I was up and dressed early, unsure what to do. I had to go into the office, at least for a little while. Maybe if I was out of the apartment, Tally would relax a little. Eat.
I found her in the living room, a cup of coffee beside her and Julianna on her lap. She was talking and playing with her quietly, doing something called “Patty-cake.” The sound of Julianna’s sweet baby giggles made me smile. I moved forward, wanting to be part of the joy.
Except Tally saw me and stopped.
“No,” I protested. “Keep playing.”
“I’m sorry if we disturbed you.”
“No, it’s fine. You didn’t,” I replied, my voice sharper than I intended. “I’m heading to work soon.”
Tally didn’t look surprised. “Of course you are,” she said dryly. “Will you be gone all day?”
Something in her voice angered me. I leaned close, keeping my voice low.
“Not all day, and even if I were, there is a guard outside. Plus one downstairs. If you think you can disappear again, think again, Tally. I know your alias now. There is nowhere you can go I can’t find you.”
She gasped quietly. “That’s not what I meant.”
I shook my head, not believing her. “The repercussions would be swift and great this time.”
She stood, holding the baby against her like a talisman. “I have no doubt,” she replied. “I feel your anger and mistrust, Julian. I get it.” She began to walk away. “Have a nice day,” she added sarcastically. “I know how important your work is to you.”
The soft thud of her bedroom door sounded like an explosion in the apartment.
I sat at my desk, unable to concentrate. I was bogged down in anger, guilt, worry, and indecision. For the first time in a very long while, I didn’t want to be here. I wanted to be where Tally was, where Julianna was. I wondered what they were doing. Napping? Playing?
What was Julianna’s schedule? Would she settle? Would Tally see the laptop and the note I left telling her to order whatever she wanted and I would fill in the credit card information when I got home later?
Would she realize I didn’t simply leave the credit card because I was afraid she would use it to book a flight somewhere and try to leave?
I let my head fall back. It was true. I was worried about her leaving. Trying to run. Somehow slipping past the guards and getting away. She was resourceful enough. She’d hidden from me for over a year. None of my searches showed even a hint of her. I rubbed my tired eyes and stared at the ceiling. I had barely slept, too alert to what was happening across the hall all night. I heard Tally get up when Julianna fussed. I heard her getting water, and I knew she was feeding her. I listened as she walked, softly humming, and talking our daughter back to sleep. The urge to go and offer to help had been strong, but I knew she didn’t want either my help or my company.
And if I was being honest, I couldn’t blame her.
My anger kept flaring, sharp words and meaningless threats falling from my mouth without thought. Except Tally didn’t know they were meaningless. I had frightened her—really frightened her. I could see it in her eyes, feel it in the air around her when I appeared.
I had to change that, but I wasn’t sure how. I blew out a long breath. It seemed as if I was repeating the same errors I had before she’d left me the first time. Showing the wrong emotions and sending her mixed signals. I rotated my arm, trying to ease the stiffness in my shoulder, ease the tension that had built in the injured muscle. It still ached, and holding the baby so much hadn’t helped. I wouldn’t stop that, though.
The door behind me opened and Damien walked in, Leo with him.
“Bad time?” Damien asked.
“No, come in.”
I glanced at the monitor with a shake of my head. Anne was napping at her desk, her needlepoint falling to her lap as she dozed. Part of me was jealous, the other part resigned and too exhausted to bother being annoyed. I clicked off the camera.
“What’s up?”
Damien and Leo exchanged a look. “We thought we’d check in on you after yesterday’s, ah, developments,” Leo said. “I hope everything we brought over was useful?”
“Yeah, it was great.”
“Gwen wondered if you needed anything else?”
“I told Tally to order whatever she needed. I think we’re okay.”
There was silence, then Damien chuckled. “Holding your cards tight to your vest as usual, Julian. How are things—really?”
I looked at the two men I trusted. Both had become more than part of my team. Damien was my trusted right-hand, and I had come to know Leo well since he had returned to the fold, so to speak. Both were hard-working, honest men. They offered their loyalty and friendship easily.
“Shit,” I replied.
Leo leaned back, a slight grimace crossing his face. The beating he had taken from Xavier Zander had left permanent damage to his knees and shoulders before Marcus and Missy had taken Zander out. The bastard had been an expert in inflicting pain and injury.
“How is your daughter?” he asked quietly.
A smile tugged on my lips. “Perfect. Adorable. Strong.” Then I frowned. “A stranger.”
“That will change. Give it time.” He paused. “And Tally?”
The words were out before I could stop them. “She fucking hates me. Not that I blame her. I keep acting like an ass. Threatening things I don’t mean, upsetting her.”
Again, they exchanged a look. “You have every right to be angry, Julian,” Leo said. “But maybe you better dial it back. Tally is nursing, and stress isn’t good for the mother or baby.”
“I’m worried she’ll take off. I’m already so in love with Julianna, I can’t believe it.”
“And Tally?” he asked again.
“I still love her.”
Damien shifted in his chair. “I can’t offer much in the way of relationship advice,” he said with a smirk. “But I do know anger isn’t the best way to get a woman to trust you again.”
“Maybe you should go talk to Dr. Easton. Get out some anger, and she can give you some pointers to help rein it in. Then you should go home, apologize, and talk to Tally,” Leo said in his quiet way.
It was good advice, and I nodded in silent agreement. I met Leo’s gaze. “I know nothing about babies. The noises and squeaks. How to change a diaper. Give her a bath. Do things to help Tally. She seems so at ease with her, and I feel as if I’ll drop her at any given second.”
Leo laughed. “You’ve had her in your life less than a day. You’re overwhelmed and in shock. Of course Tally is comfortable. She carried her for nine months. Been the one looking after her twenty-four seven since she was born. You need to cut yourself some slack, ask Tally for guidance, and read a couple of books.” He shook his head. “And get the hell out of here and spend some time with both of them. Reconnect. Engage as a father and husband, not an angry jerk.”
“When did you get to be so smart?”
“Gwen helped me.” He pulled out his phone. “I’ll send you the links to a couple of great books.”
Damien spoke up. “We have nothing the rest of the week, Julian. All the teams are accounted for, and the strikes happening aren’t here. I can run point. We can reach you at home. I’ll stay in the office and make sure Anne doesn’t fall out of her chair during her naps and handle any calls. Go be with them.” He lifted his eyebrows. “It’s not as if you’re being very productive anyway.”
I flipped him the bird, and he laughed. But he was right. I could handle whatever was needed from the office at home. Tally knew about Hidden Justice now, so it wasn’t as if I had to hide that from her any longer.
I could spend some time with Tally and Julianna. Clear the air and try to move forward. Figure out this mess. As Leo said, reconnect. Find our common ground. I smiled grimly to myself.
Julianna.
She was our common ground.
I would start there.
Our daughter and an apology.
TALLY
I walked the apartment endlessly, rocking Julianna, soothing her. It was so unusual for her to be so fussy, but I wasn’t surprised. I was edgy and hadn’t eaten well, and it was affecting her. Finally, she settled, and I put her in the crib, staring down at her. Even asleep, she looked like Julian, so there was no denying her parentage even though I had tried. He was right. I had always been a horrible liar, and that hadn’t changed.
Everywhere I looked were memories. Of him. Of us. I felt as if I had traveled back in time to the day I left. When I peeked in the closet of the master bedroom, I found clothes I had left behind. Some of my toiletries in the drawers of the vanity. He hadn’t changed anything or thrown my things away. I would have thought that would have been the first thing he would have done. I carried some items into the guest room and put them away, grateful he hadn’t gotten rid of them. I had brought so little with me here since most of the room was needed for Julianna’s items. Babies required a lot of stuff when traveling. I rubbed at my breasts, feeling the ache. I needed to pump them, but I hadn’t brought the pump with me, so I needed to get one.
I sat down at the table by the laptop, looking at Julian’s note.
Buy what you need.
I’ll pay for the cart when I get home.
Groceries can be ordered through this app—Fill Your Cart. Credit card online already, so fill the fridge and cupboards. They are sparse.
I wasn’t surprised he didn’t leave me his credit card. He didn’t trust me. I didn’t think he ever fully did, which had been part of the problem. And now I barely recognized him. Julian had always been in control. He rarely displayed his real emotions, unless you counted his desire. That, he shared with me in spades. Our love life had been intense and passionate. The few times I saw his anger, it had been directed toward others—usually those he felt were going to hurt me.
Now, it was directed at me. I sighed as I stared at the cup of coffee I had made and not even tasted. I didn’t blame him for his anger, but it scared me. The thought of him taking away Julianna struck a fear in me that ran so deep it made me tremble. His threats and barbed innuendos sent me into a tailspin.
Then at moments, he was gentle. Like when he embraced me after Julianna’s bath. The look on his face when he first held her. That was the Julian I remembered. The man I missed so much at times I ached with it. When I had watched him with her after her bath, the emotion of the moment had hit me. He had held me so tenderly, and I felt such relief at being back in his arms, it scared me. I couldn’t get used to that again.
I stared at the computer and made a decision. I opened the grocery app and filled the cart with everything I could think of. I needed to keep up my strength and eat properly for Julianna’s sake. Then I clicked on Amazon, logging in to my old account, surprised somehow that it was still there and accepted the password I remembered. I went to the baby section and began shopping. Julian said to buy what I wanted or needed for both Julianna and myself.
I was going to do just that.
The door opened a short time later, and I looked up, surprised to see Julian home so soon. It had only been a few hours. The Julian I had known had a hard time tearing himself away from his office.
“Hello,” I said warily.
“Hi,” he replied, putting a bag on the table where I was sitting. He indicated the laptop. “Shopping?”
“Yes. I ordered groceries which should be here soon, and I have a full cart on Amazon. A very full cart.”
He sat down, pulling the laptop close and looking at the items. Then without saying a word, he entered his credit card information and hit the order button. “I added Prime. Most of this will be here tomorrow.”
“Great.”
“There wasn’t as much as I thought. Julianna doesn’t need more clothes or…” He trailed off.
“I prefer to do that in person. I like to feel what I’m buying her.”
“Did you eat?” he asked, his voice level.
“No. I’ll heat up some leftovers.”
“I brought you soup and a sandwich from the café. I remembered how much you liked their broccoli soup.”
“Thank you.”
He unpacked the bag, sliding the soup and sandwich in front of me. He opened his, stirring the soup with his spoon.
“Would you rather I ate elsewhere?” he asked.
“No, it’s your home, Julian.”
He hesitated, then spoke. “I want it to be yours again too.”
I sighed, gearing up for another fight. But he pushed my soup closer. “Later, we’ll talk. You need to eat and rest.”
I’d just picked up my spoon when I heard Julianna cry. Julian was on his feet before I could move. “I’ll get her. You eat.”
He disappeared, and I dipped my spoon into the steaming bowl, savoring the flavor of the rich and creamy soup. I ate, waiting patiently, wondering what he was doing with the baby. Julian called my name, and I hurried down the hall, stopping in the doorway and trying not to laugh. He had her on the changing table, one hand on her stomach as she squirmed, the other hand holding a misshapen diaper, the tabs torn. He looked at me, slightly panicked.
“I have no idea how to put a fresh diaper on her. She keeps moving and wriggling and flailing her arms. I’ve ripped two of these things. I don’t think she likes me.”
I tried not to smile at the expression on his face. I crossed the room, pushing him out of the way. “She hates getting her bum changed. You have to do it fast.” I showed him how to slip the diaper under her and fasten the tabs, his intense concentration on the simple task amusing. I tsked at the slight rash on her skin, getting out the cream and putting some on the red marks.
“Is she sick?” he asked.
“No, just reacting. Her urine is a bit strong right now. It’ll settle.”
I quickly snapped her onesie back into place and wrapped her in a blanket. I turned and held her out. “And she likes you just fine. She’s being a baby, Julian. Babies fuss.”
He took her, cradling her carefully. “Okay. I thought maybe she was mad at me about acting like an asshole yesterday.”
I blinked. “Babies don’t ‘get mad.’ She reacts to the tension I carry, yes. But she doesn’t think you’re an asshole. She doesn’t know what that is. And you shouldn’t say asshole in front of her.”
He grinned. “You just did—twice.”
I had to laugh. He had me there.
“I’m going to finish my soup.” I walked past him, taking in a deep breath. “Are you coming?”
He nodded. “Yep.”
The rest of the day seemed surreal. The groceries arrived, and he helped put them away. A package came in the late afternoon containing some baby books, and he read one, the book open on his lap, holding Julianna, once again getting the look of intensity on his face.
“Go have a nap,” he offered when I yawned. “I have our girl,” he added almost absently, as if it was something he said often.
I headed down the hall, glancing over my shoulder. He was watching me. I felt his stare down to my bones. He had always affected me when he focused his gaze on me, his brilliant-colored eyes darker than usual, the concentration on his face etched into his profile. My breathing picked up not only at his stare but how natural he looked, holding our daughter, cradling her close, his large hand supporting her head. I had noticed him grimace a couple of times when he lifted her, and I wondered if it was from his injury, but I refrained from asking, not wanting to bring up the past yet. He wasn’t complaining, so I left it alone. He dropped his gaze, murmuring something to her, and I entered the room and lay on the bed, confused, annoyed, but oddly content. The image of them together drifted through my head as I fell asleep, somehow knowing she was safe with him.
And right now, so was I.