KENDRA ROLLED OVER AS LANCE WALKED INTO THE BEDROOM. “I was wondering where you went.” She smiled. “Honeymoon week?”
“Yep, honeymoon week continues.” Lance set the tray on the bed. “Early breakfast in bed.”
“You’re spoiling me,” Kendra said, propping herself to see what he had brought.
“I can do that honeymoon week,” Lance said. “Next week, it’s every man for himself.” He fed her a piece of banana he’d cut up. “Have you gotten used to being in your parents’ room?”
“It’s still weird, but I’m really thankful,” Kendra said. “It’s roomier, and having a bathroom in here makes a big difference.”
He nodded toward the wall. “How do you like the flat-screen?”
“That’s the best part,” Kendra said, smiling at last night’s honeymoon week gift. “Now we can snuggle in bed and watch movies.”
Lance kissed her cheek. “Snuggling is the best part.”
Kendra hesitated. “Lance?”
He looked at her.
“We haven’t talked about the elephant in the room.”
He frowned. “What elephant is that?”
“We’re supposed to be consecrating our marriage, becoming one flesh.” It was hard to look at him. “It’s not much of a honeymoon if your wife isn’t up for sex.”
“Isn’t ‘up for sex’?” Lance moved closer to her. “Sweetheart, that’s not what this is. Everything is challenging for you right now. You’re undergoing aggressive chemotherapy for aggressive breast cancer.”
“That’s the other thing.” Kendra didn’t know why this was all coming out now. There were moments when real melancholy came over her. “I feel like you must be so repulsed by my body, by this . . . cancer in my breast. I don’t want to look in the mirror myself. So you’ve got this new wife with a deformed body who can’t make love to you. And on top of that, who keeps you awake with all her tossing and turning.” She stared at the bed. “That’s what I meant about not being able to be the wife you need.”
“Oh, sweetheart . . .” He put the tray on the nightstand and brought her into his arms. “My love for you is so beyond anything physical. Do you know what it does for me, just being able to go to sleep and wake up by your side? Do you know how much I love being able to talk to you when you can’t sleep?”
“But, Lance, you’re a man, and—”
“I’m a man, so all I think about is sex?”
“No, I’m not saying that, but . . .” Kendra looked at him now. “I want you to be honest with me. I want to know what you’re feeling.”
Lance was quiet a moment. “Okay, that’s good. I want that too.” He lightly stroked her back. “You’re my wife, I love you, and you’re drop-dead gorgeous. So of course I want to make love to you. But I’m not thinking about it, if that makes sense.”
She looked at him, waiting for more.
“I could put it this way,” Lance said. “I’ve prayed for God to give me grace for our marriage, to be the husband you need. And He knows when the time will be right for us to come together in that way. Until then, there’s grace to wait, to not dwell on it, to enjoy you in all the ways I can enjoy you now—and that’s plenty.”
“I guess I should pray more for that grace too,” Kendra said.
“What do you mean?”
“It’s not one-sided.” Kendra laid her cheek against his arm. “You’re my husband, I love you, and you’re incredibly handsome. I can’t even kiss you like I want to because of my mouth sores. Being physically challenged is rougher in a whole new way now.” She sighed. “But I want to see what happens after the last chemo today.”
“That’s also why I brought you breakfast in bed,” Lance said. “To celebrate the end of chemo.”
“We don’t know if it’s the end.”
“And we don’t know that it’s not,” Lance said.
“My mind is already on all the upcoming testing, to see if they can schedule surgery next month.” Kendra looked up at him. “What if the new chemo cocktail had no effect?”
“You know I’m not going there.”
“I know,” Kendra said. “No speculation.”
Her phone rang, and she reached for it on the nightstand. She did a double take at the caller ID and showed it to Lance.
Lance frowned. “Is he serious? Want me to answer it?”
“I’ll answer,” Kendra said. She clicked the phone on. “This is Kendra Alexander.”
“I heard—or should I say, saw,” Derek said. “That’s what prompted the call.”
“You saw what?” Kendra asked.
“Cable news picked up the touching story of the woman with a terminal illness who was given a dream wedding, after her former fiancé broke up with her—a week before their planned wedding—because of her illness. You didn’t have to put me out there like that.”
“No one gave your name.”
“Everyone who knows us, knows,” he said. “Up until now, most assumed it was by mutual agreement because you were sick.”
“Excuse me . . . Did you really just call, after all this time, to gripe because people know why our wedding was canceled?”
“I’m just saying, you didn’t have to reveal that,” Derek said. “Obviously, you got over it, and quickly, since you’re already married.”
Lance tugged on her. “Can I let the old Lance get with this dude? Just two minutes?”
Kendra stifled a laugh. “Derek,” she said, “I shared that on my blog, and I want you to know why. When you broke up with me, I thought it was the end of the world. But I discovered that God had a different plan for me. He saved me, and He showed me His love through Lance.” She didn’t know why she was telling Derek all this, but maybe there was a reason. “I wanted people to know that no matter what life throws at you, there’s hope in Jesus.
“Basically, you became my testimony. And if you still don’t understand, that’s okay.” She sat up straighter. “But let me say this—this will be the last time we talk. Take my number out of your phone, and I’m blocking yours.”
Lance tugged again. “Tell him I said hi.”
Kendra swatted him.
“So you’re saying I might never talk to you again?” Derek asked.
“That’s exactly what I’m saying. Bye, Derek.”
“He didn’t even ask how I’m doing.” She hung up, marveling at that, then looked at Lance. “Thanks to Derek, I feel good about my marriage again.”
“You know what I mean. I was a little depressed about what we don’t have because of the illness.” She let the new thought settle. “But wow, what if we had those things, but not the things we do have, the things that make up the soul of our marriage?”
“I thought that’s what I was trying to tell you,” Lance said.
“Maybe. But I had to get it for myself.” Kendra eyed her tray. “My oatmeal is cold.”
“Whose fault is that?”
Kendra turned on her best puppy-dog eyes.
Lance grabbed the bowl. “Be right back.”
She called after him, “Did you know I love you more today than I did on our wedding day?”
“Yeah, yeah,” he called back.
Kendra took another piece of banana from the tray. Right now, she couldn’t take the thought of being in a chemo chair in two hours and suffering the effects over the next two weeks. But she was learning to savor moments. And she would savor this moment, the time she had this morning with her soul mate.