It was a beautiful day and the girls had chosen to sit by the pool and relax ahead of what Natalie had billed as ‘a night on the town’. Their partners had gone off to play tennis.
‘You’re dead quiet today.’ Chloe dipped her sunglasses to look over at Molly. ‘You and Ben had a lovers’ tiff?’
‘We’re not lovers.’
All of them – Chloe, Jasmine, Maya, Ella – burst out laughing.
‘Well, what did you both get up to in the summer house then?’ Chloe demanded. ‘Whatever it was, you apparently came out all flushed and guilty-looking.’
Feeling it was safer to ignore her, Molly focussed back on her Kindle.
‘I don’t know what you’re waiting for,’ Chloe added, clearly not happy to let the subject of Ben drop. ‘I’d fuck him if he looked in my direction.’ Using a hand to fluff her glorious mane of dark brown hair, she elegantly rose to her feet and sashayed off to get herself a drink.
‘So would I,’ Molly admitted quietly when she was out of earshot. ‘That’s the problem.’
Maya frowned. ‘Why is it a problem?’
‘Because if I’m not careful I’m heading for a repeat of last time.’ He’d said some really lovely things to her yesterday, but the conversation she wanted still hadn’t happened. Last night, after the theme park, he’d studiously avoided her eyes as they’d been roped into playing Pictionary after dinner.
‘Have you guys talked about the whole “at the end of this show we have to decide whether to get married” thing?’ Jasmine shuddered. ‘It’s like, whoa, are you shitting me? Sure, it was the best part when I watched the show, but it’s beyond scary from where I’m sitting now.’
‘What’s scary?’ Chloe returned with a tall glass of clear liquid, rattling with ice cubes and slices of fruit. Could have been water. Could have been vodka and tonic or gin and tonic. Or just vodka, knowing Chloe.
‘The thought of planning our weddings,’ Jasmine repeated.
‘Oh, well that’s not a biggie for me.’ Chloe prodded at the ice cubes with her finger. ‘Liam’s better than James, and I’m definitely going to have sex with him, but we’ve both agreed we’re not getting married.’
‘I really like Marcus,’ Maya said slowly. ‘But marriage?’ She blew out a breath. ‘Before I came on here I thought I’d be up for it if I met the right guy, but now signing my life over to someone else feels like a far bigger deal than I thought.’
‘It’s not about signing your life over,’ Molly interjected, not happy with how that sounded. ‘It’s about committing to spend the rest of your life loving that person, no matter what.’
Jasmine giggled. ‘It sounds so deep when you put it like that. For me getting married is more about agreeing to give your relationship a real go, you know? And if we did that on the show, we’d get this awesome free holiday in Hawaii.’ She shrugged. ‘If it doesn’t work out, we just get divorced.’
‘You think Duncan might want to get married?’
Molly was grateful for Maya’s question, as it saved her having to ask it. It felt odd, listening to Jasmine openly discussing the possibility of marrying the man she’d wanted to marry only a few months ago. She was sure she should be more upset. Was she numb to it because of the artificial situation they were in?
Or was she numb because the prospect of marrying Ben had the butterflies swooping and dancing in a way they’d never done for Duncan.
‘Duncan is a strong believer in marriage. I mean, I don’t know if he’d be up for marrying me, but I know he wants to get married, have kids.’ Jasmine laughed. ‘He’s kind of old fashioned that way. Wants the traditional family unit, his wife at home, looking after his kids while he works to provide for them.’ She turned to Molly with a shrewd look. ‘You probably know that though, don’t you?’
God, this was weird. ‘Yes.’
Jasmine looked like she was expecting her to add to that, but Molly kept her mouth firmly shut.
‘So have you and Ben discussed what you’ll do if you make it to the last day?’ Jasmine pushed.
It was a stark reminder that this time next week, she and Ben could be planning their wedding. ‘We’ve not talked about it yet.’ Before anyone could probe any further, Molly determinedly shifted the focus. ‘I love watching this show, and I’ve always routed for the couples, hoping they’ll get married, but I’m with Maya. It suddenly feels like a huge step to take after only four weeks.’ But it’s not only four weeks for you. She’d been ready to take it with Duncan before the show. She’d wanted to marry Ben only a few weeks after first meeting him. What did she want now? ‘For the viewers’ sake, I hope we have at least one wedding in the house.’
As she finished talking, the hairs on the back of her neck pricked, and as if she had an internal Ben Knight radar, she noticed the group of four men had finished their match and were walking back towards the house. Dressed in black athletic shorts and a white polo shirt, Ben looked effortlessly sexy. He was chatting to Marcus, with James and Liam, Chloe’s new match, trailing behind them.
Duncan had disappeared to the basement gym to do weights.
At that moment Ben glanced over at them and as their gazes collided, her heart began to race. It thumped even louder when he broke away from Marcus and began to head straight for her. His eyes never leaving hers.
‘Holy fuck, that’s hot,’ Chloe whispered. ‘Wish he’d look at me like that. Wish any guy would look at me like that.’
He came to a stop just in front of Molly, his gaze skimming over her halter neck top and shorts before heading down to her legs. When his eyes finally met hers again, they shimmered with such longing, her insides somersaulted, a riot of hormones, adrenaline and swarming butterflies.
Then he bent to kiss her and Chloe was right. Holy fuck.
‘Can we meet up after I’ve had a shower?’ he murmured against her lips.
‘Sure.’ Her voice sounded scratchy, like she’d not drunk all day.
With a single nod of his head, he strode off towards the house. Molly knew she wasn’t the only one watching his long, runner’s legs or the taut buttocks beneath his thin shorts.
‘Looks like you’re heading for an interesting afternoon,’ Maya murmured.
‘You’re definitely going to get fucked,’ Chloe added with a wry smile.
Molly’s heart clattered against her ribs. Sex with Ben … God, despite knowing it would be a stupid move, she wanted it again. His hard body shifting beneath her, sliding over her. Thrusting into her…
The sound of laughter shook her out of her daydream and she looked round to find herself the centre of attention. ‘That pale skin of yours does you no favours when it comes to hiding what you’re thinking,’ Chloe smirked. ‘You’re so turned on right now, aren’t you?’
‘Absolutely not.’
But to their further amusement, she pushed down her shorts, ripped off her top and announced she was going for a swim.
* * *
He was going to have the conversation he dreaded. Ben had made his mind up last night, while playing Pictionary – he’d even contemplated dragging her away and having it then, figuring it could be the lesser of two evils. But she’d seemed into the game, her face alive with laughter, and he’d been far too content to watch her than ruin the evening.
The time for putting it off was over though. Yes, he risked losing her, but there was a chance that, even after everything she was about to hear, she might still be interested in a relationship with him outside the show.
If he hurt her again, humiliated her, there was no way back.
A cold shiver snaked down his spine as he strode back out to the swimming pool. And his hands clenched into fists as he saw Duncan hunkered down, talking to Molly. Not only was the git too close, he wasn’t wearing a shirt.
As he walked over to them Ben tried to remind himself Molly had liked his body well enough when they’d been dating.
Her gaze clashed with his over Duncan’s shoulder, and she gave what could have been a guilty start, or was that his jealousy working overtime?
Duncan turned and slowly stood up. ‘I’ll see you later then. Babe.’ The last word felt like a deliberate provocation.
With a cursory nod in his direction, Duncan strode off. In his wake, tension pinged between him and Molly. And damn it, there were far too many pairs of eyes pretending to sun themselves on loungers.
‘Will you take a walk with me?’
Molly nodded and shifted to her feet.
‘No going off to that summer house,’ Chloe called out after them.
It didn’t help the tension one little bit.
‘Am I allowed to ask what that was about?’ he asked as they headed down the steps from the pool area and onto the lawn. Spilling his guts was hard enough. No point doing it if her heart was still with Duncan.
‘He apologised for not telling me about the video. And then…’ Her cheeks flushed. ‘He wanted to know if we’d had sex.’
‘I hope you told him it was none of his fucking business.’
She didn’t turn towards him, just kept looking straight ahead. ‘In a way it is his business. Our split was only meant to be temporary.’ Finally her eyes found his. ‘We talked of marriage, Ben. If I hadn’t followed him on here, we might have got back together at the end of next week.’
His heart lodged in his throat and he could barely squeeze the words out. ‘He asked you to marry him?’
‘Well, no, but he hinted at it. He wanted to come on the show to build his business, so he could support the wife and kids he was planning.’
Ben’s stomach knotted, dread pooling. Duncan was offering Molly everything she wanted. How could he compete? What was he offering in return? ‘What did he mean when he said “I’ll see you later”?’
Her shoulders rose and fell. ‘He wants to talk to me in private, which seems fair enough considering we only split because of the show.’ Her voice turned quieter. ‘We had a year together, and I can’t forget how good he was to me. He took care of me, made me feel important. Every week we’d dress up and he’d take me on a proper date. He made a fuss of me on my birthday, and little milestones like our one-month anniversary. He made me feel loved. Considering you and Mum had made me feel the opposite, it was a really awesome change.’
His jealousy now felt selfish and pathetic beside the hurt he’d subjected her to. ‘Can we sit for a bit?’ He asked, nodding towards a bench.
With tension still vibrating between them, he slumped onto the seat and buried his face in his hands, trying to find his balance.
‘I’m sorry.’
He jerked upright. ‘What the hell for? It’s me who needs to apologise.’ It felt like it was all he’d been doing for the last few weeks.
‘No. You’ve already done that, and we moved on. I shouldn’t have thrown it back in your face like that again.’
‘You should, because it helped me understand why you fell for Duncan. It also told me what you need from me, and fuck, Molly, I don’t think I can give you that.’
‘Oh.’ Her lids closed briefly over her eyes and her face seemed to crumple. Like he’d pulled the plug on the electricity cable giving her life.
He wanted to reach for her, smother her with kisses to reassure her how much she meant to him, but there was too much tension between them. Too much that needed to be said. With a deep exhale, he sat back on the bench, crossed his legs at the ankles and steeled himself for what he was about to say. ‘I need to tell you what happened between me and Helena. Then maybe you’ll understand.’ His heart began to thump, his mouth to dry up.
She nodded, and her gaze roved over his face, seeming to take an inventory. ‘I want that, you know I do because I’ve been pretty vocal about it. But only tell me if you’re ready.’
‘I’ll never be ready to talk about this shit.’ He could leave it at that, shelve the idea for a few more days. She’d given him an out, hadn’t she? But there’s a fucking wedding at the end of the show. You absolutely can’t let her be humiliated. He inhaled, digging deep, trying to find his courage. ‘You deserve to understand why I was such a wreck when we met. And why part of me is still a wreck, now.’
‘Okay.’ She gave him another study. ‘You’ve got the look of a man about to dive out of a plane without a parachute.’
It was exactly how he felt. But she’d managed to tell him about her mum abandoning her at school without seeming to break sweat, so he needed to just fucking talk.
Heaving in another breath, he met her eyes, and faltered at the compassion he saw there.
How would she look at him after he’d told her?