Liliana replied to my email within three minutes.
I knew exactly how long it took, because I stayed right there at the computer, watching the clock in the corner of the screen.
Dear Sabina,
I’m so glad that you’re as anxious to meet us as we are to meet you!
Can we talk on the telephone and arrange a meeting? Please call me, I’ve put all of my other contact details below.
Love, Lilly
I dialled straight away. My hands were shaking as I hit the keys on the phone, and then I held Ted’s hand as I waited for her to answer. It didn’t help allay my nerves one little bit that she greeted me with a sob.
‘Is that you, S-sabina?’
‘Yes …. Hello! ... It’s me …’ Was that a stutter I heard? I was crying too, and could barely form my own words.
She was laughing and crying, and I laughed and cried too. I was still in front of the computer, and I released Ted’s hand to shrink my email and bring the photo of Liliana’s family back into focus.
‘Thank you so much for finding me,’ Liliana said. I could hear the smile in her voice, and I smiled too. ‘I am so glad that you did. Are you well? Are you happy? Where are you?’
‘I’m well – I’m very well, I’m in Sydney – my husband I live in Leichardt, in Sydney. We’re expecting our first baby at the end of the year.’
‘Oh, a baby!’ she was crying again. This was how I’d wanted Mum to react – sheer, unbridled joy at the news of a new life. I fumbled for Ted’s hand again and let the tears flow freely down my face. ‘That’s just so wonderful, Sabina. Just so very wonderful.’
‘We want to meet you, if you want to meet us,’ I said. ‘We – I mean, my husband, Ted, and I – we’d really like to meet you and James.’
‘Yes. Absolutely. Please, please do. We can come to you? Or we could meet somewhere – or, oh! W-we’d love to show you the farm. Could you come to the farm? I know it’s a long way, but we’d love you to visit.’
‘We can do that,’ I said. The excitement in her tone was infectious and it was mirrored in my voice when I spoke. ‘This weekend? Can we come this weekend?’ When just a second passed before she responded, I tripped over my words trying to explain myself. ‘There’s just so much I want to talk to you about – so many questions and so much I want to know – I don’t want to rush things and I understand if you have plans, but if you don’t—’
‘Sabina, we would be honoured if you would visit us this weekend. You’re coming from Sydney? It’s probably too far to travel here and back in the one day. We have plenty of room, if you’d want to stay with us.’
I opened my mouth, and looked at Ted, who shrugged at me and pointed to his ear to remind me that he couldn’t actually hear her.
‘We’d – we’d love that,’ I said, but it was her turn to read the hesitation in my voice, and she added hastily,
‘Or, if that’s too much too soon, there’s a little hotel in the village near us. I could organise you a room.’
I reminded myself that if things really did get too much out there, we’d always be able to find a way to leave. Besides which, in every step of this journey I’d been conscious of how I’d feel if I were in my birth mother’s shoes. If this were my child reuniting with me after a lifelong absence, I’d want her under my roof. I’d want her to be bold and brave enough to be vulnerable as we set out building our relationship.
I’d want her near to me, if there had been such unimaginable distance.
‘No, we’d love to stay with you. If you’re comfortable with that, if you’re sure that’s okay.’
‘Of course. Of course it’s okay, you’re family – we’ll be honoured to have you here.’ She was crying again. I released Ted’s hand and clutched the receiver with both of mine, almost overwhelmed by the onslaught of her emotions.
‘I can’t wait to meet you, Liliana.’
‘Please, call me Lilly. And I can’t wait to meet you too.’