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You may have noticed that there is a theme that is going on when it comes to increasing your own emotional intelligence. This theme is all about helping you to recognize what is going on in your own life, such as your emotional triggers, so you can gain more control.
Introspection is a skill that those with high emotional intelligence will possess. Not everyone will be born with this skill, but it is something that you can work on over time to get better at. One of the first questions that you should ask yourself is “How do I know that I need to be more self-aware?” To figure this out, take a look at the way that you have behaved recently. Have you made mistakes, let your emotions take over, or done and said things that you later regret? If you answered yes to any of these; that means it is time to work on your self-awareness.
Do not feel bad about yourself during this. Everyone makes mistakes or does things they regret. But recognizing that you have done these and that you need to work on them a bit is the first step forward. Learning self-awareness is a beautiful journey, something that you should be excited about if you want to see the results. Let's take a look at some of the steps you can take to raise your own self-awareness.
Developing self-awareness
To start this, you need to take some time to be by yourself. Maybe set aside half an hour or so for this and bring along a pen and paper; sometimes it helps if you are able to write down all of those thoughts and feelings. When you are ready, it is time to take a look at some of your patterns of actions and thoughts. Some of the things that you can consider asking yourself during this period include:
● Why do you enjoy the entertainment that you choose?
● What features attracted you to the people that you love?
● What makes you avoid doing certain things?
● What are some of your values and what do you want out of life? What do you not want?
● What are your thoughts on lying? Are your morals and character clear?
● Are you a generally happy person or do you act tired and stressed all of the time? How might others see these emotions?
● How do you think others perceive you?
Once you have had some time to answer the questions in the last section, it is time to move on to examine your attitudes. Often, our attitudes about a situation are going to be based on our expectations, which are often exaggerated by our emotions or they are unrealistic. Having an attitude that is positive is going to help you out so much more compared to a negative attitude because it will help you to gain strength to deal with any situation you encounter.
Let's take a look at this. Racism is considered a negative expectation. This is one that you have formed about other people and for the most part, it is not going to help you to determine how the other person will behave around you. Often this is an attitude that we developed when we are growing up, but it will determine how we are going to react to other people. But since most people don't fall into the categories that are set out with racism, you will find that your interactions will not go well with them.
Another example of holding onto negative attitudes is when it comes to your own potential. Just saying the words “I can’t do that” will limit your own potential and once you say that, you never will accomplish your goals. You would be surprised at what you are capable of doing if you just put your mind to it. If you switch your thinking around to “I can do that!” you will see that you can push yourself so much further than you could ever believe.
Some people who are working on their own self-awareness will choose to keep some form of a journal. They will keep track of their feelings, their day, or any other information that they deem important. After some time, take a look through the journal again, and you may find out that some attitudes or events that you have will lead to others. You can also see that many of the things that you overreacted to in the past are not that important now, and it may lead you to reexamine some of the ways you react in the future.
And finally, you need to make sure to learn how to acknowledge your actions. This one can be hard, especially if you are not all that proud of the actions that you are doing. But you have to acknowledge your actions, even when they are not bringing you the result that you want. When you start to notice that an action isn’t making you feel good or it is not getting you to a place you want to be, you may start to react in a different way.
Self-awareness through the perceptions of others
The second part of this process is to learn how to find your own self-awareness based on the way that others perceive you. If possible, take some time to ask your family and friends how they perceive you. In most cases, you will probably need to spend time asking yourself questions though, since most of the time people will be harder to get answers out of. Some of the questions that you should be asking yourself concerning your character and identity include:
● Do I spend time smiling or mostly frowning?
● Is my handshake firm when I meet someone new?
● Do I have trouble making eye contact with people?
● What are some characteristics of my walk?
● Do I stand up tall or do I crouch over?
Once you have been able to talk to a few people about their perception of you (but make sure you are working with people who are going to give you honest opinions), and you have your own answers, it is time to analyze the feedback. With this feedback, you will be able to go about the process of addressing some of them. For example, you can work on standing up taller or looking people in the eyes when they talk to you. You can work on smiling instead of frowning. Each person will have different points to work on, and you will be able to personalize your plan to meet what perceptions you want to change.
Staying aware
And finally, it is important that once you have received your feedback and made some of the small changes, you learn how to stay aware. This is going to help you in so many ways including being aware of your perceptions and the emotions that take over your life.
The first thing that you should work on is to gauge your progress during the day. You can take just five minutes at some point during the day to see if you are reaching your goals. Did you try smiling more or do you need to do a bit better? Did you stand up tall when you walked? You may have a few different characteristics that you want to work on, but just focus on one at a time. Often, this will tie to the others, and you will automatically start doing them all when you remind yourself of the one.
And finally, you need to develop your own attitude of mindfulness so that you are aware that there are things that go on beyond your little world. Many of the problems that arise with our emotions happen because we have learned how to be on autopilot and we just react when things don’t go the way that we would like. When we learn that not everything is important, that some people react because they had a bad day and not because of anything to do with us, for example, we can gain a better control of our own emotions.
