We weren’t halfway down the block before the Smear started my supervillain education. “Pay attention, kid. There’s a lot to learn.”

I reached into my backpack and pulled out a notebook and pen.

“What are you doing?” said the Smear.

“Taking notes.”

The Smear grabbed my notebook and threw it out the window. “First lesson: supervillains NEVER take notes!”

“How will I remember anything?” I asked.

“You pay attention! With a fierce, burning passion to do evil.”

“We’ll work on it,” said the Smear. “First, let’s talk stains.”

He started by describing various custom smear-stains and their effect on superheroes.

“Can you pick up walrus warts at Costco?” I wondered out loud.

“A little less talking and a little more listening,” he said.

Then he turned to his patented stain delivery systems, including, but not limited to, stain blasters…

I said, “What about your eyes? Can you spray stains with your eyes?”

“No,” he said. “That would be weird. And really unsanitary.”

Then he described a stain bomber.

“Yum. I’ll have some blueberry salsa,” I said.

He shook his head. “No. We don’t eat the weapons.”

“Got it,” I said.

Next up was the Stainmixer…

“Wouldn’t a flying dump truck be more efficient?” I asked.

He said, “Where’s your sense of style? Anyone can make a flying dump truck.”

Finally, he described a platoon of specialized, highly trained, stain-throwing mice.

“Trained mice?” I asked.

The Smear gestured to the backseat.

I turned back around and stared at the road ahead. “This is going to get strange, isn’t it?”

The Smear chuckled. “You have no idea.”