Twelve

That night I didn’t dream or wake up to find my room in shambles; I fell on my bed and didn’t move again until my alarm clock went off the next morning. My brothers were in the kitchen by the time I went downstairs, and from their normal expressions I assumed they’d already talked, too.

Peace. It was a beautiful thing.

I was grateful that things at home were okay now because I still had to deal with the problems at school. Problems I expect would be made worse by Gray being picked as first-string quarterback. Then there was the dark boy, and trying to forget about him.

Although I was happy for Gray, and glad that Trick wasn’t angry anymore, I didn’t feel so great. I couldn’t stop thinking about Jesse Raven. Before, every time I saw a tall boy, or one with black hair, I’d thought of him. Now I didn’t even need reminders. I looked at the rising sun, and thought of his face in the moonlight. I gathered up my books, and remembered how gently he’d handled a flower. I brushed my hair, and my fingers tingled with the memory of the liquid silkiness of his. I breathed in, and my nose expected to smell dark, sweet spices.

I had to get over him. He’d become the shadow of all my thoughts, a ghost who haunted my heart. Maybe I needed to treat him like an addiction: see if I could go one day without thinking of him, and then go another, and another. It would have helped if there had been a twelve-step program to follow: Dark Boys Anonymous. Raven Recovery. Freedom from Jesse.

Would I ever be free of him?

When I walked into my first class I couldn’t help looking for Boone, but his seat was empty and stayed that way for the whole period. The other kids still whispered and looked at me, but a couple of them already knew about Gray making the team, and offered me some odd forms of congratulations.

“I heard your brother’s our new quarterback,” one guy who sat in the row next to mine murmured. “Hope he’s insured.”

“My boyfriend told me Grayson made the team,” another girl said to me in the hall between classes. “I mean it’s great, but when Boone comes back … ” She tried to smile. “Maybe you should talk your brother into playing another position.”

Even the teachers seemed more anxious than happy about Gray. “Your brother put on a quite a show at tryouts,” Mrs. Kelsey said. “But football isn’t the only team sport at our school, you know. There’s baseball in the spring, soccer, tennis … maybe one of those might appeal more to him.”

“I think he’s only interested in football, ma’am,” I said politely.

She looked pained. “Well, do give him my best wishes for a successful, ah, season.”

By the time I got to lunch I was fed up with everyone’s gloomy predictions. Barb didn’t show up, but Ego came to the table and bent over three times before sitting next to me.

“What are you doing?” I asked him.

“I bow to you, oh sister of the mighty Grayson Youngblood,” he replied. “Strong of arm, clear of eye, damaged of brain.”

“My brain is damage-free, thanks.” I handed him the extra apple I’d packed for him. “Unless you’re talking about my brother, of whom I am extremely fond.”

“I meant him,” Ego said. “If I were you I’d spend as much time with him as you can before Boone’s ankle heals enough for him to come back to school. That way you’ll have some good memories.”

“Boone isn’t going to do anything to Gray.” I heard the sound he made and turned on him. “All right, what have you heard?”

“Nothing, nothing.” He held up his hands. “I just know Boone. Unfortunately, since third grade. That was when I scored the final run and beat his team at kickball. He and his buddies jumped me after school. Don’t make me describe how badly they kicked my butt. It’ll ruin your lunch.”

I sighed. “He’s not going to go after Gray, not when he’s limping around in a cast.”

“His ankle was sprained, not broken,” Ego said, and polished the apple on his sleeve. “Barb called me last night with an update. She’s skipping school today because she’s not feeling well. She’s not sick enough to miss getting her daily dose of Aaron news, of course.”

Knowing Boone wouldn’t be in a cast made me uneasy. “Still, even with a sprain, he’ll be on crutches for a while, right?”

“On crutches and surrounded by a dozen of his jock friends. You know, the guys who would do anything for him.” Ego took a bite of the apple and then shook it at me. “The baboon, he does not like to lose. Remember this, chica.”

I shrugged off Ego’s unsubtle warning, or thought I did until I caught myself looking for my brother in the halls. Boone might’ve been absent, but his friends weren’t. What if he’d asked them to ambush my brother? I hardly ever saw Gray during school, and I couldn’t remember his schedule. I couldn’t go to the school nurse and ask if my brother had come in to be treated for a beating.

My last two classes seemed to go on forever until the bell finally rang. A teacher yelled at me for running down the hall, but I didn’t stop until I got to Gray’s truck.

I stood waiting and watching for him, but he didn’t show. I started checking my watch and counting minutes, first ten, then fifteen. Where was he?

“Cat.”

I shrieked and whirled around to see Gray standing on the other side of the truck. His clothes weren’t torn. His face wasn’t bruised. His hair wasn’t even messed up. I could have killed him.

“Where have you been?” I demanded.

“I had to go to the gym to pick out my number.” He unlocked his door. “I told you this morning.”

“No, you didn’t. You didn’t say a word.” When he reached across to unlock my door, I yanked it open. “Are you going to be late like this every day?” I didn’t wait for him to answer. “Because next time I’m just taking the bus home, and you can stand here and wait forever.”

“I thought I told you.” He gave me a wary look. “Sorry.”

I didn’t accept his lousy apology or speak to him again until we got close to home. “Boone doesn’t like to lose,” I said. “Everyone at school says he’s going to come after you for this.”

“Let him.” Gray sounded totally unconcerned.

“His friends will help,” I snapped. “You know, all the friends he has on the football team. That’s what, like ten or twenty jocks? Some as big as you?”

“Two,” my brother said. “Neither of them are my size. The rest of the guys on the team are tired of Boone’s ego. They don’t want him back.”

I huffed out some air. “I suppose they told you that.”

“Couple of them did.” He made the turn onto our driveway. “I have practice two days a week after school, and the team doesn’t go home on Friday until after the game. If you don’t want to ride the bus, Trick can probably pick you up.”

I didn’t care if I had to walk home every day. “Are you really sure this is worth it?”

“Yeah.” He put the truck in park and turned to me. “Trick said you talked to him about it last night. You told him to trust me. So why can’t you do the same?”

“I trust you,” I muttered. “It’s Boone. And everyone else.” I glanced at him. “So what number did you pick?”

“Three.”

“Went with your I.Q. huh?” I nodded. “Good idea. But are you sure you can count that high?”

“Brat.” He made a rusty, rumbling sound that might have been a laugh. “It’s for the three of us.”

He’d picked out his number to remind him of his family. It was touching, and the kind of sneaky thing Gray liked to do, and I couldn’t resist needling him a bit as we got out of the truck. “Aw, that’s so sweet. Can I draw three little hearts in hot pink marker on your jersey?”

“Only if you want me to hurt you,” he said as he followed me inside.

After dinner I resisted thoughts of the dark boy by trying to call Barb and see how she was feeling. Her mother answered the phone, but after I asked for her she told me that Barb had already taken some medicine and gone to bed.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” I said. “Will she be able to come to school tomorrow, Mrs. Riley?”

“I don’t know.” Her mother’s voice sounded strained. “I’ll have to see how she’s feeling in the morning. Thank you for calling.” She hung up before I could say anything else.

Barb’s mother didn’t sound very friendly, but she was probably worried about her daughter. I jotted down a note to pick up Barb’s schoolwork if she were absent tomorrow; Gray could drive me over to her house after school to drop it off.

Before I took my shower I went out to the barn to muck out Sali’s stall and spread some fresh straw for her. As chores went this was one of the nastiest, and the smell of horse manure and urine grew stronger every time I pitched another layer of dirty straw into the barrow. But once, when I’d griped about it, Trick had asked me how I’d feel if I had to stand in a dirty toilet all day. I’d never complained about it since.

My mare seemed impatient, and nudged my back a few times while I finished spreading out the fresh straw.

“Stop tempting me,” I told her, knowing she wanted to go for a ride. “I’m trying not to think about that, much less do it.”

I saw something white sticking up behind one of the boards at the back of the stall and took off my work gloves to pull it out. It was an envelope, and I wondered if it was some mail Trick had picked up and then stuck there while he was working on the stall. But Sali’s stall didn’t need any repairs, and I usually did everything else for her. I opened the envelope.

There was something inside, and it wasn’t a bill.

I knew my horse wasn’t leaving notes for me, and my brothers wouldn’t bother. I took out a square piece of stiff, semi-transparent paper with dark, bold writing on it.

Meet me tonight by the moonflowers.

“Cat?”

Quickly I stuffed the note back in the envelope and shoved it into my back pocket before I came out of the stall. “Over here.”

Trick walked in with a sack of feed balanced on each shoulder, which he carried over to the plastic bins where we stored it. “Have you seen my cutter?”

I glanced around and spotted it sitting on the work bench. “Got it.” I brought it to him, and he dropped the sacks by the bin.

“Thanks.” He cut open the end of one sack and emptied the feed into the bin, which was almost full. It had been nearly empty the day before, so he must have been emptying sacks into it all day. “You’ve got straw in your hair.” He glanced past me. “You haven’t been up in the hayloft, have you?”

Since there was nothing up in the hayloft except hay, it surprised me that he would ask that. “No, I’ve just been working in Sali’s stall.” I glanced inside the bin, which was close to overflowing now. “Do we need all this feed?”

“We will next week,” he said. “The vet didn’t find any trouble with those mares, so I’m going to buy them. I’ll need you and Gray to help me bring them over on Saturday. Did I tell you one of them is an Arabian?”

I listened as he described our new horses, and tried not to move too much. Every time I did the note in my pocket crackled a little.

What had Jesse written the note on, parchment? When had he written it? Why? He’d been smart enough not to write my name on it or sign it, but he’d still taken a big risk leaving it in Sali’s stall for me. If one of my brothers had found it, they wouldn’t think it had been left for them.

Trick was saying something and I shook my head a little. “I’m sorry, what?”

“I said, leave your boots by the door outside and I’ll clean them for you.” He closed the bin and latched it.

If he was working in the barn tonight I’d never get away to meet Jesse. “You aren’t going to stay up all night again, I hope. You know you’ll feel terrible in the morning.”

He shook his head and rubbed one shoulder. “I’m too sore for that. I’ll do all the boots tomorrow.” He sniffed. “Be sure to shower before you go to bed. Not to be crude, but you smell like Sali’s rear end.”

“Thanks.” I tried not to rush until I was out of sight, and then I ran to the house and up the stairs to my room, where I took out the note and tucked it under my mattress next to Mom’s letters.

I spent extra time in the shower so I could scrub away the dirt and sweat from working in the barn and wash the smell out of my hair. After I dried off I changed into a fresh pair of jeans and a flannel shirt, and covered them with my robe. I had to use the blow dryer on my hair, but that made it a little smoother than it usually was.

I was too nervous to sit down, but I did shut off the lights so my brothers would think I was asleep. Then while I waited to hear them going to bed I had to torture myself by wondering why Jesse wanted me to meet him.

Had he changed his mind? Why hadn’t he tried to call me first? Our number wouldn’t be listed in the local phone book yet, I remembered, and Trick might have even had it unlisted. He couldn’t have mailed me a letter without his parents finding out, and despite what he’d said about them I had the feeling they didn’t know about us.

Us.

Not counting my weird dream, this would be only the third time we’d met, and I was already thinking about me and Jesse as a couple. And I didn’t care. He’d left a note for me. In our barn. Exactly where he knew I’d find it.

But when had he left the note? What if I’d found it too late? What if he’d been waiting for me last night, or the night before that, and when I didn’t show had given up on me?

I couldn’t stand waiting another second; I had to get out of the house. Instead of trying to sneak downstairs, I opened my window and looked at the pine tree. The branches seemed sturdy enough to hold my weight, but if they didn’t, it was a long way to the ground.

Calm settled over me. I can do this.

I took off my robe and draped it on the end of my bed like I always did. After I put one of my pillows under the covers, I scrunched them up around it so it looked like I was huddled under them. Then I went and climbed onto the windowsill, and reached out for the thickest branch.

“Don’t break,” I whispered just before I swung out and grabbed the branch with my other hand. I heard the wood creak and felt the branch dip and swung my legs over to the trunk. I found footholds on some lower branches and went hand over hand until I could get my arms around the trunk. I stopped for minute, my whole body trembling, before I looked down and saw the next branch I could grab and step down to.

“Next time,” I promised myself, “I’m going to wait and use the door.”

The trees held me until I had climbed down halfway, but from there the branches looked too thin to support my weight. It was a ten-foot jump to the ground, too far for me to make it without hurting myself, or so I thought until I heard a rushing sound in my ears and without thinking let go of the branch I was holding.

I plummeted straight down and landed on my feet. Quickly I bent my knees to keep from toppling over, and waited to feel horrible pains shoot up my legs, but nothing happened. I slowly straightened, and wanted to laugh out loud at how easy it had been. As if I dropped ten feet on a daily basis.

I heard a little yowl and stepped into the shadow of the house, only to see Soul Patch padding up to me. He rubbed his head against my calf and meowed plaintively before scampering off into the back yard. Princess and Terrible appeared and did the exact same thing. I didn’t move until a pure white cat I recognized came and purred while he batted my leg with its paw.

“I don’t know what they told you, but I don’t feed the homeless in the middle of the night,” I said. The white cat yawned before he took off around the corner. I followed him into the backyard, and saw dozens of cats gathered just outside the porch. “Oh, no. Come on, you guys.”

“Don’t be angry with them,” someone said. “They’ve been waiting with me.”

I peered in the direction of the voice, which seemed to be coming from the trees at the back of the yard. “Jesse?” I looked back at the house before I walked toward the trees. “Is that you?”

He stepped out from behind the trunk of a big maple. “I’m here.” He held out his hand.

As I walked over the strays came after me, escorting me like furry bodyguards, but when I reached Jesse they dispersed, taking off in different directions. “Your note said to meet you by the moonflowers.”

“I wasn’t sure if you would find the note,” he said as I came to him and took his hand. “When I saw you leave the barn earlier, I thought you might have missed it. My plan was to wait until all the lights went out and throw some pebbles at your window.”

“They only do that in movies.” He was leading me past the trees and into the training pasture where Trick worked with the horses. “Where are we going?”

“I left Prince over there.” He stopped and looked down at me. “Would you like to take a ride with me?”

“I was planning to,” I said, and pointed to the barn, “but my horse is that way.” I started to let go of his hand.

He held onto me. “Prince will carry us both.”

Oh. He wanted me to take a ride with him. “You’re not going to jump any fences, are you?”

“No fences.” He brought me to Prince and after untying him, handed me the reins. Then he mounted the stallion with one impossibly fluid movement, and held out his hand to me again.

I eyed the back of his saddle. There was enough room for me, but it was too high up. “I’m going to need a step-up.”

His hand didn’t waver. “I won’t let you fall.”

I reached up, and a moment after my fingers met his I was straddling Prince’s broad back. Flustered by how easily Jesse had boosted me up, I braced a hand against his shoulder and situated my legs. Fortunately we were both slim through the hips, and fit the saddle as if it had been made for us to ride together.

When I took my hand down, Jesse reached back and caught it, drawing my arm around his waist. “Are you ready?”

No. “Yes.”

I felt him shift the reins and murmur something, and Prince wheeled around. Then the stallion began to trot along the fence to a gate that stood open.

I wanted to press my cheek against Jesse’s back, and hug him with my arm, I felt so relieved. He’d waited for me. He’d come to the house to toss pebbles at my window.

Now all I needed to know the reason for this. “Why did you come back?”

He glanced over his shoulder as he guided Prince through the gate. “You won’t believe it.”

“Try me.”

“I’ve been dreaming of you.” He looked ahead. “I never dream.”

I was glad he wasn’t looking at my face so he wouldn’t see my goofy grin. “Jesse, everyone dreams. They don’t always remember it, but it’s part of the wiring.”

“I did once, but not anymore. Not since I was … I was a boy.” He walked Prince across the drive and down to the slope dividing our property from the road. “I thought if I saw you the dreams would stop.”

“Oh.” I drew back a little. “So this is some kind of sleep disorder therapy.”

“No, Catlyn. I wanted to see you again.” He sounded a little baffled now. “I didn’t know how much until you came out tonight. Life has been very difficult for me. Very complicated.”

I understood that only too well. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” He squeezed my hand. “Seeing you makes me remember what matters.”

I had to know. “What’s that?”

“I’m going to show you.”