Esther submitted to the will of God, endured her final tests—mostly lab work and one X-ray—then she and Gus went to the building next to the hospital. Esther trembled on the inside, but outwardly, she presented herself to be the brave person she was not. She’d come up with a dozen different ways to tell Lizzie she was sick, possibly dying. The biggest and hardest part of the conversation would be convincing Lizzie that she could go on without her.
When the nurse opened the door and called her name, Esther had trouble standing up on her weak knees, but Gus’s hand clutched her elbow and he helped her to her feet. As much as she didn’t want him to see her fall apart, she didn’t want to hear the news alone either.
She and Gus waited in her doctor’s office. He was a young fellow, too young to be practicing medicine, Esther thought, but she’d been referred to him by her regular doctor.
“Stop looking like you’re preparing for your own funeral,” Gus grumbled.
Esther tried to picture Lizzie or Naomi sitting next to her, anyone with a more compassionate nature.
“Hello, Esther.” Dr. Boone walked in wearing his crisp white coat and a stethoscope around his neck. Esther wanted to ask him how old he was, but she simply returned the greeting.
“Okay.” He opened a file before scanning two pages, then looked at her. “You’ve got a nasty stomach ulcer, so you need to make some diet changes, and you’ll need to take these pills, at least for a while. He pushed a small piece of paper toward her, a prescription she saw when she put her glasses on and looked closely.
“You mean to tell me, after all these tests and scaring the woman half to death, all she’s got is an ulcer?” Gus groaned. “Seems a waste of money to me.”
Esther held her breath, willing Gus to be quiet. “I don’t have cancer? I’m not going to die?” she asked barely above a whisper.
Dr. Boone smiled. “Not any time soon. You’re basically a healthy woman for your age, but your body is rejecting some of the food you eat. Here is a list of things you’ll want to avoid.” He handed Esther another piece of paper, larger and in color. “Your cholesterol is a little high, so I’m going to give you a prescription for that too.” He began scribbling on another piece of paper.
“It’s all a big scam for money, all those tests.” Gus folded his arms across his big belly, but Esther ignored him. She had never danced in her life, but she was tempted to get up and give it a try, no matter how much Gus’s comments embarrassed her.
“I’m afraid those tests were necessary to rule out other potential problems. But, Esther, you need to have regular checkups. And follow up with an eye doctor since it’s been so long.” The doctor stood, told Esther to call if she had any questions, then dismissed them, after Esther thanked him repeatedly.
On the ride home, Esther couldn’t stop smiling. “I am so relieved. I’ve never been so relieved in mei life.”
“How are you paying for all this? You and Lizzie don’t seem to have financial problems, but you had a lot of tests, and MRIs ain’t cheap.” He raised an eyebrow. “You people don’t have insurance, do you? Or Medicare?”
“We have a community fund that everyone contributes to for handling our medical costs. I chose not to use it. If a young person becomes ill, they might feel the financial strain, and I want there to be enough money in the fund for future generations. Lizzie and I are not wealthy by any stretch of the imagination, but our mother left plenty to sustain us.” She paused. “I just hope I’m done with all of this.”
“You best get off this irrational fear you have about your health. You’re old and breaking down. There comes a time when you can’t grease the parts anymore. They’ll bust, and you either have to get new ones or do without. So you need to pay an occasional visit to a doctor for checkups. But eventually, you’ll kick the bucket.” He turned to her, frowning. “I thought your people were okay with death.”
Esther didn’t want to debate theology with Gus. “There is nothing you can say to ruin mei happy mood.”
“Well, before you get too happy, you might want to check the foods you can’t eat anymore.”
“Whatever they are, I’m fine with it. I’m just relieved not to have anything seriously wrong.” Esther took the list from her purse and scanned it. Most of it she could live with. She wasn’t a fan of spicy foods, but there was one item on the list that caught her attention. “Oh dear.”
Gus chuckled. “I’m gonna bet there’s something on there about greasy food. You people gop everything up with lard and deep fry it.”
She cut her eyes at him. “Say what you will, but I can change mei eating habits. Even if it means giving up fried foods.”
“But is it really worth it? We’re already old. Shouldn’t we just enjoy ourselves? My blood sugar is off the chart, but I ain’t giving up pie.”
Esther lifted both eyebrows. “So I’m contributing to your poor health?”
“Probably not anymore. I reckon my pies will stop coming now that you don’t need me.”
She noticed a tinge of regret in his voice. “Gus, I have appreciated you driving me to these appointments, even though there ended up being only two.” Danki, Gott. “But I will still bring you pie, maybe just not every day in rain or snow.”
After a quick stop at Walmart to get Esther’s prescriptions filled, it was a quiet ride the rest of the way—bumpy, but quiet. By the time they returned home, Esther was still overjoyed, but also tired and in need of a nap.
She walked around the truck and waited for Gus to climb out and stand up. She looked up at him, then did something she never thought she would. “Danki,” she said as she wrapped her arms around him.
He stiffened right away and kept his hands at his sides. After a few seconds, he patted her on the back.
“You’re welcome,” he said softly.
Gus would never be what Esther would consider a gentleman, but she’d seen a few soft spots. There was hope for him.
* * *
Naomi peered out the living room window and raised her hand to her mouth.
Lizzie stood next to her, mouth agape. “Did I just see what I think I did? Was Esther hugging Gus?”
“Ya, I can’t believe it either.” Naomi watched Esther leave Gus. “I’ve also seen her coming from his haus before, and she was smiling.”
“She’s smiling now! And she’s always taking him his mail or even defending him.” Lizzie looked like the blood was being siphoned from her face. “Esther’s lost her mind. I wouldn’t touch that man with a ten-foot pole, and yet . . . mei schweschder is hugging him?” She looked at Naomi with wide eyes.
Naomi was having a hard time believing Esther could be involved with Gus in an intimate way, but she sure had been spending a lot of time with him.
“Maybe we shouldn’t say anything. It’s her business.” Naomi chewed on her bottom lip.
“Since when have Esther or I minded our own business?” Lizzie marched to the middle of the living room and clutched her hands in front of her.
Naomi followed and stood next to her, mirroring her stance.
Esther walked into the room with a smile that stretched across her face.
“Do you have something you need to tell us?” Lizzie lifted her chin, eyeing her sister as her nostrils flared.
Esther’s cheerfulness didn’t diminish. “Ya, as a matter of fact, I do.”
Lizzie fell onto the couch, closed her eyes, and threw her head back. “Gott take me now. This can’t be true.”
“Ach, well, I don’t know how you found out. Maybe there was a message on the machine, but it is certainly wonderful news that I’m happy to share with you now. Don’t look so upset. I just didn’t want you to worry until I was certain of everything.”
Naomi wasn’t sure Lizzie was breathing as the color continued draining from her face. Naomi put a hand to her forehead. “Esther, have you been keeping a secret from us?”
“Ya.” Her joyous expression fell. “And I’m sorry about that. But I’m going to be okay, and I thank Gott for that.”
Lizzie bolted from the couch with the energy of a teenager, her fists clenched at her sides. “How is being in the arms of that awful man going to make you okay? Exactly how long have you been carrying on with Gus?”
Esther’s mouth fell open. “What?”
Naomi cleared her throat. “I-I saw you coming from his haus, happy and smiling one night. He’s been driving you around, and you always take him pie or deliver his mail.” She paused, waiting for Esther to say something, but her face turned as ashen as Lizzie’s. “I’m afraid we figured it out after we saw you hugging him just now.”
* * *
Esther closed her mouth, bent in half, and laughed so hard, she hoped she didn’t fall over.
“See, Naomi. I told you. Esther’s lost her mind.” Lizzie sat in one of the rocking chairs, rubbing her temples.
Esther finally straightened, but she couldn’t stop laughing, and her eyes began to water. “You . . . you . . .” She pointed back and forth between Lizzie and Naomi. “You think I’m having a romantic relationship with Gus?”
The laughter started up again, until she finally forced herself under control. “I haven’t been completely honest.” She looked up. Forgive me, Gott. “But I assure you there is nothing inappropriate going on with me and Gus. The fact that you would even think that is . . .” She covered her mouth as another round of laughter built up.
Naomi grinned. “Too bad. I was hoping to lock you two in the basement.”
“Stop. Stop. Stop.” Lizzie stood up. “Then why have you been sneaking around and having him take you places?”
Esther didn’t think she’d laughed so hard in years. This had been a good day in so many ways, and she couldn’t leave Lizzie and Naomi in suspense any longer. She explained everything.
“You should have told us.” Naomi frowned. “We could have been there for you.”
Lizzie covered her face with her hands and shook her head, grumbling. After she lowered her hands, she said, “Don’t ever keep anything like that from me again. I know why you did it, but don’t do it again.” She threw her arms in the air. “See how lying affects those around you! I almost had a heart attack thinking Gus Owens could end up being mei bruder-in-law.”
Esther chuckled. “I can’t believe you two even came up with such silliness.” She raised a finger. “However, I did get to know Gus a little better, and as much as he tries to hide it, there is some gut in him, and—”
Lizzie covered her ears. “La, la, la, la. I don’t want to hear it.” She went into her bedroom and closed the door behind her. Esther turned to Naomi, who grinned and shrugged.
“It was hard to imagine.” Naomi giggled. “But I’m just glad you’re all right.” After a big hug, Naomi asked to see Esther’s food list.
“I can make some adjustments to our menu.” Naomi eyed the items Esther shouldn’t eat.
“Nee, don’t make changes for me. Lizzie likes her fried and spicy foods, and I don’t want her to be denied. I’ll eat what I know I’m allowed and together we can probably come up with some new recipes.” She shook her head, grinning. “Me and Gus.” Then she roared with laughter again. “I’m going to go take a nap,” she managed to say as she walked to her bedroom.
* * *
Naomi spent the next few days preparing for the seven guests they had coming to stay at the inn, all Englisch. Lizzie and Esther helped, but Naomi handled most of the work by herself. It kept her distracted, but Amos still crept into her thoughts daily. She wondered if he thought about her too.
Their first visitors showed up near the three o’clock check-in time—two older women from Georgia who were traveling farther north. They were staying two nights. A group of three women, also older, arrived a bit later from Indianapolis. They were simply on holiday to “experience the Amish life.” The other four guests would trickle in over the next few days.
After supper, Naomi cleared the table and made sure everyone had what they needed for the evening. Then she put on her heavy coat, readied her buggy, and left to meet Thomas for supper. He’d been good about giving her some time, and even though it hadn’t been very long, Naomi had sorted out her feelings and knew what she needed to tell him. Postponing it any longer seemed cruel.
He stood up from the table at Gasthof Village when Naomi walked in. She’d insisted on meeting him there so she could control how long she stayed. The restaurant wasn’t a place either of them frequented. It was mostly a tourist attraction tailored toward the English, but the food was good. Naomi also knew Thomas wouldn’t hug her, try to kiss her, or show any public signs of affection.
“You look beautiful,” he said as he pulled out her chair.
“Danki.” She willed herself not to cry and managed to order an iced tea when the server came, but once they were alone again, her bottom lip began to tremble. The restaurant had a lavish buffet with a variety of offerings, but neither of them moved.
Thomas’s eyes began to water when Naomi’s did. “Don’t do this,” he said in a shaky voice.
“I’m sorry.” She blotted her eyes with her napkin. “I think a part of me will always love you, Thomas, but I don’t want to marry you.”
He folded his hands on the table and stared at them for a few seconds before looking up at her. “Is this because of Amos or because I left and was with another woman?”
Naomi still didn’t know what with meant, but it didn’t matter anymore. “I guess both.” She paused, trying to recall the way she’d practiced the conversation in her mind. “I prayed for you to come back. I waited. It was all I wanted—to be your fiancée again. But if you loved me as much as you say you do, you wouldn’t have left me in the first place.”
“It’s Amos.” Even though tears pooled in the corners of his eyes, his face turned red. “He did this.”
“Thomas . . .” She took a deep breath. “Amos is gone. And has been for several days. I don’t know if I will ever see him again. But having another man show me attention gave me hope that there is someone out there for me, someone who will never leave me.” Even though her feelings for Amos ran deeper than she was letting on, she didn’t have the heart to share that with Thomas. It served no purpose.
“Naomi, I promise you with everything I am that I will never leave you again. You are mei number one, always and forever.”
She bit her bottom lip so hard she feared it might bleed. When she finally opened her mouth to speak, her voice felt shaky. “But”—she twisted the napkin in her lap, as a tear trailed down her cheek—“you’re not mei number one anymore.”
His face reddened even more. “Then it is Amos.”
“I honestly don’t know. I haven’t known him very long, and I don’t know if I’ll ever see him again.” Naomi paused as Amos’s face appeared in her mind. “Whether or not he is the one for me is not the point. I’m telling you that I know you are not the one for me, and I’m so sorry.” She dabbed at her eyes, then noticed two servers, both young women, staring at them.
“Is it because I didn’t give you enough time? I can give you more time.”
Naomi recognized his pain. She could practically feel it boring into her heart. But it would be cruel not to be honest with him.
“I don’t need more time.” She spoke the words as firmly as she could. She slid back her chair, feeling like she was going to burst into a stream of tears any second.
“I’m sorry,” she said again, then she walked out of the restaurant.
* * *
Later in the evening Naomi decided to write Amos back. She was still confused by his letter. Parts of it sounded joyful, but also infused with regret. Was he sincere about giving her time to work out her feelings for Thomas? Did he even want to hear from her again?
She turned up the propane heater in her room, then scurried into bed and slid under the covers. After pulling a notepad and pen from her nightstand, she nervously tapped the pen against the paper as she tried to put into words how she was feeling. She hadn’t thought she should write him until she had ended things with Thomas, but she’d been truthful when she told Thomas her decision wasn’t because of Amos. Something had been lost between her and Thomas, even though it had taken her a while to see it and then to figure out that it couldn’t be found.
She reread Amos’s letter, then finally put the pen to paper. The red pen.
Dear Amos,
I regret that we weren’t able to say goodbye, but I appreciate that you understood mei need to work through mei feelings for Thomas. I owed him that. In the end I came to the conclusion that he is not the right man for mei. I want to be someone’s first choice with no doubts. It was difficult to tell him I did not want to pursue our relationship, but it was the right thing to do. I no longer feel that he is mei number one so to continue our engagement wouldn’t have been fair to him.
I am happy I was able to bring some joy and laughter into your life. Spending time with you allowed me to crawl out of the dark place I had been hiding in too. I can still hear your laughter. I can still see your smile. And I can picture that intense look you get when you paint—so serious. I, too, shall return to painting, but not without thinking about you. No more gray tints for mei either, only colors that lead me onto the right path, one filled with love.
She stopped and read his letter again. In some ways, there seemed to be a finality to it, especially what he wrote at the end—To sum it up, you brought joy back into mei life, showed me how to laugh again, and helped me recapture a part of myself I thought was gone forever. I will always be grateful to you for that. I will pray for you. I will miss you. But mostly, I hope you find the peace in your heart that I know you are searching for. Then he had signed it Fondly, Amos.
Fondly? She tapped the pen to the pad again. Then she wrote how she felt.
I am wildly attracted to you, pretty sure I’m in love with you even though we haven’t known each other long, and I wish you’d get back here as soon as possible!
Growling, she squeezed her eyes closed, knowing she could never send such a letter. She ripped it up into tiny pieces and dropped it in the trash can by her bed.
If Amos wanted her to write him back, wouldn’t he have said so? The finality of his words echoed in her mind, over and over.