Amelia sat back in her chair, coffee cup in hand, as Bella cleared away the last of the dinner dishes. Part of her said she really should get up and help her friend, but a bigger part of her realized that, for the first time in days, she was feeling comfortable. And that was something to cherish. Sighing quietly, she took another sip.
The senior mess was quiet with just the two of them, even more so because Bella’s movements were so close to silent. Only the chink of serving dishes being piled onto a netted tray disturbed the peace.
“Do Theropod children play hide and seek?” she asked suddenly. “I figure you’d be pretty good at it.”
“It is one of our favorite games,” Bella replied, closing the net and slinging the tray of dishes under her claws. “But it too often ends in injury.”
“The seeking gets a little rough?”
“We call the game ‘hunt’… if that makes things clearer.”
“Yup.” Amelia gestured vaguely outward. “So is Shordar enjoying the game we’re playing right now?”
“Very likely. He thinks, with his smaller ships and superiority in numbers, that he has the advantage. In Theropod tactics, bigger is rarely better: it comes down to who has more assets.”
“Have you shared this insight with the captain?”
“Of course. You are my family.”
“I just haven’t seen any change in our tactics.”
Bella opened the door with her free hand, long neck reaching back to keep her eyes pointed at Amelia. “The captain has something that Theropods do not… patience.”
She slipped out the door, long tail still brushing through the frame when Human hands took hold of the door and pushed it open. Ethan Narrow entered, heading straight for the coffee before he even noticed Amelia.
As she took another sip, she couldn’t help but notice him. There was no denying that he was handsome, but after Butcher’s none-too-subtle chat the other day she’d taken to watching how Ethan interacted with the crew. He was a natural leader, for sure, who set the example and lifted everyone’s spirits with his boundless optimism. When he turned and spotted her at the table, his eyes lit up. And she felt an easy smile spreading across her own lips.
“Amelia,” he greeted, coming to sit across from her. “Still on the mend?”
“Never better. You?”
He rolled his shoulder easily. “Barely a scratch. Ready for the next round.”
“Me, too. And something tells me we won’t be negotiating this time.”
“Oh, no,” he laughed. “That time is long gone. I just hope you can join us for the fun.”
“Why wouldn’t I?’
“Oh, I heard the doctor and the XO discussing you in sickbay when I got my last dressing replaced.” He reached across the table, resting a strong hand on her forearm. “Don’t worry: the doctor said you were fine to return to duty.”
Meaning Liam was leaning in the other direction, she thought with sudden frustration. Her legs were still wrapped in bandages, it was true, but she was more than capable of doing her job. She didn’t need to be protected. She also didn’t move her arm, and let Ethan’s hand rest on it for a long moment.
The moment was broken only by Brown’s voice over the main broadcast. “All senior personnel to the bridge.”
“I guess that’s us,” Ethan said, giving her arm a squeeze before downing his coffee and rising.
Amelia followed him up the two decks to the bridge. He bounded up the ladders easily, waiting at the top of each with a grin as she labored up them. By the time they reached the quarterdeck her muscles were burning, but she refused to show weakness and offered him a triumphant smile.
“No ill-effects whatsoever,” she declared.
“I had no doubt.”
He opened the forward door and she stepped through onto the bridge. Liam was already there, as was Captain Riverton in her command chair. Brown had the watch and was already flanked by Templegrey and Sungate. As Amelia approached, the bridge hatch popped open as Sky, Butcher and Swift climbed up.
Liam surveyed the group and motioned them to encircle the command chair. “We’re all here, ma’am.”
Riverton brought up a tactical display next to her chair and pivoted it so that everyone could see.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” she said, “the time has come to move against Shordar.”
Amelia did her best to interpret the screen, judging that Emerald Crown and three escort ships were in a loose group ahead of Daring.
“We’ve been closing Shordar’s formation for five days,” Liam began, “easily keeping pace with some shortened sails, even as we made the appearance of being at full sheet. Compliments to the sailing officer for maintaining the deception.”
“It was mostly the sailing artificer,” Swift said. He offered a most uncharacteristic look of praise to Ethan, who nodded humbly.
“Why the deception?” Amelia asked.
“We wanted Shordar to think that we were barely keeping up,” Liam replied, “to give him the sense that he still has many more days before we close into range. So when we make our move, he’ll be caught unawares.”
“Love it,” she said.
“The attack plan is complex,” Riverton interjected, bringing up new symbols on her display. “Theropods prefer pack tactics, as we saw when they harried Daring during our departure from Morassia, and no doubt they expect to use them again if we close in our single ship. Which is why we’re not going to do that.”
At her nod, Liam took up the explanation again. He moved the symbols on her display as he spoke. “Freedom will launch when we’re just outside cannon range and open wide to approach on a different vector. Daring will come to full sail and close at speed. Both boats in Daring and the boat in Freedom will all have boarding parties embarked, and as soon as we close to boat range we’ll launch all three.”
“Five against four,” Riverton concluded, “will render their usual pack tactics ineffective.”
“But our boats are unarmed,” Chief Butcher objected. “They’re no use in a cannon fight.”
“Nor do we intend for them to engage in one,” Riverton replied. “With Freedom manoeuvring swiftly to provide covering fire, each boat will board one of Shordar’s escorts. Capture or neutralize the vessel – take it out of the battle and leave Emerald Crown alone against Daring.”
Butcher nodded. Amelia liked the plan and sensed support all around her.
“Who’s taking which boat?” Sky asked.
“Lieutenant Swift, Chief Sky and Petty Officer Narrow will each lead a boat,” Liam replied. “I’ll command Freedom with Sublieutenant Sungate. Sublieutenant Brown will remain in charge of Daring, with Sublieutenant Templegrey assisting unless she’s required in sickbay.”
Riverton would obviously remain in command of Daring, Amelia knew, and the coxn’s place was also here. But that still left one person unaccounted for.
“And…” she said carefully, “me?”
“You’ll be in Daring,” Liam said quickly. “We need one experienced boarding team member in defence.”
“Since when?” That was never how they’d played it in the past. Amelia suddenly felt very hot under her coat.
“Since we have to split our boarding party across three boats,” Liam retorted. “We’re going to be pretty thin on the decks here, and we can’t afford to leave Daring vulnerable.”
“I hardly think the most powerful ship in our little armada will be vulnerable.”
“Is that your expert tactical assessment?” Sky snapped suddenly. “Do you have a different mission plan you’ve created all on your own?”
“That’s enough,” Liam said sharply, glaring at them both.
Amelia glared back at him, trying to think of a polite way to say what she was thinking.
“I recommend Petty Officer Virtue lead the third boat,” Butcher said suddenly, “assisted by Petty Officer Narrow. She has the experience and he has the muscle.”
“I’m sure the artificer is capable on his own,” Liam said coldly. “And the quartermaster is still recovering from wounds.”
“I’m fine,” Amelia insisted, turning to Templegrey. “Isn’t that what you said?”
The doctor’s face was carefully neutral, but her eyes flicked between Liam and Amelia. With a flash of apology to Liam, she spoke quietly. “Petty Officer Virtue is fit to return to duty, if she so chooses.”
“Your courage is beyond question, Quartermaster,” Riverton said, suddenly turning in her chair, “so do not feel obliged to go into combat if you need more time to heal.”
“I’m ready for combat,” Amelia said, staring at the captain so that she didn’t have to look at Liam.
“I would prefer,” Riverton said to Liam, “the most experienced boarding leaders we can muster.”
“Very well,” he said, face stony. “Petty Officer Virtue will lead the third boat, with Petty Officer Narrow supporting.”
“Gather your teams and equipment,” Riverton concluded. “We strike on the middle watch.”
As the meeting broke up, Amelia kept her eyes down, stepping away from the cluster of people. She’d barely made it four paces, though, before she felt a hand on her shoulder.
“Hey, Amelia, a moment?”
She spun around, half-expecting Liam to be behind her, but the sharp words died in her throat when she saw Ethan, flanked by Swift. Ethan gave her a friendly smile, but Swift’s face was an expressionless mask.
“No-one’s arguing with your decision,” Swift said, “but we figure you should have the pick of the boarding team to support you. Take your top three.”
She genuinely appreciated their support, but the anger was burning too hot for niceties.
“Hedge, Flatrock, Song,” she snapped.
“I’ll let them know,” Ethan said. “How about we muster at midnight?”
“I’ll take Freedom’s boat,” Swift added. “You and the assaulter take the regular ones.”
“Fine.”
Liam had finished saying whatever to the sublieutenants and passed her on his way aft. Amelia ignored him and gave her boarding party shipmates her best attempt at a smile.
“Thank you, sir. I’ll have my team ready by two bells past midnight.”
Swift nodded. Amelia spun on her heel and walked away. She grabbed the bridge door and ripped it open, only at the last minute thinking to not slam it behind her. She was a senior leader on this ship, she reminded herself, and anger in front of the crew was never a good look.
No, this anger was best directed at a private audience.
The door to Liam’s door was open. She rapped her knuckles against the wood in two sharp strokes and strode in, swinging it shut behind her.
He hadn’t even sat down yet, and he stepped back to offer her the chair while he sat on his bunk. “I’m not surprised to see you.”
“What are you doing?” she demanded, looking over him. “I am not going to sit out the most important engagement of this mission.”
“I never intended for you to do that. But I wouldn’t send any of our sailors into combat on an enemy ship if they’re not in fighting form.”
“We do it all the time, if we need to!” She stabbed her finger in his chest. “I’ve seen you cinch down the bandages and run in swinging plenty of times.”
“With Narrow available, we have a backup. And this way you’d be fresh if there was a follow-on engagement.”
His tone was so calm, so reasonable, that part of her just wanted to believe it. But she knew it was just his noble charm taking charge of the conversation again.
“Don’t give me that. You can throw all the reasons in the Halo at me, but we both know why you did this. To protect me.”
He gestured again for her to sit. She finally did.
“Is that so wrong?” he asked quietly.
“Yes, when it takes away my freedom to make my own choice.”
He chewed on that for a moment.
“I’m not some porcelain doll for you to put on a shelf,” she continued.
“I know-”
“Do you?” she leaned in, looking into his eyes. “Do you really?”
“Yes, Amelia. Why would you think otherwise?”
“Because I feel sometimes like I’m being smothered by… by your love.”
His handsome face twisted in a frown, and she could see him processing her words.
“After Morassia,” she said, “I was having nightmares about drowning, or about being smothered, or buried alive – in every case I couldn’t breathe. And that’s how I feel when you get like this: like I can’t breathe because you’re smothering me.”
“I’m… sorry I make you feel that way.”
“But there’s more to it than that,” she said, realizing an insight that she’d been trying to grasp ever since the first dream. “There’s something fundamentally different about how you and I view death.”
“Oh?” He sat back, a guarded expression clouding his features.
“When I was a kid,” she continued, “I was with my family bringing in the harvest from the orchard we worked on. It was getting late and my mother wanted us to finish before nightfall. She piled us up with as much as we could carry and told us to cut through the ponds to deliver our baskets.
“It was getting dark and I took a wrong step. I fell into the pond and was dragged down by the weight of my basket. I couldn’t swim, and… It was all I could do to get the basket off my arms and claw my way upward.”
“I’m sorry,” he said with sincerity. “That must have been terrifying.”
“It was. But the worst part was getting to the surface and hauling myself onto ground… and then realizing that my little brother was gone. He’d been following close behind me, and slipped in the same spot I did.” She closed her eyes, steeling herself. “And my mother’s biggest worry? That we’d lost two baskets of fruit in the water.”
“Your brother?”
“Never found him. Never went looking. We just kept going with our work and got paid enough to eat the next day.”
Liam was silent. He leaned forward, clasping his hands on his knees.
“Death of a loved one came quick and brutal in my life,” she said. “Something tells me you didn’t have the same fears growing up.”
He started as the conversation suddenly focused on him.
“Well, no…” he said. “We had our worries and challenges, but…”
“But you never thought you were going to die. Or that your parents or siblings might get snuffed out that day. You worried about stuff, but never about losing the ones you loved.”
“That’s fair,” he said cautiously.
“I assume your entire family is still alive?”
“Yes.”
“I had nine brothers and sisters. Four of us made it to adulthood.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be – it’s not your fault.” A sudden outrage about the inequality of the Empire’s class system screamed in her mind, but she fought that down. “But I learned early on how to deal with the death of people close to me. You never did.”
“But that obviously changed when I joined the Navy. I deal with death all the time.”
“With your crew, yes. And while I know you care for every sailor under your command, you don’t make strong attachments to any of them. Because you know you might lose them.”
“That’s a burden of our profession.”
“But now,” she concluded, “it’s different. I’m not crew to you anymore. I’ve made that great leap into that tiny part of your heart that really, truly cares. And you can’t handle it.”
“I think,” he said, his face twisting in insult, “you oversimplify.”
“Do I?”
He sat in silence, contemplating her words. He clearly didn’t like them, but to his credit he was at least willing to absorb them. She watched as he turned them over in his mind, as he examined them for every angle. Slowly, his expression lightened.
“It’s true,” he said finally. “I never want to lose you.”
“You won’t. If you let me be me.”
“I wouldn’t want you to be anything else.”
It was, she suddenly realized, a typical, charming thing for a noble to say.
She looked at him anew, at those eyes she knew so well, and suddenly she felt like she was in a fencing match. Each phrase was a deft strike, each statement a reposition to gain the advantage. She’d watched Liam and Ava conduct their smiling, flirting wars of words many times in the senior mess and elsewhere. She’d seen the same games play out just recently with Julia Sungate and both her noble colleagues. Every interaction was a contest, an opportunity to either score points or to play some long game.
She was, she realized, getting very tired of playing.
“What do you really want, Liam?”
“What do you mean?”
“For me. For us. For our future.”
“I thought we’d agreed to not really discuss it. To just let things play out.”
“Well, I don’t like how they’re playing out right now. I want to know what’s really in that noble heart of yours,” she tapped her finger against his chest. “No spin, no games. What do you want me to do?”
“I love you. And I want you to be safe.”
Her heart warmed at his words, but she knew it wasn’t an answer.
“I love you, too. But you know I won’t always be safe in this ship. And you know I’m not going to shy away from my duty.”
He sighed. “I know. And it’s hard.”
“So what do we do?”
She could tell he was considering his words carefully. Too carefully.
“Just spill it, Liam!”
He leaned forward, taking her hands in his. “Honestly, Amelia, I think it would be best for both of us if you retired with your riches, and lived the life you want on Passagia.”
*
It was, he realized the moment the words were out of his mouth, the absolute worst thing he could say. Amelia’s eyes widened, but not in the cute way they did when she was surprised by a bawdy joke. They hardened as they widened, turning to flint as she withdrew her hands from his.
“No,” he stammered immediately, mind racing, “what I meant was-”
“Oh, no,” she said, voice low and dangerous, “I don’t want to hear from Lord Blackwood. I want to keep talking to Honest Liam. Let me guess… you want me to go and sit in a little castle, all safe and pretty, while you continue your grand adventures across the stars?”
This was getting out of control very quickly. Especially since Liam knew it wasn’t that far from a truth he rarely even admitted to himself.
“Amelia, please. Just because I have a desire it doesn’t mean that’s what I think we should actually do. I know that you wouldn’t be happy just sitting around.”
“But it would be best ‘for both of us’… isn’t that what you said? It would be best ‘for both of us’ if I just retired and disappeared.”
“I misspoke-”
“No, I don’t think you did. But here’s what I think: I think it would be best ‘for both of us’ if you just kept to your own stern wind and let me chart my own course.”
She had a full head of steam and experience had taught him that she often said things she didn’t really mean, but that last phrase was too much to let slide.
“Chart your own course?” he repeated back. “And what, pray tell, do you mean by that?”
She paused, suddenly hearing her own words. The silence extended in his cabin.
“I meant,” she said, much more quietly, “that I don’t like being handled. We both have our roles on this ship and I need to be free to conduct mine fully.”
“I love you,” he said again, feeling the ache in his heart as he said it. “And I can’t help but worry about you.”
“And I love you,” she said immediately, the anger melting away. “And I worry about you, too. But I know how to manage those feelings. I don’t tell you to stay here in the ship. And I certainly don’t tell you to stay in your little castle and be a handsome dilettante for me to come home to.”
“No.” He could see her point. But it wasn’t that easy. “I just don’t know how to stop worrying.”
“Neither do I. I just live with it.”
“Then I guess I have to do so, as well.”
She let out a deep breath, and he could see the fatigue in her. “Look, I should go. I need to get to bed for a few hours and,” she gave him a touch of a smirk, “I actually need to sleep. It’s going to be an exciting night.”
He reached out and took her hands again. She squeezed his fingers and then pulled him forward. They both rose to their feet and she pressed herself against him, sliding her arms up to his shoulders. He held her tight, relishing her warm proximity. He kissed her hair and felt her tighten her grip.
He lost track of how long they just held each other, but eventually she loosened her grip and stepped back.
“I should go,” she whispered.
“Goodbye, darling. See you tonight… after you capture a ship for us.”
She flashed him a tired grin and exited his cabin.
He sighed, tapping his fingers on the desk. Orders had been given and ship preparations were now out of his hands as his senior personnel would make their necessary preparations. Liam knew he could always do another tour of the ship, but after Amelia’s outrage he didn’t want to come across as smothering to the ship’s leadership. But he couldn’t just sit in his cabin.
Instinct took him forward to the bridge, where Brown had the watch. To Liam’s surprise, Sungate was also present, and the two sublieutenants were engaged in a focused conversation.
“The explosive power derives from the liquid?” Sungate was saying in barely concealed astonishment.
“Yes,” Brown replied. “The missile propellant burns far more evenly and powerfully than our gunpowder.”
“Discussing our weapons?” Liam inquired politely.
“I’m curious, sir,” Sungate replied, “why we have different ranges between our missiles and our cannon. Sublieutenant Brown, I’ve just learned, studied chemistry at the Academy and is quite the expert in such matters.”
Brown shrugged modestly, but Liam could see the slight flush in her cheeks. “I was explaining how there are many things that can burn, both liquid and solid, and it’s both the rate and intensity that we study.”
“And the cost,” Liam added. “Our missiles are invaluable both in combat and on His Majesty’s financial sheets. It’s why we reserve them for Sectoid engagements.”
“That,” Brown added, “and were we to fire one at Shordar, it would obliterate his ship.”
“Not the outcome my family desires,” Sungate agreed. “Unless, of course, the Suncatcher was safely aboard Daring.”
“An outcome we’re singularly focused on,” Liam said. “But to do so we’ll have to use our reliable cannon. Enough damage to cripple his ship and an easy way to fire across our grapples.”
“And enough ammunition to keep up the fight for weeks at a time,” Sungate agreed, her eyes lighting up. “They really are the perfect weapon – I find myself fascinated with them.”
“You should compare Freedom’s cannon to Daring’s. Ours are Navy standard, but Freedom’s are a smaller caliber – shorter range but more accurate up close.”
“Really?”
“You and I will have some fun in the upcoming battle.”
“Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to serve under you, sir.” She lowered her gaze and looked up through long eyelashes. “I’m sure you can teach me a great deal.”
“We’ll use everyone to the best of their ability,” he replied, holding her gaze for just a moment.
Then he turned away, offering Brown a warm nod before opening the bridge hatch and descending downward. He passed through the Gun Deck and down to Two Deck, noting the quiet activity of a ship’s company only now being alerted to an upcoming battle. He found his way aft to sickbay, where he was surprised to see Ava Templegrey alone in the shadows of only a few lamps.
“Good evening, Doctor,” he greeted. “It must be a relief to have no-one under your care.”
Templegrey cast him a sad smile as she finished dropping bandages into a basket and washed her hands. “It would be more of a relief if they were all completely healed. But you know how sailors are.”
“Yes,” he said, feeling a sudden rush of irritation. He glanced around to ensure the room was empty. “I thought we’d decided that Amelia was not ready for combat.”
She turned fully toward him, folding her arms. “You decided that. I merely advised on my patient’s condition.”
“And then you contradicted me in front of the captain and the entire senior leadership team.”
She stared him down, arms still folded. “Am I addressing the executive officer right now, or Lord Liam Blackwood?”
“The XO.”
“I’m sorry, sir.”
“And now,” he said taking the nearest chair and gesturing for her to sit across from him, “you’re addressing Liam.”
She lowered herself into the chair, shoulders slumping. “Could Amelia use more time to recover? Of course. But so could Chief Sky, Petty Officer Narrow and the rest of the sailors who were in here. We’re a small ship with limited crew – we work with what we have.”
He nodded. “The thing is, had you and I disagreed about, say, Chief Sky, I probably wouldn’t have given in during the briefing.”
“Oh?”
“If I didn’t think Chief Sky was ready, I would have vetoed even her most vehement requests to return to duty. But with Amelia… I second guess myself. I truly don’t think she’s healthy enough, but I know that there’s more coloring my decision. So, against my better judgement, I let her sway me.”
“Even though putting her in danger is the last thing you want.”
“I want to protect her… but I want to give her what she wants.” He smiled. “Love is complex.”
Ava’s expression softened. “And difficult, in your situation.”
“Most difficult.” He glanced up at her. “Later, in my cabin, I suggested that maybe she should retire and live on her riches.”
Harsh laughter rang through sickbay. “And how well did that go over?”
“About as well as you’d think. It was a silly thing to say.”
“But heartfelt, I’m sure.”
Liam shook his head. “There’s little room for heartfelt gestures in our line of duty.”
“Yes, duty…” She let that word hang in the air between them. “It’s what people like you and me are born into. It permeates every decision we make, and rarely for our own personal favor.”
“A new twist in your love life?”
Something flashed across her expression, just before the noble mask slammed into place. “Whatever do you mean, darling?”
“Are you facing another marriage proposal?”
She sighed. “So long as I stay in space with the Navy, I appear to be safe. But my father has informed me of several interested suitors. For whenever I’m ready.”
“Perhaps he’ll give up one day. My father has.”
“You Halo houses are so charming,” she said with a condescending smile that was laced with sadness. “Family duty will never escape me. I must marry and produce an heir.”
They sat in silence. Liam’s mind churned and he knew Ava was lost in her own thoughts. He glanced up once, appreciating that he was perhaps the only person on board who she ever let see her true self. In that moment Ava simply sat in the shadows, slumped with fatigue, absently fingering the hem of her coat as she pondered a fate she would do anything to avoid. For all their differences, they understood each other remarkably well.
“Well,” he said finally, slapping his knees and rising to his feet, “let’s focus on the duty right here in front of us. To our ship, to our crew, to ourselves.”
“Quite right, sir,” she said, rising as well.
“Everything may be uncertain,” he added, “but in our ability to deal with what comes, I have no doubt.”
“Good. Now go give Amelia a kiss, you idiot, then get back to work.”
“Yes, Doctor.”