CHAPTER NINE

SEAN MANAGED TO make one of Rick’s basketball games that week. He had to admit he had a good time but he still wished he could spend more time alone with Cynthia, instead of competing with everything else in her life.

Still, the last few days had been wonderful. The nicest he could remember. He’d even enjoyed the family aspect of it. There was a feeling of belonging that he’d not known in a long time. Even acceptance. Her family was one he could be proud of. He puffed with pride when Rick was named most valuable player at the end of the game.

Cynthia did spend Sunday in his bed. After making long, lazy love they were wrapped in each other’s arms when she asked, “So the grant application is ready to go?”

“First thing in the morning. Now all I have to do is wait.”

“That’ll probably be the worst part.” She frowned, then brightened. “We should celebrate.”

The idea startled him. He never thought to do that. “Like how?”

“You know. Have some fun.”

There was that word again. “Don’t we need to save that until we know if I get it?” Sean asked as he ran a finger along her arm.

“No, we should do something special.” She sat up and looked at him while pulling the sheet up to cover her gorgeous breasts.

“What we were doing just now was fun.” He snatched the sheet away.

“Stop.” She grabbed at the material. “I want you to concentrate on what I’m saying.”

He did have a hard time thinking straight when she was naked.

She looked at him earnestly. “Making love is enjoyable but you need to let loose some, Dr. Donavon. Go somewhere, do something. Have fun.”

Could this be a chance to get her to himself for a little while? No interruptions. No having her running home. Fun wasn’t something he was well versed in but he knew how he’d like to celebrate. By having Cynthia all to himself. “Maybe that’s not such a bad idea.”

She perked up. Excitement filled her voice. “What would we do?”

“Something like you and me going away for a few days. I have a buddy who has been trying to get me to use his cabin on a lake north of here. We can celebrate there. He said something about it being available next weekend. How does that sound?”

Cynthia withered, seemed unsure. After a few seconds, she rallied to say in a cheery voice, “Okay, that sounds nice. I’d like that. Rick’s season is over this Tuesday night so I’m free.” She grinned. “And I like going to a lake even in the early spring.”

“Then I’ll set it up.”

* * *

Monday afternoon there was an email in Cynthia’s box:

She anticipated the coming weekend like a child waiting to open a long-expected gift. An entire weekend with Sean sounded like pure heaven. The last week, despite the juggling of their schedules, had been amazing. She’d never been happier or felt more complete.

As she daydreamed the phone rang. She picked up her phone hoping it might be Sean.

“Cyn.” It was Mark.

“Hey, what’s going on?”

“My car has died.” He sounded disgusted.

“Where’re you?” She was already thinking about where they were going to get the money to pay for the repairs.

“I made it to work but it was smoking when I got here. I don’t know if it can be fixed. I’m going to have the guy here give it a look but it doesn’t look good.”

“All right.” This was all they needed.

“I’m going to need to borrow your car to get to work the rest of this week,” Mark said.

“I know. I’ll be there to pick you up after work.” And she wouldn’t be going to Sean’s tonight.

She emailed him:

Sean wasn’t going to like that email at all. More than once she’d noticed his lips thinning into a tight line before he’d realized she was watching him as she’d mentioned something she needed to do for her brothers. But with the weekend coming up she planned to focus all her attention on him. With his family background, he must have felt as if he was secondary to anything her brothers were doing. She never meant for him to feel that way but it must seem so to him.

Cynthia had already told Mark and Rick she’d be gone over the weekend and could be reached by phone. They’d had a few questions and grinned at her knowingly but otherwise hadn’t been interested. Maybe they didn’t need her as much as she thought they did. The idea was sort of liberating. She’d been living on hold for so long it was nice to have a change in her life.

After Tuesday night’s game that week, on the drive home Rick told her that his coach had announced an unscheduled tournament the coming weekend. The same one she and Sean would be out of town. Rick had already made arrangements to stay with a basketball buddy for the weekend, but she hated to miss the games. Still, she wouldn’t let Sean down again. He deserved better. This time she would choose him over her brothers.

She’d never done anything like going away with a man before. Had never been straight up about where she would be when it came to her brothers. She had it bad. No, she was afraid she might be in love.

Where that was going to get her she had no idea. Did Sean feel the same way? It didn’t matter; her heart was going to take a beating if he didn’t feel the same.

After waiting impatiently for the coming weekend, Cynthia gazed out of the windshield as Sean pulled up the pine-lined drive to the side of the log cabin. A porch spanned the length of the front. The fading evening sun glistened orange off the lake nearby. There couldn’t have been a more perfect spot in the world. She could hardly wait to have Sean to herself for a couple of days.

Together they climbed the steps to the porch. He unlocked the door and entered ahead of her as she looked off over the lake.

Cynthia joined him. “Sean, this is wonderful. I may never leave.”

He flipped on a light over the sink. Coming to her, he pulled her into his arms. “That would suit me just fine. I’m not sure I could ever get enough of you.” He kissed her.

Minutes later and leaving her panting for more of his kisses, he said, “I’d better get things in before it gets dark.”

“I’ll help.” She started toward the door.

“No, you won’t. This weekend is about me taking care of you. And you doing nothing that isn’t just for you.”

She followed him out on the porch. “Hey, when was that decided?”

“I did it on the way up here,” he threw over his shoulder. “Now hush and go explore the rest of the place. I’ll be done here soon.”

Cynthia did as he instructed. The main area was just one large room with the kitchen on one side and a sitting area with a fireplace on the other. She found two bedrooms at the back of the place. One was smaller with bunk beds and the other was larger with a bed that took up most of the space. A quilt covered it and there was another on the end of the bed. Outside the back door was an open-air shower.

“So what do you think?” Sean called.

“I love it.” She went back to the kitchen where he was unloading the bags of groceries they’d bought at a small store a few miles away.

“You hungry?” he asked.

“No. I’m still full from that burger. It was good.” They had stopped on the way at a local burger place his friend had recommended.

“I could tell from the amount of juice running down your chin.” He grinned at her then put a jug of milk in the refrigerator.

She raised her nose in the air. “Like you were any better.”

“What would you like to do first? We can walk down to the lake. Sit on the porch. Or watch the rest of the sunset. Start a fire. It’s up to you.” Sean put the last of the supplies away.

“I think I would like to try out the interesting shower before it gets completely dark.” She picked up her bag and carried it to the large bedroom. There she pulled out a new short nightgown and headed for the bath. She found what she needed before going outside. Hanging the towel on the rail, she turned on the water and made sure it was warm before she quickly undressed and stepped under the steaming water.

“I had no idea the shower was outside. I don’t know about this,” Sean said from the door opening above her.

“Come on in. This is rather liberating. Live a little, Doc.”

Her face was lifted to the water when Sean stepped in behind her. His hands skimmed her hips, stomach and then cupped her breasts. “I’ve missed you to the point of pain,” he said as he nuzzled at her ear. “The days were long and I can’t wait to have you.”

She turned and took him in her hand. “Doctor, I have just the cure for that.”

* * *

Sean woke to Cynthia’s body curled against his and his arm across her waist the next afternoon. They lay on the floor in front of the now cold fireplace.

To his great pleasure he’d woken this morning in bed with her tucked under him. The air had been crisp and he’d been warm and content. When was the last time he could have said that?

They’d had a late breakfast, then gone for a long walk along the edge of the lake. She’d dared him to go skinny-dipping. Laughing and shivering, they’d run back to the cabin for a hot shower. They’d then built a fire, and made love again. Now he hoped to do it all over again.

More than once she’d asked him if he was having fun. He was. A lot.

He’d never spent so much uninterrupted time with one woman and still wanted more of her. He wished he could have her in his life forever. Needed her was more accurate. He wasn’t going to settle, nor let her, for one day here and another there. This weekend had proven he had to have her to keep him open to possibilities.

He was in love. There was no doubt about it. How that had happened he had no idea. Maybe he did. It was simple: Cyn.

He looked down.

Cynthia was watching him. “Hey there, handsome.”

Sean smiled. “Hey, beautiful.”

They didn’t even have a chance for a kiss before her phone rang. She looked away. “I’d better get that. Probably someone trying to sell me something but still. I told the boys not to call me unless it was an emergency.” She untangled herself from him and went naked to pick up the phone.

He’d expected she might call home but to his joy she hadn’t. Yet as a doctor, he knew the importance of people being able to get in contact so he accepted her need to answer.

“Hello.”

“Yes. This is Cynthia Marcum.”

“Oh, no.”

Sean stood and came toward her.

“I’m on my way. Yes. I’m his sister. Next of kin.”

This wasn’t good. He moved closer.

“What hospital?” There was a pause. “UAB. Good. I’m on my way. I’ll be there in an hour and a half.” She hung up. “We have to go.” She started to the bedroom.

“What happened?” Sean followed her.

“Rick got pushed into the bleachers during the game. His face has been injured. He’s going to need surgery.”

Cynthia started dressing. She wouldn’t even look at him.

“I’m sure he will be fine.” He tried to take her into his arms but she pushed him away. “We need to go.”

Sean didn’t try further. No doubt she was letting guilt swamp her. As if she could have done anything if she had been there. Sean pulled on his clothes, threw his other items in his bag then called the hospital requesting to speak to the emergency department. After a few minutes, he had a clear picture of Rick’s situation.

Cynthia joined him with her bag in hand.

“I just talked to the doctor seeing about Rick. He’s going to be fine. He needs surgery but he’s young and should do great.” Sean hoped to reassure her. She was acting panicky. Her face twisted with worry, and her hands shaking.

“Do you know the man who’s going to do it?” she asked.

“I do. It’s me.”

She searched his face. “You? Can he wait that long?”

“Cynthia, this isn’t a life and death issue.”

Her face turned furious. “He’s my brother. As far as I’m concerned it is life or death!” Striding ahead of him, she was out of the door and almost to the car when she said, “I should have been there.”

On the way to the hospital Cynthia said little. Her eyes were so serious and sad. Sean wanted to hold her but he couldn’t do that while driving. He made a couple of calls and organized his team for the upcoming surgery. At the hospital, Sean pulled into his slot in the parking lot. Before he could turn off the engine, Cynthia was out of the car and stalking toward the ER. He caught up with her. “We’ll go through the staff entrance.”

At the nurses’ station, he asked what trauma room Rick was in. When they entered she hurried to the bed.

“Oh, Rick, I’m sorry I wasn’t there. How do you feel?” She gently touched the top of his head, then his hand.

The boy did look awful with his swollen face and the purple and red discoloration beneath his eyes. Sean was used to the appearance but probably for Cyn it looked much worse on her beloved brother.

“Hey, Cyn. I’m fine. I’ll be fine. It’s just hard to breathe,” Rick complained.

“I’m going to fix that,” Sean said, stepping closer to the bed.

Rick looked at him with bloodshot watery eyes. “You’re going to do the surgery?”

“You want the best nose guy in town, don’t you?” Sean smiled at him.

“Yeah, I’d like to have a nose instead of a pancake.”

“Understood.” Sean touched Cynthia’s back, gaining her attention. “I’m going to step out and look at the results from some tests I ordered. I’ll be back to examine Rick in a few minutes.” To Rick he said, “We’ll be going into surgery within the hour.”

Cynthia didn’t even acknowledge him. Her actions baffled Sean. She was acting as if he’d caused Rick’s accident. Was she blaming him for her not being there when Rick got hurt? Hadn’t she learned from her parents that some things couldn’t be prevented?

He reviewed all the material and discussed with the ER doctor what had been done so far for Rick, then returned to his room. Cynthia still stood beside his bed with her hand on his arm.

Sean stepped toward them. Cynthia threw him a quick glance when he announced, “Well, Rick, you took a good shot to the face. I’ve reviewed the X-rays and CT. You have an extreme septal hematoma. It’ll need to be surgically repaired so you can breathe correctly. Thankfully you don’t have a broken cheekbone. What I’ll do is straighten your nose. You’ll have packing inside and a brace across it when you come out of surgery. Give it a few weeks and you should be back to normal. Now, before I leave to get ready for surgery I need to give you a quick exam.”

Cynthia stepped back and allowed him in closer to the bed. Sean gently touched around Rick’s face, at his ears, jaw and neck. He finished, pleased that the young man didn’t flinch any more than expected. Rick was lucky the injury wasn’t worse.

There was a knock at the door. Ann Marie stuck her head in the room. She wore an unsure smile. “Can I come in?”

Rick groaned. “Now you get to see me as the Elephant Man.”

Sean touched Cynthia’s arm. “Can I talk to you outside for a minute?”

With an unsure look, she glanced back at Rick before following him out. Outside the room, she turned worried eyes up at Sean.

“I just wanted to give you an idea of what’ll happen. Surgery will take a few hours at least. Rick will probably be out of it until morning. I’m going to give him some pretty strong pain meds. I want him to spend the night here just to make sure everything is okay and rule out a concussion. He had a major trauma to his head. If he has no issues he should be able to go home tomorrow.”

“Is he going to be okay?” Her eyes begged for reassurance.

Sean hugged her and kissed the top of her head. “Rick’s going to be fine. Promise.” He released her so he could look at her face. “You can stay here with him until he’s ready to go to surgery. I’ve instructed one of the nurses to show you to the waiting room. I’ll meet you there when we’re done.”

She grabbed his arm. “Take care of my brother.” “You know I will.” Sean patted her hand and headed down the hall.

* * *

Cynthia didn’t like waiting. Especially when a loved one was involved. She’d paced the waiting room, spoken to Mark who was at work and would be here as soon as he got off. Now she was mindlessly watching the TV without really hearing or seeing it. Other families had come and gone in the waiting room, but she remained.

She took a chair and put her head in her hands. What had she been doing? She should have been at the basketball game instead of off with Sean. She was responsible for Rick. When he had needed her she’d been curled in Sean’s arms. Her parents would be so disappointed in her.

Cynthia hated it but she was going to have to give up Sean. There was no way she could meet her obligations to her brothers and to Sean too. One of them would have to wait. Unfortunately, right now in her life that must be Sean. She would be tearing her heart out to do it but she would. It wasn’t fair to him to take second seat all the time. If she gave him up it wouldn’t be that way any more.

She must to tell him soon. For his sake and hers.

With relief, and a sadness that went bone deep, she was glad to see Sean come through the doors toward her. He was still wearing his blue surgical cap and matching scrubs. What she appreciated the most was the smile on his face. Surgery had been successful.

When she reached him, he pulled her close. She resisted holding tight. He gave her a concerned look. She didn’t give him time to ask questions. “By the look on your face Rick is doing well.”

“He is. He’s being moved to a room and you should be able to see him in about an hour. Someone will come tell you what room. They were having to juggle rooms when I last asked. Are you good?” Sean studied her. Anxiety showing in his eyes.

“I’m fine now.”

“Good. I hate to leave you again but I have some paperwork to do. I’ll see you later in Rick’s room.”

She nodded. “Thanks for taking care of my brother.”

He smiled and brushed her cheek with a finger. “Anything for you.”

That statement didn’t make her feel any better about what she had to do.

Two hours later Cynthia was sitting at Rick’s bedside when Sean entered. He’d changed back into the shirt and jeans he’d worn to the hospital.

“How’s the patient doing?” He studied Rick.

She looked at her brother. “Okay, I think. He moans every once in a while, but that’s it.”

“He’ll have a lot of swelling but it’ll be gone in a couple of weeks. In about six weeks you shouldn’t be able to tell this even happened.” Sean sounded pleased with his work.

“Thanks,” she murmured.

“Not a problem. Just sorry this happened to him.” Sean came around the bed to her.

“How about going home with me and getting some rest? I can bring you back first thing in the morning.”

Cynthia didn’t stand to meet him. She wasn’t going anywhere until Rick did. “I’m going to stay here tonight.”

“You don’t need to do that. We have a great nursing staff.”

She shook her head.

Giving her a curious look, Sean pulled the other chair in the room over beside her and sat. “We can stay awhile longer, then I think you need to go home.”

“Don’t tell me what I should do,” she snapped. “I can take care of myself.”

Sean sat straight, studying her. “What’s going on, Cynthia?”

“We need to talk.” She finally looked him in the eyes but wished she hadn’t. Those beautiful blue eyes she would miss.

“That doesn’t sound good.”

Clutching her hands in her lap, she whispered, “This isn’t going to work.”

“What?” He looked at Rick as if he might have done something wrong.

“Us,” she said.

He scoffed. “It seemed to be working great this morning.”

“I can’t do it. It’s not fair to you. I should’ve been there when Rick got hurt.”

“You have to be kidding! What would have happened differently if you had been?”

Cynthia leaned toward him keeping her voice low. She wanted him to understand so badly. “I don’t know but I have a responsibility to my brothers. Right now in my life they come first. That isn’t fair to you. I care about you too much to do that to you.”

Sean quietly said an expletive. “No, you don’t, or you wouldn’t do this.” With a jerk he stood, forced her to her feet and led her out of the door. “We don’t need to disturb Rick. Come with me.” When she hesitated, he said, “A nurse will be in to check on him.”

They walked to the end of the hall to where there was an empty room. Sean closed the door firmly behind them after they entered.

He faced her. “We have something good between us. Real. And you want to throw it away because you feel guilty or irresponsible, or some other ridiculous emotion because you weren’t at the game when your brother got hurt. You’re his sister. Not his parent. And if you haven’t noticed, he’s of age. Mark is as well. They’re no longer your baby brothers. They are men! They’re old enough to take care of themselves. You need to let go. For their sakes as well as yours.”

She cringed. That might be true but it didn’t mean they didn’t need her. “Like you did with your family. They didn’t measure up to what you thought they should be so when you got old enough you dumped them completely.”

“You don’t know anything about my family and me,” he snarled softly.

“Sure I do.” Cynthia took a step toward him. “They chose everything over you. Leaving you with no security. When you could get away you made sure that was never an issue for you again. To the point you had no idea how to have fun. You made sure that you went into a field you are talented in, but also had a good income. Yet you never spend money on anything other than necessities because you live daily in fear of being like your parents. You’re afraid to really live or experience life. Other than this weekend, when was the last time you got away? Lived a little? Laughed?”

He glared at her.

“That’s right.” She made herself continue. “You haven’t because you don’t know how to let go. You don’t even see that you need that in your life. I understand your parents are a little…uh…unconventional, but I would bet they would say they are happy. Are you happy, Sean?

“I’d also bet anything you’ve smiled more and laughed more since you met my family than you have in years. We need people around us regardless of whether or not they fit within the lines we want them to. I learned the hard way that life is about people. Not about how much money we have but memories. Creating them is what matters. It’s all we have when they’re gone. Security comes from the ones we love, not from a bank account.”

Sean flinched as if she’d slapped him. He recovered and took a step toward her. “Yeah, but we also need to break away from our family so that we can live our own lives,” he bit out. “Become individuals. Your brothers, your family unit is so important to you that you don’t think beyond them. There isn’t room for anyone else. You could go back to school if you want to, or be with me, but you use your brothers to hide behind. What is it you’re afraid of? That someone will let you down again? Don’t put that on me.” He pointed to the floor with his index finger. “I’m here. I was there last night. I’ll be there tomorrow if you let me.

“You might be right about me needing too much financial security. But I’ve never had someone I wanted to spend money on before. Until now. My family is a complicated issue. Not one I think you can understand because your parents weren’t like mine. Yet with all our differences I find that you’re the only woman for me.” He glared at her. “I love you.”

Cynthia looked at him in disbelief. Her chest tightened. He loved her. She wanted to run to him and wrap her arms around him but she couldn’t. Though they stood so close they were so far apart when it came to how they lived their lives, what they believed.

“Yeah, you heard that right. I love you. But I won’t accept you not being all that you can and want to be. It’s not healthy not to move on. You have done the job your parents wanted you to. Your brothers are great. Even Mark will find his way. But he must do it for himself, just like you must. Your welfare will always be my first consideration. I’d love to see you become that nurse you dream of being. With your large capacity for caring you would be nothing but great at it. I bet your mom and dad didn’t want you to stop living just because they did.”

Cynthia sucked in a breath. That statement hurt.

He paused for a second then said, “Don’t be afraid to take the opportunity to live again. You might find out I’m more fun than you think I am.”

“I just can’t right now,” she said softly. “I have responsib—”

“I’m sorry to hear that. You think about it, Cyn. You know where I am if you ever move beyond the past and want to create a future.”