When I heard the crunch of tyres on the gravel driveway just after noon, I was confused, and for a split second, a little paranoid. I did a quick mental check of my situation. Had I broken the law – were the police coming for me already?
But, no – although I felt a little guilty, the truth was that I’d not done a single thing wrong. I walked to the kitchen window and was relieved, and a little amused at myself, when I recognised Grae’s car outside. I greeted him at the door with baby Sabina in my arms, and as he stepped out of his car, he paused and stared at us.
‘Well,’ he said. ‘Isn’t this just a sight? It suits you, Megan.’
There was a softness to his voice and his expression, and a depth of longing that I recognised with a distinct sense of discomfort.
‘Just practicing for when it’s our turn,’ I said, the words higher and thinner than I’d anticipated. Grae brushed a kiss over my cheek, and when I moved to step out of the doorway to make room for him, he gently caught my elbow and steadied me, then stepped back to stare at me again.
‘What are you—’
‘Just let me savour this for a moment, Meg,’ he said, and when I shot him a look of pure impatience, he ignored it. He stared at me while he inhaled slowly, and a grin gradually spread over and transformed his face. I’d always felt, on some level, that Grae was just a little too good for me . . . just a bit too handsome, a bit too charming, a bit too clever. He’d aged rapidly over the last few years, but watching that smile transform his face I was startled to realise that the tension and wear faded away as he stared at me with the baby. ‘Let’s go inside so I can take a look at her.’
‘I’ll put her in the bassinet and make you some lunch,’ I said, but Grae shook his head.
‘No, let me have a hold first.’ He extended his arms towards me, and I awkwardly passed him Sabina’s sleeping form. She sat much more naturally in his arms, and he peered down at her with an expression of pure wonder. ‘My God, she’s adorable.’
‘She’s a baby,’ I said, and that same stiffness was in my voice. ‘They all look pretty much the same. Besides . . . you won’t think she’s so adorable tonight when she wants milk.’
‘Don’t listen to cranky Meg, I’ll get up to you,’ Grae whispered, and he reached down with a forefinger to gently touch her cheek. ‘What’s her name?’
‘Sabina.’
‘Sabina,’ he repeated softly. ‘What a beautiful name. It suits her perfectly.’
I didn’t want to see him with that gleam in his eye, or the joy on his face as he nursed the tiny child. I busied myself with some bread and deli meat from the fridge.
‘So it went well at the hospital?’ Grae asked.
‘As well as could be expected. June was disappointed.’
‘Did she mention any chance of you coming back after we finish with the baby?’
I cleared my throat and shook my head.
‘No, they’ll have replaced me by then . . . I’ll find something else, I told you that.’
‘I know. I was just asking.’ Sabina squirmed and gave a tiny grunt, and Grae effortlessly shifted her up to his shoulder and began to rub her back. ‘What stuff do we need to buy?’
‘The hospital gave me most of it. I think we need more clothes, and some nappies and formula at some point. But I borrowed the bassinette from the hospital, so we don’t really need anything else in the way of furniture.’
Sabina grunted again, and I glanced back in time to see her give an almighty vomit down Grae’s back. Shock registered on his face, then he winced and gingerly lowered her back into a reclining position against his forearm. I stared at him in wide-eyed shock.
‘That feels like a lot of vomit,’ he said, then grimaced. ‘A lot of vomit. How much formula did you give her?’
‘A whole bottle. She must have been so thirsty.’
‘Meg, I’m pretty sure new babies don’t need that much milk.’
‘They don’t?’
‘No, they don’t.’
‘How do you know that?’
‘I was the oldest, remember. Mum fed Gilly with a bottle and I was twelve when she was born. I’m pretty sure it was no more than a few teaspoons at a time for the first few days.’
‘But . . . she kept drinking . . .’
‘Maybe you should just call the ward, and get some tips,’ Grae suggested, quite gently. ‘I don’t mind if she wants to vomit on me, but I don’t want her to be uncomfortable if her tummy is too full.’
So my first test of quasi-motherhood, something as simple as feeding Sabina a single bottle of milk, appeared to have been a complete failure. I ironed Grae a fresh shirt and trousers, while he held Sabina and ate his lunch, as if it was no big deal at all to him to be eating and nursing a newborn while his back was drenched in sick. Afterwards, he passed her back to me so I could change her jumpsuit, but in the time it took him to change his entire outfit I’d struggled to even get Sabina out of hers. Grae stepped in, and made it look like a simple operation. I hadn’t realised how floppy new babies are, or how difficult it was to push limp limbs in and out of clothes.
‘Don’t worry, Sabina, you’re in good hands . . . with me,’ Grae said, and he shot a wink my way.
‘Lucky it’s only for a few weeks,’ I muttered. I scooped the pile of messy clothing up carefully into my arms.
‘Ah, you’ll be a pro by then. You won’t want to give her back.’ Grae rested Sabina back into the bassinet. ‘I better get back to work. I’ll bring some formula and nappies home tonight to save you taking her out to the shops. You’ll call the ward and check about how much milk next time?’
‘They should have told me that when I picked her up.’
‘We’ve got lots to learn. But it’s all good practice, right?’ Grae grinned at me, then chased me across the room to swoop me into his arms. I dropped the soiled clothing and squealed as he dipped me backwards. My squeal faded into confused shock as he bent to kiss me tenderly.
‘Grae!’ I protested, and I pushed him away – after a moment or two. ‘What’s gotten into you!?’
‘I just think this is going to be really good for us,’ he said, and then he straightened his tie, planted a much more sedate kiss on my cheek, and headed for the door with a whistle.