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Now that we have taken a little bit of time to talk about emotional intelligence and what it all means, it is time to move on to the next step. Part of emotional intelligence is the ability to be able to observe your emotions and then express them in a manner that is healthy and effective. This is a skill that a lot of people lack, but with some hard work, it is something you can do. So let's take a look at these two skills and how they can work for your needs.
Observing your emotions
The first thing that we need to focus on is observing our emotions. Too many of us have an emotion, such as anger, and we just let it out. We don’t stop to think about why we are feeling angry or even if this emotion is justified based on the current situation. We don’t think about who we may hurt in the process as well. If we want to improve our emotional intelligence, it is time to make some changes and learn how to recognize and observe our own emotions.
When you are able to observe and even describe your own emotions, you can become so much better at regulating them. This process helps you to see that you are the one in control of your emotions, rather than letting your emotions control you. You can take a step back and observe what the feeling is without being too attached, allowing yourself to make choices when it comes to acting on the emotion or not. Of course, you can also use this to accept your emotions as being a part of you. During emotional intelligence, it is just fine to participate in activities that make you happy and joyous. The difference is that you get to control the emotion and decide when it comes out rather than letting it take over everything, especially in the bad emotions like anger, sadness, and frustration.
Asking yourself a lot of questions when you are dealing with this step can actually make all of the difference. We are going to start with a little exercise to help you get started. Sit down somewhere that you can be alone for a bit and think. You can write down the answers to these questions or think them in your head. Remember that there are no right or wrong answers. Now think about a time when you had a moderately strong emotion. When you have one in mind, answer these questions:
● What made you feel this emotion?
● How did you interpret the event that caused the emotion? Did you make assumptions or judgments before thinking?
● How did you feel physically when you had this emotion?
● What were the effects of experiencing this emotion? What happened once you experienced it? For example, did you become angry with yourself because you felt scared?
● What kind of action did you want to take because of this emotion?
● Was there a secondary emotion that came into play?
Take some time, maybe at the end of the week, to think about the various emotions that you had and answer these questions about them. This can help you to pay more attention to the emotions that you are going through and you will slowly start to even think this way when a strong emotion is occurring. It can take some time, but just thinking about your emotions and what is causing them can make a big difference in how you react to situations in the future.
Expressing your emotions
One of the hardest things about emotional intelligence is learning how to express your emotions. This isn't about having emotions; even those with higher emotional intelligence will experience emotions. But it is about taking a step back and realizing which emotions fit into a situation and which ones shouldn't be allowed.
Managing the way that you react to your emotions means that you are able to choose how and when you express any emotion that you are feeling. Those who are able to manage their emotions understand that it is healthy for them to express their feelings, but that there are a right time and place for expressing these. These individuals understand the following:
● They know that they are able to choose their reactions rather than allowing the emotions to be in charge. This can help them from doing or saying things that they will regret later on.
● They know when it is best to speak out, and when it is better for them to hold back.
● They understand that whatever reaction they have will influence what will happen next, such as how they feel or how others will respond to them.
All of us have seen the situation where another person reacted in an over emotional way, perhaps making you cringe a bit or feel embarrassed for them. There may have even been times when you had emotions that were so strong that they took over and you felt that you had no control over them. And all of us have those times when we just weren't able to manage how we reacted to a situation. This is a part of life, but if you want to increase your emotional intelligence, you will learn how to control these reactions a bit better.
This is where a lot of people can run into trouble. They feel that they have to either let their emotions take over and control them, or they just have to hold in every emotion to avoid the bad stuff. But those who have emotional intelligence are able to have emotions; they aren't unfeeling beings. They just know the right time to display those emotions, and they get to choose the reactions that happen, rather than letting things get out of control.
