Several more days passed with no news. Every day, the possibility that Carlos was dead weighed on Marina like the rain that fell heavily on the fields. On the first sunny day of spring, she went to visit Desi.
Villa I Tatti’s gardens were as green as they had been when she arrived last autumn. Rosebushes held new buds and early poppies dotted the landscape. Marina had always loved springtime in Rome, when the colours were more vibrant than at any other time of year. The Roman Forum shone white under a blue sky and the Colosseum turned golden at sunset.
If only Carlos was here. They would have a picnic on the velvety lawn. Carlos could paint a landscape and Marina could make daisy chains, the way she did as a child.
Desi was in the morning room when Marina arrived. She sat on a loveseat facing the window. Marina’s gaze immediately went to her stomach, which was huge.
‘Don’t look at me,’ Desi groaned. ‘I resemble a hippopotamus. My skin feels like leather and my whole body is all fat.’
Marina smiled and sat opposite her.
‘Nothing about you is fat besides your stomach,’ Marina replied. ‘I’m looking at you because the baby has grown since the party. I’m a terrible friend, I’ve only seen you once in the last two weeks.’
‘You haven’t missed anything.’ Desi shrugged. ‘My mother doesn’t want me to help in the barn anymore. She says I’ll strain my back, but I think she’s really afraid I’ll scare the cows. Then they won’t have any milk. Have you heard from Carlos?’
‘He’s still away on business. There is a war. Maybe he’s been stranded somewhere.’
Desi took a long time answering. ‘Carlos is a partisan,’ she announced.
‘How do you know that?’ Marina snapped. He had been so careful to keep it from Desi.
Desi shrugged. ‘He didn’t tell me, I just know,’ she said. ‘Carlos was always good at keeping secrets. When we were teenagers, he bought a motorbike without telling anyone. He was afraid his parents would think it was too dangerous. They only found out when it broke down and he had to walk it home. But I could always tell when he was lying. He grew over-confident, as if he could distract you with his smile.
‘He was so miserable when the war began. He refused to join the Italian army, and he hated all the killing. After Donato died, he became even worse. One day, he seemed his old self: cocky and joking, like an electrical cord that had been plugged in. A few months ago, I noticed him carrying something bulky under his coat so I watched him. He loaded a radio into his truck and covered it carefully with a blanket. That’s when I knew for sure.’
Marina wanted to confide in Desi. To tell her about the missing books and the pistol. To confess her worst fears about Carlos. It would be a relief not to have to keep everything to herself. But she couldn’t risk it.
‘You’re imagining things,’ Marina said. Carlos would hate for her to admit his secret to Desi. She was like his younger sister; he wanted to protect her.
‘I’ll never tell anyone,’ Desi continued, as if Marina hadn’t spoken. ‘But I hope he confessed to you. Couples shouldn’t keep secrets from each other.’
Desi was so confident in her assumption, it seemed pointless to keep arguing.
‘He did,’ she admitted. ‘I know Carlos is a partisan. But you mustn’t tell him I told.’
For a moment, Desi’s eyes sparkled. Then she leaned forward and touched Marina’s hand.
‘Carlos is very capable of taking care of himself. I know you’re worried, but everything will be all right.’
Marina removed the small box containing the cameo ring from her pocket. She often took it with her, afraid to let it go.
‘Carlos gave me this the night before the party,’ she said, showing Desi the ring. ‘I can’t bring myself to wear it. Every time I put it on, I wonder if he gave it to me because he thought he might not come back.’ Her voice caught. ‘He knew he was in danger. It’s been weeks. He could be captured, or dead.’
Desi examined the ring.
‘Did he say anything?’ she urged. ‘About where he was going or when he’d return?’
Marina couldn’t confide in Desi completely. She couldn’t admit what Bernard had said about seeing Carlos with Captain Bonner, about the missing books and the Verrocchio, about her own role in valuing artwork for Carlos. But perhaps she could mention Sara and the children. She trusted Desi; Desi would never say anything.
‘There is one place I can think of.’
She told Desi about the barn. That Carlos had promised to help Sara and her children reach Switzerland.
‘Perhaps he is there,’ Marina said. ‘Perhaps he’s injured and there’s no way to get help.’
It was possible. She wondered why she hadn’t thought of it before. There would be no way for Carlos to let her know without risking Sara and Eli’s lives.
‘You have to go,’ Desi declared. ‘You can take my father’s car.’
Marina hesitated. ‘I don’t want to put Sara in danger.’
‘If Carlos is there, they’re all in danger,’ Desi reasoned. ‘If he’s not, she may know where he went.’
Desi was right. And there were no other leads.
There was one other option though, she realised. Carlos had said the route wouldn’t be safe for long. Maybe Sara was already in Switzerland with her family. If the barn was empty, she could take comfort in that. No new reports of German raids had reached her ears.
Marina nodded. ‘All right. I’ll go this afternoon.’
‘We’ll go now,’ Desi announced.
‘You can’t go anywhere!’ Marina protested. ‘It’s too risky.’
‘Having a baby while your lover is fighting in the German army is risky.’ Desi pushed herself up. ‘As long as I fit in the car, I’ll be fine.’
As Marina drove, she kept glancing over at Desi, hoping the bumpy road and sharp turns weren’t too much for the baby. They pulled into the farm and Marina led them to the barn.
She knocked on the door, reminding herself that the barn might be empty. In fact, she hoped it was.
But then came the sound of a bolt opening. A narrow face peered out.
‘Beautiful signorina!’ Eli called, opening the door wider. ‘I thought you were a German; you didn’t knock twice. But I saw your face through a crack in the window.’
‘I’m sorry, I forgot,’ Marina replied. Her stomach dropped. She hadn’t realised just how much she’d hoped they’d escaped.
‘Come in.’ Eli waved them inside.
‘This is my friend Desi,’ Marina introduced them. ‘Is your mother here?’
‘Where else would she be?’ Eli shrugged. ‘I keep telling her it’s springtime. God wouldn’t have created the fields and flowers if he didn’t want us to go outside and enjoy them.’ He glowered. ‘She says it will be my last spring if I defy her.’
Sara came down the ladder, Francesca attached to her hip. Marina almost didn’t recognise Francesca. Her arms and legs were rounded, and her dark curls framed her face.
‘Sara, this is Desi,’ Marina said.
Sara looked thinner than she had before. There were more lines around her mouth.
‘What a beautiful baby!’ Desi gushed.
‘She’s almost crawling.’ Sara stroked Francesca’s cheek. ‘If I keep her in the loft, I’m afraid she’ll fall down the ladder. When she’s down in the barn, I worry that Eli will open the door and she’ll get out.’
‘Can I hold her?’ Desi stretched out her arms.
Sara gave the baby to Desi. Francesca curled her small fist around Desi’s arm.
‘Is Carlos with you?’ Sara turned to Marina. ‘We haven’t seen him in weeks.’
Marina’s face fell. She had been hopeful that Carlos was here. She told Sara he had been gone for weeks.
‘I wondered why he stopped coming.’ Sara twisted her wedding ring. ‘We were all set to leave, but he never brought our papers.’
Marina could see the fear and uncertainty in Sara’s eyes. Carlos must not have had time to tell her about the papers, or the escape route, or the neighbour.
‘We’re hoping he’ll come back soon,’ Marina said firmly. ‘He was investigating a new route to Switzerland. He asked me to keep an eye on you while he was gone.’
Marina felt guilty that she hadn’t visited Sara and the children sooner. But the raids had made her reluctant to go, she didn’t want to risk putting them in danger.
‘I’m sorry, I should have come sooner. I’m sure he probably just got caught up.’
‘Nothing is certain during the war.’ Sara’s brow furrowed. ‘It’s springtime and there are more people around, so I worry we’ll be discovered if we stay here much longer.’
Francesca made a small mewling sound. She buried her face in Desi’s chest.
‘Francesca is hungry,’ Sara announced. ‘We have a little extra to eat. Please join us.’
Marina shook her head. ‘We don’t want to take your food.’ They didn’t have enough as it was.
Eli walked over to Marina.
‘Please, signorina. There’s plenty.’ He took Marina’s arm and dragged her to the corner. A chest stood under the window, tins of meat atop it. There was a slab of cheese and a salami. A jar held crackers and there was even a chocolate bar.
‘It’s a magic chest, like in “Jack and the Beanstalk”,’ Eli said importantly.
‘ “Jack and the Beanstalk?”’ Marina questioned.
‘Carlos gave it to me to read to Francesca. In the story, Jack tosses a bean seed out the window, and it grows into a magical beanstalk. Jack climbs the beanstalk to a castle where a mean giant lives. He finds everything the giant stole from his family: geese and gold and precious jewels. He kills the giant and retrieves the stolen goods.’ Eli’s face darkened. ‘It’s just like what the Germans did to my family. If a German comes near the barn, I’ll kill him with my bare hands.’
‘I don’t know where the chest came from,’ Sara said. ‘It appeared outside the door, full of food.’
It must have been Carlos. For a moment, relief flooded through Marina. Carlos knew he would be gone for a long time and didn’t want Sara and the children to starve. Yet surely he could have let Marina know something of his whereabouts or when he would be returning?
They ate at the makeshift table downstairs. It was early evening and the sun fell behind the fields.
‘We thought we’d be in Switzerland by now.’ Sara ate a bite of salami before pushing her plate to Eli.
Marina and Desi glanced at each other. Marina knew what Desi was thinking. Sara was right; the barn couldn’t keep them for much longer.
‘Why don’t you and the children come with us?’ Marina said. ‘We have a car.’
Sara’s fork clattered to the table.
‘We can’t do that,’ she protested. ‘We have nowhere to go. And anyone who helps us will be in danger.’
It was true. But Marina couldn’t leave them here.
‘My family owns a vineyard,’ Desi suggested. ‘There are a few empty cottages on our land, so you can stay in one of those.’
‘But what would your family say?’ Sara said. ‘And for how long? No one knows when the war will end.’
Marina glanced at Desi, but Desi’s mouth was set in a firm line.
‘My parents don’t have to know. And you can stay for as long as you need to.’ Desi placed her hand on Sara’s. ‘Please let me do this. I’m going to be a mother too. Your children can’t suffer because of this war.’
‘I visited a vineyard once,’ Eli said, swallowing his salami. ‘I can help to stomp on the grapes.’
‘I’m sure you could.’ Marina leaned over and ruffled Eli’s hair. ‘But for now, you’ll need to stay inside the cottage and help your mother with Francesca.’
Sara glanced around the barn, the worry evident on her face. A cottage would be much more comfortable. And they would have people nearby to help.
‘All right, we’ll come,’ Sara decided. She looked between Desi and Marina. ‘I don’t know how to thank you.’
When they finished eating, Marina climbed into the loft to help Sara gather their belongings while Desi and Eli cleaned up.
Suddenly there was a popping sound. Marina thought it was a gun and hurried to the ladder. When she looked down, Desi was standing in a puddle of water.
‘I don’t know what happened,’ Desi called up to them. ‘I was just standing here and now the ground is all wet.’
Sara peered over the railing.
‘It’s not a leak – your waters broke.’
‘I’m not due for two weeks!’ Desi exclaimed. ‘And I don’t feel any pain.’
But as soon as Desi said the words, her expression changed. A moan escaped her lips and she clutched her back.
‘The signorina is having a baby!’ Eli cried excitedly.
‘Babies don’t come that quickly.’ Sara climbed down the staircase. She placed her hand on Desi’s stomach. ‘That felt like a contraction.’
‘I’m pretty sure it was,’ Desi said through gritted teeth. She grabbed the table to steady herself.
‘I’ll get the car,’ Marina said.
Marina hurried out the door. She ran up the hill and climbed into the driver’s seat. But when she turned the key, there was nothing. She tried again. The car made a coughing sound and then was silent.
Marina’s heart raced. She got out of the car and ran back to the barn.
‘The car won’t start!’
Desi was sprawled on a chair. Sara held her hand and balanced Francesca on her hip at the same time.
‘There’s nothing to worry about.’ Desi tried to sound confident. ‘The midwife says first babies can take a whole day to be born.’
‘Is there a bicycle?’ Marina asked Sara. ‘I can go to the village for help.’
Sara shook her head. ‘It’s too far to the village. And how could we trust a stranger to come to the barn?’
‘You’re right, but I have to do something,’ Marina insisted. ‘Desi can’t have the baby here.’
‘My aunt was a midwife. I know what to do,’ Sara replied. ‘Eli will bring down blankets to make a bed. There are some sheets in the loft. I’ll boil water.’
Sara was right. The closest village was Montelopio, but it would take Marina a while to bicycle there. And even if she found someone to help, it would be dangerous to bring a stranger to the barn. But if anything happened to Desi or the baby, Marina would never forgive herself.
‘All right,’ Marina agreed. She turned to Desi. ‘But you have to tell us if the pain gets too bad.’
Marina and Sara took turns holding Desi’s hand. Sometimes the contractions were far apart and they told stories to pass the time. Other times they were so fierce Marina couldn’t bear to hear Desi’s cries. Eli covered his ears and sang to drown out the sound.
Finally, around midnight, Sara pulled a stool between Desi’s legs.
‘It’s time, the baby is coming,’ Sara said Desi. ‘All you have to do is push.’
Desi’s hair was tangled and her cheeks were shiny with sweat. ‘I can’t. I’m too tired.’
‘You have to,’ Sara said matter-of-factly. ‘It’s not hard, you’ve been through the worst.’
Desi opened her mouth to protest but only a grunting sound came out.
‘I’ll sit with her,’ Marina suggested.
Marina sat next to her on the makeshift bed and took Desi’s hand. Desi pressed down so hard that Marina was afraid her wrist would break.
‘I can’t, I just can’t,’ Desi moaned. Tears spilled down her cheeks. ‘There has to be another way.’
‘Of course you can.’ Marina stroked her hand. ‘You’re Desi Pirelli. You’re the strongest woman I know.’
Desi gave a piercing cry and then an almighty push. A small form slithered from her body. Sara caught the baby and rubbed its back but no sound came out. For a moment Marina was so frightened she couldn’t breathe. Then Sara rubbed it again and the baby started crying.
‘What’s he like?’ Desi gasped. ‘Does he have Peter’s blonde hair?’
Marina studied the baby in Sara’s arms. She wiped the tears from Desi’s cheeks and started laughing.
‘The hair is blonde,’ Marina said, giddy with relief. ‘But you were wrong about the sex. The baby is a girl.’
A few hours later, Eli and Francesca were asleep in the loft. Sara had washed the baby in the little sink and wrapped her in a blanket.
‘I didn’t think I could do it,’ Desi admitted, stroking the baby’s tufts of blonde hair. ‘Then I closed my eyes and pictured Peter sitting in a foxhole on the Eastern Front. How could I be afraid when he’s risking his life?’
Marina wondered if it would always be like this, if every joy or pain would be compared to something about the war.
‘What will you name her?’ Sara questioned.
Desi frowned. ‘At first, I thought Donatella, but that’s too much of a mouthful.’
Marina gazed out the window. Outside, the sky was black. There was a sheet of stars, like the notes in one of Bernard’s musical scores.
‘What about Luna?’ Marina offered. ‘She was the Roman goddess of the moon. She rides on a chariot and her hair is spun gold.’
The baby’s eyes were open. They were pale blue with silvery blonde lashes.
‘Luna is perfect,’ Desi announced.
The next day Marina bicycled to Montelopio and convinced a shopkeeper to lend her his car. Then she drove Desi and Luna, Sara and the children to Desi’s parents’ property.
It was all worth it when they arrived at the cottage. It was only one room, but it had a fireplace and a proper stove. Eli hugged the stove as if it were a long-lost friend. He was going to make spaghetti with red sauce, the way Carlos showed him. Sara almost burst into tears when she entered. The children had a bed and a rug to keep their feet warm. The window was covered with pretty curtains.
Tomorrow Marina would return to Montelopio and hire a mechanic to fix the car. But tonight, she was going to take a bath and ask Anna to bring up some soup and bread. Although the food would fill her belly, tonight, she felt a different kind of hunger. She yearned for Carlos: his lips on her mouth, his body pressed against hers. She didn’t want to have to learn to live without him.