadie, and he dragged you out your window onto a wet, slick rooftop. And he was telling you that you could fly. That the two of you should fly away together.”

Sadie shook her head, swiped at the tears dripping off her chin. “No, he would never hurt me.”

“Of course not, not on purpose. But I couldn’t take the chance.” Her mother paused, and when she spoke again, her voice cracked. “He trusted me. When we fought, it was because he’d seen the police car and the ambulance turning at the end of the block. I’d called them, because I wanted him to be hospitalized. I thought maybe with some meds he would come back to us.”

“You shouldn’t have called them.” Sadie had spoken in anger, but her words dropped into a deep well of pain.

“I had to. I couldn’t do both, protect him from the hospital while I protected you from him. It broke my heart, but I chose you.”

Sadie covered her mouth and sobbed silently.

“Sweetheart, I would do anything to fix this for you. I loved your father with everything I had. He was my best friend. We’d been together since ninth grade. Living without him—it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But I had to think of you.”

“I need him, Mom.”

Her mother sniffed. “I tried to be enough for you, but I know you needed your daddy.”

Sadie brushed away her tears, cleared her throat, and squared her shoulders again. “Thank you for telling me.”

“I probably should have told you before. I just wanted to protect you, protect your memory of him.”

“It doesn’t change anything.”

Her mother uttered a short, humorless laugh. “I didn’t figure it would. You’re as stubborn as your father.”

“But you won’t loan me the money?”

“Sorry, honey. But you’ll always have a home here.”

Sadie ended the call and resumed packing. If Max didn’t come through, she would be out of options.