Douglas rarely comes to my room, but today he has, and I can’t imagine what he wants. No, that’s not at all true. He must be here to talk about the Grange. Again. I resolve to remain as calm as possible, give him no excuse to send me away, but in my agitation I can’t stop walking back and forth.
‘I’ve been talking to Simone,’ he says, and I notice how stooped he has become. There had always been a hint of it because he is so tall, but now it’s more pronounced.
‘Oh?’
‘She seems to think being here in this house is doing you no good.’
I stop in my tracks, chest constricting. ‘I won’t go to the Grange.’
He frowns. ‘Don’t glare at me, Diana. I understand you don’t want to go but, my dear, I fear Simone is right. Your being here is not helping.’
I smell the hint of cumin and orange on his skin as I pass and I stare at his beautiful deep eyes behind those spectacles and the once dear face, but I don’t speak. Why should I make it easy for him?
‘It’s not doing Annabelle any good either.’ He pauses. ‘I know you are suffering but she is too. I don’t mean to be cruel, but I wonder if you realize she fears you? She insists on having her bedroom door locked at night and sometimes won’t rest until she comes in with me.’
‘Why?’ I say, shocked to hear it.
‘Oh, my dear, you must know she is scared when you wake her in the middle of the night with some madcap idea.’
‘I merely thought it would be nice to pick some flowers.’
‘That was only the most recent incident. There have been others and, darling, she’s now a little girl who’s too anxious to go to sleep. Our lovely child has become a terribly nervous little girl and it isn’t fair. You must see.’
My eyes heat up because I know it’s the truth. I’ve seen her helpless wide-eyed shock and it has frightened me.
‘Things cannot go on as they are. If our daughter hears you about the house during the day she hides, makes herself scarce.’
I cover my face with my hands, not wanting to see him as he tells me this.
‘Only last week Mrs Wilkes found her in the broom cupboard. The lock had jammed, and she’d been trapped in there crying her eyes out. I have my work and can’t be here to watch Annabelle. Mrs Wilkes is unable to stay for more than one night each week, so the upshot is Simone has suggested another possibility for you.’
I suck in air. Please. Please. Surely Simone hasn’t betrayed me? Don’t let him send me to the Grange.
He narrows his eyes and doesn’t attempt to hide the despair I see in them. ‘Please will you sit down, Diana. It’s hard to concentrate with you pacing the room.’
Determined to maintain the right impression, I do as he asks and take the chair opposite.
He sighs deeply. ‘Simone has kindly offered to care for you.’
‘Here?’
He shakes his head. ‘In her village.’
My heart lifts and I smile at him. ‘Live with her, you mean? How wonderful.’
‘No.’
‘Then?’
‘Let me explain. You know Simone was a nurse before she married and that her husband was a doctor?’
I nod, silently urging him to get to the point. Of course, I know.
‘Her idea is for me to buy you a little cottage close to her –’
‘No!’ I interrupt. ‘I can’t.’
‘Simone believes that with her help you can. She will be with you every day until you feel you can cope.’
‘And what if I can’t, you know … go out?’
He looks at me steadily. ‘She’ll take care of things. This way you are free of the strain of being here.’
I make a strangled snorting noise and can’t meet his eyes. ‘You mean you will be free of me?’
‘No. I mean the burden of worry about Annabelle will be gone. You will have all the time and help you need to get better. It will be better for Annabelle too. You do see I have to put her first?’
I nod, stare at the floor for a minute, and then glance up at him. ‘Can I think about it?’
‘Of course, but if you agree to go ahead there will be certain conditions.’
‘And they are?’
‘Think about it first and then we’ll talk again. But don’t take too long. A darling little cottage has recently come on the market and we will have to move quickly to purchase it before somebody else does. Simone has already viewed it and she’s certain you will adore it.’
I search his eyes for signs of falsehood. This was the man I once would have trusted with my life. Now I sense a nameless undercurrent. What is it that he’s not saying?
‘And you will visit?’
He shakes his head. ‘No. That will be one of the conditions.’
‘How many conditions are there then?’
‘As I said, just think about it first.’