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Working on your emotional intelligence is something that takes time and effort. You will not be able to wake up tomorrow feeling ready to leave all your emotional baggage at the door. But when you make it a goal to work on this intelligence, you are more likely to get the results that you would like. In this chapter, we will explore a few of the strategies that you can use, to improve your emotional intelligence and gain the control that you have been looking for.
Self-understanding and awareness
If you are someone who wears their emotions on their sleeves, it may be time to make some changes. You may need to spend some personal time with yourself, figuring out some of your triggers and becoming more aware of your emotions and what sets them off. You may believe that your emotions are all random, but often there are some common triggers and you can work on them. For example, if you are often stressed out, and you react badly when the stress gets really high, it may be time to work on that issue first.
Manage your stress and anxiety
Stress and anxiety are your worst friends when you are trying to get a handle on your emotions. They will leave you feeling on edge, and it won't take much for someone to push you over. Our modern day lives have made it easy to feel stressed out on a regular basis. From work to school to taking care of kids and more, it is a miracle that any of us can keep up with it all. Luckily, there are a lot of great options that you can choose from to help relieve the stress and make yourself feel better.
There are so many ways that you can work on your own stress and anxiety, and the method that you use may include one of the other options that we have discussed in this guidebook. For example, a lot of people like to journal out their feelings and frustrations, and this can be a great way to increase your self-awareness as well. You may decide to go out on a walk to help reduce the impact of your emotions, so you don't react right away. Some people like to pick up a hobby, talk out their emotions with a friend, take a relaxing bath, or do something else that helps them get rid of the stress and feel so much better.
Picking out a method that helps you manage your stress and anxiety is so important. If you are feeling stressed and anxious all of the time, it is going to be really hard for you to concentrate on keeping those emotions in check. Find the stress reliever that works for you and make sure to keep it on hand whenever you may need it.
Find hobbies that give you joy
Sometimes, we need to take a bit of time to ourselves during the day. We may be so busy giving ourselves to others, that we become emotionally drained. But spending even a short amount of time doing something that we love during each day can make a difference. Pick out a hobby that gives you joy, but which can be constructive. For example, you can take a nice hot bath at the end of the day to help de-stress, go on a walk to enjoy the weather, or do some scrapbooking.
If you are not sure about which hobbies you should pursue, why not try out a few of them. It can be a lot of fun to learn something new and meet new people while you are working on finding the hobby that you love and this alone could be a great stress reliever as well. Just give something a try; if you don’t like it, you can always move on to something else.
Think about others
Sometimes it is important to think about others. We too often get so wrapped up in the things that are going on in our personal lives that we forget others have feelings as well. Yes, someone may not have answered our email as quickly as we liked, but maybe they are swamped at work or stayed home sick. Someone may not have said hello in the hallway, but perhaps they were concentrating on a project or had some bad family news. When we start thinking about others and their feelings, we begin to realize that most people are not out to hurt us, they are just busy with their own lives as well.
It is hard in our modern world to spend time thinking about others. We are so used to getting wrapped up in our own world even when we are near our close friends. We are so busy dealing with our own anger, fear, and sadness that we just don't have time to deal with the other people that are around us and the emotions that they are feeling.
But it is so important to think about the feelings of others. This is one of the ways that you become closer to your friends, but it can also help you to determine whether someone is actually mad at you or about something else. For example, when you are able to recognize the emotions of your boss, you are more likely to figure out if they are mad at you for the work you are doing or because they have had a really bad time at home before coming in. Not only can you use it to help out other people, but it is helpful for you being able to control your own emotions as well.
Change the way you look at the world
Sometimes it's our perceptions that decide how we are going to respond to the world around us. If we look at a situation as someone is trying to take advantage of us or everyone is against us, it can be really hard to think through situations and remain calm. But if we realize that things happen and most of it is not on purpose, we can let it go. For example, if someone bumps into us at the store, there are a few ways that we can take it. We can choose to get upset, assume that the person did it on purpose, and be upset with it all day or we can laugh it off and move on with our day and be happier.
The neat thing about life is that you get to choose the way that you look at the world. There are always going to be things that you don’t like or things that don’t go your way, but that doesn’t mean that you have to let them get you down. Let’s say that you got passed up for a promotion for work and this makes you feel upset. Instead of feeling upset about what is going on and letting this fester inside, you can be thankful for the job you have and the friends and family in your life. And of course, you can always use this as an opportunity to enhance your skills or look to see if there are other positions that better align with your needs.
The situation above shows you how you can react to each situation. And don't feel bad if you are in a situation and the first reaction that you have is to be upset. It is normal to have these feelings, but you can keep them in control based on the way you choose to react to them. React in a negative way, and let that anger and frustration take over, but if you react in a positive way, you can bring about the changes that you are looking for.
Be flexible
Flexibility is essential in life. This doesn't mean that you always have to change your plans up. What it means is that there are going to be times when plans fall through, things change, or they just don't go the way you would like. If you make it a big deal when something out of your control doesn't go right, you will end up miserable and upset over everything. But if you realize that life happens sometimes and add in a bit of flexibility, you will find that life can be so much more enjoyable.
Think about how being flexible can make a big difference in your life. Let's say that you refuse to ever be flexible. It's like a petulant child. They expect life to go one way, but often things will go the other. Maybe they want to have that piece of candy before dinner, but their parents say they have to wait until after supper to get that treat. They refuse to make a compromise and so will get upset, throw a tantrum, and just be miserable. The same idea happens when you refuse to add some flexibility to your own life. You will get upset because things aren't working out and you may react in a way that is almost like a tantrum. The big difference is that a child may not be old enough to have the emotional maturity and their tantrums may be seen as normal, while yours will be seen as bad and can ruin your whole reputation.
The thing that you have to remember is that life is not going to go the way that you would like all of the time. Sometimes people will be late; plans will change, you won’t get what you would like. But realizing that it is not the end of the world when these things happen will ensure that you don’t get upset over little things and will help you to keep your emotions in check.
Add in some optimism
There are so many bad things that are going on in the world around us each day. We hear negative news when we turn on the television. We go to work, and there are some customers or another complaining. We visit friends or family, and they have something bad going on in their lives. With all of this negativity, it is easy to see why optimism is a hard commodity to find.
While there is nothing that we can do to change some of the negative things that go on around us, we can change the way that we look at those situations. Rather than lamenting that something didn't go the way you wanted, think about all the good things that you have in your life or the new doors that you can pursue because you missed out on that opportunity. When you learn how to be more optimistic, it is easier not to feel a whirlwind of emotions over everything that goes wrong in life.
The way we look at the situations that are going on around us will help determine if we are optimistic or not. If you look at a situation and think that you aren't able to handle it, you are going to fail. On the other hand, if you take a look at a situation no matter what kind of situation it is, and think "I can and will handle this!!” you are already setting yourself up to see results. Optimism can make a big difference in your life and will help you to reach whatever goals that you would like.
Learning how to control your emotions is more of a journey rather than something that you can do overnight. Most of us are born with a certain level of emotional intelligence, and getting that to change is going to be really hard. It is possible though; you just need to have the right tools in place to make it happen. But if you follow the tips and suggestions that are in this book, you will be able to set yourself up to increase your emotional intelligence in no time.
