Naomi didn’t want to eat supper with Thomas after they talked. She wanted to go home. When they pulled into the driveway, Naomi leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.
“I need time to think,” she said again.
Thomas nodded at the house. “I have to say, Amos has an unfair advantage, living with you.”
“He’s leaving within a week.” Naomi wasn’t sure how she felt about Amos leaving. She needed to be away from both men if she was going to truly sort out her feelings. But she couldn’t imagine not seeing Amos’s face throughout the day. Already, she was looking forward to getting inside and hoped he was still downstairs. It was about the time they gathered for devotions.
“I guess I can survive a week of him living in the same haus as you.” Thomas cupped her cheek. “You don’t have to say it back, but I have to tell you again that I love you.”
Naomi pressed her hand over his. She wanted to tell him that a part of her would love him forever, no matter what the future held. But she worried that might give him false hope.
“Good night,” she said before she got out of the buggy.
She tried not to rush as she walked to the porch, then she turned and waved to Thomas. As disappointed as she was that Amos had ruined his painting, she wondered if it signified a new beginning for both of them, however things turned out. She was going to start fresh on a new painting tonight. She’d baked a chicken casserole before she left with Thomas. Maybe there were leftovers. Mostly, she wanted to be around Amos and try to identify what she was feeling. If he kept true to what he said, he would be gone in less than a week. That didn’t give her much time.
When she walked into the living room, she shed her cape and bonnet. Esther and Lizzie were on the couch, each reading a book.
“Why are you back so early?” Esther took off her reading glasses.
Naomi shrugged. “It’s a long and confusing story, but we decided not to go eat.” Pausing, she didn’t hear movement anywhere else in the house. “Where is Amos?”
Lizzie and Esther exchanged glances, then Esther stood.
“He’s gone, Naomi. He packed up and left right after you left with Thomas. He thanked us for allowing him to work here during his slow time back home, and he asked us to give you this.” Esther reached for something on the coffee table and handed Naomi an envelope with her name on it.
Naomi’s hand shook as she accepted it. “No goodbye?” She folded the envelope in half and slipped it in her apron pocket. A new kind of anguish seared her heart, similar to how she’d felt when Thomas left her. Maybe worse.
“We tried to talk him out of leaving without seeing you.” Esther sighed. “But he insisted it would be easier this way.”
“A strong indication of how much he cares for you.” Lizzie closed her book and folded her hands. “Aren’t you going to read the letter?”
“Ya, I will.” Even though Lizzie and Esther were stiff, quiet, and looked like they might burst from curiosity, Naomi wanted to read the letter in private. She tried to smile. “Couldn’t you have locked him in the basement or something?”
Esther cringed. “Nee, dear. We are done meddling with your love life. We learned our lesson.”
Naomi doubted that, and this was the one time she wished they had acted in character. For Amos not to say goodbye seemed harsh, but deep down, she understood. She was anxious, if not a little fearful, to read his note. Was it goodbye forever? Or was he just giving her space, just as she’d asked Thomas to give her time?
“Excuse me.” She turned and went upstairs, closed her bedroom door behind her, and sat on the bed, trembling. It took her a minute to pull the envelope from her pocket. She slid her finger along the crease and eased out a yellow piece of lined paper. Slowly she unfolded it and read.
Dear Naomi,
Forgive me for not saying goodbye. I think you know why I didn’t. I feel like putting some distance between us might help you open your heart to your true feelings. Perhaps Thomas is the man for you and deserves another chance. That is a choice only you can make.
You changed my life, Naomi. I’m smiling as I write this because it sounds so dramatic. But it’s true. I’ve been so closed off since Sarah died and refused to open mei heart to anyone. Then I met you, and little by little, you chipped away at the wall around mei heart. I still have a lot of love to share with the right person.
I’ll think of you every time I paint. There is a creek that borders our property at home. I used to love to go there and paint. Sarah didn’t paint, but she knew how much I loved it and that the creek was my special place where I felt closest to Gott. After she was gone, I’d go there sometimes, but never to paint. I went to talk to Gott.
When I return, I plan to paint again, in that spot. I hope to keep the gray shadow out of mei work and replace it with the red that was missing. In case you didn’t know, red is the color of love. And to paint a picture of love, you have to feel love in your heart before you can show it on canvas.
Naomi smiled through her tears. He had recognized, or finally figured out, what was missing from their paintings.
I’m leaving you with love in mei heart, something that’s been missing for way too long. I’ll miss you and forever remember our night in the basement.
To sum it up, you brought joy back into mei life, showed me how to laugh again, and helped me recapture a part of myself I thought was gone forever. I will always be grateful to you for that.
I will pray for you. I will miss you. But mostly, I hope you find the peace in your heart I know you are searching for.
Fondly,
Amos
Naomi reread the letter two more times, trying to decide the level of finality it represented. He didn’t ask her to write him back, nor did he mention ever seeing her again. As tears trailed down her face and dropped onto the paper, she supposed he was right. God had orchestrated a plan for them to help each other recover from their grief. The Lord had opened their hearts to the possibility of second chances, just not with each other.
Then why am I hurting so much, Gott? She threw her head back and stared at the ceiling, fighting the urge to be angry with God. What would have happened if Amos had stayed?
“We’ll never know,” she quoted his words aloud as she curled up on the bed and let the loss wash over her.
* * *
“What are we going to do?” Lizzie twisted on the couch to face Esther, her expression as grim as Esther felt.
“We aren’t going to do anything.” She squeezed her eyes closed as her stomach clenched. “Every time I think about us leaving them in that basement for so long, I cringe. I only wanted to leave them down there long enough to face their feelings and stop fighting. Had they not both been ethical, God-fearing people, things could have gone badly. It was wrong of us to shove temptation at them the way we did.”
Lizzie shook her head. “You, not we.”
“Ach, Lizzie, stop it. You were right there at the kitchen table with me.” She pointed at her sister. “No more matchmaking or meddling for us.”
Lizzie wrinkled her nose and shook her head. “I think Amos was the one for Naomi, and we let him get away.”
“They are adults, and we certainly couldn’t keep him here. I think we can only hope that distance will make the heart grow fonder, for both of them.” Esther set her book on the coffee table. “I need to go to Walmart tomorrow, and I couldn’t find a driver, so I’m going to see if Gus will take me.”
Lizzie disliked Walmart, and disliked Gus even more. It was a safe bet she wouldn’t want to go. Esther didn’t feel good about lying to her sister, but she had two final tests to endure tomorrow, then a meeting with her doctor to go over everything. Whatever the findings, she’d tell Lizzie when she knew what was wrong.
“I’d walk before I let that pompous grouch take me anywhere.” Lizzie puckered her lips. “And I can’t think of anything at Walmart that would make me go there. It’s big and confusing and cold in that store.”
“Even though the harvest was plentiful, we need more than corn to live on. The locals don’t have the variety of vegetables Walmart has brought in from other states.” Esther was digging herself deeper into the lie. Maybe she’d beg Gus to stop at Walmart so she wouldn’t be fibbing to Lizzie.
“Ach, I almost forgot to tell you, there were messages on the machine in the barn.” Lizzie shuffled her teeth, and Esther prayed her doctor hadn’t left a message for her. She’d instructed him not to do that.
“We’re going to have a full haus for the next two weeks.” Lizzie reached up and straightened her prayer covering. “Not every day, but a lot of folks made reservations.”
“That might be a gut distraction for Naomi. It will keep her busy.”
Esther hoped it might be a good distraction for her, too, depending on what the doctor said tomorrow. Her stomach churned just thinking about it.
* * *
After a long bus ride, Amos was glad to be home. His family welcomed him back in a grand style. His mother served a fine meal, and his brothers and father had cleaned the workshop, a task Amos had been putting off for months. His brothers dabbled in the shop, but it was mostly where Amos ran his business. He’d let it become a mess before he went to Indiana.
“Gut to have you home, bruder.” Amos’s youngest brother, Daniel, shook his hand as they sat down for supper. His middle brother, Rudy, did the same.
“Gut to be home.” Amos loved his family, but he had started missing Naomi the moment he walked out the door of The Peony Inn. He wondered what her reaction was to his letter, and if she would write him back. Or was a clean split the best way, so she could focus on rebuilding her relationship with Thomas? The thought caused his stomach to twist, but he knew giving her time was the best thing to do.
“You have three jobs lined up this week,” his father said. “Perfect timing, now that you’re home.”
“There were two small projects while you were gone.” Rudy reached for a slice of bread, only to have his mother slap his hand away, reminding him they would say grace before putting anything on their plates. “I handled them, and I’ll fill you in later,” he said before they bowed their heads.
After the blessing, everyone filled him in on things he’d missed, which wasn’t all that much. A couple they’d known since they were children had published their engagement. Levi Hostetler had been in a buggy accident, but he was going to be all right. Amos half listened, but he was distracted with thoughts of Naomi.
His brothers were anxious to finish eating and get out the door. They were both courting women in the community. After his father retired to the living room, Amos stayed seated in the kitchen, knowing his mother would have questions. He didn’t want to talk about Naomi, but he doubted he could avoid a conversation about his time in Indiana.
“I thought you’d stay longer,” she said as she cleared the table. “It sounded like Esther and Lizzie had so much work for you to do.”
“Ya, and I got most of it done.” He regretted leaving a few projects uncompleted, but the timing had been perfect, and if he stayed one more day, he was afraid he would beg Naomi not to marry Thomas and to give him a chance. But she had a history with Thomas and deserved the time to see if she could get past her anger.
When his mother had piled the dishes in soapy water, she sat down across from Amos at the table. “Esther wrote to me. She told me there was definitely a spark between you and Naomi.” Mamm smiled. “Such a kind maedel, and I saw a hint of something between you before I left to come home. Were we all wrong?”
“Nee, there was something.” Amos told his mother about Thomas’s return and Naomi’s history with him. “She needs to work things out without a distraction from me.”
His mother’s eyes drooped as she frowned but stayed quiet. Amos decided to throw her a bone.
“But, Mamm, spending time with Naomi helped mei to open mei heart to the possibility of love again. Maybe Gott has someone else for me and will see fit to give me a second chance.” In his heart, though, he couldn’t imagine a second chance with anyone but Naomi.
His mother offered a weak smile. “I’m happy about that, sohn. I really am.”
Amos scratched his cheek. “Then why do you look so glum?”
His mother sighed. “Because I haven’t seen that look in your eyes since Sarah. I would miss you very much if you left our community, but I don’t want geography to dictate your decisions.” Smiling, she stood and walked around the table, then kissed Amos on the forehead. “Love is a tricky business.”
Amos remained at the table for a while longer, recalling the time he’d spent with Naomi, hoping and praying she’d write him back.
* * *
Esther prayed for strength Wednesday morning, then put on her cape and bonnet and marched to Gus’s cottage. He was waiting by the truck for her. When he opened his door to get in, she tugged on hers and slid onto the seat. No matter what this day should bring, Esther was determined not to fall apart the way she had during the MRI. She was a grown woman, and if she had cancer or some other dreadful disease, she would face it with bravery.
“Put your seat belt on.” Gus pumped the gas several times before the old pickup started.
“Maybe you should wear yours too.” Esther raised her chin and faced forward.
Gus glared at her, but he pulled the belt across his belly, groaning as he snapped it in place.
She turned and pointed a finger at him. “I do not want to hear anything foul from you today. You are to mind your manners and not upset me in any way.”
They weren’t even out of the driveway when Gus hit the brake abruptly.
Esther threw both hands against the dash so she wouldn’t bang her head.
“If it’s gonna be like this all day, maybe you better find another ride.” Gus looked at her and raised an eyebrow.
“Just drive.” Esther sighed.
After they were on the highway, Gus cut his eyes in her direction when he should have been watching the road. “This ain’t a pretty side of you, Esther, all this hostility.” He shook his head.
She coughed out a nervous laugh, covering her mouth in case any blood surfaced, but it didn’t. “Gus Owens, I don’t think you, of all people, should be telling me how to act. Do you ever listen to the way you talk to people? You are abrasive, often very rude, and I’ve never heard you pay anyone a compliment. You complain all the time and are generally a miserable person to be around. If I seem to be having one bad day, I’d appreciate it if you’d cut me some slack.”
Gus grinned. “Cut you some slack? Ain’t that kind of an English thing to say? Sounds funny coming from you.”
“I probably heard it from you.” She cut her eyes toward him. “And now that you’ve pointed it out, I won’t be saying it again.”
“Woman—yeah, woman—it’s a good thing we’re already on the highway, or I would have dropped you on the road back there. You wanna talk to me about being ‘foul’? Maybe you can lose the attitude or find another ride back home.”
Esther took a deep breath and released it slowly. “I’m sorry.” She paused, thinking how poorly she’d treated Gus. Most folks would say he had it coming, but it wasn’t Esther’s way to be so nasty.
“They are going to poke and prod me with more tests today, and then I have to wait to meet with the doctor so he can tell me if I’m going to die.”
They were perfectly quiet for at least five minutes, the rumble of the truck not enough to drown out Esther’s worries. She rolled the possibilities over, then tried to imagine how she would tell Lizzie that the Lord would be calling her home soon. Everything was God’s will. Esther knew that. But she was terrified, which made her question how strong her faith really was.
“You’re real pretty.” Gus didn’t look at her when he spoke.
Esther snapped her head to the left. “What?”
“You heard me. I shouldn’t have to repeat it.” He grumbled as he shifted the gear on the floorboard.
Esther realized her mouth was hanging open and snapped it closed. “What?” she asked again.
“Woman, you might be dying, but you’re not hard of hearing. I said you’re real pretty.”
Esther closed her eyes and gave her head a quick shake. Maybe her mind was already taking a turn for the worse. “Gus, I’m a seventy-two-year-old, gray-haired, large woman with a roadmap of wrinkles, so I’m not sure what would make you say that. But I suppose a thank you is in order, so danki.”
“You said you’d never heard me give anyone a compliment. I give you one, and this is how you act.” He clicked his tongue.
“Sorry.” She squeezed the handles of her purse and kept her eyes forward.
“You’re pretty on the inside, too, and always real nice to people.”
Esther threw her head back against the headrest. “The Lord is already preparing to take me home, because I am losing mei mind.” With her head still pressed back, she turned to look at Gus. “Did I really just hear you give me a second compliment? Two in one day, in less than an hour?”
He wrinkled his nose but didn’t answer. After a few minutes, she said, “Thank you, Gus, I appreciate that.”
“You’re welcome.” He paused to grin at her. “Woman.”
Esther smiled back at him. God never ceased to amaze her. Sometimes a good thing could come from the least expected person.
She sniffed the air. “That dreadful smell is gone.” Pausing, she drew in another breath. “It smells like . . .” She thought for a moment. “Like apples and cinnamon.”
“I wondered when you were gonna notice.” Gus grimaced as he shoved the stick shift into place, grinding another gear. “You were right. There was a dead mouse under the hood.”
“Well, whatever you sprayed inside the truck smells very nice.”
He shrugged. “Yeah, I guess I had gotten used to it stinking. But I found some air freshener under the sink. I always buy the apple cinnamon kind. It was Heather’s favorite when she was little.”
Esther held her breath, debating what to say. It was Gus’s first mention of his daughter. She stayed quiet, fearing anything she said would send him into a tailspin, and today—of all days—she wanted to stay calm. And for Gus to do the same.
“I don’t know how much you heard when Heather came to see me.” Gus kept his eyes straight ahead with no readable expression on his face.
“I heard enough.” Esther swallowed hard, then forced herself to take a deep breath.
After another minute, he said, “I had it coming, I guess—all the names she called me and stuff. But I guess I had hoped things would be different.” Then he turned to Esther. “She ain’t coming back. I’m pretty sure of that.”
Esther decided to take a chance and jump into the conversation. “What prompted her visit after all this time?”
He burst out laughing. “Who knows. Maybe she thought she might need a kidney one day.” He glared at Esther. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
And just like that, Grumpy Gus returned full force. He’d shared more than he ever had, so Esther wasn’t going to push. At least not today.
“I understand,” she said softly. Baby steps.
They arrived at the hospital and parked, then Esther began walking toward the building. Gus patted her on the back.
“Esther, I feel like this God of yours still has plans for you. He ain’t gonna take you home just yet.”
“He’s your Gott, too, Gus.” Esther glanced up in time to see him crinkle his nose.
“Nah. There was a time when I thought so.” He paused. “But God left me hung out to dry a long time ago.”
Esther’s people didn’t minister by nature, but she couldn’t help wondering if Gus’s disposition was due to his lack of faith. Or maybe the world had kicked him hard one too many times, and he was kicking back twice as hard. Either way, Esther was convinced there was another man hiding inside Gus. A person who sometimes revealed his true self and wanted to escape the person he’d become.
As she walked up to the desk at the hospital, all thoughts of Gus fled, replaced with needles and tubes and . . . her results afterward.