Gus was waiting outside the cottage at nine Monday morning. Esther met him at his truck and grimaced at the thought of riding around in the dingy truck with its tasteless bumper stickers. Watch out for the idiot behind me. Honk if a kid falls out. Several others weren’t fit to take up space in her thoughts. She walked to the passenger side and waited for Gus to open her door the way their hired drivers did, then realized that was silly.
Gus pulled open his own door, the rusty hinges squeaking. The seat moaned when he sat down on the ripped cloth, springs bulging beneath his weight. Esther opened her door, happy to see her seat was intact, and hoisted herself into the truck. She pulled her black cape snug around her shoulders, tucked her chin as she pulled down on the front of her bonnet, then adjusted her sunglasses.
“Well, if you’re trying to be incognito, I think you pulled it off.” Gus laughed.
Esther didn’t know what he meant, and his comment was overshadowed by her inability to ignore the odor in the truck.
“What is that smell?” She looked his way. He was wearing tattered blue jeans, worn-out brown boots, and a red-and-gray checkered shirt that he really should have left untucked. Instead, a brown belt accentuated his drooping belly. She tried to discern if the disgusting smell was coming from him or something in the truck.
“I don’t smell anything.” Gus’s old truck wasn’t automatic like most cars. He cranked it, then shifted gears from a throttle on the floorboard, and each time, a jerky action followed that caused Esther to bounce forward. She braced her palms against the dusty dashboard.
They were quiet as they drove away from the house to the main road until Gus finally spoke.
“So, what did you tell everyone about where I was taking you?” Gus turned to her briefly. Esther was still trying to get her seat belt fastened. After it finally clicked into place, she looked his way.
“I told Lizzie and Naomi you were taking me to the doctor for a checkup. Lizzie was surprised but glad I was going since she knows how much doctors scare me. And I told them none of our regular drivers were available.”
“So you lied?” Gus grunted as he shook his head. “High and mighty, your people, always thinking you’re better than everyone else, but you lie just like us regular folks.”
“I will ask Gott to forgive the lie.” She kept her eyes forward, wanting this day to be over.
“Yeah, so it’s perfectly okay to tell a premeditated lie, as long as you ask your God for forgiveness later.” He scoffed, which caused the hair on the back of Esther’s neck to stand at attention.
“He’s not my Gott, He’s everyone’s Gott.”
“He ain’t my God,” Gus said with provocation, almost as if he was pushing for an argument. Esther had no plans to engage in a conversation about God with Gus. “Cuz if He was, I wouldn’t be driving this old heap and living in a cottage run by a couple of cranky Amish widows.” He paused, cutting his eyes at Esther. “Well, maybe not you, but your sister’s a nut case.”
Esther fought the urge to engage, but she just couldn’t let it go. “There is a Gott, and maybe you should reach out to Him, but for reasons other than your living situation and the automobile you drive. Perhaps you should pray for things that are more important, like a relationship with Him. Maybe even pray about your dochder.”
“I don’t want to talk about her.” Gus clamped his mouth shut.
Esther waited until he turned on a dirt road she knew was a shortcut to the clinic. “Your dochder came. Did you know that?”
He hit the break, then grinded the gears and turned to her. His bushy eyebrows were drawn into a frown. “She didn’t come.” He turned back to the road.
“Ya, she did. But she accidently went to Mary and John’s haus. Mary pointed her to the cottage, but the woman went back to her car and just sat there a while. Then she left.”
“Good riddance. I don’t need some daughter I don’t even know showing up after all these years.”
Esther thought about the time and effort Gus had put into tidying up his house and appearance. “Were you married to the girl’s mudder?”
“Yeah, I made an honest woman out of her since she was knocked up.”
Esther cringed at his casual admission of something so important.
He shifted gears again and sped up once they were back on pavement. The truck managed to hit every pothole on the worn blacktop.
“And she ain’t a girl anymore.” He kept his eyes forward as he spoke. Esther tried holding her breath for short periods since the stench in the truck grew worse when Gus turned on the heater. She breathed a deep sigh of relief when they pulled into the clinic parking lot. Then she began to tremble as she fumbled to undo her seat belt with her arthritic hand that did not want to cooperate.
Her door flung open and before she knew it Gus’s arm was across her, pressing against her stomach as he snapped the seat belt open. Then he stood back and waited for her to step out of the truck before he slammed the door closed.
“I don’t need you coming inside with me.” Her heart pounded. She was already worried about running into someone she knew since most of the people in the community used Dr. Elliot. And she certainly didn’t want to be seen with Gus. That would cause more gossip than her being at the doctor.
“Yeah, I’m going in with you. What if you’ve got cancer or some other horrible disease that’s going to kill you soon?” He paused, finding her eyes. “No one should have to hear that kind of news alone.”
He could have chosen his words better, but there was something genuine in his eyes, a rarity for Gus. He actually sounded concerned. Shaking her head, she started walking across the parking lot toward the entrance, Gus by her side. When she reached the front door, she stopped, her feet rooted to the concrete pavement. She wasn’t waiting for Gus to open the door for her. She simply didn’t want to go in.
“You’ve come this far. Might as well get it over with.” Gus reached for the door handle and slowly opened the door.
Esther stiffened, took a deep breath, then crossed over the threshold. The clinic housed several medical practices, including the dentist where Lizzie had gotten her dental work. When they reached Dr. Elliot’s office, Esther’s heart was racing so hard she worried her blood pressure might be off the chart. She briefly considered just going back to the truck, but for the second time today, Gus opened the door. Esther was happy to see that only two other people were in the waiting room—a mother with a small child on her lap.
Esther walked up to the window, told the woman her name, and was handed a clipboard with instructions to complete the forms. Gus had already sat down, and as much as she didn’t want to sit next to him, she did. She wondered if she would have the courage to tell him on the way home that he smelled like a garbage dumpster. Or would she be so distraught about what Dr. Elliot said that Gus’s odor wouldn’t matter?
Her hands shook as she held the clipboard and tried to read the questions, which were blurring together. Her vision played tricks on her these days. She wasn’t sure if it was due to glaucoma or some other ailment. The last time she’d been to the eye doctor was also seven or eight years ago. Lizzie put drops in her eyes daily for glaucoma. Her sister also took medications for high blood pressure and cholesterol. There could be all kinds of things wrong with me. As she had the thought, her hands trembled even more.
“Good grief. Give me that.” Gus abruptly snatched the clipboard and took the pen from Esther’s hand. “We’re gonna be here all day.”
He began filling out the paperwork. It was probably just her name, address, and other basic information. Then he turned to her and began asking her a series of questions. “Do you have a pacemaker?”
Esther shook her head.
“Ever had any surgeries?” Esther squeezed her eyes closed as vivid recollections flooded her mind, memories she’d tried to forget. She struggled to control her breathing.
“Mei appendix ruptured when I was a teenager.” The pain had been unbearable, but it was the conversations that had taken place around her that lingered in her mind. She might not make it. She has sepsis. Someone call the bishop.
“And you lived to tell about it,” Gus said casually without even looking at her.
He scanned the list, then stopped and scratched his head. “Uh, when . . .” He cleared his throat. “When did you have your last, uh . . . you know?”
Esther turned to look at him. “I’m not a mind reader, Gus.”
“You know . . . your lady thing?” Gus’s face turned bright red, and Esther’s was bound to be the same color.
“Too long ago to remember,” she finally said, wishing she’d just hired a driver and risked the gossip. But Gus didn’t have anyone to tell about their trip—except Lizzie—and they’d made a deal about that. Gus didn’t have any friends, for obvious reasons to everyone who crossed his path. It seemed surreal to have him here at the doctor with her, filling out her paperwork and asking her personal questions about her health.
After she returned the clipboard to the woman behind the glass, she only had to wait a few minutes before a nurse opened a door and called Esther’s name. She slowly lifted herself up, but her feet didn’t want to move. Gus stood.
“You are not coming with me.” Esther was shaking from head to toe, but surely Gus knew he couldn’t go in with her.
He groaned as a muscle flicked in his jaw. “I ain’t going in with you, woman.”
She decided to overlook the fact that he’d called her “woman.”
“I-I just wanted to tell you that everything is gonna be okay.” He cast his eyes down as he spoke, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his blue jeans. Esther was unexpectedly touched, and a tiny part of her wanted him to go with her. But she had no idea what kind of revealing tests might be performed, so she merely nodded and walked toward the nurse.
* * *
Amos was glad when lunchtime finally rolled around. He’d overslept this morning, missed breakfast, and only grabbed a slice of toast and some bacon on his way out to finish working on the fence. No one had been around when he came downstairs, but a plate had been sitting on the counter with the food. He hoped he hadn’t stolen someone else’s breakfast.
If he kept up his pace he might finish the fence today and be ready to move on to the next project. He had a list but wasn’t sure what he’d tackle next.
Inside the house he breathed in the aroma of something heavenly and recognized what he thought might be basil.
“I hope you like lasagna,” Naomi said when he walked into the kitchen. “I know it’s a bit heavy for lunch, but since you missed breakfast, I thought you might be starving.” She nodded to a large casserole dish already on the kitchen table. It looked as wonderful as it smelled.
He put his hat on the pegs by the kitchen door. “Ach, I’ve never had lasagna. But it looks and smells delicious.”
Naomi put her hands on her hips and grinned. “How could you have never had lasagna?” Then her smile faded. “Oh dear. Do you not care for pasta or tomato sauce?”
Amos closed his eyes and breathed in again before he looked at her. “I love pasta and tomato sauce. Mei mamm only cooks traditional meat-and-potato meals.”
“Mei mamm did too. But an Englisch friend taught me how to make this a long time ago. I’ve changed it up a bit and made it my own recipe. Lizzie and Esther love it, so I try to cook it every now and then, but usually for supper.”
“Where are Lizzie and Esther?” Amos’s mouth watered when Naomi placed a salad on the table next to the pasta dish.
“Lizzie is in the mudroom. She insisted she would run the clothes through the ringer, even though it’s really mei job.” She blew out a breath of frustration. “But it’s hard to argue with Lizzie when she sets her mind on something. Esther actually went to the doctor for a checkup, which strikes me as suspicious.”
“Why?” Amos was glad when Naomi finally sat down across from him. His stomach growled.
“She’s terrified of doctors. I’ve seen her so sick with a cold that I thought it might turn into pneumonia, and she still wouldn’t go to the doctor. I’m wondering if she suspects something is wrong.”
Amos peeked out the kitchen window. “Her buggy is here.”
“Ya, I know. Her appointment was in Bedford this morning. It’s too far to travel by buggy.” She sighed. “And she had Gus take her. She said all our drivers were busy, which is even more suspicious. None of us likes to spend any more time with Gus than we have to.”
“I hope she’s okay.” Amos’s eyes darted back and forth between Naomi and the lasagna. They bowed their heads in prayer, then she served him a large portion of the pasta.
After he’d swallowed the first bite, he said, “Please don’t ever tell mei mamm this, but this is the best food I’ve ever eaten.” He shook his head. “I’m going to have to marry someone who knows how to cook this.” The moment the words slipped from his mouth, he found Naomi’s wide eyes. He motioned back and forth between them with his hand. “I-I didn’t mean, uh . . . you and me. I mean, I just meant . . .”
Smiling, she said, “I know what you meant, and that’s a gut sign—that you can even make the statement, even joking. But I’m flattered you like it so much.”
“‘Like it’ would be a big understatement.” He was glad she hadn’t taken his comment seriously. Sometimes when Naomi looked at him, he thought he saw longing in her eyes, but he wasn’t sure how much of it was longing or grief. Amos confused his own emotions sometimes, so reading hers was only speculation. He was certain of one thing, though. He enjoyed being around her.
Amos said very little as he devoured his lunch. He even had seconds of the lasagna, wondering if he’d ever get enough.
“Did Lizzie already eat?” Over half the pan was still full, and Amos was pretty sure he could go another round, maybe a smaller one.
Naomi laughed. She’d had a small square of the casserole and some salad. “Why? Do you want to eat the entire pan?”
“Maybe.” He smiled as she delivered a third helping to his plate.
“And, ya, Lizzie already ate some oatmeal. She still refuses to put in her teeth, since the cat played with them. I hope she changes her mind before Friday. We have a couple who booked a reservation for Friday and Saturday night.”
About halfway through his third helping, Amos was sure he couldn’t put one more bite in his mouth, but he didn’t like to waste food, so he managed to clean his plate. He would just have to take it easier for the rest of the day. Naomi had been right. It was a heavy meal.
“How’s your cat doing out in the barn?” He wiped his mouth, took a deep breath, and wished he could take a nap. Big midday meals made him sleepy.
Naomi bit her bottom lip. “I can’t find her. I’m hoping she’s just out exploring and returns soon.”
Amos thought about all the raccoons and foxes in the area, not to mention the coyotes. “I’m sure that’s it.”
He stood up. “Danki for the best meal I’ve ever had in mei life.”
Naomi rose, too, her cheeks taking on a rosy tint. “Ach, danki. I’m really, really flattered.”
Amos moved toward the door and reached for his hat. “See you at supper.” He put his hand across his stomach. “Although I might not eat as much as I usually do.” He grinned. “But I’m looking forward to painting with you again.”
“Ya, me too.”
* * *
Lizzie rushed into the kitchen carrying a load of wet laundry in a basket. She set it on the floor, scurried to Naomi, and clutched both of her shoulders. “He’s the one, child. I can feel it in mei bones. And I’ve always said the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.”
Naomi eased out of Lizzie’s grasp and rested her hands on her hips. “Lizzie, were you eavesdropping?”
“Maybe a little.” She flashed a toothless grin at Naomi.
“Amos is a very nice man, but neither of us is interested in pursuing a relationship. We both have a shared passion for painting.” She pointed a finger at Lizzie. “No matchmaking. It won’t work. Just let us enjoy the friendship we seem to be developing.”
“That’s how the best love stories start.”
Naomi decided to change the subject. “Do you think Esther is okay? She never goes to the doctor, especially for a checkup. And for Gus to drive her to Bedford . . .”
Lizzie sat down at the table. “I wondered about that, too, since she has such a fear of doctors. But when I questioned her, she insisted it was just a checkup.”
“It’s gut she’s going.” Naomi suspected Esther might have several problems she wasn’t telling them about because she didn’t want to worry Lizzie. Esther seemed to have trouble with her eyes sometimes, and in addition to her stomach problems, her face turned red often. Naomi remembered a friend’s father who became flushed when his blood pressure was high.
She picked up the basket of wet clothes. “I’m going to go hang these out on the line.”
Lizzie nodded, but sad eyes and a frown indicated she was more concerned about her sister than she was letting on.
* * *
Esther listened in horror as Dr. Elliot told her about the tests she needed to have. She’d already made up her mind that she wasn’t having any of them. She’d hoped whatever was wrong with her would be an easy fix and give her peace of mind. Instead, all her fears were turning into realities she wasn’t ready to face. When the doctor told her about a procedure where they would put her in a large machine that spun around her, that was the final straw.
“It’s important for you to have these tests, Mrs. Zook. You haven’t had a checkup in a long time, and whatever is going on needs to be addressed.” Dr. Elliot was about Esther’s age. She wanted to tell him that maybe he should be retired and didn’t know what he was talking about.
She nodded, even though her stomach churned.
“As I told you, this could be a minor thing. I suspect you have a stomach ulcer, but I wouldn’t be doing my job well if we didn’t rule out some other things too. And we need to run a blood panel to see where all your levels are, like cholesterol, blood sugar . . . things like that. Based on what you told me, I think you need to have your eyes checked as well.”
She stood up on shaky legs, thanked the doctor, and walked down the hall. When she walked into the waiting room, anxious to leave, Gus rose to meet her.
“Let’s go,” she said as she moved faster toward the door.
“Wait, Mrs. Zook.” The woman at the desk opened the glass window wider. “I need to give you the paperwork for the tests you need to schedule. They can all be done at the hospital here in Bedford.”
Esther froze, didn’t look at Gus, but turned around and accepted the papers from the woman, forcing a smile. She tucked them all in her purse and went to where Gus was actually holding open the exit door. Breezing by him, she stayed steadily ahead of him as she quickly walked to the truck. If he asked any questions, she’d tell him everything was fine. Another lie. I’m sorry, Gott.
“This ain’t a marathon.” Gus huffed and puffed to keep up with her, but she didn’t slow or turn around. When she got to the truck, she opened her door, climbed in, slammed the door shut, and put her purse in her lap.
Gus opened his door and glared at her for a few seconds before he got in the seat. “You gonna tell me what the doc said?”
“It’s personal, Gus.” Esther raised her chin, hoping he didn’t see her bottom lip trembling. “But I’m going to be fine.”
He scratched his chin. “Then why all the tests?”
“Can you start the truck? I’m cold.” Esther hugged herself, rubbing her shoulders.
Gus started the truck and adjusted the heater, but he didn’t put the vehicle in gear. “I heard that woman say you gotta have tests. What tests?”
“Can you not respect mei privacy, please?” Esther’s voice shook as she spoke, and her lip trembled even more when she thought about the test where they put you in a tube to take pictures.
Gus glared at her. “Put your seat belt on.”
Esther pulled the strap across her chest, but once again she couldn’t get her hands to cooperate.
Gus gently pushed her hand away and grabbed the strap, fastening the seat belt with ease. “What kind of tests?” he asked again.
Esther’s blood pressure had been high in the doctor’s office, and she was sure it was even higher now. She clenched her hands into fists around the strap of her small black purse. “Stop asking me! Please respect mei privacy!” She turned to Gus, blinking back tears. In all the years she’d known him, she’d never cried in front of him, not even at her mother’s funeral. She’d managed to hold her emotions in until she was alone. But right now, she was unraveling right in front of him.
“You gonna die or what?” He asked the question as if he was asking if it was going to rain later. Esther had curse words on the tip of her tongue, words she’d only heard spoken by others, some she didn’t even know the meaning of.
“You are a coldhearted man to ask me that.” A tear slid down her cheek. “Do you have no compassion? Can’t you see that I am upset?” She pointed her finger inches from his face. “You will keep your word and not say anything to Lizzie.”
“You said you were gonna tell Lizzie.” Gus’s gruff voice didn’t hold an ounce of compassion. “But I still get my pie.”
“Gus Owens . . .” Esther’s hands shook as she took a tissue out of her purse and dabbed at her eyes. “It’s no wonder you have no friends! It’s no wonder you have a dochder who doesn’t want to see you. You are an unkind man who doesn’t care about anyone but yourself.”
Esther couldn’t recall ever speaking to another human being the way she was speaking to Gus now, and the comment about his daughter was awful. “And you’ll get your stupid pie.” She held her face in her hands for a couple seconds before she wiped the tears from her eyes again.
“I’m sorry.” She wasn’t sure if she was or not, but it was a foul way to talk to a person. When she looked at him, her chest tightened. His eyes were moist, and it tugged at her heart more than she could have expected.
“I-I . . .” He locked eyes with her. “I kinda thought you were my friend. Maybe the only one, but . . .” He hung his head.
Esther reached into her purse, took out the papers the woman had given her, and handed them to Gus. Then she laid her head back against the seat and closed her eyes.
After reading them Gus cleared his throat, and Esther turned her head toward him, drained from crying, and resolved she was not going to have those tests. If it was the Lord’s will to call her home, then so be it.
“Esther, now you listen to me.” Gus spoke softly, in a way Esther had never heard from him. “None of these tests are painful. I’ve had them all. I know it can be scary but quit acting like a big ol’ chicken. There’s nothing to it. I’ll bring you. It’s up to you whether or not you tell that wacky sister of yours. But you have to have these tests done. They’ll likely give you some pills afterward and you’ll be all fixed up. There ain’t nothing to an MRI either, if that’s what you’re all worked up about.” He paused. “But ya gotta have it all done. It’s just part of getting old.”
Esther stared at him. She was worked up about all of it. “I don’t have to do anything.”
It was a long while before Gus responded. “Yeah, you do. And you know it. I know you’re scared, but I’ll be with you.”
Esther blinked a few times as she tried to envision it. Grumpy Gus Owens by her side as she entered a world of medical mystery and strange tests that terrified her. But she couldn’t tell Lizzie. Not yet.
“Okay,” she said softly. She hadn’t felt right in a long time. Perhaps enduring the tests was better than dying prematurely because of a medical phobia.
Gus finally put the truck in gear and neither one of them spoke on the way home.
Esther would take him his pie after supper. A deal was a deal.